Chapter 16

"TRY TO SEE IT MY WAY, ONLY TIME WILL TELL IF I AM RIGHT OR I AM WRONG"

JULY 28th, 1981

So, I went to supper with Olivia, to meet her father she didn't know she had.

We were going to meet her father at the restaurant, so I drove to her house to pick her up. Luckily, her mother wasn't around.

"After you dropped me off yesterday, I decided to talk to my brothers. I went over to George's place. Junior met us there." George was the younger of her brothers, he was 20. Junior--Joe Jr.--was 22.

"How did that go?" I asked her.

"Amazingly well. They were worried about me. And they didn't blame me for their father leaving. They're pretty pissed off at Mom, though."

"They should be."

"You know, I can understand why she wouldn't divorce Joe for an uncertain future with my Dad. I can even understand why she tried to pass me off as Joe's kid." She took a deep breath. "But to continue the fiction after Joe figured it out and left? To keep my father from me for all these years that Joe was out of the picture? And to basically steal the money my father was sending for me? Those things I'll never understand. And I may never forgive."

"I can't blame you," I sighed.

"She's avoiding me like the plague right now. Apparently she has the tiniest inkling of a conscience, surprise surprise."

"Either that or it's self-preservation. She's afraid you're going to skin her alive."

"Oh, don't tempt me," she hissed. "Anyhow, at least I have my brothers' support. And yours, of course," she grinned.

"Of course."

We went to the Century House, a nice restaurant that I'd always liked, and it had long been my parents' favorite. It wasn't ritzy, but the food was fantastic. We met her father there.

Livvie introduced us. We shook hands. I think we looked at one another a wee bit warily. Hey, I understood. It was kind of the reverse of the usual 'boyfriend meets father' scenario. Usually, Daddy is the man in his little girl's life, and the boyfriend is the interloper, to be looked upon with trepidation. Here, it was rather the other way around! Though Ben, as he told me to call him, was also still wary of me, of course.

Part of that, I'm sure, was my appearance. Well, one aspect of my appearance, anyway. Most of it was fine. I was dressed neatly, my usual 'nice casual' clothes--polo shirt and chinos--you know, my usual LL Bean standbys. And I'd taken a shower and all that.

The thing was, I'd been trying to keep myself away from the 'geek' image as much as I could. And, appearance-wise, there was something about me that just screamed geek and was something I couldn't avoid--the glasses. The rather thick glasses. It sucks that wearing a device to correct bad eyesight became some sort of a nerd flag, but that's the way it was.

And glasses, for me, weren't an option--without my glasses, I walk into walls. I'm blind as a bat. And there were no such thing as contact lenses for people with severe astigmatism in 1981. So, I needed something else to counteract the glasses.

It was easy--my hair. It was rather long at this point. Look, I liked long hair. On girls especially, but I liked it in general. Worst haircut I ever had was when I was a little kid and my mother took me for a buzz cut. I hated it. Like the song says, "Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair."

So, I had the hair well past my shoulders. I'm sure Ben looked at that and thought, "I just found my long-lost daughter--and what exactly is this hairy thing she's going out with?"

Anyhow, we sat down. A waitress quickly appeared and we ordered. Then Ben started with the inevitable questions.

"How long have you guys been going out?" he started by asking.

"End of October," I said.

"I liked him before that, but couldn't bring myself to tell him," Livvie said with a laugh. "One of the girls in his band figured it out and told him."

"Yeah. Livvie hung around the band while we were rehearsing," I said. "Debbie, who's in the band and one of my best friends, told me that Livvie had a crush on me. I, of course, was oblivious, typical male that I am."

Livvie cracked up. "At least, after Debbie clued you in, you didn't dawdle."

"Nope," I agreed, smiling at her. "I asked her out right away," I told Ben.

"Ah. And what's this about a band?" Ben asked.

"He's the lead singer and guitar player in a band," Livvie enthused. "They're awesome!"

"Thanks, sweetie," I said to her. "I'm the rhythm guitarist and one of the lead singers, to be precise," I told Ben. "My friend Stan is the real guitar player. And his girlfriend Michelle, who's also our bass player, splits the lead vocals with me. There's seven of us, four guys and three girls."

