Posing as a prolific prose publisher of polished porn with a pronounced penchant for plotting procreation, I regularly receive readers' requests regarding recommendations.

Dear Dr. Vargas,

My super heroine girlfriend is pregnant for the first time. [Amazing photo attached to original letter, too bad you all can't see it.] It wasn't easy I'll tell you. I finally had to use [superheroine weakness which cannot be revealed without disclosing her identity] on her. From then on, she was a real sex kitten, just couldn't get enough. She begged me not to get her pregnant, but when I made it clear that was the only way she could keep getting fucked, there was nothing she could do but count the days util her missed period. For the last month of so she has been getting all the usual cravings (pickles by the barrel and pistachio-prune ice cream by the gallon) and is happily knitting little pink booties -- TWO SETS!

I'm overjoyed, seeing her waddle around the house with that big smooth tummy filled to bursting, her tits ballooned up to 38EEE's at least, and a dumb, adoring expression on her face when she looks at me. Of course the pregnancy has made her even hornier. She has me doing her doggie style most of the time, "practicing" for when she REALLY gets big. I've bought her a heavy duty vibrator to use in between times. She draws more power than the A/C on a August day and blows the fuses right and left, but otherwise she'd go crazy or fuck me to death.

The only problem is, she is asking how soon after she gives birth she can go back to fighting crime? Dr Luthor, her OB-GYN, just smirks evilly and says to ask me.

John Perplexed

Dear John,

First, congratulation for nailing one of those superheroines. I don't think those bitches realize how much frustration they cause fourteen year old boys of all ages, flying around, and fighting, and getting tied up, and chloroformed while wearing those skimpy outfits. Millions of "fans" will thank you for taking another one out of circulation with a timely delivery of male semen into her fertile twat! Second, I'm so glad you posed this question. It's one that I've been getting more and more frequently in recent years as a number of superheroines (and supervillainesses) from the early comic book days are starting to hear the tick of the biological clock. I'm not detracting from your cleverness in knocking up your new gf, but her body was obviously telling her it was time to slow down and become a Mommy.

Normally it's easier for supervillainesses to combine a career in crime with rearing a family, as they have henchwenches to carry out their evil schemes. I know of one whose name, very appropriately, rhymes with "Fatwoman," who seduced and moved in with an erstwhile hero whom she keeps busy filling her hungry cunt. Now she lives in semi retirement, popping out one or two pointy eared babies every year for her hopelessly devoted lover to take care of while managing her crime empire from his cave beneath the spacious Wayne Mansion. Superheroines, on the other hand, have to do all the crime fighting, fiendish conspiracy foiling, and world saving themselves. (Apparently, though you just can't GOOD help nowadays, you CAN get evil help.)

Another consideration is how long it will take to regain her figure. You girlfriend seems typical of superheriones who, having remained impossibly slim for years, take advantage of "eating for two" to really pig out. (Pistachio-prune ice cream? Dios Mio!) If you can get her to put on 50-60 pounds, that would take quite a while to work off, especially if you insist she stay in bed eat well, and get lots of sleep while nursing her liter.