Chapter 5: Surrender

Linda waved Tallulah Sorensen and Charlie Olmos good-bye, as she got into her Jeep and started the engine. Tallulah and Charlie had been seeing each other for two months now and the same old story was happening again: boy meets girl, who happens to be Linda's friend; boy has the hots for Linda, and girl doesn't have a clue about it.

Charlie came on to her during lunch break. When his girlfriend wasn't looking, with the most matter-of-fact tone of voice he could muster up, Charlie "mentioned" he had tickets for the playoffs. In the same breath he asked if she wanted to go with him.

"Sure," she replied impassively as if she hadn't understood his true intentions, "that'd be fun. Do you have one more? I'd like Rick to come along. He's really a big Lakers fan."

"I've got only two," he replied, staring at her, with no hesitation in his voice.

"What about Tallulah? I thought you two were serious about each other."

"Not really."

Linda looked at him and noticed his intent stare and how badly he wanted her to say yes. This kind of guy always gave her the creeps. Talk about obsessive types!

"I'm sorry, Charlie, but-"

"Don't say anything... Just think about it. You can give me the answer tomorrow."

"My answer won't change, Charlie. Tallulah is my friend and I'm not planning to stab her in the back. Besides, I-" She held her tongue mid-sentence as Tallulah said good-bye to the girl she was talking to and turned to them, still grinning and slurping soda pop through a plastic straw.

As Linda steered her Jeep out of the parking lot, she wavered between the decision to tell everything to Tallulah, or to ignore Charlie's invitation completely. Linda was afraid of Tallulah's reaction. She didn't want any repetition of what had happened between Mary Howard and herself. Mary still blamed her for Stan Rogers breaking up with her. Mary accused her of flirting with Stan and leading him on during a party a couple of weeks before. Linda tried to explain that wasn't true but Mary had already made up her mind. There was no argument on earth that would convince Mary of her innocence. The worst thing was to see how much Mary hated her for something she hadn't done. Linda had just smiled at the guy and danced with him a couple of times because he asked her to, but she was sure she hadn't given him any false hopes. In spite of it all, she was unable to shake the guilt she sometimes felt - and she hated that!

After a 45-minute drive, Linda arrived at Rick's favorite hang-out, a garage Paul had converted into a makeshift recording studio. Rick called her that day and told her he wanted to see her. His band was going to record a demo of a song written by Paul and the band's producer - a guy called Gus "The Killer" Smith. The demo was meant for the label that had launched the Red Hot Chili Peppers into stardom, Rick explained with obvious pride in his voice. Before hanging up, he added, "You inspire me."

As soon as Linda stepped out of the Jeep, Paul came out of the door of his studio-garage and greeted her with his unflagging smile and unshaven face. Paul van Dyke was a nice guy, definitely. Linda liked his easygoing way of living and his open-minded view of the world. Moreover, Paul was good-looking, intelligent, and had a terrific sense of humor - everything a girl could wish for in a man. Paul, however, didn't care for girlfriends and stable relationships. Music was his true love - the rest could go to hell, he would say, grinning and giving her a friendly hug. Paul was one of the few men with whom Linda felt absolutely at ease. She knew he was not going to make a move on her sooner or later.

"Hi, Pumpkin," Paul said, referring to their most common inside joke. Paul had told Linda that she reminded him of Christina Applegate. Linda couldn't see the resemblance, however, punching him in the stomach every time he teased her with it.

"Hi, Paul," she said, sliding one hand around his neck and pressing her lips against his left cheek for a fleeting kiss. "Where's Rick?"

"Inside, tuning up his brand-new Fender."

"OK," she said, moving away from Paul, sighing.

"Wait." Paul seized her hand and pulled her back to where she stood. "What's the matter, toots? Is everything OK?"

"Yeah, everything's fine."

Paul's clasped her chin and said, "Don't lie to me. I've known you since you were a child... You're upset. What's up?"

Linda's eyes stayed clear of Paul's mature light brown eyes. Paul was ten years her senior and she had met him at one of his gigs when she was thirteen. She sighed again and told him about Charlie and Tallulah, and about Mary Howard. They sat down on Paul's improvised bench, a weathered surfboard supported by two gutted out loudspeakers.

"What are you going to do?" he asked, brushing his dark brown hair back and facing her, his eyelids half-closed because of the strong sunlight.