"That's a big band," Ben said.

"Yeah. But we get a big sound," I told him. "We have me and Stan on guitars, Michelle on bass, we have a drummer and two keyboard players. And then there's Debbie."

"Who plays everything," Livvie laughed.

"Pretty much. Guitar, percussion, saxophone. She even plays a little flute. And when we decided to learn God Only Knows a few months ago, she went out and bought a french horn and learned the intro."

"I think she could learn any instrument given a few hours," Livvie said. I nodded in agreement.

"You guys play the school dances?" Ben asked me.

"Yeah, that and parties. We just played a huge block party on July Fourth. We're actually playing a house party for a friend of mine this weekend."

"You plan on trying to 'make it'?" Ben asked me.

I laughed. "Well, I wouldn't turn it down, but we don't play original songs yet, so we're not thinking of that right now. But we've talked about it. I do write songs, as does Michelle, and we know that if we want to start playing the clubs in Boston when we all go to college, we'll have to start playing our own stuff. For now, though, it's just fun."

"Well, if you're planning on college, then you have a back-up plan anyway," Ben said.

"Well, I don't know. Music's probably the back-up plan," I laughed. "We all want to keep the band together as long as we can pull it off, but we're all planning on college. And I'll probably eventually end up in medical school."

"Are you a good enough student for that?" he asked me.

Livvie cracked up. "Oh, I didn't tell you I was going out with a genius? This jerk got 1600 on his SATs this past spring. And he's ranked second in the class."

"Oh," Ben said. "Wow." Well, good. Remember, he was a college professor. That little bit of info was going to impress him much more than me being in a band. I could visibly see him relax when he realized his daughter's boyfriend wasn't just a long haired rock and roller.

"When did you guys meet?" he asked.

"Hmm," Livvie thought. "When was it? Ninth grade?"

"Eighth. Science class," I reminded her.

"Oh, yeah. But I really didn't know you until ninth, when I started hanging out with Beth."

"True," I agreed. "Beth was my best friend," I told Ben. "She befriended Livvie at the beginning of ninth grade. That's when Livvie and I got to be friends, through Beth."

"I told you what my life was like, the crummy clothes, the lack of friends," she said to Ben. He nodded. "Beth picked me out and started hanging out with me. She was my first real friend."

"That's Beth for you," I agreed.

"If she's that good of a friend to you, is there any way I could meet her while I'm here?" Ben asked.

Ah, shit. He didn't have any idea what can of worms he'd just opened. But that innocent little question hit Livvie like a board across the face. She looked up, startled, her lower lip quivering, and moisture gathering in her eyes. "Beth..." she tried to say, but just couldn't get it out. Ben was looking at her completely confused.

"Beth died about a year and a half ago," I quietly told him.

"Died?" Ben asked, incredulous.

"She had leukemia," I told him.

"Oh, man," Ben said, in shock. "I didn't know."

"You had no way to," I said.

"You've lived a whole life I have no idea of," Ben said to Livvie. "Good and bad."

"Mostly bad," Livvie said with a wry half-smile, though she was still sniffly.

"Beth wasn't part of the bad," I said to her, softly but definitively. "Don't ever think that. Even though she's gone now, Beth was part of the good."

"I know," she said. "Well, I'm trying."

"I know you are," I said.

"She befriended me out of the blue," Livvie told her father. "I always wondered if she did that just to take her mind off her own problems, because she was already sick when she did it."

"She got diagnosed the summer before eighth grade," I told Ben, "and she knew from the start there wasn't much hope. But it wasn't quite like that," I told Livvie. "She was trying to pick out a worthy person to help out, yes. She feared that her life wasn't going to be worth anything, believe it or not." Livvie snorted at that ridiculous thought. "I know, but she told me as much. When I told her how much her friendship had meant to me, I think that's when she decided to spread the love, so to speak. But she genuinely liked you, a lot, don't make any mistake about that."

"I know she did," Livvie said. "Anyhow, I got to know Eddie through Beth," she told her father. "After Beth died, well, I avoided Eddie. And tried to get solace through a series of guys. Let's just say that any previous boyfriend of mine before Eddie I would not have wanted you to meet."

