Chapter 3

I get up early, Nick is still asleep. The children are up and go into their father's room to climb into bed with him. Apparently it's a family routine.

I dress quickly and leave, I don't want to face Nick.

My mum has that curious look on her face, kind of 'all knowing.'

"Good night?" she asks.

I shrug my shoulders. I don't like lying to mum, I just avoid telling her stuff instead.

"Darling?" mum says, all serious, " you ARE being careful, aren't you?"

'Oh God, ' I think, 'we're not going to have THAT talk, are we?'

"I'm always careful, mum," I reply.

"You know what I mean, Beatie. Boys don't always think of... everything, you know what I'm saying?"

"I'm not having sex with anybody, mum, if that's what you think."

"That's alright then," she says, "I wouldn't want you to get... well pregnant. At your age that could really spoil your life, y'know."

"I know, I wont," I tell her dismissively.

"You need to take things seriously, Beatie," mum tells me, frustrated, " you can't be complacent about such things!"

"Look mum, I can look after myself! I won't get knocked up because I need to be having sex, which I'm not. You also need a boyfriend, which I haven't, ok?"

"Ok, then," says mum, clearly dissatisfied.

I ring my friend Angela, I need to talk to someone, besides mum.

She has a new 'squeeze, ' like, what happened to last week's one?

"John? He was a dipstick, I went out with Jerry last night, you know Haycock? Lives over by the park?" Angela tells me.

"Yeah, I know him. Bit of a jock, isn't he?"

"Well they all say that, but he's really quite cute when you get to know him."

"I'm sure! Listen Ange' I've got a bit of a problem..."

I tell her about what happened last night. She's blown away, ME with an older guy!

"You're full of surprises, Tee. I didn't think YOU of all people..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Can you keep it to yourself?"

"Of course!"

But I'm beginning to have doubts that she will. Damn, that girl is a natural gossip. I think I've made another mistake.

She wants to compare notes with me, but I'm suddenly wary. Angela tells me that her and Jerry had 'made out' down by the beach. I listen to her with my reputed 'patience.'

"He's SO gentle, Y'know? I think I might let him sleep with me next Saturday after the game. Do you think that's too soon?"

"Don't know, Ange'," I tell her, flatly, " that's your choice."

"I think I will, I'd better bring some condoms, boys don't think of things like that."

"So I've been told," I tell her, wryly.

All she wants to do is talk about this guy. I think he's a creep, but that's her lookout.

I hang up unhappily. Mum comes in and I tell her about Angela's new boyfriend.

"What about that boy..." she starts to say.

"I know, I know," I interrupt, " but that was last week, this is a whole new era!"

Mum shakes her head,

"She'll get herself into trouble, that Angela!"

I wish she'd get pregnancy off the brain.

I watch the blue Daimler pull out of Nick's drive. Funny, I'm a little disappointed that he didn't try and talk to me about last night.

Sure I flew the coup, but I didn't want to deal with that, 'awkwardness, ' y'know? I still feel, however, that we need to 'clear the air.'

I spend the morning writing up my notes. I sit by the lounge window so I can see when Nick returns.

Mum and dad have gone off for the morning, shopping. They always do that together Saturday morning, which I think is so neat. I'm glad because I don't want to be plagued by mum's questions and suspicions.

Nick comes back about midday and parks in the drive. I think he's going to wash the car after lunch.

Mum calls and tells me her and dad are going to go out for lunch and maybe on to a matinee. I have the day to myself, I'm happy.

After lunch I take a Coke and some textbooks and seat myself on the balcony. After a while Nick comes out with the kids and starts to wash the car.

It's the children who spot me first and call out to me to come and play. Nick looks up and waves,

"C'mon over, if you've nothing to do," he yells, "the kids want to play ball and I'm too busy."

Ok, call me dumb, but I go over.

The kids are kicking around an old soccer ball and want me to be goalie. I don't try too hard to stop the 'goals.'

Nick's wearing shorts and a T-shirt with 'Daimler' emblazoned on it, he does love his car. He bends down at one stage to polish the sills and guards and I'm transfixed by his tight arse. I think I must have let in three goals.

The kids say I'm 'useless' and Nick looks up and tell them not to be rude. He smiles at me and I feel myself melting inside. I grin shyly back at him and our eyes lock for a slightly uncomfortable time before he goes back to what he's doing.

He spends such a long time cleaning the car, it's clearly a labour of love.

'I wonder if he spends that amount of time on ALL the things he loves, ' I think to myself.

Every so often he looks up at us and smiles. It leaves me breathless, restless and nervy, all at the same time. My lips tingle with the rememberance of last night, I can't help myself!

'God, I've got it bad!

His T-shirt is quite tight on him. As he moves I can see his pecks bulging out. His shorts are quite tight too, I drool. I catch myself waiting for him to move his leg so I can get a look at... well never mind! I let past another goal.

