Chapter 7

"Cast Your Dancing Spell My Way, I Promise To Go Under It"

DECEMBER 22, 1978

The week of the dance, my mother had been diagnosed with throat cancer. Mom and Dad waited until the day after the dance, the 16th, to tell me.

Of course I knew it was coming. This had happened the first time around. It was from smoking. She had a tumor on her vocal cords. It was taken care of by radiation, and she was fine. She quit smoking, and that was that. When I 'came back' in 2007, my mom was still around--and that was after another bout with cancer, this time breast cancer, in the late eighties.

So, I wasn't worried. However, I guess my parents were surprised at my lack of worry. This was one of the problems with this return-trip thing. I knew how certain things were going to work out, and didn't react the way I should have if I didn't have that advance knowledge. Mom was going to be fine, so I really didn't worry.

This night, a Friday night, my dad called me on it. Mom was out, and my brother and sister were in bed. We were just chatting, Dad and I, when he brought it up. "Your mother's going through a rough time right now, and she's under the impression that you don't really care."

Wow--that wasn't what I was trying to do. I realized I was going to have to cover, and it was only partially a cover. "That's not true, Dad," I told him. "I know she's going through some shit. I guess I'm just not that worried."

"Well, I know her prognosis is good, but she is worried."

"Of course she is, it's her that it's happening to," I said. "But I have enough to worry about, honestly. What you guys told me is that she's going to be fine. I know the radiation isn't going to be any fun, and I'll try to help her out, but I can only worry about so much."

"What do you have to worry about, breaking up with a girlfriend?" he snorted.

"No, and you know it," I retorted. "I went to a dance last week. Who was it that I took?"

"Beth," he said, still not getting it. That surprised me. Dad usually caught a clue.

"Right. So there's two people close to me that are sick. And only one of them has much of a chance of getting better, and that's Mom."

Dad looked at me. "You realize this?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Your mother and I have wondered. Let's face it, Ed, you can sometimes be oblivious."

"Not lately, have you noticed that? I accepted what was happening to Beth some time ago. Why do you think I, basically, blew off a girlfriend--and got dumped for my trouble--so I could take Beth to that dance?"

"Wait a minute," Dad said. "I thought you asked Beth because what's-her-name dumped you?"

"Other way around, Dad. I told Christine that I was going to ask Beth to that dance. Christine's jealous to begin with, and even though she knows Beth is sick, she insisted I take her to the dance, or we were through. I stuck to my guns. Beth needed to go to that dance."

Dad looked at me like I had three heads. Then, finally, he said, "I'm sorry, Ed. I didn't give you enough credit. You really are maturing." Little did he know--technically, I was older than he was! "I didn't get the events correctly." He grinned at me. "And you'd seemed preoccupied with girls lately. Not Beth, I know you and she are just friends. You seemed preoccupied with, you know, girlfriends."

"I'm not going to admit I don't enjoy having a girlfriend," I grinned back. "But Christine was just a diversion. Kara was different, but she's away at school now. And she told me straight out that if she had still been around she would've agreed with me taking Beth to the dance. Anyhow, I like girlfriends, and wouldn't mind getting another one soon, but Beth is Beth."

"Yeah," he said, then stared down at his bottle, which was just about empty. "Mind getting me another beer?"

"Sure," I said, and walked out into the kitchen. That's when I thought. This was the first real talk I'd had with my Dad since my return. I wasn't going to tell him what was up, but maybe he'd realize I was a little more mature than he'd thought.

I returned with the beer. "You bring me two?" he said.

"Nah. This one's for me," I said, popping the top off and taking a slug of it. "I really do wish you'd buy something other than this Budweiser swill, though. Next time you drop by the packie, can you get some Heineken or something?"

He just looked at me. "How the hell old are you?"

"I'll be 14 next month."

"That's old enough to steal my beer?"

"How old were you, Dad?" I knew it was younger than 14. I also knew, despite the token protest, that Dad was liberal--especially about his kids drinking at home.

"All right, good point," he laughed. "Heineken, huh? Where'd you pick up such refined tastes?"

"I've had it once or twice."

"You're too young to drink," he said, half-heartedly.

"I'm too young for lots of things. I think I can handle them."