"I wasn't sure about him when you walked in," Ben said with a grin.

"What?" Livvie said. "My genius nerd boyfriend?" she laughed.

"It's the hair," I said with a chuckle. "I'll explain that when Livvie's done," I said. Ben nodded.

"Right," Livvie said. "Anyhow, I dated a string of losers, figuring that was the best I could get. After the last one ended, which was last July, I got fed up. I realized I needed a true friend, so I called Eddie. Just as friends, mind you--he had a girlfriend at the time."

"Yeah, Kara, my first--and third--true love," I laughed. "That's a long story. Let's just say that Kara goes to boarding school an hour away. We tried the long-distance thing, it was too tough. We still love one another, but she has a new very serious guy, and I have Livvie. When Livvie called me last summer, Kara and I had already decided we were going to end things at the end of the summer."

"Yeah, but I didn't know that at the time," Livvie laughed. "I was just looking for a friend. And Eddie came through. It was after hanging out with him all summer as friends that I realized I was in love with him. And, luckily, Debbie figured it out and clued him in before I drove myself crazy over it."

I laughed. "And I was free at the time. In fact, when I found out, I had just found out that Kara had met her new guy. I was genuinely happy for her, but I was also at a bit of a loss, if you know what I mean. Livvie came along at the perfect time."

"In more ways than one," Livvie laughed. "You see, the band had its first gig a couple weeks after Eddie and I got together. If it hadn't happened then, I would've found myself waiting in a damn line, because the girls are all over him!"

"Which is a new experience for me, believe me. Not that I'm not flattered, understand, but Livvie and I really love one another."

Ben grinned, then softly asked, "Are you two sleeping together? And if the answer is yes, are you being careful?"

I left that one for Livvie to decide how to answer. She went with the truth. "Yes and yes," she told her father, looking right at him. "Please understand, Dad, that Eddie was not my first."

"Nor was she mine," I said.

"Yeah, but you did it out of love."

"Except for Christine, but we won't get into that fiasco," I said with a grimace.

"Yes, let's not," Livvie laughed. "Anyhow, Dad, I slept with my other boyfriends to keep them around. I knew I didn't have to do that with Eddie. We made love because we wanted to."

"I have no right to tell you what to do or what not to do, but if you're being careful, that's reassurance enough," Ben told her.

"Very careful," I reiterated. "Believe me, I'd rather wait until after I get my ass through medical school before I have to worry about offspring."

"Good plan," Ben chuckled. "But if an accident happened, you wouldn't be the one who had to worry about it."

"Yes, I would," I said definitively. Livvie, I think, knew me well enough to know that's how I felt about it, but she still gave me a big beaming smile. Ben, for his part--well, that was the absolute best thing I could've ever said to reassure him about my relationship with his daughter, and I saw that on his face immediately.

"Good," he said contentedly. "Now, what's with the hair?"

Livvie laughed. "You mean, besides the fact that it's gorgeous and that I've told him if he cuts it I'll kill him?"

Ben and I both laughed. "Oh, is that how it is?" Ben said.

"Partially," I said. "Look, what she said is right. I really am a nerd. She's told you about my grades, and these stupid things don't help," I said, poking at my glasses. "I got hassled a lot, right up through eighth grade. I started getting myself in shape, which stopped the beatings I was getting."

"Beatings?" Ben asked.

"He was a punching bag," Livvie said sadly. "I saw some of it a little, and Beth told me it was really bad in seventh grade."

"Right," I said. "In eighth grade, I got myself in shape which helped to stop that crap. And that's when Kara and I started dating the first time, which helped my image a little bit--especially since Kara told a whole bunch of people we slept together. I didn't say a word, except to Beth--I told Beth everything--but Kara spilled the beans. Losing my virginity before all the people who thought I was a nerd helped my image, which is why Kara told."

"That'll do it," Ben laughed. "Especially when the info comes from the girl."

