Chapter 4

"... Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time, I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark, we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks..."

The next day, Liz woke me up by nuzzling my neck and apologized. We spent the rest of the day in bed, since neither one of us had to work. Another one of those things that never seems to change. Piss someone off, then try to buy back their affection with sex.

"You still care for her a lot, don't you," she asked, her lust temporarily sated.

"Yes, but I'd like to think it's because we're friends. I don't know what to do about it, Liz. I mean, I'd like to think that she's changed, but at the same time, I just don't see it. It was almost as if she wanted to gloat, but didn't know how or why she did. That whole scene was just too surreal."

"I understand. Now would you shut up and kiss me."

When I started thinking about it later, and I realized that this was probably the beginning of the end for me and Liz. The cracks were starting to appear in the relationship. Obviously, if we kept fighting the relationship would fall apart, and as long as I had feelings for Kathy, we were going to keep fighting. It was a depressing realization.

"... He will fall into this world, has an easy thing he says, no mishappenings he says, the innocent will come in time, One moment to another..."

For the next several months, Liz was more of a shrink to me than a lover. She was pretty adaptable when it came to our relationship. When I needed a lover she was that, a friend, there she was; it was a nice change. We talked at length about my relationship with Kathy and how it affected me. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised as her undergrad work was in psychology. By the end of that time, I had decided to return to school and finish my degree. We had also come to the conclusion that things would be much easier if we became platonic roommates rather than lovers -- we were barely sleeping together and our sex life was non-existent -- other than the day after -- since the last fight the night we had run into Kathy.

Our reasoning being that we were less likely to argue about our past love lives if we weren't seeing each other. I also thought that she was my friend first and I would be able to count on her advice. It didn't last long. I guess I hadn't expected that it would.

The door opened at 11:30.

"hey, where have you been," I asked, politely.

"I had a date with Ron. You knew I was going out tonight. What are you my mother," she bitched in reply.

"Sorry, I forgot," I snapped. I couldn't understand why she was angry, it was a simple question.

"Yeah? Well, that's the fifth time you've 'forgotten' in the last week. Are you jealous of our arrangement?"

"Excuse me? I asked you a simple question, and you bit my head off."

"Just admit it, you miss having me all to yourself. You miss having control over where I am and who I'm seeing."

"Fine, have it your way. You know, things were a lot easier when we were sleeping together! At least then I knew where I stood. Now it changes day to day depending on your mood."

"Just remember that was your choice and if you can't handle it, I suggest you move out," she said, icily, and stormed into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Whatever, you bitch," I replied softly to the closed door.

Within a week, I moved out. It seemed safer that way. With any luck we would at least remain friends. Things didn't turn out that way. I did try calling her a few times. When I did actually catch her, she was always brief and hurried. Any time I left a message, she never returned my calls. I guess I couldn't blame her, but it hurt all the same.

"... On and on the rain will fall, like tears from the star, like tears from the star, on and on the rain will say, how fragile we are..."

It was hard living alone at first. I had gotten quite used to having someone to come home to. So I got a kitten to keep me company. I was still lonely. I tried to make up for it by losing myself into my schooling, but something was still missing. I managed to finish my degree over the course of the next year and began looking into graduate school. Wanting to go into hotel/hospitality, I applied to University of Nevada at Las Vegas. I was hoping that the change of scenery would do me good. Maybe then I could concentrate on forgetting both Kathy and Liz. Yeah, right. Fate can be a fickle mistress, as I was about to discover.

I arrived in Las Vegas on a hot, breezy day in late August, to begin apartment hunting. I really was ready to make a new start and felt that this would be the place to do it. I left my stuff at a small hotel, and hit the street. There were several apartment complexes around my hotel -- all within walking distance -- so I started at the nearest one, about a block away. It was a good thing it was only a block, it had to be one hundred ten degrees out.

A tall, blonde woman was seated behind the desk at the apartment complex. At first all I could see was her long blonde hair which covered her face, and a great pair of legs covered in patterned black hose, extending out from a white miniskirt under the desk. Presently, she looked up at me.