"You do, do you?"

"Yeah, I do. You wanna talk about Beth? Let's talk about Beth. She's dying. She'll be fifteen in April, and she's feeling pretty good so she might make that. I'd lay any amount of money down that fifteen is the last birthday she sees."

"Yeah," he said sadly.

"Dad, she's my best friend, and she's dying. Beer? Beer is nothing. Waiting for my best friend to die--hell, I'm surprised I don't drink more. And there's other things." I took a pull from the beer. "You remember your first love?"

"Sure do," he grinned. "Margie Wilson. Damn, she was hot. I was, let me think--16 or 17."

"How'd it end?"

"Badly," he admitted. "She dumped me. I was an asshole to her for a while thereafter."

"Right," I said. "Look how I'm handling Kara. We're still friends, for goodness' sake. I'm 13 years old. I should be a basket case. I'm not."

"Well, I think it was a little different," Dad said. "Margie was my first. You know. That puts a different dimension on things."

I smiled to myself. Mom would never be able to handle this, but Dad could. "Dad. Do you think Kara and I spent all our time at the movies or something?"

"Well, no, but I'm not talking about just making out or copping a feel."

"Neither am I," I told him. "You're talking about sex. So am I. Kara and I had sex, Dad. Repeatedly."

My poor Dad--he almost dropped the beer. "WHAT?"

"You heard me. Oh, and I hope you realize I'm comfortable talking to you, but if you tell Mom this I'll never forgive you."

"Do you think I go looking for trouble?" he said with a wry smirk. "Your mother would have a stroke. But, jeez, Ed, I don't know how happy I am about this. 13 years old, and you're having sex?"

"I can handle it. And, yes, before you ask--we were careful."

"Good. Please tell me you didn't twist her arm."

"Of course not. In fact, it was her idea. She wanted me to be her first. We probably would've waited some if she wasn't going away to school, but she was, so we didn't wait."

"What about the other one?"

"Christine? Yeah. Though that was probably a mistake. She initiated that, too, but for the wrong reasons. I should've said no. But it seems to not have scarred her, even though we broke up."

"I don't know any 13 year old boy that could say no to an offer of sex," Dad grinned. "Why did she initiate it?"

"Couple reasons. A lot of it was to 'give me what I wanted', you know? To hold onto me. But part of it was she knew about Kara, and knew Kara enjoyed it."

"Word got around about Kara?" he said suspiciously.

"Yes, but not from me. Talking is stupid." I grinned. "However, Kara got carried away at Sara's Fourth of July party last summer and spilled the beans to her whole crowd. The only person I told, before you, was Beth."

"You told Beth?"

"I can trust Beth, and I know it," I said. "Besides, that was an interesting discussion." I chuckled. "You know how Catholic Beth is. I think she's convinced I'm going to hell."

Dad laughed at that. "Your mother would agree with her."

"Yeah, true, but Beth knows I don't. My religious beliefs are more in line with yours than Mom's."

"What do you think my religious beliefs are?"

We'd discussed this the first time around, but much later in life, though I'd seen the signs earlier. So I answered from that perspective. "I'm guessing you pretty much don't have any."

"You'd be right," Dad said. "Though I told your mother I wouldn't interfere with that part of bringing you guys up."

"And you didn't. I came to this conclusion all on my own. That's the reason I couldn't tell you--well, couldn't tell Mom--about why I didn't want to go to the Prep. Four years of Catholic school didn't at all appeal to me."

"I don't know if I believe in God or not," Dad said. "You'd probably call me an agnostic. But I know I do not have any use for churches or organized religion or any of that."

"We're in complete agreement. That's what I talked to Beth about. I told her that, even if there were a God, I don't think he cares who or when we screw."

"Please tell me you're not trying to get Beth into bed with that line," Dad spat.

"Are you kidding me? Nope. Beth's like my sister. Plus, she's sick. Plus, she still wouldn't go for it even if I was interested--she's still too Catholic for that. I told her what I thought but I don't think she agreed with me. I wouldn't try anyway."

"I thought so, but sometimes you worry me."

