Chapter 12: To Die For

Nikki and Zoë waved good-bye to Pete. Nikki found it amazing how different Pete could be when he was away from the rest of the gang. He was more patient, and instead of behaving like an asshole trying to impress them with smooth moves on the surfboard - far too difficult for beginners - he made sure you knew the basics before attempting something more daring. Nikki and Zoë were discussing this when they got home.

"Hi, Nikki," Linda greeted them as they came in. "Hi, Zoë..."

"What's the matter, Linda?" Nikki asked. "You look so pale."

"Jeannie... I don't know where she is."

"What?" Zoë exclaimed.

"It's my fault..."

"Calm down, Linda," Nikki said, setting down her surfboard. "What're you talking about?"

Linda was shaking. Their older sister, the one who was always in control, appeared to have lost her composure. Linda was doubled up, crying on the couch. Nikki sat down next to her.

"Linda, listen to me... What happened? Please... tell me."

"It's my fault... It's all my fault."

"What, Linda? What?"

It took a few long minutes before Linda could explain what happened in the mall.

"If something happens to Jeannie... I'll never forgive myself... Oh, Nikki... Nikki... "

"She's down at the beach," Zoë suddenly said. Her sisters looked at her, their eyes questioning her how she could be so sure. "Don't ask me why but I just know she's down at the beach. Let's go."

Zoë, for the first time, led the way. The three of them made a beeline for the promenade and then for the beach. Soon they found Jeannie sitting on the sand, her arms encircling her knees, staring at the waves, her light hair flapping around her head.

"Jeannie!" Zoë called out, drawing near to her twin sister.

Jeannie didn't look up. She just kept staring out to sea.

"Jeannie, we were worried sick about you," Nikki added.

"Just leave me alone."

"We ain't gonna leave without you. It's late... and you know it's not safe to stay here after dark." Nikki crouched down beside Jeannie. "Jeannie, listen-"

"I'm not coming with you. Just leave me ALONE!!!"

For the first time in her life Nikki was afraid of Jeannie. Jeannie looked at her with so much hate... She looked so desperate. Nikki turned to Linda for help, but Big Sis was as helpless and despairing as Jeannie. If Linda was unable to do anything, there was nothing she could do, Nikki concluded. That powerlessness scared Nikki more than anything. She had always counted on Big Sis to solve this kind of crisis. Then the unthinkable crossed her mind...

"I'm gonna call Dad."

"What?" Zoë cried out.

"Yes, look at Linda and Jeannie," Nikki said with a lump in her throat. "I've never seen them so messed up... I don't know what happened in that fucking mall... But I do know we can't go on like this... This is fucking our brains up, can't you see that?"

"Nikki, don't you understand?"

"What, Zoë?"

"Jeannie wants to sleep with Linda..."

"What?... Is this all about-"

"Yes. And Linda doesn't want to hurt you... Can you be that blind?"

Nikki gazed at Linda in total disbelief... Big Sis was crying copiously, her hair flying in the breeze, her eyes so helpless, so dejected.

"Is that true, Linda?" asked Nikki.

Seconds, like minutes, like hours, elapsed before Linda could nod.

"Why didn't you tell me, Linda? Why? I would've understood."

"You would?" Linda said, cleaning her face dry with her fingers.

"Of course... You think I want to see you this desperate? I don't want to drive anyone crazy. Who am I to forbid you or Jeannie anything? I'm not Mom... or Dad."

"Oh Nikki," Linda whispered, hugging her sister. "I was feeling so guilty."

"Don't. How many times do I have to say that to you? Nothing happens to me or the twins against our will. We made love because we BOTH wanted that. I could've said no... But I didn't. I said yes and I'll say yes to you till I die."

"Oh Nikki..." Linda sighed, holding Nikki tighter and staring at Jeannie. Her youngest sister seemed as bewildered as she was.

Zoë offered her hand to her twin sister and this time Jeannie accepted it, rising to her feet. Linda freed Nikki from her embrace and drew closer to the twins. "And you, Zoë," Linda asked, "what d'you think about it? You two were fighting over it when we ran away, weren't you?"

"Yes. We were... but not any more. I kept thinking about it when Jeannie was in hospital. I promised to myself if she got better I'd never hit her again. She's free to do what she pleases. All I want is her happiness... I swear."

"Don't swear," Linda said. "There's no need to. I believe you. Let's go home. I'll fix a nice dinner... and we'll talk about it."

The four sisters walked back home, ignoring the multitude of cars and people flocking toward the sea. A year ago they would have joined the partying crowd without a worry in their minds. Now life seemed far more complicated. Their hearts weighed heavy and their eyes hurt from crying.

Nikki held Zoë closer and pushed Jeannie into Linda's arms. Linda smiled her thank-you to her unbelievably unselfish sister. The fist that squeezed her heart began to relax its grip. She looked down at Jeannie. Jeannie's eyes were half-shut, leaning against her big sister's shoulder. Jeannie was utterly worn out. No wonder... after such a dreadful day... It was a day to forget... or maybe a day to remember... one day...

