From: sandra allan
Subject: duane

I can’t imagine someone hasn’t already said this but ... just in case. I think the biggest thing is to ask him what he thinks of the overall topic. Like if you know his opinions on the subject, you can move forward. There are a million things in relationships like this. But if a guy hates dancing, you’ll never get him into Salsa.

However, if he’s not into dancing, you might suggest that there are other Things similar to it that he wouldn’t reject and gradually pull him in further. After all, he wants to chase you down whatever road you go down ... you just have to make the route easier and give him time.

I don’t think waiting until he’s in a “condition” to better agree is the best way to go. If he rejects the idea later, he might feel manipulated.

-redbluegreen

From: Kelly
To: allforgirls_dr
Re: telling Duane

Heather,

Well, it seems everyone thinks it’s a bad idea to tell him after sex - even some of the guys who wrote. I guess I won’t then, even though I still think it would be a nice time to do it.

Last night I went to my dad’s office as soon as school was over. My mom and a few others have pointed out to me that I have been ignoring him lately which sort of shocked me as I hadn’t realized what I apparently had been doing. It’s been a long time since I did anything special for him at work so I thought it would be a great way to make up for being so bad. Well, long story VERY short, I think I made him happy! It ended up being an entire evening with my dad, dinner and all.

Everyone is pushing me to tell Duane but I am so scared. I’ve NEVER had to make a decision this big and frankly, I don’t know what to do. I’ll work it out but in the meantime, I just have to hope he doesn’t propose - now THAT is sort of a twist, isn’t it?

How are things with you? Been masturbating a lot lately? I think you are a lot hotter and sensual than you try to let on.

Love you, Kelly

From: Heather Farow
Subject: telling Duane

Don’t tell him during before or after sex ... it might be easier on you and sure he might take the news better but it won’t be taken seriously and you won’t get how he truly feels. He might agree to something just cause he getting some at the moment and then he won’t express how he really feels about it later. Sit him down and try to have a serious convo about it. I know it’s harder but at least this way you get to know right away what he thinks of your participation with your family. Heather

From: JG
Subject: Mad men

This will be a short email. Do not tell Duane while holding his dick or right after sex I for one as a guy know most men do not think straight in this scenario and you can get them to agree to something they regret later. I would just tell him on a normal day.

Joseph

From: Jonathan Holland
Subject: advice re: Duane

Dear Kelly,

I’ve read your most recent entries about Duane being with your aunt and cousin and how you felt about it. All in all I’d have to say there are positive signs about him accepting you and your family. It can’t be guaranteed of course even now but it looks promising. My advice still is to be completely straight-forward. I think the idea of telling him during or immediately after sex is a bit manipulative. I’m sorry but it would kind of obviously be buttering him up. Afterwards he’ll realize that and probably be a little resentful of the fact, no matter how smooth it goes at first. Like I’ve said before it’s better to plan for a positive reaction. If things go well you’ve laid the foundation for a long and happy future. If things go poorly you can only react the best you can. On the other hand if you plan it assuming the worst then you’ve starting things off on a poor footing. I guess more than anything else I’d say that with every decision you make don’t just think of that occasion or the next day or two but be deliberately thinking about how it will affect the rest of your life because it profoundly does.

I haven’t forgotten about your request for a story. I will do that and I’m sorry I’m being slow. Things aren’t good on my end. The most recent bad news is that one of my grandmothers is terminally ill. It might be days. There’s other things too but I’m sure you don’t want a list. Suffice it to say I’m very far from my best. I’ll write that when I can but hopefully we can write some until then just about life. I really hope that things so very well for you and Duane. Take care of your yourself and I hope to hear from you soon. your friend, Jonathan

