Chapter 46

Don't stay long when the husband is not at home.
- Japanese Proverb

When I awoke Sunday morning, I did so with a smile on my face. Traci had found her way into my arms, despite her assurance that she would try sleeping in the other bed. I had retired for the evening while she was eating and had fallen asleep before she finished.

Careful not to disturb Traci's slumber, I slowly untangled myself from her. Unlike my girlfriend, I had no problem leaving the bathroom door open as I attended to my morning ablutions. Despite the blasé attitude I had put on when Traci excitedly showed me the toilet, I was intrigued to test out the bidet feature myself. Finding the experience most enjoyable, I made note to look into replacing all of the household toilet seats when I returned from the trip.

I was rinsing out the (extremely small) complimentary disposable razor when I heard a soft knock coming from the room's door. A quick glance through the eyehole informed me who it was, and I opened the door.

"Ohayo gozaimasu," I greeted Marge.

"And a good morning to you, too," Marge replied as she quickly came into the room and pushed the door close behind her. I figured her haste had something to do with my wardrobe -- or more precisely, my lack thereof -- and reports of a strange nude gaijin would not be the best start to our holiday

"What's up?" I inquired.

"Speaking of up, is Traci awake?" Marge asked.

I took a few steps back and glanced at my sleeping beauty. Turning my attention back to Marge, I shook my head.

It seemed as if Marge was debating something in her head for a moment before saying, "Mr. Johnson, we need to talk."

Marge's tone of voice did not need to signal me that she had something significant to talk about; referring to me by last name was a strong enough indicator. "Do you want to go for a walk, or do you think it's safe enough to discuss in here?"

"Here's fine. In a way, it does kind of concern Traci, though I don't want to include her in the conversation if I don't have to."

I gestured to the chairs at the table, and Marge walked over to them. Since she was wearing jeans, I figured that I would do the same and found my pair hanging in the closet. After I slipped them on, I joined Marge in the unoccupied seat.

The pack of Seven Stars was on the table, so I took out two cigarettes and offered one to Marge. After she accepted the cigarette, I used a lighter that was also on the table to light her and my coffin nails. She gave me a confused look when I offered her the lighter.

"I bought lighters for you, me, and Jean last night."

Smiling, Marge said, "Oh, cool. Thanks. I mean, arigatō."

"Dō itashi mashite," I replied.

For about a minute, the two of us smoked our cigarettes in silence as we both watched Traci sleeping. Marge seemed satisfied that Traci was truly asleep and said, "I think Jean wants to have sex with me."

"Think, or did she proposition you directly?" I asked, my thoughts drifting back to the conversation I had with Jean's daughter.

"No, she didn't come right out and say anything, but she has been dropping hints."

"Do you want to have sex with her?"

"That's my dilemma," Marge answered after a moment's pause. "Jean is an attractive woman, and I would be lying if I said that I hadn't fantasized about having sex with her. I think I am mostly curious to see what it would be like to have sex with a woman who was not related to me by blood." We glanced at each other, and Marge gave me a wry grin before our attention shifted back to her slumbering youngest daughter. After she had taken a long drag on her cigarette, Marge continued. "The problem is with Scott. You see, Jean told me awhile back that she lets Scott fool around when he's 'on the road'. She, on the other hand, has remained monogamous, but ever since January, she has been dropping hints that this would be the first time that she would be 'on the road'."

It took me a few seconds to realize what she was getting at. "You're afraid that he might have given her a sexually transmitted disease or infection," I observed.

"The thought has crossed my mind. Yet, I don't think that Scott is the type who would mess around with whores or escorts. Hell, he might not even be seeing anybody at all. Just because Jean gave him permission to fool around doesn't mean that he has."

"Scott is a guy, right?"

Marge let out a small snort. "Okay, maybe I'm being naive, but if I do have sex with Jean, it means that it will be a while until I can have sex with you or Lori... Slave!"

Marge's clarification of whom she would not be having sex with was a bit loud, and we watched Traci for half a minute for any signs that she was awake. But Traci was still asleep, or she was very good at faking it. "There's always safe sex. I don't remember seeing dental dams at the FamilyMart, but they do have condoms. You could cut one of them and make an impromptu one."

