Chapter 2

The morning broke with a rattle on the window. Rain. Typical English spring. I looked at the alarm clock. Nearly 10 am. I had over slept. No matter, it was the Easter break and no school this week. I crossed the landing to the bathroom, did what we all do first thing in the morning, and decided to shower. I checked the door was locked, it was but that was only a token gesture.

A few years ago dad had changed all the locks on the toilets and bathrooms to those with a toggle that you turned on the inside but had a small recessed slot on the outside that you could turn with a small coin or screwdriver. This after my younger sister Alex had locked herself in for half a day, well she was only three at the time, bless her heart.

My sixteen, nearly seventeen year old brother had taken to teasing me by pretending to peek at me while I was in the shower. I say pretending because he would never do anything that he knew upset me. Well actually it did a bit. It did quite a lot, but he was such a nice lad I did not want to upset him. So stalemate. I showered quickly, paying particular attention to my cunt. It had taken a bit of a beating yesterday. I had lost my virginity, on my friends fist. Or at least I think I had. Just as it got so good, that I was begging for more, a red mist had formed over my vision, and while, I know I enjoyed sex with my girlfriend, I could not, for sure, remember all the details.

I went downstairs to the kitchen; a used bowl with the remnants of some Cheerios on the breakfast bar, the Cheerios box, open of course, with a fresh carton of milk, left open on the work top, along side the half full milk jug, all saying Roy was up. I looked out of the window and saw his BMX bike was missing, he was up and out. Dad at work. Mum out with Alex, shopping, then round Gran's for the afternoon. I was on my own. I picked up the phone and rang Lucy.

Her brother, Steven, answered and said she was out with her Mum Fay, my Mum's lesbian lover. It was catching them at it, that had sparked Lucy and I, into our session of lust. Not that we are lesbians, or at least, I didn't think so. We were only twelve, well 12+ and it was too early to commit myself to that. After all, I had a gay brother, so maybe, I was as well.

Roy had not come out yet. It was just common knowledge round the school. All the girls said it was such a waste, as he was a hunk. I suppose to them he was, but as my brother, it did not hit me the same way. I helped myself to some Corn flakes and cleared away both sets of breakfast dishes. I wondered into the lounge, and flicked the remote control for the TV. Then picking up a magazine from the rack, I curled up and started to flick through the pages.

This I decided was down right, fucking, boring. I pulled a chair from the dining area, to the tall built-in cupboard in the lounge corner, climbed up, and stretched up to reach the top shelf. This was Dads "secret hiding place" for his porn movies. I dragged them forward and searched the titles.

Seen it, seen it, seen it ahh, a new one. "Market man". OK so lets see I thought. I set the tape running and settled on the big sofa. The film started with a young man working on a fruit and veg stall, on a market. "Come on ladies, nice nanna's 'ere 50p a pound special offer" he shouted. Sure enough two tarty looking girls walked up and asked if he had any nice big bananas.

The scene changed to a bed, with the two girls stuffing themselves with bananas. Stuffing them up their cunts, that is. I watched awe struck. A banana, for goodness sake. It got worse, or better, if you like that sort of thing. Within half an hour I had seen bananas, cucumbers, aubergines, celery, leeks and a small marrow all stuffed up girls cunts, and thrust back, and forth, while she moaned and grunted. It was fantastic in other words.

I had removed my knickers by the time they had finished with the bananas, and was well into rubbing myself by the time they started with the celery. I loved to feel my twelve year old cunt, it was wet, and warm and my clit seemed almost to have a life of its own. I rubbed slowly a couple of times, then circled my finger round the opening of my hole, then, rubbed it again in a figure eight pattern. I was starting to build. I put my middle finger, of my right hand, inside my little tight cunt, and started to wriggle it about, while I used my left hand middle finger to massage my clit. My breath started to come in shorter gasps. I glanced at the screen, to see a small marrow disappearing into a girls cunt, it looked just wonderful. I wanted to shove it in her; to force the thing right up that cunt of hers. Better still, I wanted the market man to shove it up me, up my cunt. She was biting her lip and squealing as if in pain. I wanted some pain. Pain was what caused the red mist. Not bad pain but the good, wonderful, magic pain, that stretching my cunt would bring. I pulled the one finger out, and stuffed two in. I wondered what it looked like, me with two fingers up my cunt. I needed a mirror. I started to think, what had we in the house. A couple of brown overripe bananas in the bowl on the telly did not take my fancy, half a cucumber in the fridge, but that would be icy cold, no celery or leeks. Come on girl use your initiative. I thought there must be something to fill a cunt. I looked back at the screen, and nearly died. In the reflection on the TV screen I could see my brother Roy standing in the doorway. I pulled my hands away from my cunt, and sat up quickly. I turned to face him.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing Roy?" I screamed.