"Right. But I'm still more nerd than not. Like I said, the glasses don't help--and I prefer to dress the way you see me now, which is fairly preppy. But I'm also in the most popular rock band at Cabot High. That is what I want people to think of when they see me walking down the hall. And I can't carry a guitar around school, so I grew my hair. Makes people see me as the rock guy, not the nerd."

"I get it," Ben said. "The whole band have hair like that?"

"Dave, our drummer, always did," I said. "Stan, the lead guitarist, his is a bit shorter than mine, but not short. Kenny, the piano player, has medium-length hair. His girlfriend's parents are rather strict--I think he keeps it respectable for their sake! And the girls all have long hair. Though Debbie wears hers up a lot."

"And then there's Michelle," Livvie said with a laugh.

"Oh, God," I laughed with her. "Jekyll and Hyde."

Ben just looked at us questioningly. "Michelle's as much of a nerd as he is," Livvie said, pointing to me. "She's beautiful, and, well, she's..."

"Well-endowed?" I said.

"Yeah, that," Livvie laughed. "But in school, she's a complete preppy. She's ranked third in the class, too, so it's no act. She's a smart hands-off pristine preppy in school. But on stage? She dresses like a complete slut."

"It's the funniest thing you ever saw," I told him. "The first gig, I walked backstage and saw her wearing this complete out-there get-up. I almost swallowed my tongue."

"I think Stan did," Livvie laughed.

"Then again, she was dressed very similarly," I said, pointing to Livvie, "which was a complete shock. I forgot about Michelle very quickly."

"You didn't have to tell him that!" Livvie said in mock-dismay.

"You should've worn that outfit here," I said.

"Right. You ever notice that I never wear that outfit if I'm going somewhere I know that I have to sit down in public?"

"Good point," I laughed. Ben just looked at us. Livvie covered her face, but I kept it up. "When she sits down in that skirt, you can tell what color her panties are."

"You are horrible!" she said, whacking me on the arm.

"It is, of course, my favorite skirt," I kept up.

Ben just cracked up. "Hey, you guys are seventeen years old," he said. "None of this surprises me, OK? And I can tell how you feel about one another."

Livvie and I smiled at one another. "Yeah, we do," I said. "But she's the only one seventeen. I'm only sixteen."

"He's, like, eight months younger than I am," Livvie laughed. "You always date older women!"

"Maybe that's because I keep meeting older women, considering I'm the youngest person in our class," I laughed. "I started school a year early," I told Ben. "I won't be seventeen until January. I just got my driver's license, she's had hers since December."

"Started school a year early, and you're ranked second? That's even more impressive."

I just blushed. Livvie laughed and said, "Now you know why I'm going out with him. Homework help!"

"Yeah, right," I snorted.

Ben just laughed. Just then, the food came. We ate, and chatted easily throughout the meal.

SEPTEMBER 9th, 1981

The first day of our senior year in high school. And I actually drove to school--halleluiah. Even though Livvie had her own car, I picked her up and we drove to school together. Made me feel like a real boyfriend and all!

Luckily, this was before the lawmakers in MA got all panicky about teen driving. Before I came back, there was this stupid law that a driver under 18 couldn't have another driver under 18 in the car, or something like that. I forget exactly what it said, but it restricted underage passengers in a car driven by a young driver. Sure, it was routinely ignored--I worked with teenagers and, believe me, it was ignored--but it was still stupid. Another 'penalize everyone to get at the few miscreants' law. I hated that shit. Remember back in school sometimes, there'd be a few kids acting up, and the teacher would penalize the whole class? Oh, that drove me nuts. Any teacher that did that--well, you were saying to me you were a shitty teacher who couldn't properly control your class. Laws doing the same thing piss me off just the same.

Look, I drove like a nun. That was true the first time around, as well. They say that teenagers are reckless because they don't have a handle on their own mortality. Well, such a bromide does not apply when you've been whacked upside the head by your best friend's mortality. I was a good, careful driver. Although I wasn't adverse to lighting up a doobie or quaffing a rum-and-coke, I never touched anything if I was driving. I knew better. So, I was glad I didn't, in 1981, have to deal with any stupid panicky 'all teenagers are evil' laws. I happily drove Livvie to school.