From: Bill Jones
Subject: Sorry to hear about Duane’s “conduct”Kelly,

I’ll keep this short, since you’re now signaling (on the site) that you’re getting lots of mostly-useless advice ... I don’t WANT to add to that, but here goes anyway ... OK, he knows. He didn’t freak. It seems clear that if he were to be offered a shot at your Mom, he’d be on her without (much of) a fight. from that, he has NO business getting upset about you and your intentions, after marriage (if he does, he’s a selfish asshole, and good riddance - tough love, girl!) Sad to say (as a man), the issue is that he’s a cheater ... Set aside the foolish belief that your slutty cousin promised not to tell, and whether or not he should have believed that. The issue is that if he loves you, deeply and in a way that will accept sacrifice over time (and take it from me, ALL marriages do!), can YOU trust HIM to be there, be honest, and be loyal, within the “unusual” bounds of your family’s love...? If you told him tomorrow, he’d be relieved, and (I now know) think it’s great. He’d perhaps hurry up and want to marry, to remove the “ambiguity” before he gets back into Linda, Kristen, etc ... The question is, would he stop there, and honor YOUR boundaries, and if he DID stray, would he lie and conceal to cover it up ... SO, my current “free advice” (which is worth EXACTLY what you’re paying for it): Confront him (privately). Seek to understand his true feelings about doing it, and being “caught” ... Be discerning - and ask just one question... “Do I STILL TRUST him?” - not love - trust is different. Love will GET you married, but only TRUST will KEEP you married ... Good luck, sweetie - however it turns out.

XO, Bill

From: Cynthia Moore
Subject: Re: Duane

Hi Kelly,

Anxious to get that new letter.

I did read one chat you had with Ms Farow. Or is that Dr. Farow? That was how I got her address and decided to write to her. But, no, I haven’t heard anything from her yet. And I haven’t caught her on line to chat. Do really think she would chat with me? I want to go back and read more from her. Do you think I might be able to study hard in that area and someday work in her field? I would like helping young girls like you said she does. It has been so interesting and feels so good to try helping Amy the way I have. Maybe that could be my calling. In Amy’s case, I really don’t think I am helping her much except to be a friend. She really needs that. And I like being her friend. It kind of makes me feel needed and good for something.

Now down to business.

Mom and I read your account of the latest things with Duane. Very, Very Hot!

I had a lot of observations go through my sexy little head while reading it. Let me see if I can get them all down.

First, when you marry this guy, you have some new things to work out. Are you going to start doing anal for the man you love? It seems that he wants that with you. Understand, he had just fucked Kristen’s ass hole but he WANTED yours. That’s a pretty big hint as to his preferences if you ask me. If you still have an aversion to anal, then you at least have a convenient outlet for your man’s needs in that department. Knowing that his fabulous dick would come home afterward. Home to the one he loves, not just one he is horny for.

You said these were reports from Kristen and her mom as well as your mom. Well, all the way through it, you can see (at least I can) that his primary interest is in YOU. That is their point of view. Just think about it. He has all this fabulous sex with a very hot mother and daughter, but he wants YOU. Now doesn’t that tell you something? This guy is in love with you. Even if his lustful male ego gets him into a situation like this with the others. He WANTS YOU!

Be glad he is a very sexy, and very capable lover. You can have the best of all worlds with him. Do it, girl. Do it. Tell him about you and your dad. With what I just read, I expect he might even get turned on by the idea and you may have to soften that raging hard dick before he can calm down enough to put that ring on your finger.

I am glad my mom is not into those toys. I don’t want her getting me one like your aunt gave Kristen. She can have that. Not for me.

As for him not telling you right away about that little escapade, have you told him about that jewelry store girl? Well, remember this. He wasn’t in her store shopping for your aunt nor your cousin.

It is eating you up inside that you cannot seem to bring yourself to tell Duane about you and your dad. Well, just do it. It seems to me that that would help clear up a lot of things between you. And maybe, just maybe solidify your relationship.

Kelly, it looks to me like the ball is in your court, as they say. Now, do you want his balls in your court for the rest of your life, or not? Not every girl gets a proven porn stud like the one you wrote about. Just think of the scenes you could have with your very own porn stud.