"Nope, no worries there. Especially in her present condition. Hey, if she weren't sick? Maybe we'd try dating; we've always gotten along. Though I doubt it would ever get that far considering that whole Catholic thing. But, with her sick--hey, that's the last thing she needs. She needs friendship. That's what she gets."

"I hope you keep that up."

"I plan on it."

"Good." He looked down at his bottle. "Hey, go get me another beer, eh? And I suppose you can grab another one for yourself."

DECEMBER 23rd, 1978

Beth and I went to do some last-minute Christmas shopping. Mom dropped us off at the mall, and we fought the crowds for the afternoon.

It was, well, a little tense. This had happened the first time around, and I remember it being a little tense then, too. This was the beginning, I could see it coming--she was about to start pushing me away, as she did the last time.

"You going to Danica's New Year's Eve party?" I asked her.

"I don't think so," she replied.

"You should."

She sighed. "I just don't think it's a good idea," she said. OK, so I was going to let her off the hook for that, specifically. I wasn't going to let her off the hook otherwise. You see, the first time around, this shopping trip had been the last time I'd seen her alive. I'd called her, and she'd brushed me off, so I let it go. This time, I wasn't going to let it go.

"Something wrong?" I asked her.

"No," she said.

"Don't lie to me," I said. "Beth, something's bothering you. Come on, fess up."

She wouldn't. I wasn't about to stop trying, however.

DECEMBER 31st, 1978

Christmas was fine. The week afterwards, I tried to make plans with Beth and she blew me off. I was going to have to bring this to a head, and soon, or the same thing was going to happen.

However, I went to Danica's party. I decided to just enjoy myself here. Almost all my friends were there, and I was just determined to have a good time. Little did I know exactly what was going to happen.

I met Kara's new boyfriend. I sensed she was a little disillusioned with him. He'd come up for the party from wherever he lived, Rhode Island or something--Kara's parents were even going to let him sleep on the couch--but he wasn't treating Kara very well. It was what she had talked about, that whole jealousy thing. Eventually, he blew her off, and started hanging around with the guys.

Considering the gut-wrench I figured I was about to go through with Beth, and considering what I saw watching Kara and Jim--well, maybe I was glad I didn't have a girlfriend right at that moment! I was probably better off, I thought to myself. Just hanging with friends, making sure things were all right with Beth, concentrating on schoolwork. Maybe that was better.

Well, you know what they say about best-laid plans.

Kara came and sat next to me. "How's things?" I asked.

She sighed. "You know, if he doesn't wise up, he's getting dumped."

"Good, I was hoping you weren't being bamboozled."

"Me? Not hardly. Hey, I like Jim, but I don't love him. And he makes me like him less and less with this shit. I do have other options. There's a cute guy in one of my classes that follows me around like a puppy."

"What's his name, Ed Bovilas The Second?" I laughed.

"Nah, he's not that bad," she teased.

"Ouch."

"Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyhow, let's stop talking about my love life. Let's talk about yours."

"OK, we can talk about my love life," I said with a smirk. "There. We're done. The world's shortest conversation."

"You think," she said, playfully whapping me on the arm. "Listen. I told you, back in November, after Chris dumped you--I told you opportunity was going to be knocking."

"It must have lost my address," I teased.

"You just be quiet. Now, really--listen to me. It's going to knock. And I know all about it, OK? You have to understand that. I know all about it."

"Kara, what are you talking about?"

"You'll understand, trust me. Just remember, I want the people I love to be happy, OK? I want the people I care about to be happy, and I know all about it. Just remember all that."

"Whatever you say," I said.

"Good. Trust me. Anyhow, I have to go kick my boyfriend's ass. See you later." With that, she was gone.

I had to shake my head in puzzlement, and bemusement. I had absolutely no idea what Kara had just been going on about. After a while, with the party in full swing and me chatting with everyone, I forgot about it.

About a half hour later, I got up to fetch a soda. When I went back to the couch I'd spent most of the night sitting on, it was empty. So, I grabbed my seat back, figuring someone would drift over sooner or later. I liked grabbing a seat at a party and having the party revolve all around.

Shortly thereafter, Kelly showed up and plopped down next to me. "Hey, you," she said.

"Hiya, Kel. What's up?"

"Not much. Good party, huh?"

"Yeah, it's good."

