Zachery and Jonathan had just finished rehearsing the scene where Tim tried to teach them how to use a belt sander. They were walking back to their dressing room, talking about baseball, when Zach shushed Jon and pulled him aside.

One of the dressing room doors was open and they could see the new chick, Debbe Dunning, the one who played the announcer on the "Tool Time" show, undressing.

She was peeling off the tight T-shirt, exposing a pair of firm young breasts held in check by a lacy white bra. As the shirt came all the way off, they saw her blonde hair bounce free. Turning her back to the door, she unbuttoned her denim shorts and pulled them down, then reached behind her back and unhooked her bra. When she yanked down her white cotton panties, they could see her sexy ass and a glimpse of pink at her crotch. To the boys' disappointment, she pulled on a pair of blue silk panties before she turned around again. But at least that gave them a clear view of her tits, jiggly globes that showed white against her deep tan.

It was then that firm hands gripped both boys by their necks and pulled them away from the door.

"Get out of there, you two!" It was Patricia Richardson, who played their mom on the show. She must have just come in; she wasn't in any of the scenes they'd rehearsed so far, but she had a full schedule later that afternoon. "What were you... Oh, I get it."

"We weren't doin' nothing," Zach protested. He was a husky teenager who didn't appreciate getting scolded at his age, especially by someone who wasn't even his real mom. "Besides, it's not your business."

"You should be ashamed of yourself. And you, too, Jon. And hey, in there," she called through the door, "close this door, huh? Next thing you know Taron'll be hanging around too."

The young actress stuck her head out the door and looked down the hallway with a puzzled expression as Pat pushed Zach and Jon toward their own dressing room.

"I'm not going to tell Tim about this one," Pat told them, "but if I catch you doing something like that again I will. You're on pretty thin ice anyway. And you know it. Pulling that stunt with calling in sick to try to get a raise WAS pretty stupid, you know."

Jon mumbled an apology for peeping. "Yeah, what he said," Zach added.

"Well, you just behave yourselves." Pat turned to go down to the end of the hall and her own room. "Oh, and one more thing." The boys stopped on their way into their room and looked at her with disgusted expressions. "You two have another scene in about half an hour, right?" They nodded. "Look, can you tell Tim I'm here? I was up half the night at some stupid promotion and I need a nap. Tell him I'll be on the set at 5 when our scene starts."

With that, Pat slipped into her dressing room and the boys, grumbling, walked into theirs. "Damn bitch," Zach groused. "Yeah, who the fuck does she think she is? She ain't the star of this show," Jon agreed. "She's no better'n we are."

They took turns in their bathroom and played some quick Nintendo before going out for their next scene. As soon as they got to the set, though, the star, Tim Allen, shouted out their names from across the soundstage and came limping over.

"I've had it with you two," he yelled as he reached them.

"What did we do?" Jon asked, looking as innocent as an angel.

"Cut the crap with me, kid. You blew it this time. Thought it would be really cute to trick Taron with those boards, didn't you?" Zach barked out a laugh, then tried to compose his face into a more sober expression. Zach and Jon had been playing around with some prop lumber, stuff precut so it would break easily. They clobbered each other over the head and stuff, managing to convince Taron, who played their kid brother, that the whole pile was phony. They were hoping he'd clobber himself on the head with a real board.

Unfortunately for them, as Tim quickly explained, Taron hadn't hit himself. He'd taken a swing at Tim, smashing him solidly in the kneecap. Unfortunately for Taron, Tim had been holding a belt sander at the time, his grip not very sure to begin with because of a burn he'd suffered in a stunt a few weeks earlier. Tim dropped the sander on Taron, scraping his leg and smashing the little boy's left foot.

"Look, I'm gonna go to the hospital with Taron, but we're gonna talk about this tomorrow," Tim told Zach and Jon, who hung their heads in mock contrition. "I don't give a damn what kind of contract you've got, I'm gonna find a way to get you off this show. I mean it! I've had it with you two." As he limped off, one of the producers came up and walked with him, deep in conversation. As Tim got to the edge of the set, the producer turned around and walked back. "OK, people, that's it for today," he called out. "We're canceling production. We'll pick everything up tomorrow, usual time, starting from where we left off. Suzy, honey, I've gotta go to my Brentwood office; come on with me and we'll make up the new schedules on the way over. We'll fax them to everyone's homes tonight."

Murmurs and muzzled hurrahs greeted the announcement. Suzy, the producer's assistant, scanned the set to make sure everyone had heard. She turned to Zach. "Hey, sweetie, have you seen Pat around?"

"Yeah, she's in her dressing roo..." Brad's answer was cut short by an elbow in his ribs from Jon.