There is lots more I thought about while reading what you wrote, but I cannot think of them right now. Maybe I will say more on those later. I will go back and read again.

For now, just make up your mind about telling him. I think he might want you even more when he learns what you have to share with him about you.

You love him. And he loves you. Right? Do it.

Aside. I heard Mom going in the boys’ room with them just now. I think I will peek in.

Love you, Sissy

From: Denise Moore
Subject: Diary

Hi Kelly.

Well, Sissy and I read what you wrote about this incident with Duane and Kristen and Linda. If I were reading it for the sex, I could have gotten off to it for sure. I imagine any guy with a health cock would have too. What a piece of work. Wow!

Well, if Duane’s other work falls through, he could make some real money as a porn stud. If you decide not to take him, you can send him to Georgia. He seems to like mother and daughter activity. My little girl got quite hot reading all that.

We are anxious to hear how things went with your date with Duane.

Sissy has also been trying to read up on some chats with the therapist you mentioned. She seems quite interested.

The kids are home now and the boys should be about finished with their snack, and will be wanting to feed me one next, I expect. The question is where they will want to feed it to me this time. Maybe one of each. One of the advantages of twins.

Love, Deni

From: Jane Ward
Subject: Fw: No What? - Especially Now ... Be strong & Give love a chance.

Hi Kelly,

I don’t recognize this guy, but he seems alright to me. One more positive vote.

Love you, Janie

From: Philip Reckord <philreck@yahoo.com>
To: Kelly <pghpa_girl@yahoo.com>
Cc: daddyluvsjanie@yahoo.com

denimoore@yahoo.com
Sent: Tuesday, September 9, 2008 8:39:13 AM
Subject: No What? - Especially Now ... Be strong & Give love a chance.

Hi Kelly

I know how corny that sounds, but I’m totally with Jane on this ... it’s times like this that your wedding vows would be tested and if Duane is still getting his head wrapped around this (just this small part of the big picture), you need to let him know how you feel and give him a chance to prove how HE feels by living up to your expectations.

I hope you understand what I’m struggling to say.

I’m really hoping for the best for you.

Phil

From: Cynthia Moore
Subject: Duane

Hi Kelly,

I know this is too late for your date. “I’m late, I’m late for a very important date.”

I was with my mom though when she wrote to you and gave you our best wishes, and I think some good advice. Did Janie write too? I do hope things go well for both of you.

For whatever it is worth, I think you should wait until you have that ring on your finger that stands for a commitment the both of you have made to one another before you start worrying so much about what “your” man is doing “behind your back.” Which he hasn’t really until the both of you make that commitment. It can’t be behind your back unless there is something up front first. OK, that sounds kind of nutty, but you know what I mean.

I wrote an email to that therapist friend of yours, but I haven’t heard back from her. I guess she is too busy or would rather not talk with a girl my age or something. It’s not like I was asking her to do her sex therapy stuff with me. Or do you think I need that? lol

Love you, Sissy

From: Denise Moore
Subject: Re: More Advice

Hi Kelly,

I hope I am not too late with this. But I haven’t even taken time to call Janie. Sissy, however is right here with me, and she is very concerned about you and Duane. I let her read what you have written. We haven’t gone to the site to read about your therapist friend yet, but we will. We wanted to get this out quickly first.

Sweetie, do not confront this man on that date tonight. Lead the conversation into some kind of opening for him if you feel you must. But do not confront him with anything.

Unless something tragic happens to prevent it, I hope you can find a time and place to open up with him about you and your father. That will straighten this other mess out one way or another. If it should go for what seems like the worse, then it is not really the worst. If all of this breaks up this relationship, then there is a better one waiting in the wings for you. Maybe that next one would be the one. And that would be infinitely better than going too far with the wrong one. I hope I said that right.

Now, go and get dressed right for a special night.

We love you,
Deni and Sissy

From: Jane Ward
Subject: Re: Now what?

Alright, Kelly. One more time. SLOW DOWN!

