Chapter 7: Depression

Zoë and Jeannie got off the school bus and began their ten-minute uphill walk the rest of the way home. It was a stiflingly hot day. The sun was high and unforgiving, blazing down on them. Zoë heard that the temperature was likely to reach 100 degrees that afternoon, and it seemed the S.F. High radio station guys were right. Although they had braided their hair up, Zoë's and Jeannie's necks and the small of their backs were covered with sweat. Joey wanted Zoë to go and take a ride on his Harley, but she immediately turned him down. There was no place on earth she would rather be but there, on that searing hillside, next to Jeannie. Her twin egged her on to accept Joey's suggestion, while Zoë kept telling her she didn't want to. Her excuse was the high temperature in the Valley, and surely both Joey and Jeannie could understand that. So Jeannie shrugged and joined her in the school bus.

"You don't have to do this," Jeannie had said.

"I know."

"I mean, you don't have to do this for me. You're free to date whoever you want."

"I know," she repeated, unable to hide her annoyance. "But I don't want to."

"Why?"

Zoë chucked her shoulders up, looking through the window as the bus pulled away. She couldn't continue the conversation. Brittany McGuire came and sat down behind them and started an animated jabber of school gossip. She also explained why her mom was unable to come and pick her up that afternoon. Brittany's mother had an important appointment with her agent. Mrs McGuire, a.k.a. Tamara Davies, was going to audition for a "major" role in a "major" movie with a "major" studio. So that meeting, to discuss such a crucial event in the life of a Hollywood actress, was of great consequence.

Zoë smiled to herself, recalling Linda's profound distaste and contempt for everything related to Hollywood. Big Sis's favorite movies were mostly foreign, shot in black-and-white, and featuring actors and actresses with unpronounceable names. Her first "real" boyfriend, Jack Corbett, had put her up to it, luring Big Sis into his house - he was 20 at the time, and five years older than Linda - to make out and see some old foreign flicks.

"Hey, Lana's here," Jeannie said as they trudged onto the driveway.

Zoë nodded, taking a glance at Lana Martin's '94 Ford Mustang, a red convertible her father had given her when his daughter turned sixteen. Coincidence or not, Lana's newfound love was Jack Corbett... Whether Linda took exception to it, Zoë didn't know, but every time Jack and Linda were in the same room there was tension in the air. If Lana was alone with Nikki, things went better and Linda joined in the conversation gladly.

Zoë and Jeannie greeted Anita as they walked in the back door. Mom was in the living room, talking to someone on the phone. From the bottom of the stairs, they heard good-humored screaming and giggling coming from their older sisters' room. Without hesitation, the twins scampered inside, curious about the reason for all that silly tittering, finding Lana and Nikki lying on Linda's bed.

"Hi, Lana."

"Hi, Jeannie," Lana said, turning over and looking up. "Hi, Zoë."

"Hi."

Jeannie sat down on Linda's bed as Nikki greeted them as well. Before long Jeannie learned that guys - what else? - were the root cause of the unrest among "the troops". Jack Corbett and Scott Rowan, a guy Nikki had been dating on and off, were mentioned as well as Joey Hernandez. A couple of minutes later, Zoë left the room, disgusted at the inanity of it all.

"You should tell your sister to lighten up. She's always so serious."

"Yeah, sometimes I think she should've been a guy."

Lana gave a chuckle, her eyes staring at Jeannie questioningly.

"I mean, she doesn't look like a guy... like I don't look like a guy... but... sometimes she's so bossy and-"

"You mean, she dominates you," Lana reasoned.

"I think what Jeannie is trying to say is that Zoë's always been the tomboy of the family," Nikki intervened. "She's always been the best at sports, climbing trees and catfights. She's even KO'd a guy over Jeannie."

"Really?" Lana exclaimed, her eyes examining Nikki and then Jeannie. "Why? What did he do?"

Jeannie smiled, then said, "He called me "bitch". Zoë got so mad that she kicked him in his knee really hard, and the next thing I know he collapses right in front of us. Everyone thought he was dead... because he didn't scream... nothing. He passed out, just like that."

"Wow! So I have to be real careful around your sister."

"You bet." Jeannie laughed and stood up. "Gotta take a shower. All my clothes are sweaty... and smell."

"Linda, are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Belinda Hughes gave Linda a glowering look, blowing her dark brown bangs away from her forehead. "I don't believe this... I'm talking to you for a quarter of an hour and you aren't listening."

"I'm sorry... I was just thinking... "

"What about? Rick?"

Linda looked around The Dome, the snack-bar just across the street from the main entrance to S.F. High. This was the place where many of her schoolmates came and ate and danced to the music of a jukebox with a large assortment of the latest Billboard hits. Her eyes met Trisha's, the waitress. Pointing at her empty glass, she asked for a refill.

"Coming right up, honey," Trisha said, nodding and tending a nervous client, a man in a gray business suit, who tried to hide his awkwardness by smiling at Trisha. After all, there weren't many "grownups" who dared set foot in The Dome. This futuristically furnished, slick snack-bar was known by the local population to be S.F. High kids' turf. Too loud music for too loud kids, they would say.

