Chapter 1

Susan is a twenty something woman. Up to now, her life has been spent in a learning environment followed by several years of self-abuse. Her qualifications were either too much or too little for serious employment, although, her efforts to establish a career hadn't really been earnest. The lure of nightclubs, music and drugs had developed a nocturnal aspect to her waking hours. Her chosen life style also brought her many affairs, some with disastrous consequences and potentially dangerous situations. After a particularly heavy binge of drink and drugs and falling asleep in a park, Susan found herself waking up in a strange world where everything was almost right, but different all the same. Serves her right.

"You cannot say you were not warned." The cat seemed to smile at her as it prowled around her head, coming on silent pads into her eye line as a ginger and white ball of fur and then, just as noiselessly, passing from view, its presence only noticeable by the continuous purring. It came into view again and sat with its tail around its front paws regarding her with the same smile. "You cannot say I didn't warn you and now look at you. All scrunched up like so much discarded paper. Well! Now your here and in big trouble I'd say."

"Nobody asked you". She spat grit and dust out of her mouth. "If I had wanted your opinion, I'd have asked for it, but I didn't, so piss off and leave me alone". She rolled over to face away from her tormentor, but only succeeded to roll off of the pallet she had been on, to fall, bonelessly, on the hard packed dirt floor, driving the air from her lungs. "Aw shit!"

It is my observation, that you ain't very good at this adventuring lark are you." It wasn't a question so much as an entrée to an argument. Susan could hate the ginger peril without any problems at all. "If I'd known the prophecy was meaning some otherworldly fruitcake, I wouldn't have volunteered."

"VOLUNTEERED," She screamed back at the cat, "YOU WERE GIVEN NO CHOICE, YOU LITTLE... YOU LITTLE... SCUMBAG!" Invectives failed to really emphasise her frustration at the torment that was supposed to be her guide in this.

Since her accidental portal into this realm of fantasy and myth, she had been tormented by the furry little shit. As a guide he sucked big time. It seemed that most of her tribulations all stemmed from some stupid error on the cat's part. One thing was for sure, if she ever got out of this mess and ever made it back to her own civilised and rational time plane, she would never go tripping on anything stronger than Aspirin. As it was, she wasn't entirely certain that this wasn't a bad trip from the concoction of drugs she had swallowed at the nightclub. She had experienced acid trips where rats crawled from the wallpaper and stuff like that, but this fantasy realm was all together, a different bag and one she could well do without.

She grimaced at the various bruises and bumps as she picked herself up and spat out more of the dust. Sunlight steamed through the thin gaps of the bamboo poles that formed her prison. The light seemed to refract and bounce off of everything it touched, giving the hut an ethereal glow about it. Susan could have cared less, but it would have been difficult. Right now, all she wanted was a long soak in a hot tub with loads of bubbles and a glass of something long and cool. She wanted out of the bamboo prison and she wanted home. All of which seemed like a million miles away.

"I was only making an observation, that's all." The cat tried to stop smiling, but the coloured bands on his face made it impossible.

"Why don't you go outside and make some observations out there. See if there is a way out and find some water. Why don't you do something useful for a change instead of making snide remarks?"

The cat winked out, leaving her alone in the tiny room to contemplate her mission. Somehow, and Susan still wasn't sure about this, she had found herself in a, for want of a better description, adult fairy tale. Her only chance of returning to her own time and space was to find and steal the pearl of wisdom. The cat was right though, so far, she had not done very well in the 'adventuring lark'. Her first encounter after being given instructions in the 'Ice Palace' by the Green Queen, had been in the tunnels of Green Mountain. Some really seriously smelly Orc's with terminal halitosis had found her wandering around and captured her. They had buggered her and violated her body; inserting fingers into her snatch and making her suck them off. It seemed she was doomed to life among the miscreants until some passing mage heard her cries and banished the little bastards to the four corners of the globe, never to return. Her joy was short lived. The mage, at about three and a half million years old with skin that had more wrinkles than an unmade bed, decided that her liked the look of her and had enslaved the poor girl as a receptacle for his lusty emissions. The cat had saved her, the one useful thing it had done by fooling the mage into believing that it was a greater wizard and frightening him off. Susan had by now, been fucked semi-stupid in all holes and was ready to call it a day. That was only the start of her adventure. It seemed she had been here in this God forsaken shit hole for a couple of months and not the ten hours it really was.

Heavy footfalls sounded just outside the door to her prison. She heard the rattle of the chain and lock that secured the bamboo door. A loud creak of the leather hinges heralded a brilliant burst of sunlight that illuminated the door opening. A silhouetted head poked around the style and a deep basso voice invited her to come out.

Susan struggled to a sitting position and waited for a moment until her senses stopped reeling. Then she painfully waddled to the door. The sunlight temporarily blinded her as she emerged into the heat of the day. Gradually, her eyes adjusted to the onslaught of light, she began to wish they hadn't.

Waiting for her was a blond Adonis. His head and face were framed in locks of curly hair that seemed bleached by the sun. Broad shoulders that were tanned to a bronze colour supported his beatific face that was also tanned to a deep colour. His massively muscled arms rippled with latent strength and downy blond hair covered his torso down to his belly button. All seemed okay until her gaze went passed his navel, from belly onwards, he was all horse, complete with four sturdy legs, a beautiful tail that swished at the flies plaguing his rump and a glossy chestnut coat that shone with health and vigour in the sun.

"Oh shit! That's all I need, a fucking Centaur."

His golden locked head tilted to one side as he regarded her and a quizzical expression showed in his amber eyes.

"You talk strangely young one. Yes I am a Centaur, but how you make reference to the physical act of love and defecation in the same sentence is baffling to me. Please explain?"

Susan thought he was trying to make a joke. Her humour had left some time ago.

"You trying to be funny?" She crossed her arms in defiance and stood as erectly as her battered frame would allow.

"No, I merely came to relieve you of your enforced imprisonment. I thought you might like some water and exercise. I also wanted to know what you, as a foreigner, were doing wandering around in my domain. However, if you are content to stay in the enclosure provide, I am more than happy to place you back in confinement. You choose." He couched a long wooden bow over his shoulder and offered an animal skin with a stopper where the head should have been. Susan didn't want to think of what animal it was, but her thirst compelled her to take the skin and drink the water inside.

"So what are you doing in this land?" His voice softened a little and became even deeper, levelling at a susurration like waves on a shore. It had an oddly calming effect on Susan, who launched into her story, beginning at the beginning and eventually, after having to stop several times to explain what a nightclub and drugs were, she arrived at her current predicament.

"... but I don't even know where to start looking." She concluded.

"So you are to find and steal the 'Pearl of Wisdom'. Hmm... no small feat. It will be hard to reach your destination and harder still to steal the pearl." It was as if a light went off in his eyes. A blank expression overcame him and Susan thought he had gone to sleep while standing. She drank a little more of the sweet cool water and rubbed a little over her forehead, rearranging and smudging the dirt from being a general sheen of filth to streaks. Wishing for a shower, she coughed loudly to wake him up.

"I might be able to help you there, sort of point you in the right direction." He seemed to galvanise into wakefulness.

"A ride would be really helpful."

"Well,... that would be payment for my services of course."