I don’t know if you will get this before your date this evening or not. But right now I have to think this out some more.

One. Linda was likely just going along with her daughter. You know how mother/daughter relationships can be. And as you stated, you know the daughter.

Two. While I still think Duane is an exceptional man (especially for you), he is, as you say, a man.

Three. Were they really trying to deceive you in any way? What exactly is your official claim on him right now? There has been no proposal, and no big solemn commitment that I am aware of. He is basically a free man.

Four. Do you love him? Do you still believe he just may be in love with you?

Five. And most urgent for the moment. DO NOT confront him during your date this evening. You might casually mention Kristen and Linda. Give him the opening to say anything he might want to say. I haven’t heard from you that you have been with anyone else recently, besides your dad, but if you could offer something like that to him about yourself, that might encourage him to share with you as well. However you get into it, DO NOT make it confrontational. If you feel you have to get into it, use something light like, “Kristen says you guys have been together lately. Was she any good.” But in your wording and manner.

Six. Most critical in the end. Are you ready to talk straight to him about you and your dad? If so, not in the restaurant or in his place. Maybe get him to park some place romantic. Or just park in front of your house and turn to him and let him know you need to talk. At least there, unless he comes back with something to call for other action, you can leave it with him to ponder and go into the house alone. And await his call or knock on the door. Which may be in a few days, if he decides to take time to think it all over.

My money is still riding on this guy, but I could be wrong. I was once. And I married the creep (not Jerry). Let me remind you that Jerry came back ... to stay, and I had the added burden of telling him that I was already pregnant with my father’s baby. Somehow I still want to put Duane in the same basket with Jerry.

I haven’t read from you therapist’s writings yet. But I will. But if she advises anything that sounds the least bit devious, talk to Mother Hen first. At least you know I love you, and have for a long time now. Hopefully she has some really good things for you. She is a professional sex therapist and a big help, I am a hopelessly incurable romantic. And what I want for you is a hopelessly incurable romance. Together maybe we can infect you with a cure for what is ailing you.

Keep one thing in your pretty little head no matter what happens. If this does not work out with you and Duane, then I know there is something far better out there waiting for you to get over this one. He may just be another step getting to the very top.

I love you and am praying for you tonight. Now pick out the right dress for this occasion. No! Not that slinky, slutty, sexy one. And wear a bra and panties. Got to hold yourself together.

Love you, Janie

From: Philip Reckord
Subject: No What? - Especially Now ... Be strong & Give love a chance.

Hi Kelly,

I know how corny that sounds, but I’m totally with Jane on this ... It’s times like this that your wedding vows would be tested and if Duane is still getting his head wrapped around this (just this small part of the big picture), you need to let him know how you feel and give him a chance to prove how HE feels by living up to your expectations.

I hope you understand what I’m struggling to say.

I’m really hoping for the best for you.

Phil

From: Denise Moore
Subject: The Unplan revisited

Hi Kelly.

Janie and I talked last night. Basically I agree with what she has advised. But let me put it in a little more brief form.

Get your mind off of what Duane has not said and get it busy on what you have to say.

I suspect that maybe a part of what you are doing with this obsession is to keep from doing what you know you have to. Forget what he has NOT told you. Now WHAT are you going to tell him? And WHEN?

In case you have lost it, here is the main part of what I wrote before. Please read it all again. Not to say I told you so but some of this points to just what is happening with you right now.

With that kind of possibility in mind, I have a tendency to go with the straight out, honest approach. No conniving, nor beating around the bush. Don’t pick a time like just after sex, the way you speak of manipulating your dad, and not at a point that is leading up to sex and he is extra horny. A neutral kind of time. Then sit down with him and look him square in the eyes and tell him that the way you are feeling about him compels you to open up with him and tell him some things about your life that he may not be aware of. Things that are very important to you, and if he is in love with you as you are with him, then they would be important to him as well. Now that you have his undivided attention and he has been reassured of your love for him, tell him. Maybe something like, “Duane, I love you very much and I feel that you love me too. There is something you need to know about me before our relationship goes any farther, as I hope that it will. You need to know something about me that began long before we ever met. Since I was sixteen I have had a wonderful, beautiful, special relationship with my father. Ours is a very special father and daughter relationship. We share beautiful sex together.” Gauge his reaction and follow up from there as you see your opening. You might reassure him that what you have with your father cannot compare with what you share with him, but it is very special to you.