"Dressing room, huh? I'd better go tell her," Suzy said. But before she could move, the producer came by and grabbed her by the arm. "We've gotta get moving, Suze," he insisted.

Jon cut in. "Hey, we can tell Pat," he offered.

"Would you? That's great. You're a sweetheart," Suzy called over her shoulder as she and the producer strode off.

"We can tell Pat," Zach repeated in a snide whisper. "What the hell was that, Jon? We're gonna get fired from the show and you're doing favors?"

"It ain't a favor if you don't do it," Jon said.

"Huh?"

"Just shut up and come with me." Jon pulled the older boy along, saying goodbye to various crew members along the way as everyone rushed to get out of the building. An unexpected day off was too much of a treat for anyone to waste much time. Zach and Jon felt like salmon swimming upstream as they made their way through the stream of stagehands and slipped into their dressing room.

As they sat inside, they heard the scramble of departures thin out until all was quiet. Jon ordered Zach to keep quiet awhile longer, until he was sure everyone had left -- everyone except themselves, of course, and Pat Richardson, who was apparently still sleeping soundly in her dressing room.

At last Zach could wait no longer, and he demanded to know what was going on. "It's just us and Pat," Jon explained.

"Yeah, so?"

"So, doofus, we're already fired from the show, right?"

"Well, practically."

"Yeah. And with our reps, no other show in town is gonna hire us, right?"

"I don't know..."

"Trust me. So what are we gonna do, go back to some lame regular school? Have our parents running our lives again? I say, if we're gonna go out, let's go out with a bang. A real bang: we're gonna fuck Pat."

"What? Are you crazy? What makes you think she's gonna fuck us? She hates us!"

Jon snorted. "Don't make no difference what she wants, asshole. We're gonna make her."

"That's rape!"

"So what? We're minors! What are they gonna do, put us in juvie hall? Hell, with all the money we've made so far, our folks should be able to find some lawyer who can get us off. That's if Pat goes to the cops, too. Think it's gonna look real good for the show if we get nailed for rape? They'll probably pay us off to get the hell away from here!"

"Well, maybe..." Zach wasn't quite sure, but he thought about Pat. She didn't get to wear any really sexy stuff on the show, but she'd had on enough short dresses and low-cut shit to make it clear she had a damn good body. And the thought of losing his virginity to an older woman seemed pretty exciting. "OK, I'm in. So what do we do, go to her dressing room now?"

"No, stupid. Number One, her room's locked. Number Two, she's got a phone in there."

"So how are we gonna get her?"

"THINK! What's the first scene she's in today? It's a bedroom scene! She's supposed to be in her nightgown, complaining to Tim about the plumbing. So she's gonna come out of her dressing room at 5 o'clock, in her nightgown, and walk right onto the set. And that's where we'll be, waiting for her."

"Come on, like she's not gonna notice nobody else is here?"

"Sure, she'll notice. But who's she gonna be able to ask? She'll know something's wrong, but she'll come onto the set anyway. Maybe she'll think it's some kinda surprise party. So come on, we have to hit the workshop set."

Jon and Zach roamed around the soundstage, getting ready for Pat's entrance. By 5, they were finished and hiding on opposite sides of the bedroom set.

They heard Pat calling out as she came closer. "Hey, where is everybody? Guys? Hey, guys! Come on, Tim, we're supposed to be talking plumbing!" She came out of the darkness and into a pool of light around the bed, craning her head around to peer into the corners.

She had on a sheer black negligee over a black silk nightgown, cut low enough to show the beginning of the shadowy valley between her full breasts. Her dark hair flowed over her shoulders, framing an oval face with full lips. The nightgown was short, exposing long, slender legs that flowed to perfectly turned ankles.

Soundlessly, Zach and Jon emerged from the shadows on either side of her. Pat started in surprise. "Jesus Christ, guys, you scared me!" she said. "Where the hell is everybody?"

"Everybody's gone for the day," Jon said, his voice low and steady.

"Yeah, right," Pat answered acidly. "So what's going on... Is this one of those Bloopers and Practical Jokes shows?"

"Yeah, that's it," Zach said. "And we're supposed to trick you into getting on the bed. Yeah!"

Pat looked at him strangely. "What do you mean? What..." As she turned toward Zach, Jon slipped up from behind and grabbed her around the waist, heaving her back and tossing her onto the bed.

"What the hell!" Pat screamed in protest as Jon grabbed one of her wrists and Zach got the other. They pulled her arms up, slipping her wrists into loops of rope they'd tied to the bedposts while she was asleep in her room. Quickly they tightened the ropes and moved to her feet, tackling her legs as she tried to kick them away.