Chapter 4: Take me Home from the Ball Game

The alarm clock blared way too soon for my taste. I was a bit disoriented. KC and Cindy were awakening slowly. "C'mon, you two. The game starts soon."

"Grumble, grumble, grumble," said KC.

"Mumble, mumble, mumble," echoed Cindy.

But they got up and started getting ready. They each took a brief shower, as did I. Fortunately they didn't need or use a lot of make-up. They each dressed in a T-shirt and very short shorts with flip-flops. I encouraged them to do their hair in ponytails. Summer in New Orleans is hot and sticky, day or night.

I wore a T-shirt, shorts and sandals. I've always considered flip-flops beach and house wear but then I'm over 50.

As we traveled to Zephyr Stadium, I pointed out a few sights to Cindy. She essentially was a tourist.

Zephyr Stadium is the home of the Houston Astros' AAA farm club, the New Orleans Zephyrs. Watching AAA baseball is interesting. Most of the players are "this close" to going to the major leagues so they play hard. The bummer is that when a player is really beginning to hit his stride, he gets sent up. In the 2003 season, the Z's sent up 18 players to the "Bigs." This year the team had a bunch of new players and frankly they weren't very good.

By the time we reached the stadium, we were all fully alert and in a great mood. The only "downer" on the way was when Cindy asked me to get condoms for later.

"Cindy," I asked. "Are you worried about getting pregnant?"

"Yes. I didn't think about it when we had sex but we didn't use any protection. I hope I'm not pregnant."

"Cindy, I should apologize. I just figured KC had mentioned the fact that I'm fixed. I had a vasectomy years ago - literally before you were born. I decided in my 30's that I didn't want to have children. In any case, you don't have to worry. You aren't pregnant."

"Oh, I'm so relieved!"

"From your question, I take it that you want to have sex with me again. Am I correct?"

"Yes, Mr. Ron. I would love to do it again." Then she looked at KC and added, "I mean if it's OK with KC."

"KC?" I asked.

KC smiled at us both with a very satisfied look. "Of course you two can but I want to be able to watch and I want to make love with you both, too."

"Separately or together?" I queried.

"Wow! All three of us at once? That would be too cool," she responded eagerly.

"I'd like that, too," said a beaming Cindy.

Amazingly enough, we had arrived early enough to get free T-shirts. Friday night games are the most popular because there is a fireworks show after each the game. I had bought seats right behind home plate. I love heckling the umpire and I want the best view possible. People who think they can call a ball or strike while not sitting behind the ump always amaze me. Even from where we sat it was difficult to judge the height of a pitch.

On the way to the seats I stopped to get them each a baseball cap. The caps helped keep their ponytails off their necks and made them more comfortable. I did notice a lot of men and boys checking the girls out. That was no surprise - they both had great figures, pretty faces and were dressed sexily.

One great thing about New Orleans is that some of the local food makes it to the stadiums. One vendor makes an excellent muffaletta. A "muff' is a sandwich made on a round loaf of Italian bread about 12 inches in diameter. The loaf is cut horizontally and filled with salami, ham, provolone cheese, chopped olive salad and a bit of olive oil. Then the sandwich is warmed in an oven a bit until the cheese is melted and the crust is crisped. I got a whole muffaletta and had it cut into sixths. KC and I knew what we were getting. Cindy was wary of this strange sandwich but was thrilled by the delicious bit of New Orleans cuisine.

The game was entertaining. The Z's pitcher was a former Astro who had been hurt and was rehabbing. He had excellent control pitches but his speed was off. He started the game trying out his fastball and had two men on base in short order. Then he began using his change-ups and his curve ball almost exclusively. He gave up a run on a deep fly out but put out the next two batters. The opposing pitcher wasn't as skilled or experienced. By the end of the third, the Z's were leading 5-1.

The girls were enjoying the game and having a good time in general. We also all ate a hot dog (how can you not?) and the girls shared a cotton candy. I drank my one beer and we all drank bottled lemonade and water. It pleased me to see that neither girl was a fan of soft drinks.

We were fortunate that there was a fairly regular breeze that evening. Summer night in New Orleans tend to be humid and sticky. It was still humid but the breeze kept the "sticky" down.