"Who was that?" Linda asked, slicing tomatoes for the salad.

"Pete," Nikki answered, stepping into the kitchen and abandoning the cellular phone on the table. "He's just asked me out."

"And?"

"Jealous?"

"Maybe."

"No need," Nikki whispered into her ear, causing Linda to tremble with a chilling thrill. Nikki's arms encompassed her sister's waist. "I said no."

"You didn't have to."

"I know... Not in the mood."

They heard the twins coming downstairs. Linda's hands clutched Nikki's arms, wriggling herself out of her sister's embrace. She sent an apologetic look to Nikki. "Only tonight," Linda murmured. "OK?"

"Don't worry," Nikki said, shaking her head. "I'm not in a hurry."

After eating supper and cleaning up the kitchen, the four sisters went into the living room. Zoë turned on the TV and plumped herself down on the couch. Jay Leno's face appeared on the screen. It wasn't the Tonight Show but an interview with him. The interviewer referred to the usual jokes about his chin, and whether or not that bothered him... Nikki hunkered down next to Zoë.

"I think I'm gonna hit the sack," Jeannie said, rotating her shoulder, feeling it with her hand and grimacing.

"Still hurts?" Linda asked, still standing, just a couple of feet away from Jeannie.

"Hmm mmm," Jeannie confirmed.

"Maybe you should go with Jeannie," Nikki said, looking at Linda. "Jeannie can sleep in my bed tonight... If she needs a massage, you'll be right next to her. I'll keep Zoë company... Right, Zoë?"

"Hmm mmm," Zoë's turn to agree.

"We'll be OK," Nikki assured her hesitating sisters. "Just go... Or do we have to drag you two upstairs?"

Linda smiled. Nikki's words sounded so strange. Nikki was literally pushing her into Jeannie's arms, Linda realized. Her beautiful, large-hearted sister understood the burning desire Jeannie felt for her, for Linda, her sister, her lover...

Lover?... What a strange word to describe what they were to each other.

Linda climbed the stairs behind Jeannie. Jeannie stopped by the room she shared with Zoë.

"You don't wanna come?" Linda asked.

"To your room?"

"Yes."

"Do you want that?..."

"Only if you want to."

"I do."

"OK, I'll massage your shoulder..."

Jeannie nodded, inside her body turning into a furnace. Her legs were failing her. Was this the moment she had waited for all her life? Was tonight the night? She'd had so many letdowns. Life is hard... Life isn't easy... She tried to convince herself this was just a promise of a simple massage. Jeannie shook her head. She didn't want to think about it. It would most likely be another letdown.

Self-consciously Jeannie changed into her pajamas after washing her face in Linda's bathroom. It was the first time she did that in front of Big Sis. It felt like they were bride and groom on their first awkward night together. Maybe they were... Jeannie shook her head again, driving away that crazy daydreaming. She was getting carried away... but close quarters with Big Sis was such an intoxicating experience now.

"Ready?" Linda asked, smiling at her sister's reflection in the mirror. She spread her night cream all over her face.

"What's this stuff?" Jeannie queried, examining the cream bowl.

"It hydrates your skin... Beach dries it up... Want some?"

"Does it tickle?"

"No," Linda chuckled, "but I do."

Jeannie let out a short-lived shriek of delight when Linda tickled her ribcage. Jeannie ran to Nikki's bed, giggling. Nikki's bed was hers tonight. She was going to sleep next to Linda. 'This must be a dream, ' she decided. 'This can't be real... '

Linda walked toward her, the cream bowl in her hand. "OK, just lie back and close your eyes. I'll start with your face."

Jeannie obeyed, realizing how unusually warm her body was. She waited for the contact... the supreme moment. Linda's hands touched her, finally, producing an unending, delicious trembling. It was more than a sexual feeling now. It seemed as though her body was floating on air, leaving this earth full of disappointments and misery. Only Linda could make that happen... Linda was a goddess, the river nymph, spreading a magical ointment that cooled down her flushed face and made her relax. She wanted to kiss her... She wanted Linda to kiss her... But the kiss didn't come. She opened her eyes.

"Feeling good?" Linda asked, smiling down at her.

Jeannie nodded. She couldn't talk.

"Now, your shoulder... You've got to take your pajamas off, Jeannie. I mean, only the top..."

"OK," Jeannie said, straightening herself up on the bed. She looked down, avoiding Linda's stare. Linda helped her out of the pajama top. Red-faced, Jeannie faced her sister, hiding her breasts behind her arms

"What?"

"They're so small."

"No, they aren't... They're beautiful... just like you."

"Yours are bigger..."

Linda laughed. "Hey, young lady... This ain't a contest for big boobs. All right?" Jeannie laughed back, nervously. Then Linda added, "And by the way that's nothing I haven't seen before. Just relax, girl. Lie down... on your stomach."

