Chapter 4

There were gay men in this town but they were either already hooked up, over sixty or just not his type. He had never stopped thinking about Dino.

As he sat eating his breakfast, skimming the Freemont Daily, he saw an article on the third page titled, "New York City Cop receives badge of honor for saving the life of eight hostages in a bank holdup." Interested in the article, he began to read it when Howie came in, his radio blaring.

"Hey," he said.

Joey laid the paper aside. "Turn that thing off. Coffee?"

"No. I got to go out to old man Macarthy's place, he is fighting with those new neighbors again," He muttered, shutting off his radio.

"What is it this time?" Joey groaned.

"I don't know. He says they're growing pot."

Joey laughed. "Want me to come?"

"No. I'll go out, calm him down. Won't take long. Just letting you know where I'll be. Andrew is at the station."

"Ok. Going to do highway patrol soon," Joe told him. "Hell of a lot less accidents since we beefed up patrols on Highway six." Joey commented.

Howard nodded. "Yep. I'll do it tomorrow. See ya later," he raised a hand at Charlene and left.

Joey returned to his newspaper. That cop was on the New York Police Department, he wondered if he would recognize the name. He kept reading. Apparently there were eight people being held hostage in a bank and after all attempts at communication failed, this cop went into the bank on his own, unarmed. He managed to talk the two bank robbers into surrendering. His name was being withheld at his request. Wow, a real hero, a modest one to boot, Joey thought with a smile. He put down the paper.

Thinking about hero's made him think of Dino. He wondered if Agent X would deliver a message to him. Maybe he could write a letter and... say what? They couldn't meet. He couldn't tell Dino where he was and hell... someone had probably already grabbed him up by now.

Joey finished his breakfast, paid the bill and smiled at Charlene. She watched him leave. So handsome he was in that uniform with his black hair curling on his collar. But he was so lonely and Charlene really couldn't understand why.

Dino listened to the Mayors speech silently, then he went up to receive the medal. He wished they hadn't made such a big thing out of it. It was embarrassing more then anything. His parents, his aunt and uncle and his cousin Rickie were beaming with pride.

Dino had transferred back to New York City shortly after Gambini was sent to prison. He had missed the City and there was a part of him that hoped Joey would still be in it. But of course he wasn't. He disappeared quickly after the trial and no one was talking.

So here he was, back in the shit and the slime, being a street cop which is what he was born for. He went to sleep alone and came home alone unless he chose to go down to the village and pick up a stranger, which was rare. At twenty six, he was fast becoming a hard boiled cop who lived for his job. Even his captain told him to take some time off. "Dino, its not good to give so much to your work. You should have a life."

"I have a life, Cap," Dino laughed. "I clean the scum off the sidewalks."

Joey kept the article with him all day long and took the paper out to look at it again in the evening. He picked up his cell phone and dialed X. The last time they had talked had been at Christmas when he wanted to send gifts to his parents.

"Hey Joe," X said. "How are you? No problems?"

"No. I was wondering if you could get a letter to Dino D'angelo in Los Angeles. I was thinking of him today and I'd like to say hello if that's ok. I know I can trust him and..."

"D'angelo isn't in Los Angeles Joey, he's in New York. He transferred after Gambini was put away."

"Oh. I see," Joey said. "How did you know that?"

"Well I didn't before yesterday," Agent X laughed. "Funny you'd mention him, he just got a medal from the Mayor for some hostage rescue thing. He's quite the cop."

Joey smiled. "I knew it was him. I have the article here. X, please, let me write a letter to say good job at least, alright?"

"Write it and send it to me. I'll make sure he gets it."

"Thanks X," Joey said and hung up. He closed his eyes. Dino. If anyone could do the impossible, it was him. He took out pen and paper and started to write.

Dear Dino:

Just a few words to let you know that Im alive although I can't tell you where. I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I read about your rescue in the paper. I've always known that you were a born hero. You saved my life. I haven't forgot.