The game was going well until the eighth inning when the Z's manager put in the first reliever. He sucked and gave up two runs before the second reliever came in. The second reliever managed to get out of the bases loaded jam with one out but gave up a run on a medium deep fly. However the outfielder made a super throw and nailed the second guy trying to score. Then the reliever struck out the next batter. The Z's managed to hang on to win 5 - 4 but it was close. However I was pleased that it was a quick 8 and a half inning game.

After the game there was a promotion - throw a tennis ball from the stands into a bucket on the pitcher's mound. It is pretty comical to see all those balls flying thru the air and bouncing all over. I offered to buy the girls some ball (3 for $5) but they demurred. The prize was a Hummer mountain bike "worth $900" or so the announcer said. The girls were at the stage where they were more interested in a car. No one actually got a ball in the bucket but one ball rolled to within a few inches of the bucket. As closest, that person won.

Then the lights went out and the fireworks started. The show was about 10 minutes long with an eclectic music selection - Stars and Stripes forever, Alice Cooper's "Schools Out for Summer" and Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA." As expected the fireworks were bright, pretty and loud. The girls loved it.

As we left the stadium, the ladies were thanking me effusively.

"KC, Cindy, thank you. You two got me out of my apartment for the first time in months. I've been moping around since the funeral and it's time I started to have fun again. You two have been great company."

"I'm glad you are feeling happier, Uncle Ron. I was worried about you but you really seemed happy to have us visit. We both are having a wonderful time."

"Mr. Ron, KC told me about your wife. I never met her but KC told me about her before we came over. She sounded like a nice lady. I'm sorry you lost her so tragically."

I was very touched. Cindy surprised me with her sensitivity. So many kids and teenagers are so self-absorbed that they are oblivious to other people's feelings. "Cindy, that was very sweet of you to say that. I can see why KC said I would like you. Besides being very easy on the eyes, you are very perceptive and plain old nice. You are easy to like."

About that time we reached the car. I opened the door for them and they both clambered into the back seat. When I got in they each draped themselves over the seat and gave me a big hug and kisses on the neck. "Well, I guess I feel less like a chauffeur now."

"You know we love, Uncle Ron. It's not our fault we aren't old enough to drive."

On the drive home we talked about what Cindy wanted to see in New Orleans. She only had a limited knowledge of the city and its history but she had heard of Bourbon Street.

"Would you like to see Bourbon Street now?" I asked. "It's only 10:15 and we don't have any set schedule. How about you, KC?"

"Yeah, let's go," said KC. "I've never seen it at night and I only saw it once when I was six."

"Yes, please," said Cindy

"OK. You're on! A couple of rules, though. No wandering off. We stick together. Also, no showing your tits."

"Show my tits?!!" questioned a surprised Cindy.

KC chuckled and then explained. "During Mardi Gras guys get women to flash their boobs for beads."

"For beads?"

I was pretty amused myself by now so I said as seriously as I could, "Well, they are nice beads, Cindy."

I could see Cindy mulling that over in the rear view mirror but the effect was spoiled when KC burst out laughing.

"Of course," I continued, "the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol might have something to do with it, too."

Cindy had been had but took it with good grace. She was confused about what Mardi Gras was so we set to explain it as best we could.

"Mardi Gras is the day before Lent. Lent is 47 days long, 40 days and 7 Sundays. It moves around with Easter so there is never any set annual date. Only the parades that run on that Tuesday are actually Mardi Gras parades. All the parades preceding Mardi Gras are actually Carnival parades. Carnival starts Jan. 6 on Kings' Day or Twelfth Night - the twelfth day of Christmas, the day the gift-bearing Magi visited the Christ child. The history of Carnival actually goes back to the 15th century. Are you Catholic, Cindy?"

"No, Sir."

"Neither are we but New Orleans is about 50% Catholic now. It was likke 70% when I was a teenager. Devout Catholics usually give up something for Lent like eating chocolate, drinking alcohol, smoking or something personal. The 40 days celebrates the 40 days and nights Jesus wandered in the wilderness. In some ways, Lent is similar to the Muslim Rahmadan celebration.

"Anyway, Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday, is the day before Lent so traditionally Catholics would do to excess what they were giving up for Lent. Back in 15th century France, this developed into festivals, formal balls and parties. Over the years it has become an institution in some parts of the world. Here in New Orleans formal parades began after the Civil War. First came Comus, then Rex, Momus and Proteus. Nowadays literally dozens of parades roll in the two weeks prior to Mardi Gras. The parades are colorful, noisy spectacles and the float riders throw trinkets, plastic cups and beads into the crowds.

