Chapter 2: Kiss And Tell

Linda closed her eyes, pulling her hair back once more, getting annoyed with her constant struggle for keeping her tresses away from her eyes and mouth. She had already thought about cutting them shorter, shoulder-length. But Mom and her sisters - especially Nikki - insisted she shouldn't. They all said she had such beautiful hair, long, shiny, full of golden curls, the envy of her female classmates, and one reason why she was so damned popular with the guys... But at that moment Linda's hair was just a nuisance to her. The weather outside was too hot, and so was the temperature inside. Sweat trickled down her forehead and the rest of her body. Linda brought her hand to the nape of her neck, feeling the dampness. She lifted her hair and then let it fall, heaving a deep sigh.

She sprang out of bed, heading for the small wooden balcony leading off from her room, the room she and her sister Nikki shared. A mild breeze met her face when she slid the door open. She breathed in deeply, as if to mask another sigh. She looked down, watching the passersby on the street below and the people strolling in the small park opposite. It was dark - about 10:30, Linda guessed. Although the park and the street had their fair share of lamps, the light was not enough for her to recognize faces. She could hear them laugh, though. They were having fun... and that made her sad.

Linda was alone in the opulent, oversized, white-washed beach house, feeling her loneliness acutely. Her sisters had gone with Mr. Cool's gang to Sweeney's, the groovy dance club bursting with rhythm, and pretty faces and scantily-clad luscious bodies. She loved to dance, to feel the beat filling her senses, her muscles, her brain, with energy. She loved the way the guys looked at her on the dance floor, pointing at her, probably making non-p.c. remarks such as "what a nice piece of ass" she was...

Guys were predictable, Linda thought, too damned predictable... Well, most of them. Girls, on the other hand, were able to surprise her sometimes. They could be as sweet and gentle as her sisters Nikki and Jeannie, saying how great she looked, or bitches straight from hell, threatening her that one day they would get her and cut her "shitty" face up. They said she acted as if she owned S.F. High...

Linda looked up to the sky, sadness flooding her heart. 'Why are people so mean?' she cried out to herself. She tried not to cry but soon tears ran down her cheeks. She sniffled, wiping her face dry with her fingers and the back of her hand. If Mom saw her do that, she would surely get a chew-out. A proper lady should always use a handkerchief, Mom would gripe. Mom and Dad weren't home, though. They were on a cruise on the yacht belonging to Jonathan and Molly Bell, their closest friends. Mom and Dad spent more time with the Bells than with their own daughters, or so it seemed to Linda. Linda swallowed, feeling a lump in her throat. She sniffled again.

Linda thought about calling Rick and having him come over. Rick would be the perfect distraction to drive away those sick thoughts about Nikki. Inviting Rick, though, conflicted with Mom's Rule Number One - no boyfriends allowed in the beach house. Unwittingly that strict rule had strengthened the bond Linda had with her sisters. The four of them were stuck with each other and having fun together had come naturally. There would be ups and downs among them but the bottom line was definitely positive.

What Linda loved most about Nikki was that she could discuss EVERYTHING with her sister. There were no secrets between them. All fears, anxieties, loves, guys, sex, were discussed without holding back. She trusted Nikki with her life. She loved to talk to her. She loved the way her sister listened, with her attentive blue-gray eyes wide open as if Nikki breathed in every word she said. In addition, Nikki was a warm person, never shying away from physical contact. Hugging and kissing and cuddling up together had become so natural between Linda and Nikki that none of them thought twice about it. This closeness contrasted markedly with the way Linda related to most if not all her female friends. Come to think of it, they rarely touched each other and if they did it felt so fake and "forced". There was always this fear hanging in the air of someone calling them "lesbians". 'Damn it!' Linda cursed mentally. It just wasn't fair.

Linda looked out once again at the skyline and the lights of a beach resort full of rich people and rich kids with too much money. She wondered if Nikki and the twins were enjoying themselves at Sweeney's. She was almost tempted to join them, but the prospect of facing the bouncers alone didn't appeal to her. 'Too late now, Linda, ' she rebuked herself, regretting now her decision to stay at home.

