Part 5

Journal: 12-19-03

Epilogue:

The preceding entries cover happenings that all occurred twenty-plus years ago. Things I have not thought of in many years, but which have only recently brought back to the fore-front of my mind. I wrote them down here as a means of refreshing my memory, of reminding myself of my true sexual awakening and my first real experiences with sex.

Rereading these entries already made by me - I find there are occurrences which weren't really given their proper mentioned or completions in those pages, so I will lightly touch on those here:

After my session with Pat and Alivia, I did my best to avoid sexual contact with Pat, for a number of reasons. She scared me, she really did. Though at most times she seemed almost submissive, in so many ways, there was a point she could reached during sex, when she was really getting into it, when her personality would seem to change. She became very domineering and more than a little abusive towards whoever happened to be her partner. She seemed to have, at those moments, both a love of feeling and inflicting pain and I was always uncomfortable with that. This discomfort was always present, whether I happened to be the pain inflictor or the inflictee. Due to the specific circumstances we were living under, I was seldom able to completely avoid that contact, and at least three more times I had sex with her; twice more anally and once vaginally... during one of those times, after I thought we were finished, she insisted on using her panty-toy on me. I was forced to relent because she had taken a Polaroid picture of Alivia, kneeling before me and sucking my cock, and threatened to give it to our parents, along with the pronouncement that I had forced her into it. (Before they moved out again I made sure I had recovered that photograph and destroyed it.)

Alivia came to my bed a few times every week after that first morning and sucked me to orgasm. Despite her words that I could not fuck her vaginally or anally, and my acquiescence to her wishes, after that first morning she always removed her panties first so that I could use my fingers and hands on and in her pussy and ass. She never uncovered her breasts though and I never played with them. I always felt intimidated by the pure volume of flesh there. Still, not only did she regularly please me orally, but after a session or two I began to return the favor, especially after Raquel took the time to teach me how. The last night of their stay with us, Alivia came to my curtained bedroom, after her sister's had both made their own individual visits, and asked that I fuck her in earnest, saying that she had changed her mind about it. I refused her, telling her that she would later be sorry if she broke her vow and using the lack of a condom and my fears of impregnating her for reasons. The lack of a condom was a lie... I was, thanks to the three of them, already becoming more sexually active with a couple of other girls in the neighborhood. Though it had yet to advance beyond the touchie-feelie and necking stage, I had already bought condoms in preparation.

A few days after the session with Pat and Alivia, Raquel was not only speaking with me but asked me once again to 'go for a walk' with her. Again we ended our walk at the sand pits and again the afternoon ended in sex between us. This time, however, she insisted that I take her anally, though I tried to refuse her since she'd already said it caused her pain... I really didn't want to hurt her. It was a mess. She was crying in pain through most of it, but refused to stop or allow me to, threatening to never speak to me again if I stopped. It should be obvious already that I loved her most of the three of them and could deny her nothing. That was the only anal session between us though and she wasn't even mad at me after, when she asked who's ass was better, hers or Pats, and my answer was Pats. She understood when I told her that knowing I was causing her such pain had removed all enjoyment from the act for me.

Raquel and I had vaginal sex only when we could be sure of plenty of time alone, though we had mutual oral sex several times. Once she took the time to teach me what she, and most women, liked orally I could give her at least a little orgasm in the time it took her to bring me off. These were lessons I believe I learned well, as some of the women I've known since, including all three of my wives, have commented on my skill.

The entire length of their stay in our home was seven and one-half weeks. Fifty-four days, during which time a boy became a man and learned some of the ways of pleasuring a woman both in and out of bed. During which time my original thoughts of their visit as an invasion changed drastically and my familial love for them took on completely new dimensions.

I never knew, nor asked if either of my brothers had experiences similar to mine with the three of them. Partly I found I was rather jealous of the very idea, and partly because I feared what their reaction might be, and my parents reaction might be, should my incestual actions come to light. Then I was afraid to know... today, I simply don't care to know. Besides, they are both happily married now, with children of their own, and my twin has two grandchildren already.

The pending divorce, which brought them to our home, was finalized before the end of July. In the end, Aunt Connie got the home, the girls, one of the cars and the major portion of the family bank accounts - she was also forgiven any of the court costs and lawyers fees associated with the divorce. Uncle Bud got the other car and part of the bank account funds, but the lawyers fees and court costs he had to pay took almost every dime he was allowed to keep. He also had to vacate the house within a week and was ordered to leave it in good condition.

Aunt Connie and the girls were back in their own home before the month ended and quickly settled back into their normal, pre-divorce, routines (only without Uncle Bud). Aunt Connie had to go to work, of course, for what money she received from the divorce would not last long and even though Uncle Bud was very conscientious in his alimony and child support payments, they were not enough alone to support the four of them. Aunt Connie soon had a revolving door of housemates and live in companions, but most did not last long and she did not remarry until the girls had left home, starting lives of their own. Then she married a truck driver from Colorado and moved out west with him. Uncle Bud soon took another wife. Before their wedding he very conscientiously visit his daughters and they were welcomed in his home at any time. After he married again, he soon stopped visiting his daughters and they were made to feel very unwelcome in his home by their new step-mother.

Raquel left home for college a couple of years later. We'd gone to the movies together and shared dinner dates a few times after they moved out, and while each of these occasions developed into a sexual encounter, we each had our own lives to live, our own steadies, so we didn't meet alone or make time for one another often. She attended a Culinary College in San Francisco and after graduation remained out there to live and work. The first year she'd left we exchanged weekly letters and monthly telephone calls, always professing our love for one another and promising we'd each see the other again soon. Then, the following summer she spent her vacation there, working, rather than returning home, and the letters became monthly rather than weekly - the telephone calls practically non-existent. By the end of her second summer there, she had visited that second Christmas, but again worked through her vacation, we had quit writing, save for short notes added to the annual birthday and Christmas cards.

Raquel settled in the San Francisco area after graduation, went to work in one of the area's finer restaurants and began building herself a new life. Her sister, Alivia, whom she stayed in contact with religiously, kept me apprised of what was happening in Raquel's life, sharing with me those pictures Raquel sent with her letters. Alivia also kept Raquel informed of things in my life, she must have - the occasional card from Raquel would sometimes mention things that only her sister could have told her.

About the time Raquel left for college, dad got himself killed in an industrial accident. Mom went to work and both Phil and I wanted to quit school and get jobs as well, but mom wouldn't hear of it. It was also about that time that Pat got herself busted for cocaine possession. It was her first offense so she was given probation and released.