"Mardi Gras is a legal holiday in New Orleans. Most of the city turns out for the parades. There's Zulu, then Rex and then two truck float krewes that each have over 100 floats. Bourbon Street is usually wall-to-wall with people. It can easily take 10 minutes to walk one block because of the crowds. And with all the people and all the drinking there is rarely any serious crime or violence. You have to see it to understand it, right, KC?"

"Yeah, Cindy. It is too cool. Uncle Ron forgot to mention that most people wear costumes on Mardi Gras. One year Uncle Ron had a Klingon costume that looked just like the guys on Star Trek. Aunt Jane knew this guy who made a latex mask for Uncle Ron and glued it to his face that morning. He made a lion nose for Aunt Jane and he did fancy make-up jobs on her and me! Do you still have the picture, Uncle Ron? Do you still have the mask?"

"Yeah, I have both. Didn't I ever give you a copy of the photo?"

"No."

"My apologies, KC. Remind me sometime over the weekend and I'll give you a set of photos."

"Wow. This Mardi Gras sounds like fun. When is the next one?" asked Cindy.

"Well it is always on a Tuesday between Feb. 3 and March 9. I think it will be early this coming year but I am not sure. I have it in my PDA but it's at home. I tell you what, Cindy. If I am still living at this apartment next Mardi Gras, you and your folks may come over and use my place as a base of operations. Did you notice the big street by my place with the streetcar tracks?"

"Yes."

"That is St. Charles Avenue. Most of the New Orleans parades go past the apartments on St. Charles. So it's a 2-block walk to the parade and more importantly it is a 2-block walk back to use a clean bathroom. Bathrooms are very important during Mardi Gras."

"I'll say," echoed KC. "Uncle Ron's house was only a block further away. Mom and I came over for Mardi Gras almost every year. I miss your old house, Uncle Ron. You should have seen it Cindy! It had 20 rooms and 12-foot ceilings. It was huge - over 5000 square feet."

"Well, I miss it once in a while but it was too big for Jane and me and way too big after she died. I kind of like having a place where I don't have to pay $400 a month for utilities. I may buy another house but where I live is fine. On a nice day I can walk the 14 blocks to the French Quarter and I have Interstate access two traffic lights away."

By now we were in the French Quarter and I was concentrating on finding a parking spot. I have always been one of the beloved of the parking gods. Somehow I seem always to manage to find a parking spot within a block or two of my destination. Tonight was no exception. A car was pulling out on Chartres St. just behind the police station. Thank you, parking gods.

I headed us towards Canal St. and turned right on Iberville. This took us past Felix's and the Acme Oyster House. "Cindy, have you ever had oysters on the half shell?"

"Oh, yes! We have them in San Francisco. I like them."

"C'mon. We'll share a dozen." I knew KC liked oysters too.

We got to the Acme about 15 minutes before closing. We stood at the bar and ended up sharing 2 dozen. Cindy mentioned that our oysters were juicier than the ones she usually had in San Francisco. I told them the old standby New Orleans oyster joke:

A man comes into an oyster bar and asks the shucker if it's true that oysters are good for sex. The shucker assured the man they were. So the man orders a dozen, eats them and leaves.

The same guy returns the next day and demands his money back. He said only eight of them worked.

KC and Cindy both stood there looking at me waiting for the punch line.

"Sorry, I see you don't get it. Once when I was 20 or 21 I managed to make love to my first wife 5 times in a single 24-hour period - once. Eight times in a day is a myth. Now do you get it?"

"Oh, I see. Very funny, Uncle Ron," said KC in a tone that only a teenager can use.

"Oh, KC, it wasn't that bad," said Cindy. Then to me, "Don't give up your day job, Mr. Ron." Then they both cracked up at the look on my face.

We finished quickly and I made sure to leave a nice tip. Restaurant people really love people who come in late.

Half a block later we were at Bourbon Street. As usual it was noisy, gaudy and just short of tasteless. When I was a teenager back in the 60's, you could drive down Bourbon Street any time. Then in the late 60's Bourbon Street was blocked off from car traffic from 6 PM until 3 or 4 AM. Just in the last year has nighttime auto traffic been allowed again. I kind of miss the pedestrian mall aspect.