"Glen? Is that you? It's been a long time," said Kathy from the safety of her desk, as she put down the paper she was looking at. Shock was written on her face, but she recovered quickly. It was a good thing the chair was behind me or I would've fallen on the floor. As it was, I nearly missed the chair.

"Kathy. Small world. You're looking good. How's George?" I spoke quickly in an attempt to cover my surprise. It was amazing how she could still make me feel like I was 21 all over again.

Her face scrunched up, "he and I broke up some time ago. It just wasn't working out and I wasn't really ready to get married. So, what are you doing in Vegas? By the way, where is that woman you were seeing?" She was amazingly very calm, though I knew she was as shocked to see me, as I was her. It felt like she had been rehearsing this for some time.

I wasn't really surprised that she hadn't gotten married, though I did wonder exactly what had happened. I was also wondering what she was doing in Las Vegas. It seemed that a lot had happened in the two years since I had last seen her.

"Liz and I went our separate ways. I got my degree and got accepted to grad school here. Actually, I'm apartment hunting today. School starts next week and I need a place to live."

She got up from behind the desk and slowly walked over to me. Those long legs, covered in black patterned stockings, jutting out from her skirt. "Why don't you tell me exactly what it is you're looking for, give me an idea of what you can afford," she purred," and then I can show you what we have to offer."

It was as though the preceding three years had never happened, and we picked up from the day we met. We spent the next two hours discussing my needs and financial position while looking at different units. Finally, I decided on a small, cheap, one bedroom apartment near the front of the complex. As it turned out, Kathy was two doors down and told me that if I needed help with anything to call. "I was hoping you would choose this one. I'd like to think that we're friends still, and I'd really like to help in any way I can." Once again I felt that I was being set up. It was weird. She was acting like the woman I had first gotten to know at the frat party, not the person I left.

"... The months went by and the years went too, my life was a mirror and the reflection was you, and at the end of the day..."

I finished my Master's degree within a year and had come to the conclusion that I liked living in Las Vegas. With some help from Kathy and one of her friends, I was hired on to work in one of the hotels, starting as a host in the restaurant, and after six months moving up to assistant manager. She often called and asked me to do minor chores around her apartment -- steam clean the rugs, fix the leaky sink, et cetera. --, in return she cooked dinner for me. We also started meeting at the complex weight room to work out together three nights a week.

It was nice to see the Kathy I had first met, but I had to wonder what had caused such a change in behavior to the woman I had left three years before. The part I really liked was actually getting to be friends with her. It was so different from being her lover, we could go places and not feel pressured by our relationship.

I came home late one night to find my lights on in my living room and the front door unlocked. I entered cautiously to find Kathy dressed in a familiar white blouse with black jeans sitting at my kitchen table with a bottle of champagne and a cake.

"What's going on Kath," I asked, guardedly. Whenever I saw her around liquor, I wondered when Dr. Hyde would reappear.

"It's your birthday. Did you think I wouldn't remember? I wanted to celebrate with you. Besides, I also wanted to congratulate you on your new job." I had just told her the day before of my promotion to assistant manager.

As I got closer to the table, I discovered -- much to my surprise and chagrin -- that the bottle was actually sparkling grape juice and not champagne. Noticing my surprise, Kathy said, "I told you I stopped drinking. I haven't had a drop in three years, and I intend to keep it that way."

She cut the cake as I fumbled through cupboards to find glasses to pour the grape juice into.

"Cheers," she said," to one of the best friends I have."

We ate and drank in silence for a while. For once in my life, I had no idea what to say to her. It was extremely awkward. I got the feeling she felt the same way. As she finished her cake, Kathy looked at the clock. "I'm sorry, but I really need to go. I have to get up early in the morning."

"It's O.K.," I replied, "thanks for everything. Maybe I can do the same for you sometime." She just gave me that dazzling smile and walked out the door. I sat for a long time after trying to figure out exactly what had just happened. I was very confused.

I couldn't decide if she wanted something, or if she had been genuine in her intention. I finally decided that the intention had been good, and I needed to reciprocate. If we were in for a change in our relationship, I had to find out immediately.