"I'm listening," Belinda said, still waiting for an answer.

"I guess so," Linda sighed, facing Belinda, her favorite classmate and friend. They were close enough to share secrets about boyfriends, but sexual intimacy was normally an off-limits topic of conversation. Whenever sex was mentioned, Belinda tensed up, the muscles of her neck going taut in a wink of an eye. Sometimes Linda didn't care about her friend's misgivings, and she went ahead and started talking about some ever more risqué episode. Belinda then giggled and said in a high-pitched whisper, "Oh my God, is that true?"

Suddenly they heard someone knocking on the stained glass of the outer dome that separated the snack-bar from the outside world. To her surprise, Linda saw Nikki waving at her from the other side of the dome. Her sister wanted to talk to her, or so she understood from Nikki's gestures. Linda beckoned her to go around the building and join them at the table.

As Nikki did as she was told, Belinda smiled and asked, "Who's that guy? Your sisters' new boyfriend?"

Obviously Belinda was referring to Scott Rowan, Nikki's male companion, a guy Linda hadn't seen in years. A couple of years before Scott had pursued her for a second date. Although their first rendezvous went smoothly, she found out they had nothing in common. He had been a gentleman - that was true - but also dull, tiresome and thoroughly boring. She just couldn't believe her sister was seeing such a guy!

Before her sister and Scott could hear her, Linda said, "I know as much as you do, Be."

Introductions were made and Nikki and Scott sat next to Linda and Belinda. Linda felt ill at ease with this arrangement. Belinda and Scott would be able to see at close range how she dealt with Nikki, her sister, roommate, and... yes... lover... Usually they were so intense around each other... and now this... She would have to pretend they were nothing but sisters...

A strong, overwhelming dislike for Scott came over Linda. She couldn't even look at him. Linda kept her trembling hands under the table, to hide this manifestation of her intense jealousy. She was shocked to see she could be this possessive. She always hated it when her dates acted this way around her. No one owned her, she would say to them, and if they were unable or unwilling to grasp it... well, they could kiss good-bye any "seconds" with her...

Linda snapped out of her daydream and found out that Nikki, Belinda and Scott were staring at her.

"What?"

"As you can see, Nikki," Belinda began, "this is how your sister's been all day. I talk to her, but she's up there, somewhere, in the clouds... "

"I think she's in love," Nikki quipped, winking at Belinda.

"Yes, I am." Linda got to her feet and grabbed her backpack and school books.

"Where're you going?" Nikki asked, stunned by her sister's sudden animosity.

"Away... I need to finish this paper... "

Linda moved away from the table and left The Dome, heading back to S.F. High. She crossed the street, her hands and legs shaking against her will. She was mad, so mad at all of them, including Nikki. Her sister seemed keen on humiliating her in public. And she was just sick of it, sick of it all!

"Linda, wait," she heard Nikki call out from across the street. Linda walked on, ignoring her sister's cries, but soon Nikki caught up with her. "Linda, stop. I wanna talk to you."

"OK, talk." Linda came to a halt and waited. Nikki looked confused, afraid, and furious at the same time.

Nikki swallowed and asked, "I don't understand... What's the matter with you? It was a joke, Linda!"

"I was not joking, Nikki."

"What do you mean?"

"You said I was in love... and I just confirmed it."

"Linda... " Nikki looked away from her sister's green eyes. They seemed so stern and uncaring. "I- What do you want me to do? Am I forbidden to crack jokes in front of you? Is that it?"

"No... I just don't like to be humiliated in front of my friend and your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend! He's- Oh, forget it. I don't owe you any explanation. It seems as though you're jealous." Facing her sister again, Nikki added, "Come on, Linda... You see Rick every day and I don't say a word about it."

"Maybe you should," Linda replied, turning away from Nikki.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Nikki had shouted her last question but Linda didn't look back. Instead, Linda began to talk to a bunch of guys. Nikki cursed and turned her back on Linda, wondering why her sister could be such a bitch... sometimes at least.

Linda felt very depressed. Her heart weighed like a ton, her hands trembled, her whole body shook from time to time, involuntarily. She sat beside Rick, squinting at a screen and moving colors and shadows that had no meaning to her. The movie theater was dark and people around her were silent, minds sharp, ready and hungry for the next scene of an outrageous plot. It was her boyfriend's idea to catch this movie with so much senseless violence.

'Sex mixed with violence and violence mixed with sex. It's what sells these days, ' she thought. If she ever married Rick she would never allow her kids to see such trash. She swallowed... Her throat was slightly sore... She felt like crying... Every time she heard a gunshot she would start in her seat and get tenser and tenser, her ears resonating with that hideous sound. It was becoming impossible for her to stay quiet and motionless. She was hating the movie so much. She looked at Rick. He was too absorbed in the action to notice how badly her eyes implored him to let them leave and breathe in some fresh air and watch the stars outside, shining, against the darkness... Maybe they could see a shooting star and wish a wish.