"Dunno," Linda answered, shaking her head, her right hand rotating one of her rings around the left middle finger. She paused and then looked up, meeting Paul's gaze. "Have you ever been in love with someone... and you know that's wrong?"

Paul smiled at Linda, slightly taken aback. He said, "Being in love can never be wrong... What you do about it, that's something else."

"But have you ever-"

"Once... She was married... and still is. Why? You fall for a married guy?"

"Worse," she said, experiencing a sudden thrill with the game of words she was about to play. "They fall for me."

"That doesn't surprise me. Sometimes I think Rick doesn't know how lucky he is. I don't even know what you see in Rick."

Linda laughed and asked, "Hey, are you hitting on me after all these years?"

"Yes, Pumpkin," Paul chuckled, hugging Linda close and pressing the tip of Linda's nose with his finger. "You were too young back then. Now you've become a woman and this is my chance."

"Cut it out," she laughed, "you don't mean that." Linda stood up, unsure whether Paul meant what he said or whether it was just banter.

Paul stood up as well, his smile dwindling away. "Don't you worry, Lin. I'm joking. You know you're not my type. I like them older and with a little bit of meat around them. Besides, you're like a sister to me, the sister I never had."

Before Linda could answer, Rick showed up in the driveway. He embraced and kissed her. After their long kiss, Linda pushed him away. Unlike Rick, she was not comfortable with such passionate displays of affection in public.

They all wheeled into the garage as the guys began to discuss the demo. The three of them had to tread carefully, in case they tripped over one of the million cables on the floor. Linda greeted the other members of the band and Gus "The Killer" Smith, a stocky, red-bearded guy dressed in Hell's Angels attire. She sat down on a table at one corner of the garage, suddenly feeling out of place.

Paul's words kept ringing inside her. "You're like a sister to me... like a sister... to me." How ironic, she thought, shaking her head.

A few minutes later Rick began to blare out the lyrics that went like, "Babyface, you kill me with fantasies / you kill me with ecstasies / you love me, don't you know / don't you kill me now... "

Nikki lay on her bed, reading John Grisham's latest novel, which Dad had bought a couple of days before. Then Linda traipsed into the room. They had just eaten dinner and slunk away from Dad's guests for the evening, two dreary, uninspiring middle-aged businessmen with their predictable younger trophy wives. They had to dress up for the occasion. Dad wouldn't hesitate to use his family to promote Servenet to the company's clients. The word was that Dad, or really Servenet, would make 200 million dollars if he struck a deal that evening.

As expected, Linda was the center of attention when they had drinks, and then during dinner. Both men and women commented on how beautiful she was in her long black dress. Their amazement reached its peak when they learned how young she was. One of the women even said, "You look like a movie star, my dear."

"Thank you," Linda answered, trying to be as polite as she could, "although I don't care much for becoming a Hollywood stiff."

The woman looked at Linda with perplexity in her eyes as if she hadn't understood whether Linda's answer was an insult or a joke. At that point, Linda pulled up a smile and the woman laughed, impressed by Linda's wit. Dad was not amused, though. As his guests sat down around the dinner table, Dad took Linda aside and told her to "moderate" her attitude. Or else.

Nikki stopped reading and watched her sister as she kicked off her high heels and said, "These shoes are killing me."

"You should've seen their faces when they saw you for the first time," Nikki said, sitting cross-legged on her bed.

Linda just shrugged as she plunked herself down on her own bed, facing Nikki. "They're just a bunch of pinheads. Money is all they want and care about."

"Don't you?"

Linda stared at Nikki for a moment and then acknowledged her sister's wisecrack with a smile. She got to her feet and peeled off her dress.

Nikki's pulse revved up at once, surprised by Linda's willingness to get undressed in front of her with the lights on. Since Spring Break there had been a subtle shift in the way they handled each other's nakedness. Linda usually came up later when Nikki was already in bed and the lights were off. Linda then changed into her T-shirt, folded her clothes and laid them on one of the chairs, with everything done in complete darkness. If the lights were on, Linda turned her back on her, as if afraid of her younger sister's stare. This infuriated Nikki. 'I'm not a fucking sex maniac, ' she said to herself. 'I know when "no" means "no".' Nikki had never brought herself to confront her sister with it, though. Perhaps she was blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

"I think you should get out of that dress or it'll get all crumpled up," Linda said with a neutral voice, sliding off her bra.