"I packed a few dental dams," Marge replied. Glancing at her, I saw her blushing slightly. "As I said, she has been hinting that if we were going to have a fling, it would only be during this trip. It's just that safe sex isn't a hundred percent, and things can always happen that you don't plan. I know how paranoid you can be when it comes to STDs, and I don't blame you."

Paranoia was a trait that I knew that I had, but it was not easy hearing others recognizing it. Instead of trying to justify it, I told her, "It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought."

"Maybe too much," Marge confessed. "I mean, this could be all for naught. Whenever Jean would hint about being on the road, I dropped a hint of my own about her getting tested. I just wanted to let you know what was going on, just in case..."

Marge noticed when I turned my head to look at her, so she did the same. Leaning across the table, we exchanged a tender kiss, before returning to our smoking. Marge did not join me in having a second cigarette, but did try the Poccari Sweat that her daughter had abandoned. She did not find it as repulsive as Traci had and sipped on it while I smoked.

Halfway through my second cigarette, the phone began to ring. I tried to reach it before it woke Traci up, but failed. Even the foreign sounding ring was not enough to fool my girlfriend's ears; magically bolting awake and scrambling to answer it.

"Mushy mushy," Traci answered the phone.

"Moshi moshi," I grumbled and rolled my eyes.

Traci ignored my correction and had an unusually brief conversation on the phone. When she finished, she said, "Housekeeping will be here in a few minutes."

"Housekeeping?" Marge asked.

Marge's question alerted Traci to the presence of another person in the room. Traci started to cover herself with the sheet, but relaxed when she saw it was only her mother. "Morning," Traci greeted her.

"Ohio Ginzu knives," Marge replied, and then began chuckling; most likely from the look of disbelief I gave her. "Sorry, Chad, I just couldn't help myself."

When I turned my attention back to Traci, she was looking at Marge and me suspiciously. Cautiously, Traci asked, "Where's my morning kiss?"

Having a little fun, I told her, "I thought you didn't want to taste your mom on my lips."

"Not your lips or any part of your body. I don't want to taste Mom, Lori, Slave, Rose, Michelle, Pollyanna, Mrs. Weller, Mrs. Huntington, Fran, or Vicky."

"You forgot Erin," I observed.

"Says you," she replied with a grin, before getting out of bed. She gave me a brief kiss on the lips before gathering a few articles of clothing from the dresser and dashing to the bathroom. When the door closed, I turned to see a surprised Marge.

"Am I imagining things, or does Traci have the hots for Erin?" she asked.

"Who doesn't have the hots for Erin?" I replied. "Honestly, I would say no. I think she is just messing with us, but your daughter has been known to surprise me. But that does remind me; I didn't clear the open invitation I gave to Erin with you gals first. Would you have a problem with Erin crashing at our house or even possibly moving in?"

Marge frowned and answered, "Staying over once in a while is fine, but moving in might be tricky. She knows about you and me, but she doesn't know about me and Slave, does she?"

"I don't know. I didn't tell her, but she is a very perceptive young woman, and I don't know what all Lori has told her. One time, she did mention knowing somebody who was involved with two siblings, but she wasn't clear if the siblings were having sex with each other. I do not think she would have a problem with the type of relationship you have with Slave, nor do I believe she would mention it to anybody else, but..."

"... if she did, I could be in a world of hurt," Marge completed my thought. "It's bad enough that Irene knows and Jean suspects, but to entrust somebody I don't know all that well with my secret... I'm going to have to know Erin better."

"I bet you want to know her better," I said, grinning.

Marge looked around for something safe to throw at me, but her chance of finding a useful projectile was interrupted by the door chime. As I made my way to the door, I kept glancing back at Marge so that if she threw anything, I would have a good chance of deflecting it. After glancing through the keyhole, I let in whom I had deduced was 'housekeeping'.

"Ohayo gozaimasu ketsujin," Rose and Pollyanna greeted me in unison as they stepped through the doorway.

At first, I was puzzled why they were calling me an outstanding person, but I soon figured out what they were trying to say. Rose began to frown when I began to chuckle.

"Did we mess that up?" Pollyanna asked Rose.