He screwed up his face and shook his head. "Oh God Tanya, I am so sorry." He turned away "I came home, and saw what you were up to, and just... well... , oh Sis please... I am so sorry"

"You bastard, you fucking perverted bastard." I was not being fair, but I had him on the run. "Do you get off spying on me or something?"

Now that I think you will agree was a pretty dumb thing to say. HEY I was twelve.

"Errr... well yeah I do when you're laid on your back, with your legs in the air, and two fingers stuck up your... your... self. Shit, Sis I am only fucking human."

I had crossed the room to face him "If I had known you was going to spy on me, I wouldn't have been doing it, would I... I... you... I"

He was smiling at me. He put out his hands and cupped my face in them. "We all grow up Sis, and we all need our own space. I invaded yours, and took advantage of it. For that I will always be just so so very sorry. I hope I didn't spoil anything special for you"

I was 4 ft 9 in; he was 6 ft 1 in. I weighed 100 pounds; he was 174 pounds. He didn't stand a chance.

"You queer arse fucker you," I screamed as I pounded his chest with all my force. He leaned back a little but his feet never moved an inch. He worked out four times a week with his gay mates at the gym, it showed. My fists just bounced of him.

"Sis, Sis, Shhh its all right I understand"

"You... you understand? Understand? You fucking hypocritical, shirt lifting, bummer boy. What do you understand? You fucking faggot"

I stopped hitting him and looked at him, I was hissing like a cat. He was crying.

Softly he reached out to me, and picked me up. I was scared. Had I pushed him to far? He carried me back to the sofa, lay me down and walked away. Upstairs to his room. Sobbing.

I sat on the sofa and tried to make head or tail out of what had just happened. They said at school, that it was such a waste him being gay. He was captain of the Rugby team, but he would never make a trail side, strong as an Ox my Dad said; gentle as a lamb, my Mum said. No 'killer instinct' said the coach. He would hit someone with a crunching, game saving, tackle, then, pick them up and apologize. He had been taking karate lessons since he was 11. We had all gone to see him receive his black belt just after Christmas. He was big, fit, beautiful and gay.

I could accept his sexuality. I could. It was my fault he had walked in on me. I should have been more careful. I should have bolted both street doors; no one would blame me a girl all alone in the house, would they? I was embarrassed and defensive, that's why I snapped. I had been an utter bitch to him. It was natural enough that seeing me finger fucking myself turned him on, the sight of his cock would have done the same for me. I mean, It all made sense. Right?

No. No it didn't. It didn't make sense at all. It made no fucking sense what so ever in fact. He was fucking gay for Christ sake. I made us a hot chocolate each and carried it upstairs. I knocked on his door. No answer. None of the bedrooms had bolts or locks, fire hazard dad said, so I pushed it open slowly. "Ready or not here I Come" I was trying to sound chirpy, even though I felt awful. "Peace?"

He was laying face down on his bed with his face buried in his pillow. I sat on the edge of the bed and put the hot drinks on the bedside cabinet.

"Roy. Please, I am sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, you just caught me by surprise is all. Please Roy. I love you big bruv. Big gentle kind bruv. Your doing me 'ead in Bruv" he always laughed when I mimicked the actors in the Eastends soap, "Please Roy." I stroked his back and massaged his shoulder muscles. "Come on Roy, I am sorry, it was my fault, I am a dirty little slut and you caught me out, OK, forgive your little Sis, please."

He half rolled over "I thought I could count on you Tan" he was the only one ever to call me Tan "Even you are against me" "I am not against you Roy, I don't care what you are, I still love you, so does Mum and Dad and Alex. We all do."

He sat up, his eyes were narrowed his nostrils flared, I had never seen him so angry. I reached out and cupped his face in my hands, wiping away his tears with my thumbs.

"Do you think I would not love you just because you are gay?" I saw something in his face in that instance, I had never seen before, thank God I have never seen I since.

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU ALL" He roared. His arm swung round and caught me on the shoulder, I was sent flying to the floor, I screamed more in shock than pain. "I am not GAY" he bellowed. He rose up and towered above me. Bending down he stabbed his finger in the air an inch from my face. "Do you hear me? I am not fucking gay! I... AM... NOT... , FUCKING... , GAY!" As he shouted, spittle foamed at the corner of his mouth. I was shitting myself with fear, I tried to weigh the odds. He could rip me apart with his bare hands, if he chose to. I was no match for him physically, but could I out run him? Out run Roy? Not only was he the captain and star player in the rugby team he held the school all time records for 100 200 400 and 800 meters. I was in the shit, deep in the shit.

"OK, OK, Roy, I know that now," my voice was no more than a squeak. I shielded my head with my arm and waited for the blows to start. "Please Roy don't hurt me please" I was pleading. Begging for my life. He looked down at me; his fist bunched, his teeth clenched, and his eyes had a wild gleam in them. He started to frown, he looked down at me, laying curled up at his feet, and I saw his face change. From anger to deep deep despair. He let out a groan that seemed to come from the pit of his stomach, he dropped his head and fell to his knees above me.