"Yes, Mommy," Nikki retorted, raising another short-lived smile in Linda's face.

Nikki rose to her feet and pulled her dress over her head. Instead of throwing it onto a chair as she did most of the time, Nikki opened her closet and searched for a hanger for it.

"You're learning," Linda said, smiling and slipping under the covers of her bed.

Nikki ignored her sister's remark. She sat on her bed and asked, "Are you going to sleep already?"

"Do you have a better idea?" Linda countered, this time with a seemingly serious expression.

Nikki stood still for a moment, holding her breath and wondering what her sister really meant. She had seen Linda guzzle down a few slugs of bourbon when Mom and Dad were too busy with their guests. Was she drunk?

Linda and Nikki stared at each other for the longest time, neither of them able to move and break away from the spell that had fallen upon them out of nowhere. Their breathing was uneasy, their mouths were half-open, their lips dry, their cheeks warm... Nikki shivered from cold, realizing she had nothing on except for her bra and panties. She licked her lips as she rubbed her arms warm.

"Come here," Linda said eventually, patting her bed. "I'll warm you up."

Without hesitation, Nikki slid into Linda's bed, closing her eyes, almost not believing what was happening. She couldn't describe exactly what she felt. Her body seemed to have turned into a torch, so hot had it become. Her body kept trembling uncontrollably.

"You're warm," Linda said, stroking her hair.

Nikki didn't say a word because she couldn't speak. She didn't want to think about anything, emptying her mind of all thoughts. She could feel Linda's body cuddling up against her back, Linda's hands taking hold of hers, warming them as she had promised. Once again Nikki could feel Linda's breasts against her naked back, Linda's breathing against her neck. She wanted to turn over and face Big Sis, but she didn't move as she was afraid that her sister would change her mind and send her back to her bed.

Suddenly Linda leapt out of bed and disappeared into the entrance passage into their room. Nikki thought Big Sis had experienced a sudden urge to pee. She soon realized that her sister had gotten up to lock the door. It was too perfect to be true, she thought, trying to remain calm and detached as if her sister's actions had no special meaning.

Linda returned to her bed, and to her earlier spot next to Nikki. While toying with her sister's hair, she said, "Nikki?"

Nikki turned over, her eyes turning toward Linda's face, so close to hers. "Yes?"

Linda kept stroking Nikki's hair, brushing it away from her sister's eyes and forehead. "I've been thinking... "

"About what?"

"About us."

"And?" Nikki asked, her breathing coming to a complete stop.

"It's just... It's just so hard... to forget..."

"To forget?"

"About what happened... between us."

"I can't forget what happened either," Nikki said, almost not believing that her beautiful sister could feel the same way. "Every time I go out with a guy I just wonder how it'd be if you were the guy. It sounds weird, I know... But I can't help it. I can't help thinking about making love to you all the time. It was so sweet... I just can't help it."

As Nikki burst into tears, Linda pulled her sister closer until they kissed, mouths thirsty for probing tongues, hands craving for soft curves, breasts yearning for patient, yielding caresses...

"Oh Nikki..." Linda gasped, feeling her sex respond instantly.

Only Nikki made her feel that way. It seemed she had crossed the desert and returned to the oasis... She came to realize how much she had longed for this moment, how much she had denied her true feelings. This crazy passion, this overwhelming lovemaking was all she wanted. Nikki touching her breasts, her deft fingers grazing her nipples under her T shirt, was enough to make her heavy breathing stop. Her legs pressed against Nikki's thigh, holding in the wave of ecstasy. Then she breathed out, covering her younger sister with kisses.

Realizing what had just happened, Nikki smiled.

"You came?"

"Yes," Linda said, blushing.

"But I didn't even-"

"You don't need to. Just touching you and you touching me is enough."

The next Sunday morning Zoë walked into her older sisters' room and surprised Linda and Nikki together in bed. To her dismay, she realized that Linda and Nikki were at "it", again. She could see they were naked under the sheets of Linda's bed and the smell of sex permeated the room. Linda held Nikki close, with her head resting on Linda's shoulder. Their faces had a contented look as though they had made love all night. She had knocked but apparently those two sex maniacs were too tired to hear anything. 'At least they could've locked the door, ' she thought.