"I don't think so. Ketsu means 'ass' and jin means 'person', so ketsujin should mean 'assman'," Rose replied.

"Except, ketsu has five other meanings, including 'excellence', and ketsujin already means 'outstanding person'," I explained.

Rose asked, "So what's Japanese for 'assman'?"

"Oh no," I told her, shaking my head, "I think I like being called an outstanding person."

Japanese was a complex language; meanings of words varying depending on the context; translating English terms into it is quite an art. However, the more that I reflected upon it, it did seem that ketsujin would be the correct term for 'assman'. I thought it best not to share that revelation with Rose and Pollyanna, lest it become my new nickname.

"Oh, hey, Mrs. Caspar," Pollyanna said when spotted Marge.

"Morning girls," Marge replied. "What is all this talk about asses?"

Rose grinned and answered, "Nothing really. Just something Pollyanna and I came up with after a phone conversation with Traci."

"It must have been quite a while after the phone call, since you two sounded 'occupied' after Traci finished talking to you," I said with a wink.

Rose stared at me for a few seconds before saying, "Bullshit."

"Consider yourself lucky, Chad. I only had one room between me and them, and the noise they made woke me up from a sound slumber," Marge added.

Rose whirled to study Marge before announcing, "You two are lying. There's no way you two heard us last night. We made sure to keep our noise down. Hell, Pollyanna nearly suffocated me with a pillow when I was starting to get loud!"

"Why don't you tell them what you used to smother me," Pollyanna suggested, grinning.

While Rose began to turn red with embarrassment, Pollyanna, Marge and I, began to chuckle. Traci emerged from the bathroom wearing jeans and her blue sweat jacket; the jacket was already zipped up. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"Nothing," I replied, figuring that Rose had been embarrassed enough. "What brings you two over?" I asked Pollyanna and Rose as I maneuvered over to the unoccupied chair by the table.

As the two girls sat down on the bed closest to the table, Traci came over and sat down on my lap -- which put a small damper on me lighting up another cigarette. Once everybody seemed settled, Rose asked, "What are the plans for today?"

Since she seemed to direct the question towards me, I replied, "I figured that we would let Jean decide, since today's her birthday."

Rose nodded, and Pollyanna watched her until it became apparent that she was not going to say anything else. "Do you think she might be willing to go to the Meiji Shrine today?" Pollyanna asked.

"Oh no! It's okay. I can go there myself, or there's always next Sunday," Rose quickly protested.

It took me a few seconds to work out why Rose was interested in visiting Meiji Shrine, but when I did, I found myself smiling. "I'm sure that Jean would have no problem with us going there today. Besides, I think the only thing we should plan for next Sunday is getting ourselves to the airport." I waited until Rose nodded in agreement before asking Marge, "Is Lori up?"

"Yes, she is. She was taking a shower when I came over, so she should be ready by now."

I suggested to Traci, "Why don't you call your sister and invite her over?"

As soon as Traci jumped out of my lap and headed over to the phone, I reached over and grabbed my cigarettes and lighter. Rose's and Pollyanna's giggles drew Traci's attention, but she just rolled her eyes when she saw me taking out a cigarette. I hesitated before lighting up, silently seeking permission from Pollyanna and Rose, before doing so. When they both nodded, I lit the cancer stick and took a deep lungful of the succulent, seductive smoke.

Turning my head back slightly, I exhaled through the corner of my mouth, blowing the smoke towards the open window. I was able to enjoy a few drags on the cigarette before Traci ended the short conversation with her sister. After she hung up the phone, she asked, "Should I see if Michelle and her mom are up?"

"Yes, but not by phone. Not everybody enjoys being woken up that way."

Blushing, Rose apologized, "I'm sorry. I'd thought you two would be up by now."

"No, no, no, you misunderstand me," I quickly told Rose, "I was already up. I was just trying to say that not everybody gets as excited as my Traci to hear the phone ring."

"Keep it up, and I won't be 'your' anything," Traci chided me with a grin.

Marge volunteered, "Why don't I go and see if they are up? I need to get my purse, anyway."

As Marge got up to leave, Traci came over to claim the vacant chair. She did pause to retrieve one of my tee-shirts from the dresser and tossed it in my lap as she passed by.