Now I know you are in New York. Could I hope that maybe you transferred thinking one day Id return to the NYPD? I don't know if you think of me my sweet Dino but I have not passed one day without thinking about you. I wish things could have been different. We never got the chance to find out if... well you know what Im going to say.

Anyway, in spite of everything, I found my life Dino. I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for the streets of New York for nothing. The only thing I regret is you.

Be safe Dino. I know what you face out there on those streets. I have two more years before I can contact my family or you. I want you to know that I will find you in two more years to say hello. So don't get killed out there before we see each other again. And if there is someone in your life... well... I understand. Just know there is no one for me but you.

Love Joe.

He put down the pen, tears were in his eyes. He knew that somewhere along the way when they were dodging bullets and running from Gambini, he fell in love.

Three weeks later, a letter arrived for him at the police station. It had been placed inside another envelope. X had included a note. "I delivered your letter and this one arrived for you at the F.B.I. headquarters. It was addressed, "To the Bald Guy." Dino D'angelo has a "quirky" sense of humor.

Joey laughed, tears forming in his eyes. He went into the bathroom so the other guys wouldn't see. He tore open the envelope. It was written on the computer, probably at work and began,

"Joey. When the bald guy delivered your letter, I was blown away, really. I knew that you were in witness protection but of course no one is talking. Im glad you are some place you like. I don't blame you for not wanting to come back here to this mess. I don't know why in hell I do it day in and day out. Im nuts, I guess. Well, can't say I don't miss you. I do. I regret the way things went but we didn't have any control over it. You are not the only one who wondered "what if." I spent some nights thinking about the possibilities. Anyway, it wasn't meant to be I guess. I have no way to get to you and you can't come to me... so... As long as you are safe, that's the main thing. And about looking me up in two years... I will try and stay alive long enough for the meeting ok? Don't worry. Bye. Yours, D."

Joey reread the letter. He laughed at "the bald guy". He was still the D with that same sense of humor. X had called it "quirky". He didn't mention a lover so maybe he too was alone. He really didn't tell him much at all but that was Dino. He was a man of little words.

That night he went to the "Crossroads" bar at the edge of town. It was the only place to have a drink in town. He sat at the bar and ordered a beer. He didn't realize that he was on his sixth until Charlene came to sit beside him.

"Hey there handsome, on a toot tonight?"

Joey looked at her and nodded. "I guess I am. It feels good so... want to join me?"

She nodded. "Sure. So what are we drinking about, love or money?"

"Love."

She lifted her beer. "So who done you wrong, honey?"

"No one... really," Joey said softly.

"He break your heart?"

Joey opened his eyes wide. "How did you know it was a he?"

She shrugged. "Lucky guess. He must be some kind of idiot to dump you honey."

"He's not an idiot," Joey told her. "We can't be together."

"Why? Married?"

Joey sipped his beer. "No. That would be easy. We just can't. I can't go into it."

"You love him," she said compassionately.

"Yes."

"He love you?"

"I don't know. We never got the chance to... doesn't matter. Lets dance, ok?" Joey said suddenly, stumbling off the stool.

Charlene laughed. "Whoa... whoa... there cutie pie. Ok, we'll dance."

They danced to a song by Cher and Joey started singing at the top of his lungs, "Come to me baby, come to me baby, another night without you here and I'll go crazy, there is no other, there is no other, no body else can take your place or match the beauty of your face..."

"Oh My God," Charlene said, laughing, escorting Joey off the dance floor. "Im going to take you home honey, you got it bad."

He woke up on her sofa with a hang over, cursing himself. She brought him coffee.

"Im sorry, Charlene, did I make an idiot out of myself?"

"Ya," she laughed, "but that's ok. Care to tell me about him?"

"I made a decision somewhere in my haze of drunkenness," he smiled.

"What's that?"

"Im going to write him and tell him where I am. Im going to ask him to come to me and if he doesn't, then I'll know."

She nodded. "I don't get it."

"You don't have to."

"Ok. So what's he like?"

