Chapter 1

"Damn you!" she yelled, falling to her knees in front of the low-set granite marker in the ground. The cold wind stung at her face, freezing most of her tears before they had even begun to fall, as she brushed her ungloved fingers over the raised words on the stone. Eleanor Lynn Miller. Daughter, Wife, Mother. August 9, 1958 - December 12, 1998

"Why did you have to leave, mom? Why?" She cried aloud, knowing full well she would never get an answer. Elizabeth had asked that same question here at least once a month, since the day she turned twelve, when her mother died, but she hadn't ever found an answer. She laid her head next to the old, dried flowers resting on the headstone, the flowers she had left here just a few weeks before, and the memories all came flooding back.

First her mother's headaches, the way her hand would just start shaking, all on its own. Then came the fainting spells, and the doctors' appointments. Finally, the visit to the specialist. She'd gone with her mother to that.

"Brain cancer," the doctor had said. "Chemotherapy and radiation for starters. Then hopefully we'll be able to operate."

If only she'd known then what "chemotherapy and radiation" really meant. Her mother had just said "I'll have to take some medicines." Some medicines indeed. Poison. That's what it was.

Elle began sobbing more heavily then, remembering how her mother had looked, how she'd tried not to let her daughter see what the treatments were doing to her. A year, it all lasted. Then, the doctor's appointment, a month before her twelfth birthday. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Miller, but the tumor isn't responding to our treatments. I'm afraid it's inoperable now. There's nothing more we can do, besides making you comfortable. You probably only have another few months, a year at the most."

One month, almost to the day, is how long she had. She was feeling sick the day of Elle's party. As she was cutting the birthday cake she collapsed, shaking. Elizabeth ran to her side and grabbed her hand, as her breathing ceased. And then she was gone.

Elle sat there for some minutes with her knees curled to her chest, hugging herself against the wind and sobbing silently; once again asking all the questions she longed to know the answers to, but most of all, why?

The chime of her watch brought her back to the present, making her pull her eyes away from the tombstone. Another hour had gone by. It wasn't until she glanced at her watch, however, that she realized how late it really was. The small lit digits showed it was just after 5 O'clock.

"Oh shit!" she said out loud, jumping to her feet. "Randy is really going to be pissed at me this time, if he's already home," she mumbled under her breath, already starting to turn towards the path home. Elizabeth put the thoughts of her mother aside - as much as she could at least - as she started running the two miles back to the house. In the middle of a harsh Illinois winter, it wasn't a fun experience.

Elizabeth looked up as she neared her house, glancing at the clean exterior and the spotless front porch, before looking quickly to the driveway and garage, hoping not to see tire tracks in the coat of snow on the driveway. It had been snowing off and on most of the day, just enough to leave a few new inches on the ground, and as it hadn't been shoveled since this morning she was hoping there wouldn't be any tracks in it. The set of tire treads imprinted in the snow brought her back to reality, at least until she saw the strange cars parked at the top of the drive. The sight made her shiver under her heavy coat, and turned her blood cold. Her face, already red from the cold and snow, turned a dull shade of white as her stomach tied itself in knots. She silently hoped her worries were misplaced, but a glance in the back seat of one of the cars as she jogged up the walk quickly robbed her of her last hope for a reprieve. She walked around to the back door, dreading what she'd find inside. For a brief second, the teenager thought about simply turning around and leaving. Running away. Maybe going back out west, where her family had used to live; her real family, that is. Moving back to the last place where she was happy. Instead, she took a deep breath and opened the door, all the while silently praying for her mother to protect her.

"Where have you been? You were supposed to be home from school an hour ago! I was expecting dinner to be ready by now!" her stepfather shouted, before the door had even closed behind her. By the time she turned around and looked up, Randy was standing up and heading towards her. Elizabeth backed up, trying to duck out of his reach.