"Finish getting dressed. I'm tired of watching these two lusting after you," Traci instructed, nodding her head towards her friends.

I did as I was told, though I did not think the looks I received from Rose and Pollyanna were anywhere near 'lusting' Marge appeared to have spotted Lori in the hall and held the door open for her. As Lori came in, she asked, "Should I use the safety latch to keep the door ajar?"

"Sounds good," I replied.

After Lori did that, she came over to join us. Taking the chair from the desk, she brought it around so that she could sit in it and face us. "What's up?" she asked.

"Not much," Pollyanna replied. "Last night Chad fucked Traci--"

"Winter Formal!" Traci interrupted.

Pollyanna and Rose looked at Traci in surprise. After a brief moment, Rose announced defiantly, "That's fine. I already told Chad some of the stuff that happened that night."

Pollyanna blushed slightly, seemingly less comfortable with others knowing what had gone on at the Winter Formal than her girlfriend. Reaching out, Pollyanna put her hand on Rose's knee and started to say, "I don't think--"

"Room 203."

That caused both Rose and Pollyanna to blush fervently. "You wouldn't! You swore!" Rose sputtered.

Traci gave her friends an innocent smile that was anything but. I thought it best to end the whole charade of what had taken place the previous evening, but part of me was curious to know what Traci was referring to. My curiosity was going to have to remain unfulfilled, however, because Pollyanna turned back to Lori and said, "Not much is up."

Lori, as did I, found the whole situation most amusing, but did not pry any further into what had been revealed. Instead, she turned to her sister and asked, "Are you cold?"

Lori seemed to be referring to the sweat jacket that Traci had on. Shrugging, Traci replied, "Kind of. Somebody left the window open last night."

"I'm sorry, I was unaware that you did not know how to close it," I replied sweetly. "Is that the reason why I found you curled up next to me instead of in your own bed?" When Traci nodded, I added, "This room does have a heater, you know."

"Yeah, but it was easier just to snuggle up with you. Besides, you're the one who is always talking about conserving energy and whatnot."

"Don't let her fool you, Chad," Rose chimed in. "I bet she can't go to sleep without your arms around her. Word is that she didn't sleep a wink at the slumber party a few weeks ago."

That revelation did not surprise me; Traci's behavior from when she had returned from the slumber party had made me suspicious. Traci had agreed to attend one of the cheerleader sleepovers, but when she had returned home the following day, she had consumed a large quantity of soda (primarily Mountain Dew Code Red) and was wired. When she did go to sleep that night, she slept hard for fourteen hours.

Instead of protesting or defending herself, Traci suddenly jumped up and maneuvered herself to look at the clock that was between the two beds. After counting on her fingers, she turned back to me and asked, "Almost three in the afternoon, yesterday?" I had only begun to nod my head when she turned back around, went over to the small table that was between the two beds, and picked up her cell phone.

We all watched Traci as she made her way to the cell phone, and Rose commented, "She's going to put you in the poor house, Chad."

Smiling, I waited until the redhead had turned back towards me, before lifting my cigarette and saying, "It is worth it."

Traci was on the cell phone for less than a minute when the room's telephone began to ring. It only rung once before Traci answered it with her other hand and brought the handset to her unoccupied ear. Her conversation only lasted a few seconds before she tossed the receiver on the bed that Rose and Pollyanna were sitting on and told me, "Mom wants to talk to you."

My cigarette was practically down to the filter, so I snuffed it out in the ashtray, got up, walked around the bed, and picked up the discarded handset. "Moshi moshi," I said, using the Japanese for 'hello' on the telephone.

"She's on the cell phone, isn't she," Marge's amused voice greeted me. After I gave an affirmative grunt, Marge continued, "Jean and Michelle are up, and I'm in their room. Should we head back over there, or do you have an idea on what we'll be doing this morning?"

"There's a Japanese restaurant on the second floor that serves breakfast. How about we treat Jean to a traditional Japanese breakfast?"

Marge seemed to confer with the other two ladies before saying, "Change that 'we' to an 'I', and that sounds like a plan."

"Okay, 'I' will treat."

"Ack! I mean 'you'."

"Well, if you insist, I will."