Running away from the source of her inner turmoil wasn't helping much. She thought constantly about Nikki, and the more she did so, the guiltier she felt. She had urges to cry, her chest drawing in air unevenly. She exhaled, sighing, and returned to her room. She opened a book, tried to read but couldn't even finish the first page. She was restless and afraid... Afraid of what? Of Nikki? Her sweet sister Nikki? Nikki wouldn't hurt her... Then what? Her feelings for Nikki? Was she falling in love with Nikki? Or was it just sex? Linda shook her head, turning off the bedside lamp, leaving her room submerged in almost complete darkness.

Linda lay on her bed almost in a trance, hearing distant noises and voices outside. She shut her eyes, feeling her heart hammering inside her chest, her body covered with sweat. Suddenly she sat up on the bed. She heard a creaking sound coming from downstairs. Burglars? It was too early for her sisters to be back from Sweeney's. They wouldn't go to the trouble of getting past the bouncers with their fake IDs just for a couple of hours of fun.

Linda wavered between going downstairs or calling the cops. Before she could make up her mind, hurried steps echoed in the hall, the door swung open and Nikki walked into the room.

Linda's heart still thumped. She wanted to complain about her sister scaring her, not yelling to say she was home, and then just charging into the room unannounced. But her anxiety was deeper than the fear of a burglar. Her double anxiety left her silent, unable to speak.

"Hi!" she heard Nikki say. It was a curt greeting but Linda didn't find it surprising. Their last interaction had been far from being friendly.

Summoning up all her strength, Linda whispered, "You're early." Her voice sounded hoarse and tentative. She cleared her throat.

"Is that a complaint?"

"No, you just scared me... I didn't expect you so early."

"I was worried about you. I tried to "blend in" at Sweeney's but I knew you were not OK. I just couldn't stay there and enjoy myself... Mr. Cool got pissed off when I left, but I don't care."

Nikki closed in, turning on the bedside lamp and sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked at Linda, noticing that her sister's green eyes still looked dejected. "Are you feeling better now?"

Linda shrugged, looking away.

"Is there something on your mind?" Nikki pressed on.

Linda shook her head, still looking down at the covers of her bed.

"Why don't you talk to me, Linda? Why are in such a mood? I don't recognize you any more. I haven't seen you this sad in ages... You're always so cheerful and happy and... alive. But now it seems something is troubling you and you don't tell me. I find you crying. When I want to discuss it, you just bang the door in my face."

"I'm sorry, Nikki. It's just-" Linda's eyes met Nikki's for a short moment but Linda couldn't stand her sister's probing look any longer. She averted her gaze once more. "It's just- It's so hard..."

"What? What's hard?"

Linda let herself stretch out on the bed, covering her face with her hands. She sighed again and looked at her sister's worried, pretty face. Nikki looked so beautiful with makeup on, and the pair of earrings she had "borrowed" from Mom. She wore a long black close-fitting dress, also Mom's. Eventually Linda's eyes fell on Nikki's cleavage, tracing the contours of her sister's breasts and guessing where the nipples pressed against her bra. An immediate response ripped through Linda's lower belly and her own nipples, leaving her utterly confused and ashamed. She felt the burning in her cheeks, glad that she, after all, wore her hair long, the perfect curtain to fend off prying eyes.

"What's hard, Linda?" Nikki insisted, lying down beside her sister.

Linda's mouth opened and shut without a sound. Linda stared at the ceiling, or a point in space beyond it, her mind miles away. Nikki kept watching Big Sis, her elbow propping up her upper body. Over time that position became uncomfortable, forcing Nikki to rest her head on Linda's bed, releasing her sore elbow from the weight of her body. Neither of them spoke, their breathing the only sound in the room. Suddenly, Linda's green eyes left the ceiling and faced her younger sister. Linda made an attempt to smile but the muscles of her face rebelled. Then, out of the blue, she said, "You're so beautiful."

Nikki shook for a moment, taking in the intensity of Linda's stare. It felt odd and it was frightening... but at the same time fascinating. There was this strange glitter to Linda's eyes that made Nikki shudder. She felt Linda's fingers touching her cheeks while brushing her hair away from her face. Because the contact tickled, Nikki pulled away, giggling.

"No, I'm not... You're the pretty one."

"No, just look at yourself and see how gorgeous you are. You can get any guy you want."

