Copyright© 2002-2003

There's an oversexed lady named Whyte
Who insists on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her-
His chance of survival is slight.

The chaos of human flesh was ignored. A few waves of the hand that caused more screams and calls seemed to satisfy the mob's urge for him, if only for a second. Shrill female voices yelled out begging to be with him, promising him anything. A few faces were able to press into the half-open limo door, but were barely able to smile let alone say a word before one of the three hundred pound gorilla's shoved them away.

Chevy slipped between the huge bodies and took a deep breath as if the air in the limo was not polluted by the screaming mass of humanity that circled the car.

"When can we get the fuck out of here?" There was little humour in his words - he was a man used to getting exactly what he wanted.

Chevy smiled his customary, 'Its gonna be OK man' smile, "That old chick is here." It was the last thing that needed attention before the driver would be given the order to drive away from this mob. Even though the exact location where his boss was staying was supposedly 'secret', in every city, it was the same screaming mass outside all the doors.

Dirk squinted his blood-shot eyes at his Road Manager that caused Chevy's customary smile to disappear... if only for a second. "That 'chick' is my mother."

Chevy was impressed, also concerned that he had not shown the middle-aged woman the proper respect due to the mother of this Rock And Roll God. Though chicks old enough to be, in fact, Dirk's mother were rare as groupies but it was not unheard of. "Hey man, sorry!" He jerked from his bucket seat, "I'll go get her."

Before Dirk had a chance to stop him Chevy was out into the mass of flesh that filled the air around the limo. Dirk cursed the short fat little Road Manager for being an idiot.

For three weeks Dirk's mother had been calling, and then showing up at his public appearances. He had successfully ignored her but knew that no time was right for this confrontation. Best to get it over with here and now.

Just as two bodies pressed through the mass of people and into the spacious limo, Dirk turned away so he did not have to be confronted by his parent. There on the other side of the limo, were two sets of large round breasts smashed against the mirrored side of the car.

Even the beautiful flesh before him only gave him a passing smile - his mothers presence drawing his attention in the back of the stretch limo like a five hundred pound man in a thong at a public beach.

Dirk heard the door close, which instantly dulled out most of the pandemonium outside. Chevy grunted something to the driver and then closed the partition.

Bodies were over every exposed part of the car, so it was slow going. Fists were pounding against the metal of the roof, faces and other body parts were pressed against the mirrored windows.

Yet for all that, Dirk could smell the cheap scent of his mothers perfume, could hear her gasps of fear and surprise as she watched the flesh about the bubble the three of them were in. It gave the man a moment to steal a look at the woman that had given him life and little else, at least in his regard.

It had been over fifteen years since he had last seen her, and she had changed a lot in that time. Her long black hair was short and mostly gray now. Her face had creases about the eyes and mouth, her skin not as tight across the bones as once had been. She wore, which was probably her best dress Dirk knew, a moth-eaten flowered summer dress that was now several sizes too small. She had gained weight, thought not fat she had become voluptuous.

What pleased Dirk the most was he the felt nothing for her, nothing that a son was supposed to feel for his mother. It had worried him, this confrontation, that he would feel some guilt at leaving her and their home so long ago.

He knew why she was here of course, she wanted something... money probably. It was always money. For others there may be other reasons, but he knew his only parent better than she probably wished.

"God damn I can never get used to the circus around a tour!" Chevy was trying to ease the obvious tension in the limo - unsuccessfully - while Dirk knew that the fat weasel thrived on tour, loving every second of it. Where else would the fat slob like him get a different chick a night - often several.

"Hi Johnny." Chevy looked surprised at his boss - never knowing him by any other name than the one Dirk had made up for himself nearly a dozen years before.

Dirk could not turn to face her, to meet her eyes. He had run away from the dump she called home and had never looked back - she was part of a past he had wished never existed.

"I don't blame you for ignoring me all these years." Let alone the last couple of weeks she did not add.

The guilt trip was not working - would never work. Not now, not here.

"Your father is dead."

Dirk laughed without humour and finally turned to meet this mothers, Suzanne, or Suzi as most of her boyfriends liked to call her, eyes. The laughter died almost as quick as it came on. He did not even try to still the anger from filling the silence between his harsh words, "You always said you did not know who my father was!"

She could not hold her son's gaze for long and looked down at the carpet between them, "I knew. I was scared."

