Shantae had enough. Everyone these days had gotten into the Super Smash Brothers lineup. It didn’t matter if you were a side character or even an NPC, if you existed, you got in eventually. Main protagonists of games nobody played like the Ice Climbers got in as early as the second game with much fanfare and they even had an old obsolete game system like Mr. Game and Watch as a secret character. She didn’t even know how Duck Hunt got added to the roster. People loved Pit, fly boy had two games from way back when and only had one sequel some decades later and he still made the cut. Meanwhile she was the main character of five games going on six and had yet to get her foot into the door. And she was tired of just being a cult classic video game protagonist.

She was pouting with Sky. “You know at this rate they’re gonna add in Listener-san from Korone’s Hololive before I get in!”

Sky had just the idea. “Don’t be like that. Things are already meta enough in the world of Smash, and if anyone up high actually gets wind of this smut fic, it might happen!”

“See, that’s the problem!”

“Well if you really want to get in Smash, you have to know the right people. I’m sure if you did something for one of those guys, they’d let you in.” She winked.

“I’m desperate, but I’m not THAT desperate! Besides those guys are all crazy. Captain Falcon will probably say, ‘Falcon FUCK!’ and get me a game over. Fox and Wolf are furries. And all those JRPG characters are dramatic and overcompensating for something with their big swords.”

“Yeah I guess maybe you should tease someone. Strut your stuff and really play with their mind, then as soon as you’re in, ditch them by the wayside.”

“I know, I’ll go after that Sora kid! He’s all pure so as soon as he sees me wiggling my ass, he won’t be able to resist! I don’t think he and Kairi even got together and now he’s gotta go through another game before he even sees her again. I saw that ending. Nomura is really good at playing people.”

Sky narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Nah you gotta think about this one. Sora is new meat. He doesn’t have the chops to invite anyone in. And if you tried and tempt him, he’d probably have a heart attack. That kid has gotten beaten up, turned into a monster and killed, but I don’t think he’s had his first kiss yet. No, you wanna play to one of the characters from the very first Smash game. From the Nintendo 64.”

“Wow, that’s so old!”

“Yeah but the guy I’m thinking of isn’t.”

“You mean Luigi?”

Sky busted out laughing. “No, not him! He’s too much of a sidekick to get anything done. And if you put on a show for him, I don’t think he’d know what you were even doing. He likes to raid Peach’s closet and raid her dress to wear them. You wanna take your chances with a guy like that?”

Shantae sighed. “Guess I’m going after Mario then.”

“Nah, he’s taken, and if Peach gets word, she’ll make sure you never get in. You’ll probably never another game after too. She gets kidnapped by Bowser all the time and according to every smutty fan artist and writer out there likes sucking his big Koopa dick in the meantime.”

“So why would she care if I got a piece of Mario?”

Sky frowned. “Isn’t it obvious? Girl, she’s just a royal bitch from hell! You go after either of those plumbers and she’ll hear about it. No, you wanna go after Ness. Word on the grapevine is that Princess Daisy shook her butt in front of him and he hasn’t been the same since.”

Shantae blinked. “Does Luigi know...?”

“I think if Peach gave Luigi one of her panties she put on after getting creamed by Bowser and told him to wear it around his junk, that he’d do it.” She shuddered. “Come on, let’s go visit Daisy and ask for some advice. Before this fic does become about Luigi doing that kind of stuff.”

They went to Mushroom Kingdom. While on their way there they saw Peach who waved at them with a big smile. Both ladies waved back awkwardly and then they saw her go into her castle. As she closed the doors, they could have sworn they heard Bowser’s telltale laugh. They both looked at each other and realized it was true.

Just as they came to term with it they heard a “Yoo-hoo genie girls! It’s not often we have visitors here in Mushroom Kingdom! Come on in!” They knew the sound of that voice, exactly the person they came for. Princess Daisy.

Taking her up on that invitation, they sat outside the courtyard with her. It was such a beautiful day. Plenty of flowers, the sun was shining outside. The little Toad’s running around were cute and funny to look at too. The only thing dimming the ambiance were the sounds of two other people from inside the castle going at it, one voice so lovely and sweet and the other a monstrous growl. Even with the windows shut, they were both being so loud that they could hear it over all the birdsong.

“Nice place you got,” said Shantae.

“Why thank you!” said Daisy.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s cut to the chase,” said Sky. “Is it true that you put on a little striptease for Ness?”

Daisy’s smile widened into something devious. “A little. It’s just that while he might be a strong fighter in Smash and one of the original characters from the N64 days, he’s still just a boy. And you know I love using this thing!” she said, standing up and wiggling her ass. “He always gets so distracted. And I’ve hit him with it a few times.” She closed her eyes and hummed happily to herself. “He has a really big dick.”

“Wait, you’ve gone all the way with him?”

“No, not yet. Just felt it on my tush whenever I’ve hit him.” She licked her lips and looked up, fantasizing. “But soon.”

“Wow...” said Shantae.

Sky was getting an idea. “Well I think we’ll leave you with that fantasy. This scene is getting way too inappropriate!”

“Oh okay...” Daisy said, pouting. The two genies were at the gates when she saw them out. She had one of her smiles on again. “Too-da-loo!” she said, waving them goodbye. That was followed by the sounds of Peach and Bowser shamelessly making all sorts of wild moans and bestial grunts as they were hit by a mutual climax.

As soon as they were away, Sky grinned. “You still wanna get into Smash? Because now it’s obvious what you need to do.”

“I’ll do whatever I need to!” She blushed. “I just hope that he’s gentle with me.”

“Oh don’t worry. I’ll be along to make sure he doesn’t go too crazy.”