Nikki looked at her sister, wondering what was behind all this sucking-up. A few years ago compliments coming from Linda were always a prelude to trouble. Kind words often laid the groundwork for wheedling favors, such as covering up for Big Sis every time she wanted to sneak out of the house at night and meet a guy. They fought and accused each other of being selfish and irresponsible. But in the end Big Sis always won and got her way. Linda knew how to handle her younger sister and, in particular, her younger sister's guilt. Over the years Linda had grown wiser and less enthusiastic about her night-time escapades. She was older and so allowed to stay out till later. The thrill of the forbidden fruit fizzled out, and so had Linda's willingness to risk grounding for something she now wrote off as immature behavior. Linda's early recklessness had given way to responsibility and poise. Instead of losing her popularity, the guys swarmed around her like flies flying around a honey pot. They had finally found someone they could depend on, and even be friends with.

"You taught me that, Lin," Nikki said, breaking the silence and getting closer to Linda. "You showed me how."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. I saw how you handled the guys and how popular you were... and are. I wanted the same, you know, so I tried to copy you... Remember when you used to call me "copycat"? I hated you for it but you were right... I was a copycat."

"No, you weren't. I-"

"Yes, I was. I'd always look at you and pay attention to everything you said and did." Nikki paused for a moment, swallowing. "You'd shout at me, saying that I should stop following you and get a life. Don't you remember that?"

"Yes, but-" Linda cut herself off, seeing the hidden pain behind the blue-gray of her sister's eyes. "Oh Nikki, I am sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to shout at you. I was young and didn't know better... although I still think you should get a life."

Nikki looked closely at her sister and soon saw a shadow of a smile on Linda's mouth. Nikki gave a chuckle, aware that her sister's jab was a joke, Linda's way of saving them both from any further aggravation caused by past grievances.

For a long moment they stared at each other, Nikki shuddering again by the intense, almost mysterious pull of Linda's eyes. Linda's hands kept stroking her hair, uncovering her face and her right ear. Linda didn't tickle her any more. Nikki's face had grown used to Linda's touch, becoming warmer and less tense. All of a sudden Nikki felt Linda's arms sliding around her waist, pulling her closer until their bodies touched. Before long Big Sis began to kiss her cheek. Nikki trembled and her face burned as if on fire. She had been kissed before by Big Sis but these kisses felt different, very, very different... She couldn't understand why her heart beat so fast, why her breathing sounded so uneven...

Nikki opened her mouth, breathing in more deeply, feeling the corner of Linda's lips against hers. Without quite understanding the meaning of it all, Nikki was kissed by Linda, lips on lips, each tongue exploring the other. She let Linda kiss her, too overwhelmed to refuse, too confused to respond. As unexpectedly as it all started, Linda broke their kiss, turning her back on Nikki and sitting up on the edge of her bed, shaking.

"I'm sorry, Nikki... I don't know what's gotten into me."

Nikki sat up as well. She liked Linda's kiss, the overwhelming intensity of it. Linda had never been this tender to her. They'd never been this close. She enjoyed that closeness. Whenever she was with Linda, she felt safe, loved, taken care of. Confused ideas rushed through Nikki's mind, not knowing what to do next. Little by little, it became clear that she wanted Linda to kiss her again, to feel Linda's mouth and hands "killing" her with soft caresses. But Linda seemed so upset about their kiss.

She reached for Linda and hugged her, feeling the softness of her sister's tummy and waist. She felt her nipples grow stiff against Linda's back. She was getting excited. It felt wonderful to be able to touch and smell Linda's hair - silkiness mixed with a sweet fragrance, so typical of Linda.

"Linda?"

"Yes?"

"I want you to go on."

Linda turned to face her, ending the embrace. "What do you mean?"

"About kissing me. I liked it."

"I thought you hated it. I thought you hated me..."

Nikki shook her head. Taking the initiative, she threw her arms around Linda's neck and kissed her hard, with passion, pulling her sister down with her. They kissed so that tongues searched for each other. Nikki loved it. She'd never been kissed like that before - so passionately, so desperately. She couldn't understand why Linda had started it, but that didn't matter any more. Linda held her tight, so tight she was afraid she was going to suffocate. And it made her happy, so damned happy. Her beautiful big sis, the object of lust of so many, was kissing her, making love to her as if tomorrow was the end of the world.