"So. I saw Kara sitting down here a while ago. Did you tell her to smack her boyfriend around?" Kelly snorted.

"Not in so many words, but, yeah, pretty much. I think she's pretty fed up."

"She should be. So, what else did you guys talk about?"

I wondered why she was asking this, but I answered her. "Well, Kara was trying to talk about my love life, but I didn't understand a friggin' word she said. She's being very cryptic this evening," I laughed.

"Ah. I'm guessing she said something about opportunity knocking, and how she knows about it?"

I looked at Kelly, surprised. "Well, yes. How did you know that?"

She smiled, and moved closer to me on the couch. Then she softly said, "Knock knock," leaned over, and kissed me.

I did not see this coming! I mean, Kelly and I were friends. Furthermore, she was Kara's best friend! She was the absolute last person I expect to be sitting here kissing me. But here she was. She broke the kiss and flashed me a huge smile.

"Kelly Cullinane, what the heck is going on?"

She laughed. "You're not stupid, Ed. Figure it out."

"It seems like you're coming on to me."

"And, look, it only took you one guess! See, I knew you weren't stupid." She looked at me. "Remember what Kara told you, she knew about this."

"Ah," I said, finally understanding that bit. "But where did this come from?"

Kelly looked down. "Do you remember, back in like third and fourth grade, when you had a crush on me?"

"Sure."

"Well, I never had the guts to tell you this, but it was returned. And, honestly, it never really went away. And then you fell for Kara. Well, Kara's my best friend, so I didn't want to get in the middle of that. Although I'll admit there were a few times when she was blowing you off that I wanted to smack you around to get you to wise up!

"Then she said yes, and you two started going out. I was happy for you guys, really. She is my best friend, after all. I managed to be happy and not get jealous. Then she left, and you guys broke up. I dithered about it for a while, because I knew I wanted to go out with you and knew I'd have to talk to Kara first, and hadn't had a chance.

"Then you started going out with Christine. That did make me jealous, I'll admit. And I'd talked to Kara and she'd told me to go with it, but you had Christine. When you guys finally broke up, my first thought was to ask you to the dance. Then Kara told me why you and Chris broke up, and I certainly wasn't going to get in the way of you taking Beth to the dance, because I thought that was a good thing. So, I figured, tonight was my chance."

"Wait a minute," I said, my head reeling from her discourse. "You're saying you like me?"

"Uh-huh," she said, grinning.

"In that way?"

"Uh-huh."

"So you want to, what, go out with me?"

"Most definitely."

"Wow. I did not see this coming."

"I know you didn't. I was completely scared to say anything--and then there was Kara. So, you didn't have any way of knowing. Now you do."

I looked at her. "It took you a lot of guts to say it now, didn't it?"

She laughed. "Well, I think desperation is closer."

"Desperate about me?"

"I figured this was probably my last chance," she said. Then she looked down. "So," she practically whispered, "what do you think?"

That was a good question, now, wasn't it? I hadn't really thought about it at all. I mean, she was Kara's best friend, so I didn't allow myself to think about it. But Kara, apparently, was all for it.

So, what did I think? Well, Kelly was definitely cute. She had a pixie face, with dark reddish-blonde hair. More importantly, she had a great personality. She was upbeat, happy, and a lot of fun. She was very popular because of all that. She was almost impossible to dislike. However, she was also very smart and could think--her usual upbeat demeanor was not because of empty-headedness or anything like that. Kelly was no doormat. She just had a good way of dealing with things. Hell, being in a back brace--she dealt with that a lot better than most people would have--and that includes me. She just had a sunny disposition, but wasn't an airhead.

As an added bonus, we'd always been friends. The only time she'd ever turned on me even for an instant was in fifth grade when I got in that fight with Patrick. And I didn't blame her for that. Family loyalty ran deep in my own family, so I could understand it. Plus, it hadn't lasted long, and then she was her usual self.

Since my recycling last year, we'd been particularly close friends. That's when it hit me--we'd been particularly close friends even though she wanted to go out with me and I was going out with her best friend. Even with that, we were still close friends.

Wow. I mean, wow. Is that friendship, or what? And a good and solid friendship is the best foundation for something more, isn't it?