When that got to Onett, Ness wasn’t home at all. They searched far and wide all around town. To their surprise, they found him outside the police station. Around him were several cops, down on the ground and beat up. But Ness didn’t look too bothered, he was just lazily swinging around his baseball bat.

“I swear, the popo suck,” Ness said. “Once they get an eye out for you, they never let up. Even after you defeat a cosmic evil and save the world.”

Sky realized the moment was perfect. “Well then, how about me and my friend make you feel all better? Soothe all your pains away.”

He looked up. “Huh? Who are you? Wait ... aren’t you from Shantae?”

“This is Shantae!” Sky said, putting her hands on her friend’s shoulders. Shantae just smiled and waved at him awkwardly. “And she really wants to get into Smash. We know you’ve got the connections. And you were only the star of one game while she has five? Give her an in already!”

“Uh, it doesn’t work like that...”

“I hear whenever you fight against Daisy that you get a major redwood in your pants.”

He blushed. “Hey, how would you even know that...” But as much as he was trying to deny it, he was pitching a tent already.

“Bad boy...” Sky said. She whispered to Shantae, “Wow he really does have a big dick, huh? Looks even bigger than his baseball bat.”

Shantae couldn’t look away from it. While she was going all googoo gaga for it, Sky decided to capitalize on the situation. “So like I said, how about me and my friend make you feel all better. Soothe your pains away. Get it?” She winked at him.

“You mean you want to fuck me?”

“Hell yeah we do. Right baby girl?” Sky said to Shantae.

She was still staring at it. All she could say was, “Wow...”

Ness’ blank face turned into a cocky grin. These two chicks were pretty hot. Both had big tits barely covered by their tiny little tops, and showed off their shapely midriffs. He couldn’t wait to see them naked. “Oh yeah. Make all my pain go away.” He held his arms out.

“Gladly,” Sky said. She took one of his arms. Shantae was a little surprised by how fast this situation was picking up, and they were both staring at her. Shantae to her credit was just staring at his dick, he was out in public now with the boner in his pants proudly standing up to all the world.

Ness didn’t mind the way she was looking at him one bit. “You gonna stare at it all day baby girl?” he said.

She shrugged. “Sure, why not?” Then she went up and took his other arm.

Ness was smiling now. “Oh yeah, check out this guy! Two babes in his arms, heading home for some fun! Don’t know where the fuck you skipped off to Pokey or Porky or whatever the fuck your name is, but you SUCK!”

As he was walking back to his pad, he looked over at some blonde guy in shades and a red suit. Ness just whistled at him. “Hey Frank! Did you have ever have a threeway when you were head of the Sharks? Gonna be eating me some pussy juice!” He threw his head back and laughed.

Frank just sighed. He knew Ness hadn’t technically insulted him but it still hurt. “Another loss for Failure Frank...” He took a swig of some mineral water.

When they got back to Ness’ home, he shut the door behind him. There was nobody else there save for King.

“Damn King, moms and Trace left you here all alone?”

The dog got up and happily ran on over to Ness. But he was really happy to see his two friends. He started humping their legs.

“Um...” Shantae said, not wanting to upset her chances of getting into Smash.

“Oh wow, this is some dog alright,” Sky said.

“Hey boy, HEY!” Ness said, pushing him back. He looked back at his two new lady friends. “We can’t do it here. Not with this guy. Come on up to my bedroom ladies.”

When they got to his room, he shut the door behind him. He wasted no time in getting frisky with them, throwing Shantae onto the wall and shoving his tongue into her mouth. His hands were feeling up all over her body, her exposed stomach and her tight perky little ass in those frilly red pants. The heroine was a little shocked at this overt display of affection. She had been through all sorts of adventures, had flirted with some ladies too, but it was the first time she had fooled around with a guy. He was dry humping her against the wall and the sensation of his boner rubbing up on her stirred a deep and lewd heat in her body. Ness’ anaconda was so big that she could feel it through her pants like she was naked.

He broke the kiss and put his lips to her ear. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re real fuckin’ fine?”

She blushed. “Um, well I...”

“Hey!” said Sky. “What about the girl who arranged this little meet up in the first place? I’m starting to get jealous.”

He looked back at her. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty of Ness’ PK Cockin’ to go around.” He went right on over to her and she welcomed him, throwing her arms around his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist. This girl was just as hot but he knew she was far more experienced, whipping her tongue right back against his. He didn’t mind her holding onto him either.

He could tell this one wasn’t a virgin. That got him so turned on. He had been meaning to pay Paula a visit today, after killing Giygas and dealing with the stupid cops yet again, he was looking to make himself feel better. But these two coming out of nowhere were the gift he didn’t know he needed.

While they were going at it, she rubbed the meat in his pants. Ness grunted from feeling it, the last time he got this messed up was when he first encountered one of those French Kisses of Death in his dreams swallowed him up. After getting his first game over in Magicant, he went naked from then on and made it a policy to let them do whatever they wanted to him. He only made it a habit to actually take his journey seriously when there was one Flying Man left. And even then he let those things eat the poor little birdie alive as a distraction while he made his way to the Sea of Eden.

Needless to say when he woke up after achieving enlightenment, his three friends were smiling at the large wet stains in his trousers.

“You ever do this kind of thing before?” she said to him.

“Hell yeah I have.”

He sounded so sure of himself, it almost sounded too fake. “Then how about I find out for myself?”

She propped herself back on the floor and dropped down to her knees. Before he knew it, she had gotten his pants undone. His big dick sprang right up and hit her in the face.

For all his initial bravado, this sort of situation was new to him. He couldn’t find the words, he was just so surprised at how fast it was all escalating. But he liked the look in her eyes, the way she licked her lips at the sight of his penis. Then she took him inside of her mouth.