Kristie Davenport saw her mother bearing down on her from across the living room like a battleship weathering a rough sea. Kristie took a deep breath to steady her nerves. A lame mother was hard enough to bear, a lame mother who has already had to buy her daughter one full set of new bras is harder still to bear... and if my chest doesn't stop growing real soon, mother's going to have to get a third set in two months. And if the lamers at school notice, they are going to start making cow jokes and never stop.

"Kristie," her mother demanded.

Oh lame, Mother. There is no one else in the house! Get real! I mean, we both know who I am, or are you starting to wish you could forget?

"Yes," Kristie replied, all treacle and smiles. Leaving off the fatal 'Mother, dear' she so very much wanted to add to the end of the sentence.

"I was just talking with my brother, Carl, about Thanksgiving weekend. He, Jackie and Glennis are going to drive over next week from LA, getting in Wednesday evening, they'll go back Sunday afternoon." Kristie's mother smiled. "You will treat Glennis better than you did last year when we went to visit them, won't you?"

Cousin Glennis, the four-eyed, chubby seventh grade shrimpy mouse who couldn't stop talking about how she thinks Justin Timberlake is so sexy! You mean that lame cousin? The one who couldn't help mentioning over and over about how wonderful it was to have a swimming pool, the one I put down and shut up completely by asking if we could use it, even though it was Thanksgiving? That cousin Glennis?

"Cousin Glennis," Kristie said carefully, "can't take a joke." Kristie was prouder of that joke than anything before her Halloween costume. So cool! How was I supposed to know grape Jell-O would change cousin Glennis' hair to a very putrid blue? I thought it looked really punk, anyway. Like it was my fault she stole it from my overnight bag? Kristie couldn't help smiling at the two days she'd used to set up the joke, telling Glennis how great and wonderful her new shampoo was, all the good things it did.

"You will behave this time! You will be nice to your cousin! You'd better be!" Kristie's mother paused. "You can either let Glennis sleep with you or you can sleep on the couch in the den."

That question brought Kristie blasting back to reality. She opened her mouth to speak; decided real quick that her mother wasn't going to want to hear about how hard it would be for Kristie to go for four nights without masturbating. Kristie briefly considered asking why Glennis couldn't sleep on the couch; knew the answer from years gone by: Guests didn't sleep on the couch if you could.

"I'll share," Kristie surrendered, knowing she sounded sullen. But what are you supposed to be when you have to sleep with a lame cousin?

Monday morning for Kristie, was school as usual. And as usual, the day went right into the toilet as soon as she saw Ann Marie Kruger and the other two members of the Triple A group, Angela and Andrea.

Ann Marie looked Kristie up and down and turned and said something to Andrea. Whatever it was, Andrea laughed, and whispered to Angela, then all three were staring at Kristie with stupid grins on their faces.

Kristie just ignored them, went to her locker, and got out her books. I could complain, she thought, about the lousy lame teachers, the stupid boring classes but then what? Right now, I get straight A's and the only person who's in real contention with me to have the best GPA in school is Ann Marie. If I got in harder classes, I might actually have to open a book more than once or twice a week.

Ann Marie appeared, gave Kristie and appraising look. "You shooting for a career as a bag lady?"

Kristie paid Ann Marie no attention at all. It's bad enough not to have tits, but then to overnight go from just barely B to a solid C? That had bit! Maybe you like guys with their tongues hanging out, drooling, as they look at you. Me? It creeps me right out!

Reminds me of my little brother, he drools too.

"Your blouse looks like a gunny sack from some hick farm," Ann Marie went on.

Kristie simply closed her locker door, turned and looked Ann Marie up and down without expression. Kristie's eyes locked on a pair of white bobby sox, visible because Ann Marie's jeans were not only sprayed on, but too short.

Kristie met Ann Marie's eyes. Kristie raised an eyebrow, gave a barely audible snort and brushed past Ann Marie.

Ann Marie stood frozen, her face flushed red.

Kristie shook her head as she sat down in Home Room. I guess that's about as good as it gets; at least I shut the stupid bitch up. Can't complain about that. Pissed her off though, and she's going to try to get back at me. At least I have band and not PE; I'd never be able to hide in PE.

Kristie checked her baggie blouse. Other girls with big tits are all excited about having them. They get off when guys turn to watch them walk past. I just get creeped out. What a bunch of lamers! I mean what do big tits tell you about someone? They got big tits! That's it! Zero, zip, nada! Nothing else! If no guy ever looked at me even once, I'd be as happy as I could be!

Tuesday was actually worse than Monday; first off Kristie's mother decided to notice that Kristie's blouses were a little on the baggy side. "You shouldn't wear something that big. You look ridiculous!" her mother had told her at breakfast. "Don't you have any pride in your personal appearance?"

That had been really hard to take. Then at school, Ann Marie, with her two little sicko fans had appeared at Kristie's locker. "Gosh, another bag!" Ann Marie had said. "You should have a lack-of-fashion sense show." Later, Kristie had spent over two hours trying to think of some come back, but nothing came to mind.

Then her mother just had to have help grocery shopping for the weekend, and Kristie was reduced to basket pushing at the supermarket; that and listening to her mother moan and groan about how much everything cost. Like, who cares if salad dressing from Albertson's is 8.3 cents an ounce, versus 10.3 cents in a Kraft jar? And maybe it was a little weird that in a big round Kraft bottle it was 9.2 cents and in the same size bottle, but square, it was 12.1 cents? So, like it's news that salad dressing is lame?

Wednesday, Kristie was tempted to be sick, except she was sure if she did she'd have a list of cleaning chores to do longer than her arm. As it was, she'd have to spend the afternoon after she got home cleaning and polishing. When I have a house, Kristie thought, I'm going to get old furniture. I'm going to cover everything up with magazines and books, so you can't tell if it's dusty or not, polished or not. I'm going to eat off plastic plates that you can put in the dishwasher, and not treat like museum treasures to be individually washed and dried both before and after use.

Kristie had to run to her room when her relatives arrived to change out of grubby jeans and a t-shirt into something nicer; the good thing about that was she missed helping carry suitcases. It's so unfair! When I go visit them, I carry my suitcase! Then when they come here, I'm supposed to be a valet! Just unfair!