I scramble for the ball and fall over. I catch my shoulder on the edge of the concrete drive and yelp with pain. Nick rushes over and bends down.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

"Yes, just a scrape, I think."

I pull out the collar of my shirt to inspect the damage, there's a red mark of a graze just on the bone.

"Better put something on that," Nick says, all concerned, "wait here, I've got some antiseptic cream inside."

He comes out in a few minutes and gets me to bare my shoulder again. He then spreads the cream lightly over the wound. His hands are so cool on my skin.

"I think it's 'Toon Time, ' now kids," he says and the kids scoot off inside to watch TV.

"Tee," he starts to say, "about last night..."

"It's alright really..."

"No! I need to say how sorry I am for... y'know."

I'm stuck for words, I smile embarrassingly, my face reddens.

He helps me to my feet, he leaves his hand on my back as he faces me. I'm so excited to be so close to him!

"I think I just took advantage of you when..."

I'm not really listening to him, in my heart there's a riot of feelings. I'm aware of him speaking but can't understand any of it, strange!

"... Well you're a very pretty young girl, I mean woman..."

(I understood that!)

"You think so?" I blurt out.

"What? Oh... um... sure, but I don't want you to take that the wrong way..."

My eyes are fixed on his belt buckle, it has the Daimler badge on it. I might have known!

He has such a flat tummy for a guy in his forties. I watch how it moves when he's talking.

"... So I wouldn't want my behaviour to... to... lead you to think that I'm... some kind of... pervert and..."

"Nick I don't think you're a pervert," I tell him.

All his 'beating himself up, ' is finally getting to me.

"I was there too and I knew what I was doing!" I continue.

"You did?"

He looks puzzled.

"Yes, I'm old enough to know what I want, thank you!"

(Oops! My big mouth!)

"You do? I mean, you did?"

He steps back, his arm leaves me.

"Nick, I wanted you to kiss me..."

My courage is starting to fade again and the admission comes out as almost a whine.

"Tee, I didn't realise, or maybe I did, I don't know... shit!"

"It's alright, " I tell him, "I know you see me as a little girl..."

"No I don't!"

(He seems almost too quick with that response.)

"You're beautiful and... and I'm flattered, but..."

"But! There's always a 'but' in there Nick!" I say, angrily.

I go to stalk off but Nick catches me by the arm.

"Please don't go off like that," he begs, "look, this afternoon I'm dropping the kids off with Rachael. Maybe afterwards we can, well, go for a walk, find a little Cafe somewhere, maybe talk about all of this?"

"If you like," I reply, offhandish.

It's a lovely warm spring day. The kids are excited about visiting their mother and chat non-stop in the back of the car, it's a welcome distraction.

Nick pulls up outside Rachael's address and takes the kids to the door. He has an animated discussion with his ex-wife, who looks over his shoulder at the car, and me. I think if looks could kill...

Nick tells me in the car that he told Rachael that he was giving me a lift to the Mall. I'm a little offended about being lied about.

He doesn't want any more trouble with his ex-wife, I understand that, I just wish he could be honest, all the time!

(Next he'll be getting me to hide in the boot!)

The beach is crowded and we have to go a long way out to find a park. Nick suggests we walk back to the old band rotunda that has been turned into a little seaside Cafe.

It's not a natural beach. All the sand was once ballast from ships in the harbour, washed up here by the tides and currents. They call it the Liverpool Sands, there's not another beach like it anywhere else.

The band Rotunda juts out into the bay. Underneath there were once changing rooms that they converted into a Cafe, on the top, where the bands used to play, you can sit outside. It's prominent for miles around.

As we walk around the bay we're at a lost for something to say. Nick watches the ships for something to do, I watch the passers-by, it's uncomfortable.

I dangle my hand, hoping he'll take the hint. At length I brush the back of his hand and, almost casually, he takes mine.

Holding hands shouldn't be underestimated as an activity. I feel this energy flowing down my arm to him, and his warmth flowing back, it's so lovely!

He starts to talk at last, just pointing out little things of interest, like the container terminal working at full stretch.

"Signs of good times ahead," he muses.

(Ok, so he's still thinking business, but at least he's saying something!)

We sit down on top of the rotunda and order coffee from the busy waitress. Although he's sitting opposite he still manages to avoid looking at me.

"Nick?" I call him to attention.

He finally turns and looks at me.

"Sorry," he says, "I'm not being very good company. I'm just... feeling a little wierd about all of this."

"Why?" I ask, "don't you like me?"

(Stupid question, I know!)

"Yes, yes I do, you know that, it's just... I don't know. You're so young and I can't help thinking about the implications and..."

"What implications?" I ask him, a little 'put out.'

"Oh, you know... Rachael... and your parents... hell! I've never... with someone so young... it's..."

"I AM legal, you know!"

"Oh sure, that's not what I meant. I'm 42 for Christ's sake, that's 25 years difference."

"I can add up!"

"Well... damn! I'm not doing this very well am I?"

I shake my head.

"If it's any consolation, you don't look 42," I tell him.