"Baka," Marge replied, using her limited Japanese vocabulary wisely.

"Meet at the elevator in five?"

"I think ten would be more realistic."

"Okay, I'll pass the word in here then. Love you."

There was a slight hesitation before Marge muttered, "I love you, too." The line went quickly dead, and I could almost visualize the ribbing that Jean was most likely giving Marge over her parting words. I was still grinning when I turned my attention back towards Lori, Pollyanna, and Rose.

Rose and Pollyanna were already getting to their feet. "We heard," Rose explained, "At the elevator in five minutes."

"Ten," I corrected her. "Also, there will be plenty of time afterwards for you to change or retrieve anything you might need."

Rose beamed a smile, came over to me, and gave me a warm hug. When we broke our embrace, she reached up, tilted my head down, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks," she told me.

As her two friends left, Traci gave me a bemused look, while she continued her conversation on the cell phone.

It came to no surprise that it took more than fifteen minutes for our entire entourage to assemble at the elevators. Since there was an ashtray next to one of the banks of elevators, I was able to smoke a cigarette, which seemed to ease any annoyance that I might usually have had.

"Nice tee-shirt," a smiling Pollyanna commented to Traci, drawing a slight nudge from Rose.

Traci had unzipped her sweat jacket, and the 'I love yuri' was clearly visible. I had thought that her claim of being cold had been a ruse; wanting to keep the shirt hidden was a more likely theory. Shrugging, Traci explained, "Rose loaned it to me last night."

Marge and Lori were the last to arrive, and the eight of us easily fit into the elevator car. I was holding hands with Traci, and she practically dragged me to the back of car. She had a mischievous grin on her face and, while wary, I was curious to see what she was up to. I soon found out when she stealthily maneuvered herself behind Rose.

"What the fuck!" Rose exclaimed as Traci snaked her left hand around the redhead's waist, her right hand reached around and began fondling Rose's right breast, her lips began nibbling on Rose's neck.

Everyone seemed to be stunned speechless as we watched Rose struggle against Traci's tight grip. "Oh, hush now," Traci admonished seductively. "You didn't complain when I did this to you last night."

It was clear to everyone that Traci was just joking, but Rose and Pollyanna did not seem to share in our amusement. Actually, from Pollyanna's mixed expression, it seemed that she was struggling between finding the situation funny and feeling jealousy and outrage that somebody was treating her girlfriend that way. Rose had just about freed herself from Traci's clutches when the elevator slowed to a stop at the seventh floor. Traci quickly released her grip and took a step back. Rose whirled around and was about to say something when the doors opened to let on some additional people.

I felt sorry for the two businessmen and family of three that had to join us for the rest of the elevator ride. When the elevator doors opened for them, they were greeted by an interesting sight: eight gaigin (foreigners), five of them struggling to control their laughter, one whose look of innocence was overblown, and two whom were red with anger/embarrassment, though it must be a unique treat to see a natural redhead whose skin color and hair matched.

The elevator stopped again on the fifth floor, and we had to squeeze together to let on the additional people. Traci gave me a nudge and signaled with her eyes towards Rose's backside. Traci's hand was caressing Rose's ass, though it was difficult for her to keep it there as Rose tried to evade it without drawing undue attention to herself. Rose was even using her right hand to reach back and attempted to swat away the unwanted hand. Traci attempted to use her left hand to guide my right to Rose's butt, but I resisted her strongly. Witnessing Rose's wrath on numerous occasions, I knew it was best not to have it focused upon me.

When the elevator finally arrived at the second floor, my party and I made a hasty exit. We were the only ones to get off on that floor, and when the elevator doors closed, Marge, Jean, Lori, Michelle, and I began to laugh. Pollyanna was biting her bottom lip, a seemingly desperate attempt to withhold her laughter. Rose, on the other hand, was furious.

"What the hell has gotten into you?!?" she confronted Traci.

Traci calmly replied, "I don't know. It must be this tee-shirt. It makes me feel all... yuri."

Rose's eyes grew wide, and she quickly looked at me. "You told her?" Rose asked accusingly.

Coming to my (unnecessary) defense, Traci stated, "He did not! I looked it up myself. You think I'm dumb enough to believe what you told me?"