The more I thought about it, the easier it got. "What do I think?" I finally said to her. "I think we should go out. That's what I think."

"YES!" she hissed, then launched herself into my lap and started kissing me again.

The funny part was that we were in the middle of a party and nobody even noticed. Well, except for Kara, who walked by and flashed us a thumbs-up!

JANUARY 6th, 1979

It was a little weird. The day after the party, the first of the year, was on a Monday--so, we were right back in school the next day, a Tuesday. Which meant that Kelly and I went back to school as a couple. Even though we hadn't had an actual date yet!

That was rectified on this day, a Saturday. We were going to go to the shopping center, then go see Superman The Movie. It was a frigid cold day so my Mom agreed to drive us. We got to the mall and went to find some lunch. Sitting and eating it, we chatted.

"My brother gave me the brotherly lecture when he found out we were going out," she said.

"He did?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah. I think I settled him down."

"I thought he liked me. We've been getting along."

"He does," she said, "but... well, it's what Kara told everyone that you guys did. And he worries about me."

I sighed. "This was one of the reasons I wasn't crazy about Kara telling."

"You weren't?" she said. "I thought you would have loved it. Why weren't you happy?"

"Because it sets up weird and awkward situations. Like this one. Kelly, I'm 14 years old--actually, not even, my birthday is in four days. And I'm on a first date. And we're talking about sex. And your brother--who I consider a friend--found it necessary to warn you about me. As an added bonus, it probably fucked up my relationship with Christine."

"You had sex with Christine?"

"Yes, and I feel horrible about it. It was her idea, but it was for the wrong reasons, I went along with it because I was thinking with my you-know-what, and the first time was a disaster. The next few times were better, but still. And here we are, talking about it. It worries me."

"OK," she said, "you want me to lay it on the line?" I nodded. "Fine. I will not deny that Kara's descriptions have me, well, interested. And I think it is possible that we will have sex. But not now. I'm not ready. It's not going to happen right away."

"Good. Fine. Wonderful. Hallelujiah, even," I said.

She giggled. "Good. And I will set the pace."

"Agreed, except I reserve the right to slow you down."

"Sure." Then she blinked. "You'd do that?"

"I might. I'll be honest, if you wanted to have sex right now, I'd turn you down. I'd be suspicious of your motives, just like I should have been with Christine."

"What were her motives?"

"To claim me, put her mark on me, that kind of thing."

"Ah," she said, then grinned. "It couldn't have been that she was hot for your body, you stud?"

I broke up laughing. "Yeah, OK, that must be it."

"Anyhow, I don't feel the need to claim you. I'm not really the jealous type. I figure if you're going out with me, then you're going out with me. And if we both stay happy then it'll continue to go on. I certainly don't mind that you have female friends--most especially Beth."

"Ah, that's a sore spot."

"Really? What's up?" she asked.

I explained the situation. "Ah," she said. "Eddie? Keep pushing, OK? If you don't, you'll regret it, a lot."

Damn, was she perceptive or what? It took me years to realize that, and only after it was too late, the first time around. "I know. You are right."

JANUARY 8th, 1979

Kelly grabbed me at lunch in school. "Where's Beth?"

"Over there, with Olivia."

"Let's go invade their table," she laughed. "Like I said, keep pushing."

"Actually, I'm going to take care of this myself. Don't look for me on the bus this afternoon."

"Ah, OK. Good plan," she said. We went and ate with the usual crowd.

I got out of school in a hurry that day, walked down the road, into the beginning of the railroad tracks, and waited. Beth came along shortly thereafter.

"Hey," I said. She looked up.

"Eddie? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, I'm kind of in a hurry, I have things to do at home."

I took a deep breath. "Beth? Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop avoiding me. Stop pushing me away. I know that's exactly what you are doing, and I'm not going to let you get away with it anymore."

"Oh, no, it's just that I've been busy."

"Elizabeth Marie Trovini, you are a terrible liar."

She blinked, and took a breath. Then she said, very softly, "I just don't want you to get too attached to me."

"Sorry, too late."

"That's the point. I don't want it to get any worse."

I took a breath. I needed to get through to her. "So, you're going to commit suicide?"

"WHAT?" she said, shocked.

"Let's spare everyone some pain, right? Get it over with."