"Oh Tanya, Oh my precious, precious Tanya, what have I done, have I hurt you my darling? Oh my what have I done to you little Sis?"

He put his arms under me and stood, he did not pick me up, as much as he just... stood up with me in his arms. He turned and lay me on his bed. He knelt beside the bed and put his head on his folded arms and cried. Deep sobs wracked his big body. I could feel his soul being ripped from him. It was as if his massive, kind and gentle heart was being torn, still beating from his broad chest. Never in all my life had I seen a creature so desolate, an animal in such pain. I rolled over slowly and lay with my head on his broad muscular back, my head moved as he sobbed, and I cried too.

I cried because he had hurt me.

I cried because I had hurt him.

I cried because this, the most gentle of all giants was so hurt. I cried because I could not understand who or what or why he was so hurt. Eventually the sobs died and he breathed more evenly. I thought that maybe he had fallen asleep. I moved from off of him slowly, he turned his head and looked at me, his eyes red and watery. "I made us hot chocolate."

"Be cold by now," he sniffed, "I'll make some more."

I took his hand, "We'll do it together".

He looked at me he sat up, and smiled, then ruffled my hair. "Oi watch it" I said and pinched his bum, then ran down the stairs with him in hot pursuit, this was better. We sat at the breakfast bar with our hot chocolate, it was nice to have my old brother back. I had not liked the one I had seen 10 minutes before. "Sis? What would you do if Lucy suddenly came out?" He was staring into his empty cup.

"She is out. She's out shopping with her Mum" I replied.

He took a deep breathe and sighed it out, again. He chuckled "NNNNOOOOO" it was the sort of no you use to a small child, almost mocking " I mean what if she turned round and said she was a lesbian?" I nearly choked on a mouthful of hot chocolate. How the fuck did he know about our session yesterday. Had he seen us through the window?

"I... I mean... what do you mean?" I managed.

"Look. And don't interrupt. OK? Right. You and Lucy have a special relationship, right? Right. You have been friends since the day you were both born, within hours of each other. It doesn't mean you're lovers does it? Well?"

"No." Phew, not much it didn't, if only you knew, big boy.

"But if she said she was a Lesbian, would all that change? Would you stop being her friend? Would you stop sitting next to her, on the bus? Or in class? What about your sleep overs? Would you still have her share your bed? Would you?"

I frowned, what was his point?

"Or would you hate her? Poke fun at her? Chase her down the street shouting things at her? Hit her, punch her, kick her, take a stick and thrash her with it? Lay in ambush, and beat seven colours of shit out of her, on her way home from school? Would you?"

He reached out and closed my mouth with his finger, I did not realize I had it open. I swallowed hard.

"Maybe you would, I don't know, but you're not the kind of friend I think you are, if you did. Well Joey and I went to kindergarten together. We have been friends since we were three years old. Since before YOU were born Tanya. He came out and told the world he was Gay and that he and Sanjay were an item a year and a half ago. What was I supposed to do? Follow the pack? Turn against him? Turn my back on the best friend I have ever had? How could I Tan? So I took the beatings with him, I suffer the taunts and jibes with him, I fight along side him when we have to fight, I talked him into joining the gym and taking up karate, not because I am Gay, but because he is my friend, always has been, always will be.

"Now the mob think twice about it. But he doesn't fancy me! I don't fancy him or Sanjay! What they do with their time together is their business not mine, it turns my stomach to even think of it, but that does not make me any less his friend does it? Sanjay is a vegetarian, Joey loves hamburgers, do they want to kill each other over it? Well? What would you say to Lucy? What do you think I should say to Joey? I thought I could rely on you Sis, I thought you would understand, I am sorry. I took you for granted, and I shouldn't have done it. You're still a kid"

I was gobsmacked. Speechless. The poor, brave, kindhearted, wonderful man. Yes I thought, in that moment, to me at least, he stopped being a boy. He was more of a man, than most would ever manage. I turned away from him and went to the kitchen sink to look out of the window. I needed to think. It was early spring, the fences needed a coat of paint, so did the summerhouse. The trees were still bare but the crocus and snowdrops were making an appearance. It was a time for new life, for a fresh start. A fresh start. That sounded a good idea. A very very good idea.

I turned back to him and crossed the kitchen. I turned him around to face me. "OK, You want my answer? You will do what you think is right. What ever you choose to do I will be with you every step of the way. Never, ever, doubt me again. BUT. If you can do all this for your friend then that friend should do the same for you. Stay friends with Joey and Sanjay by all means, but Roy, you have never ever had a girlfriend. Have you? No. I know you haven't. Why not?"