He didn't believe it for a second. Nor did he believe Suzi came all this way from shit hole Saskatchewan to tell him a man he never knew was dead.

"I am still your mother Johnny."

"How much money will it take so I never see your face again 'mother'?" Dirk's voice had risen so that his question had come out as a shout.

Chevy looked like he would rather be anywhere but in the seemingly small confines of the back of the limo. "Hey man, we stopped", at a red light, "I'm gonna jump up front so you and your mom can catch up." He could not move fast enough to escape the stress that filled the limo. Though Chevy was always the man who can 'get anything', or anyone, on tour - he was not very good at confrontations.

When the door closed Dirk, calmer this time, though angry that he allowed her to get him angry after so many years telling himself he did not care, he repeated, "How much mother?"

The tears in her eyes did not surprise Dirk - he knew she had to be desperate to have tried so hard to see him these last few weeks. In the decade since he became 'Dirk' and released his first album - he feared this moment. When his parent would seek him out and find him, not by his name, but by his face on the cover of numerous Cd's, on videos, on television and on tabloid newspapers as they publicly whispered about who he was fucking at any given moment in time.

"So you would just give me money to go away?"

The answer came without hesitation, "Yes".

She mumbled a number that was astronomical and Dirk barked out a short nasty laugh. "I could hire an army of bodyguards for only a tenth of that - each with a picture in their pocket with strict orders to keep you away from me."

Suzanne's face lost some of its hurt and looked suddenly nervous - perhaps that she was about to loose out on the jackpot after getting so close.

The silence was thick and Dirk could not stand it, "Why don't you go back to whatever scum is your boyfriend this week and leave me alone. I never asked for you to come here."

For all the years that Dirk lived with Suzanne, she always had a string of losers that seemed to want to fuck, watch television and drink beer before they left. It seemed that a new one followed her home from the bar, where she waitressed, each week.

She whispered, "I don't have a boyfriend."

Maliciously, "Old age slowing you up mother?"

Her face took on some ugly quality and her voice became shrill, both reminiscent of the fights his mother got into in their so-called-home so many years before, "I'll have you know I can still suck a golf ball through a rubber hose... there isn't a cock I can't please."

Instead of retaliating, Dirk smiled smugly, this was the woman he remembered. How many of her boyfriends, or just one night stands, had he seen come from her bedroom in the trailer to tell a teenage boy that his mother had to be the best cocksucker in the province. The boy knew that, and much more - a fourteen foot aluminium trailer holds no secrets.

Perhaps it was his home life that taught him the morals, or lack thereof, that he now lived by. The life that Rolling Stone magazine called 'The Degenerated Life of a Rock And Roll God' in one of its cover features a couple of years ago.

"Not something to put on your resume huh mom?"

She seemed to calm and mumbled, "Your one to talk."

He smirked, "Following my career mom? Or just who I'm fucking?"

Again the silence was almost deafening until Dirk pressed the intercom button, "Chevy, how long till we get to the gig?"

"Twenty... twenty five minutes Dirk." He released the button.

"In twenty five minutes mother I never see you again."

Suzanne looked around nervously as if the time was up and she had not got what she came to get. "Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Mister big and fucking famous...", what the next several seconds of shrill verbal abuse amounted too was half of her initial financial offer to disappear from her son's life.

"I change my mind mom, your not worth a nickle."

Tears, real ones this time, appeared in her eyes.

He could not help it, and maliciously added, "I heard you were turning tricks to make ends meet?" He had given a job to one of his pot buddies from high school - he had come with a flood of gossip from the old one granary tower town.

Nothing was said for nearly five minutes - with Dirk alternating from looking out the window to looking at the pitiful aged woman before him.

Finally, Suzi seemed to find some hidden reserve as she mumbled, "I want to be back in your life Dirk." It was the first use of his chosen name and sounded almost natural coming from her.

"Why in the fuck would I want you back in my life Suzi?" He could not call her 'mom' or 'mother' at that moment, it did not seem to fit. Something had transpired between them and Dirk was only just witnessing the change.

"I know you used to watch."

He stared at her without a comment. It was so many years ago, a lifetime. Little Johnny's introduction to sex was the bawdy sounds coming from his mothers room right next to his. Then Johnny graduated to peaking in on her - having drilled two small holes between their rooms. So she had known, but she had been such a slut that she did not even seem to care that her teenage son was watching her bang the cock-of-the-week.