Copyright 2003-05-23

I was seventeen when I lost my virginity, one month short of my eighteenth birthday. The boy's name was Scott and he was two and one half years older than I was. I have never spoken to him since that night. I haven't told many people. Less than a handful know my story. All of these years, it has been my dark secret. However, it's time for me to share my story.

I am telling it now for several reasons. The number one reason is for me. Maybe, by telling it, I can, finally, put everything behind me and move forward. Maybe, Scott will read my story and realize just what he did to me. Lastly, maybe my telling it will mean someone else will not have to experience what I did.

I grew up in a rather small southern city and attended a religious based high school where chastity was considered a virtue. We were constantly hearing about abstinence and, how it was the only way of insuring full protection from STDs and pregnancy.

It only stands to reason that parents who sent their children to religious based private schools were also the type who kept close watch over their children's' activities. So, I didn't do much dating while in high school.

Still, hormones don't care what kind of school you attend. Like all teenagers, we found ways to discover the opposite sex. During my senior year, I was involved in some heavy kissing and fondling with my boyfriend. I performed oral sex on my "would be husband" and he managed to get his hands inside my panties and finger me. However, I remained a virgin and planned to stay one until the marital bed with that golden ring on my finger.

I graduated from our little safe haven high school and soon found myself on the campus of our state mega university. We had more kids on campus than my entire home town had people and dogs. I had been blessed with a better than average singing voice and had studied dance I was since nine years old. So I majored in Fine Arts. That's where I met Scott.

I signed up for a dance class that had students from different levels. Scott, was a Junior, taking the class. He was simply the most beautiful man I had even seen. He had beautiful blue eyes that swallowed you and huge shoulders which tapered down to the most gorgeous butt I had even seen on a man in tights. And, rumor had it that he was straight. I was in LOVE.

Of course, there was no way I could let him know how I felt. Why, would someone like him see anything in a little freshman from the country? So, when he actually came up and spoke to me, I thought I would die. I don't remember anything I said, but I must have said something right. Two or three days later one of my girlfriends told me that she had heard from her boyfriend, who was friends with Scott that he thought I was hot.

A week later, he asked me if I wanted to go with him to see a touring dance group that was performing on campus. We were required to attend a number of these events anyway, so I would have said yes to the biggest dork in class. Now, this was Scott asking me. Of course, I said yes.

After the performance, we went to a local pizza place where we met some of Scott's friends. Later, we all left and went to somebody's apartment where beer and marijuana appeared. I was more afraid of the marijuana than, so I sipped on a beer.

It wasn't long before Scott leaned over, lifted my chin and kissed me. I was in heaven! His lips and mine felt like they were the matched pair. My eyes closed and I floated into him and his strong arms, as they wrapped around me pulling me into his chest.

I had no objections when his tongue begged for entrance and begin playing with mine. He kissed me down my neck, sending shivers of exquisite pleasure through my body. I felt his hands on my breasts which, excited me even more, as he pressed them through my bra and shirt. It was only when he tried to remove my shirt from over my head that I got nervous. There were others in the room. He suggested that we find a more private spot. At that point, warnings went off in my head. I was afraid of getting into something, which I couldn't get out. But, I was so excited, it felt so good being with Scott. So I agreed.

Soon, I was naked to the waist, as Scott devoured my breasts. I have never been overly endowed, but Scott didn't seem to care. He kissed and fondled them, getting me more and more excited.

I found myself lying back on the bed with Scott's body pressing on top of me. I could feel excitement through his shorts. I also realized that he had moved his hand between my legs and was rubbing me through my shorts. Although, my body screamed yes, my mind said NO! I placed my hand on his and asked him to stop.

He didn't want to. "But, Julie," he exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Scott," I replied. "I don't want to do that right now."

"Why? Are you a virgin?"

"Yes."

"No shit?"

That hurt. But, I didn't say anything at first. Finally, I said, "I'm sorry."

"Look Julie," he told me. "You don't have to worry. I won't do anything. But, you can still enjoy the pleasure. We just won't go all the way."

I was torn between asking him to take me home and giving in. I was nervous and apprehensive and yet, I wanted to continue. I gave in.

I let him remove my shorts but I left my panties on. That gave me some feeling of security. We resumed kissing and Scott started to finger me and rub my clitoris. But, it wasn't the same as before. I just couldn't relax and enjoy it any longer. Scott must have picked up on my mood swing. He began to act differently. He still kissed and touched me but I could tell something was wrong.

"What's the matter Scott? Is it me?" I asked.

"It's alright Julie. It's just that you are so beautiful and I want to make love to you so bad," he announced. "And... besides, I've got blue balls."

"Blue balls?" I asked. "What's that?"

"It's when a girl gets a guy all excited. If he doesn't cum, his balls can begin to hurt. It's called blue balls."

Now, I felt like a real shit. I had gone and caused him to have blue balls. Whatever, that was? However, it did sounded horrible and I felt badly for him.

"Can I help?" I asked innocently.

He smiled and shook his head. "Well, you could let me screw you?"

"No."

"I figured that," he mumbled. Then he smiled at me, "There is one other thing you could do?"

"What's that?"

"You could give me a blow job."

Somehow, I felt like I was being manipulated. However, I had done it before and besides this was Scott, if it would help him? Why not?

"Ok."

Scott removed his pants and I got my first look at his penis. I will admit that the thought of giving him pleasure was exciting to me. My fears and doubts left me as I began tentatively, then with more desire to; kiss, lick and suck on his penis.

It did not take long before he was trying to force it deeper down my throat. I kept pulling my head back to stop from gagging. His motions and reactions told me he was getting close to cuming. I had never swallowed before and, I did not intend to do so then. I was prepared to remove my mouth when I felt him tighten. I never got the chance. He grabbed my head and forced it down, as I felt him cum into my mouth.

I tried to swallow but his penis was too deep and I couldn't. I started to gag again. He must have realized what was happening because he relaxed his grip and allowed me to lift my head enough to keep me from choking. I kept my mouth on him and swallowed as much as I could.

When it was all over, we got dressed and he drove me home. I laid in bed, torn emotionally. I was pent up sexually from the experience but, I also felt disturbed, demeaned and somehow dirty. The thought of making myself cum while thinking of Scott didn't seem right. I thought of what I might have done to make him act that way with me. Finally, I fell asleep.