Linda brushed Jeannie's hair away from her back. She poured onto Jeannie's arms and shoulder blades the massage oil Mom kept in her closet. With care she spread it slowly, very slowly, all over her sister's back, concentrating the massage more and more on the injured shoulder. She smiled to herself, watching Jeannie's eyelids close, her sister's body get less and less taut. Linda felt happy, in spite of the ghastly events that had taken place that afternoon. She was reassuring Jeannie, making her feel loved... sex aside. When she was done massaging with Jeannie, her sister didn't move. Linda realized Jeannie had fallen asleep. Linda covered her with the sheet, making a special effort to prevent any sudden movement that could wake her sister.

She turned off the lights, sighing. 'Better this way, ' she thought. They didn't have to sleep together. Maybe that would be a bad call... for both of them.

Jeannie's eyes flickered open. She raised herself up onto her elbow. She brushed her hair off her eyes and mouth. She felt so terribly tired. Beach was wearing her down, as Linda had said. Jeannie raised her eyes, stared at her sister, and sighed. Straining reluctantly to recover from somnolence, she put on her pajama top and dragged herself out of bed. It was 7 AM and the sun was beginning to rise in the eastern sky. Birds sang in the trees, enjoying their few hours of freedom from humans.

Jeannie went to the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror, examining her tired-looking features. She tossed her hair back and away from her face. It still looked pale. She scanned her skin for pimples, a daily habit that drove her twin sister crazy. Zoë couldn't understand her obsession with skin care. Zoë stormed out of the bathroom every time she insisted her twin should do the same.

Jeannie had a drink of water and traipsed back to bed. Before sitting down on the bed, she looked down at Linda. Big Sis was still sleeping. Jeannie realized Linda wasn't wearing her T-shirt. The whiteness of the sheets set off the golden tan of her naked body. Linda's hair was spread out on the pillow, gold against white all over... Jeannie followed her sister's curves under the sheets... She made for herself an image of Linda's breasts, rising and falling, yielding to the steady breathing of a beautiful body of an even more beautiful person... Her sister... Her gorgeous, amazing Big Sis...

Jeannie kept staring at Linda. She couldn't look away. She just couldn't. A knot began to grow in her throat... And the need, the craving for Linda came upon her, making her shudder. Her breathing was becoming heavier again, and swallowing was almost impossible. Every breath she took seemed like a sigh. Her mouth was as dry as a desert... a desert without water, without a soul...

"Oh God..." Jeannie muttered, this time looking away. A sudden urge to cry came over her. In no time tears filled her eyes and began to run down her cheeks. That same crushing despair she had felt at the mall returned. She was unable to understand it. And that scared her. Sometimes she had the impression she was going to flip out. "Oh Sis... Linda..."

But Linda didn't wake up. Her chest maintained the same steady rhythm. Jeannie stared at Linda's face, so peaceful, like an angel's, her angel.

"Linda, please..." Jeannie begged in a whisper. "Please, Linda... wake up. I need you... I need you so much... Please... Please..."

Jeannie's quivering became more apparent. This time she couldn't help it - she began to sob. Only then Linda woke up, sitting up on her bed with a start.

"Jeannie... what happened?" asked Linda. She sprung up and pulled Jeannie into her arms "Jeannie... for chrissake... what's the matter?"

But the sobbing didn't go away. Jeannie was inconsolable. "Come here, then," Linda said, taking her little sister into her bed. "Lie down with me. We'll stay here all day if you want." Once in bed, Linda cradled Jeannie close, kissing her forehead, her eyes, shushing her. Jeannie drew closer, pressing herself toward Linda, her arms taking hold of Linda's waist. "Jeannie... Jeannie..."

Jeannie stared at Linda... at Linda's green eyes... They were like two green emeralds, magnets...

"Linda," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"Linda..." Jeannie repeated. "Linda..."

"Yes, baby... What?"

"Please..."

And with that please, Linda understood how deeply Jeannie had fallen in love with her. And that was scary... Not even Nikki was that intense.

"Please, Linda... Please... I beg you..." Taking matters into her own hands, Jeannie kissed the corner of Linda's mouth, pressing her body against her sister's. But those green eyes hesitated still. "Please, Linda... Please, or I'll die... Please... Kiss me... Kiss me... is all I ask."

Slowly Linda's lips came down on Jeannie's. Linda couldn't resist any more Jeannie's mind-blowing intensity. Then the kiss happened, very slowly, as though they were kissing in slow motion. It was a feverish, intense kiss... so intense they shook at the same time, breathlessly.

Making love with Jeannie felt so different, thought Linda. With Nikki she could sometimes laugh. With Jeannie, that wouldn't be possible. The intensity of Jeannie's look demanded seriousness, and knowing that someone could love her that much excited her strangely. Linda didn't understand how and why. She preferred to stop thinking about it... Jeannie was waiting.

Linda kissed her, this time passionately, and Jeannie melted in her arms, closing her eyes, dying with little spasms, so intense had the kiss become.