"He's a cop in New York City, a damn good one. He saved my life once."

"How romantic."

"Didn't feel that way at the time," Joey grinned. "He's a hero. My hero. Somewhere along the way when we were in great danger, I fell in love with him. He's sexy and very handsome... gorgeous. You'd drop if you saw him," Joey grinned.

"Oh ya," Charlene squeezed his hand. "You should see how you light up when you talk about him. So, did you... you know... ?"

"Make love? No. We had no time but we kissed. I remember one night we were cold. I held his hand. I told him my hand was cold and a few minutes later he leaned over and kissed me on the lips. Do you know what he said when I asked him why he did that?"

"No, what?"

"He said, My lips were cold."

She laughed. "He's a smooth operator."

"Ya. He was. But aside from a few more kisses, some a lot more intense, I never got to see him naked."

She smiled. "Do you think he'll come?"

"I have no idea. But I've decided that if he doesn't come or return my letter within six months, Im giving up on him because that means he doesn't want me."

"I can't believe that," Charlene sighed.

"We'll see."

Later that day, Joey sat down to write one last letter. He phoned X and begged him to deliver it. He knew he was pushing it. He agreed when he said that it was the last one.

"Dearest Dino," he wrote. "I know Im taking a big risk but I don't care anymore. If Gambini wants to get me, he will but I think if he hasn't come for me now, he won't. Anyway, Im in a town called Freemont in Vermont. I work for the police department here and everyone knows me by Joe.

I love you, Dino. I want you but I can't wait two more years not knowing if you feel anything for me. So here it is, Im giving you six months to reply. Either come to me or write to me. I know I can't come to New York because that would be stupid but you could come to me.

If I don't receive a reply one way or another, I will know that you don't want me in the same way. I can't wait two more years and take the chance that I will show up and you will be involved with someone else, or worst that it was only friendship for you.

I need to know now because I realized last night how unhappy I am and that Im deeply in love with you. No matter what you decide, you'll always be my hero and I'll always wonder what it would have been like to lie in your arms. Love Joey.

He sent the letter to X and then tried to put it out of his mind. It wasn't easy.

Agent Bennet parked his car at the 53^rd precinct and walked into the detectives squad room. "Dino D'angelo here?" he asked.

A woman detective walked over. "No. He's out. What is it?"

"I have a letter for him."

"Just put it on his desk," she said, moving her head to the left where a messy desk sat loaded up with files.

He placed it directly in front of the files and left.

Another cop came over to the desk and began to take away the files that sat there. "Who gets to use D'angelo's desk when he's gone?" The new young detective asked to no one in particular.

"No one uses Dino's desk," she said. "He just left on assignment. That desk stays empty until he returns."

"He'll be gone for months," someone cried out from the back.

"No one touches his desk," the woman growled and that was the end of the discussion.

Christmas came and went. Winter came and went. Spring arrived along with flooding and teenage party's. Joe went on with his work. Charlene asked him the same question every morning. Now she did it with her eyes rather then with words.

Joey was tired this morning. He had been up most of the night due to a pile up on the interstate. He downed his coffee and snapped. "The time is up. It's the end of April. Six months have gone by, Charlene."

"You would think he would have the decency..." she began.

"Forget it!" Joey slammed his fist down on the table, then stood up, adjusting his hat. "It was just a crazy dream. It's over. Im not going to..." He stopped, licking his lips, taking a breath. "I have to go. Don't talk about it anymore Charlene," he said, pleading with his eyes.

She watched him walk out the door. She wanted to cry. This cop back in New York was a stupid bastard and if she ever saw him, she'd slap his face.

Dino D'angelo walked into the precinct and the new young detective, Adam Devero almost threw him out. "What do you want?" He asked rudely, taking in the dirty jeans, long hair and three days growth of beard.

Dino glared at him. "Fuck off," he said and walked past his desk.

"Hey," Adam rose and reached out a hand to grab him.