"My God, Eddie, you really think I'd do that?"

"No, I don't think you'd do that," I said, and then paused. "Except to me."

She stopped, and blinked, and looked at me. "Oh, shit. I am, aren't I?" Good, that was proof I'd gotten through to her. Beth pretty much never swore.

"Yep," I said. "That's what you're doing, and it stops right now."

She smiled at me. "OK. You're right. I just thought I might spare you some pain."

"But you wouldn't have. You'd have just made it worse." Boy, did I know that for a fact!

"OK. And, I'll admit it, I've missed you."

"Good," I said with a grin. "I missed you, too. I have nobody to talk to. I have nobody to tell cool stuff to--like this one: I started going out with Kelly this week."

"Another one for the list," she grinned. "At least I stuck around long enough to see Ed Bovilas become a lady-killer. Who would've ever guessed that?"

"You just shut up."

We walked to her house, bantering as usual. It was delightful.

I did it. The thing I didn't do the first time--I did it this time. I stopped the push-away. I was so damn happy about it I can't even express it.

FEBRUARY, 20th, 1979

As my relationship with Beth went back to its previous easy friendship, I also had Kelly to worry about.

Though there wasn't much worry involved. It was very easy. Look, I'd liked Kelly forever, so it was an easy decision to go out with her. But she'd asked me out.

It was different. I'd been so besotted with Kara before we ever went out, our first few dates were rather nerve-wracking. It wasn't that way with Kelly, as she'd first pursued me. And we'd been friends for a while, so we kind of just eased into things.

I quickly discovered something--Kelly was really, really good for me. Let's face it--I wasn't quite normal. Even before we started talking about someone that went back in time. I was still kind of skittish and worried. The spazziness that had been a feature of my personality the first time around hadn't completely gone away, and it sometimes seemed like I was still constantly looking over my shoulder. Beth's illness didn't help.

Kelly was just the antithesis of that. She calmed me down with her relentlessly upbeat attitude. There was a lot of laughter in our relationship, which was just what I needed. She loved me, simple as that, and she wanted both of us to be happy. You know what? We were.

I fell in love with her in a damn hurry. It just seemed so natural for us to be together.

Even my Dad noticed it. "I know you loved Kara, but it almost seemed like you were waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Well, that's because I knew it was going to drop, when she went away to school," I told him.

"True. But, with Kelly, you're just happy--period."

"I agree. She's great."

This day, February 20th, was a Tuesday, in the middle of February vacation. I hadn't expected to see her. In fact, I was playing street hockey with the neighborhood gang.

This was the first year I'd really started hanging out with them. I was the oldest person in the gang. The closest in age to me were Deirdre Neeland (whom everyone called DeeDee, or Dee) and Craig Gouliere. Both were two years younger. DeeDee's younger brother, George, was over six years younger than me--I'd just turned 14, he wasn't 8 yet. But he was the best athlete on the street, so he played with all us older guys.

We generally congregated at the Neeland's. We played basketball in their yard, and street hockey out in front of their house, at the top of Hereford St. DeeDee and George had a sister, Lynne, who was in the middle age-wise.

The first time around, I'd had a terrific crush on DeeDee. That was the first of many crushes I had on girls in the neighborhood gang. It went from Dee to one of her friends. Later it was Lynne's best friend Katrina Radniak. Just an example of how desperate I was in those days.

However, now, at 14, it should've been Dee that I had the crush on. Of course, I had Kelly. And I realized how silly my crush on Dee was in the first place.

Of course, funny things happen. Dee showed signs of having a crush on me. The allure of the unavailable, I guess. Though, she didn't know I was unavailable--I didn't really talk about Kelly with the neighborhood crew--I just didn't show any interest. Jeez, if I had figured out the secret of aloofness the first time around, who knows what would've happened!

Anyhow, on this day, it was right after lunch and we were playing street hockey. George and Craig were there. Also there were Tim and Mark Tremblay, two guys from down the street. Jerry Barberie, who lived a few doors down from the Neelands and who was best friends with Craig also played. Tim's two best friends, Keith Wills and Kenny Simmons, often played with us and they were there. The roster was filled out with Brendan and Rick O'Malley, who lived around the corner.