If he cannot accept what you have shared with him, then you know that you have at least been honest with him. If he cannot accept you as you are, then, Kelly, that must mean there is something even better out there waiting for you. As much of a dream as Duane seems to be, I cannot imagine him turning away from you over this, IF you are honest and straight forward with him. But as much of a dream as he is, he just may not be the one. You need to be prepared for that, even though I think it is quite unlikely. This may only be a prelude, a warm up, for the real thing that is out there somewhere, just waiting. Waiting for a very special young lady named Kelly.

Maybe it’s the influence of the straight forward, honest and open relationship that I have with my husband and with my eldest, and am trying to develop with my younger children, but I like that kind of thing. At least with that, you have no repercussions to anticipate from any sneaking around, conniving methods that could come back to haunt you later. This direct approach may not be comfortable for you, but think about it. And think about the things that could go wrong with the other pans that have been discussed. The only thing that could go wrong with being honest is an honest rejection. Would that really be so wrong? No one likes rejection, but if that were the outcome, could it possibly have been the right thing for you? No! And no amount of subterfuge could have made it right.

Sometimes the best plan is to not plan too much. Simplify it. Don’t involve too many other people. Just get it square in your mind that you are going to do it and then do it. Do it the most natural way for you that you can. Do it as if you love him. Let me repeat that one. Do it as if you love him, enough to do what is best for him even more than for yourself. That’s love.

Once more, with feeling:

Get your mind off of what Duane has not said and get it busy on what you have to say.

The only question here is, do you love him.

We all love you.
Deni

From: Jane Ward
Subject: Re: Mad

Hi Kelly,

Honey, you have got to calm down about this. You are liable to say the wrong thing at the wrong time with him, just because it is eating you up so. Please settle down and let it ride for now. Wait at least until something more comes up about it. Either from him or from the girls.

I just hope you didn’t get into it with him today at church or after. Please, listen to Mother Hen on this one.

As things stand right now, I think the biggest chance of you losing him, would be from how you are reacting about all this. Please don’t let this wreck such a good thing. Your relationship has beautiful possibilities for a wonderful future together. But not if you keep acting like this.

Have you discussed this with your mother? I would like hearing her response.

Sweetie, here is an excerpt from your recent e-mail. This sounded to me like you gave the green light to this and you were alright with it, and anxious to hear how it worked out.

From you: “Before I left, and before I got yours and Deni’s e-mails, I discussed some ideas with my cousin. She was thrilled with the idea of getting Duane with her and her mom so who knows what might happen this weekend while I am gone. The only good thing, I guess you could say, is I won’t be there so it will just be a way of exposing him to a mother and daughter having sex. I don’t even know if they will do anything, but you know my cousin, she can convince guys of about anything! It wouldn’t make any difference if I tried to tell her not to do anything. If anything, that would make her all the more determined!”

Now, I want you to settle down and try to forget all about this. You have a more important project to be working on. How you are going to follow through on Denise’s suggestion about being straight forward and honest, and tell him what you need to tell him about yourself. NOT speculating and worrying about something that is most likely no problem at all, unless YOU make it into one. Now, go back and read over what she wrote to you and get to it. NOW. If you don’t have her e-mail on that, one of us can get a copy to you.

I really think you need to follow through on that, and if it works for the best, then there is nothing you need to worry about regarding his little fling with Kristen and Linda.

I have explained my idea about gambling before. I only bet on a sure thing. Well, I will stick my neck out just a little this time and put my money on Duane. If you do something like Denise’s unplan, then I expect to see the light glistening off of a ring, all the way down here from Pittsburgh.

