Copyright 2003

"Look, we've been over this a dozen times! It just isn't that easy!" I seethed as I glared at Charlie. Once again he was rubbing a sore spot, deliberately.

"Don't say it!" I warned, as he began to open his mouth, then closed with it with a snap. He took a long look at me, and decided, rightly, to let it drop for the moment.

And I knew it was just for the moment. Charlie was my pal, my best friend, and my guardian angel. He also knew me like a book. And the book told him to back off right now. So he did. He quietly finished off his beer, picked up his jacket off the back of the chair, waved goodbye and escaped out the kitchen door. Moments later I heard the back door open and close, and I was alone again.

Alone again. Damn! It seems like I just can't stop pushing until no one can stand to be near me. Oh, Charlie would be back, but he's the exception that proves the rule. Although it's possible that if I keep this up, even he might get discouraged.

"Fuck it! Fuck it all!"

'And how does that help things?'

"It doesn't, but what's it to you?"

'Just checking.'

"Yeah, yeah, checking what, you... uh... wait a minute..."

'Something wrong?'

I shook my head, not really answering the, uh, whatever, but more to clear it. It didn't seem to work, as...

'You know, Charlie's right.'

"Who the hell are you and - where the hell are you?"

'Oh, you can just think of me as your conscience.'

"Great, so I'm talking to myself now, huh?"

'Sort of.'

That pissed me off again, so I let loose a long string of profanity.

'Back to that I see.'

"And what the fuck difference does it make. And why the fuck are you talking to me now? I would have thought that if you were a good conscience you would have starting talking to me long before now."

'Oh, but I have been, John. I've been whispering in your ear for a long time now. You just haven't been paying any attention.'

"Okay, so what's different now?"

'It seems slightly more drastic measures are called for, now.'

"And what the fuck does that mean?"

'It means that you need something a little more dramatic than normal to bring you back.'

"Back to what?"

I shook my head again. Anger wasn't a strong enough word for what I was feeling now. And the trouble was, how could I take it out on a voice in my head? I started to look around for something to smash or throw, when suddenly, I couldn't see! "What the fuck is going on now!" I screamed.