Blinking in surprise, Rose sounded honest when she said, "Well, yeah. I mean, you did believe me when I told you that the red M&Ms caused cancer."

It was as if the tables were instantly turned, as Traci became the one who was embarrassed and angry and Rose became the one in control. At that point, Pollyanna must have felt that it was okay for her to laugh, because she did. Rose's revelation also explained why during Christmas, Traci only ate the green M&Ms.

Sputtering, Traci protested, "I-I know that they don't cause cancer! I just, I just don't like their taste, that's all."

"Is it because of the taste that you stopped eating Pop Rocks, or did you believe me when I told you what happens when you eat a bunch and drink soda?" Rose asked.

Traci started to reply when she turned to me and asked, "Why are you just standing there? You should be defending me."

Again, I was put into an awkward position: my friendship with Rose versus my loyalty to the one I loved most. I decided to do what I often found useful: put up a diversion. "There's lead in chocolate," I proclaimed. As the laughter paused and I received more than one blank stare, I explained, "I don't eat chocolate because it has lead, and too much lead can lead to lead poisoning."

I received more than one look of disbelief, before Traci turned to her mom and demanded, "Is that true!?!"

Shrugging one shoulder, Marge answered, "I've heard that before, something about it being grown in third world countries which don't have strict environmental policies, but you have to eat a lot of chocolate, like every day, for that to be of any concern."

"I like to watch what I put into my body," I defended.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I was wide open for attack. Traci did not hesitate a heartbeat to reply, "Oh, that's rich coming from 'Mr.-I'm-going-to-smoke-two-packs-a-day-when-I'm-in-Japan'."

As far as nicknames went, that was one that I would not mind trying to live up to. However, I knew better than to embrace it -- at least in front of Traci. It appeared that distraction was no longer needed, as Traci's attention was solely focused on me; questioning what she considered a major cornerstone in her food pyramid did the trick. I decided to take the next logical step: retreat.

"I don't know about everybody else, but I'm hungry," I announced.

When I turned away, a few of the ladies chuckled, but I could feel Traci's stare burning into my back. It was only a short walk to the hotel's Japanese restaurant, Hanamusashi. Being first to arrive, I opened the door and held it open for everybody else. When Traci passed by, she glared at me, but I also noticed that she was fighting hard to suppress a smile. I quickly recognized her diametric reactions from previous occasions -- she was 'busting my balls'. Her anger at me for insulting her favorite confection was being overblown so that she could watch me squirm.

I was formulating a way to respond to Traci's faux outrange when I joined the ladies inside the restaurant, and I overheard Traci request, "Three smoking and five non-smoking."

Marge quickly corrected, "Eight non-smoking, please."

As we were lead to a table that would accommodate all of us, Marge admonished Traci, "Today is Jean's birthday. The least we can do is to have our meals together."

"Oh, don't drag me into it," joked Jean. "It might be safer having Chad and Traci at separate tables."

After I sat down next to Traci, I took ahold of her left hand and told her, "Buttercup, I was only joking about chocolate. It is perfectly fine, so you eat as much of it as you want. Besides, if I ever need to write something down and I don't have a pencil, I can always rub my finger across your forehead and use that."

Traci let out a small snort before replying, "Oh, don't worry, I will. I figure that your second-hand smoke will kill me long before I die from lead poisoning."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, since I plan to quit smoking in three years, two months, two weeks, and six days."

Traci beamed, while the time reference was lost on everybody else at the table. Marge was the first to decipher our cryptic conversation when she said, "Ahhh. So, that's going to be your wedding present, eh Chad?"

I was surprised that Marge had quickly deduced what Traci and I had been alluding to one another, but had not yet come out and actually said. My astonishment must have showed, because Marge explained, "Come, now! You've told Traci before that you wouldn't marry her until she finished high school, so it is pretty easy to guess that she has been planning on the two of you getting married the day after, if not the very same day."

Rose and Pollyanna nodded in agreement with Marge's assessment. With mocking exasperation, I said, "Well, if Traci's planned it, I guess I have no say in the matter." After a moment's pause, I glanced across the table at Lori and added, "Though there is 'someone' who is graduating before Traci."