Go for it, girl.

I love you, J anie

From: Koyu Mavi
Subject: Musing about Duane

What do YOU want to do Kelly?

First, when you made a step forward without the fear of losing that person, you have always got out of the situation. Stop worrying about losing him. If he would react, he would react in any way. If he would accept, he would accept any way. Would you still marry him if he does not accept? No. So why worrying? What I mean is: The way “how you say” is not that important to me...

You might even say that your mother liked him very much and even thought about fucking him. You can ask for his idea. Don’t think too much. Make a step forward. Whatever will be will be...

Big kisses, KoyuMavi

From: Jane Ward
Subject: Re: I concur

Hi Kelly,

Why would it be bad that Duane has not told you about his little tryst with your cousin and her mother? Isn’t he a gentleman? Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. Or whatever it was they were doing besides kissing.

Be glad you have one of those, Sweetie. Could he have any reason to believe that he NEEDS to tell you? Are the two of you always sharing war stories about ALL of you individual exploits? It seems there may be one or two things you have not shared with him as well. Hmmmm. Let me check back a couple of pages. When you open up fully to him, then he may see the need to share with you things like this one, or even other things we don’t know about. Are you ready?

You just said that you were not involved in any way, at least as far as he is concerned. So, why would he be concerned with a need to discuss it with you? I don’t think you need to worry about him not talking about this yet. When the time is right and he thinks he should, then I believe he will.

If you just can’t stand the suspense (that you instigated, by the way) any longer. Then tell him something rather innocent like, “Kristen let it slip that you guys had a real good time while I was away. Was she as good as ever?” Just keep it light with no spark of jealousy. Definitely don’t let it sound accusing in any way. Just what would he need to be accused of? Not talking enough? I just don’t think I would use this kind of thing, though.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t blow this out of proportion, Sweetie. Relax. Let it happen. If you love the guy, you have to learn to trust him. Even when you “think” there might be something he should tell you. Trust him.

Let me say that one more time. TRUST HIM.

When he knows you trust him, he will feel more like trusting you. It’s kind of contagious.

More on our little lady later, Hon. For now you need to cool it and just spend some time with this treasure of a gentleman you have...

Love you,
Janie

From: Chris A
Subject: Dealing with Duane

Hello, Kelly. You have already received a lot of feedback on this subject, much of it well intentioned, I’m sure. I read your thoughts, as well as many of the third party suggestions and comments, and I certainly don’t envy you your dilemma. I won’t pretend to have a solution for you but I would like to share a couple of general thoughts. First, and most importantly, no one can give you advice on this (at least not advice that means anything) unless they know Duane personally. Otherwise, they--guys for the most part--color their commentary based on their own preferences and feelings. You already know this, of course, but it just seemed to me that so many of the responses I read were too “personal” to be helpful. The truth of the matter is that every guy would respond to such an unusual situation differently. Second, much of your musings and the subsequent responses revolved around using other female members of your family to “ease the transition,” as it were. Speaking only for myself, now, I have problem with that. The flaw I see in all these theories or plans is that no matter how you look at it, most guys will see a GIGANTIC difference between their girlfriend/fiance/wife having sex with other women (be it incestuous or not) and that same girlfriend/fiance/wife having sex with other men (especially incestuous, most especially her father). From what you’ve said, Duane is a pretty typical guy when it comes to women having sex with other women so I suppose it isn’t unreasonable to think he could get used to the idea of you, your mom, aunt, and cousins. He might even consider himself a lucky man, as indeed he would be. But I fear that the typical guy would have an altogether different reaction to the father issue. Again, this is just my opinion; I obviously don’t know Duane at all. I hope you find the solution you’re searching for. I can only imagine how stressful such a situation would be. Whatever course you choose, I think you’re right in that you must be there to gauge/temper the reaction. No matter what else happens, you’re right about that. Chris