Dino grabbed his other arm, pulled him in close and then tripped him over the desk. "You don't want to mess with me or I could get that nice shirt and tie you got on there all dirty."

Two other officers rushed over, then Susan Rodrique pulled him off Adam and threw her arms around him. "'bout time you son of a bitch. They brought the suspects in last night, you got paper work honey."

He slapped her playfully on the behind then extended a hand to Adam. "Sorry about that, kid."

Adams eyes widened. "You're Dino D'angelo. Hey, hi," he extended his hand. "I know all about you... you're..."

"Ya, well Im glad you know all about me. Could you tell me all about me sometime?"

Adam laughed.

The captain walked over, took a look at his Sargent and laughed. "You look more and more like one of them out there everyday."

"That's what you pay me for," he replied.

"Ya, well I don't pay you to beat up my detectives. I need some paper."

"Ok, ok, no rest for the wicked," Dino laughed.

The other cops gathered round him talking about his latest case. Dino took some coffee and sat down at his desk. He told the other cops to get lost. "I got work to do. We'll talk later at Zak's but you're buying."

They agreed and went back to work.

It was when he was about to start typing up his report that he saw the letter. He recognized Joey's handwriting. He tore open the letter and read it. Then he folded it and sighed. It was dated almost seven and a half months ago. It must have arrived the day he left. He sat there for a long time thinking. He put the letter aside and continued his report. While the others headed to Zak's, he sat alone in the squad room. He opened the letter again. He read the words aloud. "I'll always wonder what it would have been like to lie in your arms." He closed his eyes for a second and swallowed something hard in his throat. He loved him. Joey loved him. He spent his life risking his neck on the streets of this city, coming home to a cold empty bed with no one there but the four walls... and here was someone who loved him enough to lay it all on the line. But it was too late, wasn't it? He stood up. He had to try. He stuffed the letter in his pocket and went down stairs. He got into his car, turned the ignition and headed in the direction of Canada.

Howard gave Joe a pained look at the station. "Im not going on radar today Joe. You go."

"I did my stint Howie. Your turn." Joey was having a bad day. In fact he'd be glad when this entire month was over. May sucked.

"Please... please..." Howie begged. "I will do patrol tonight... please... please."

Joe sighed and stood up. "Alright, Howie but you owe me. Tell the Chief too that you switched so no one gets in shit."

"Ok... no problem," Howie smiled.

"I know why you don't want to do patrol, its to see that Barbara girl at the Dairy King," Joey remarked. "Don't think I don't know."

"Shus," he said, grinning. "She's a doll and what a rack. I want to..."

"Spare me Howie," Joey rolled his eyes but then grinned in spite of it. He got into the squad car and drove out to the highway and parked just before the Freemont exit.

Dino had been driving all night. He was beat. He just wanted to find a hotel room where he could sleep. He was also stressed out. What if he couldn't find him when he got there? What if he didn't want to see him; not to mention that he hadn't showered or shaved. He looked like a street bum dressed in faded jeans, a beat up leather jacket and battered old boots. Worst he had forgot his I.D. He had no license, nothing, only a American Express card and twenty two dollars in change.

He bummed a cigarette at the garage where he stopped to gas up and ask for directions. The guy gave him a cigarette with a cautious look. "Don't worry," Dino said, "Im a cop. Im not going to rob you."

The guys eyes widened. "My name is Father Tom," he mocked as Dino walked back to the car.

"Well then bless me Father Tom because I think Im about to sin," he gave him a comical stare, crossed himself then drove off to a shout of "Weirdo!" from the old guy.

Dino laughed and cranked up the radio. He heard a sad love song and thought of Joey. He said his name in his mind. Forgive me, baby please, don't hate me... don't be mad at me. Damn, if only I hadn't been sent on assignment. Oh well, what ever happened, he'd just have to face the music.

Dino drove onto the interstate, ACDC blaring on the radio. He had no idea what speed he was going but he was almost there. He could feel it. "Im on the Highway to Hell..." he sang. He was in love and that's all that mattered.