Chapter 10: Love And Hate

Nikki had to leave the waiting room. She couldn't breathe in there. She wanted to forget everything.

Her life before Linda was a blur now. So much had happened, so much had changed inside her. And she was losing her... She was losing Linda and she couldn't bear the thought of it.

Nikki stepped outside to the parking lot. She put her arms around herself, a self-embrace full of despair. 'Linda... Linda... please, don't leave me... PLEASE.' Nikki closed her eyes, trying to put out of her mind the image of her fretful parents waiting in that sickening hospital. In a corner, Zoë was crying silently, a kind nurse holding the tearful teenager in her arms. Linda, her back to her parents, stared at the wall, ignoring everybody, blaming herself.

"It's my fault, Nikki," Linda said and repeated it over and over again.

"Linda, that's not true. You didn't pull the trigger... That son of a bitch did."

"I killed him."

"To protect us. To protect Jeannie. It was self-defense. He would've killed us... you know that. Linda..." Nikki had tried to hold her but Big Sis promptly removed her sister's hands from her waist. "Linda, why are you like that? I'm trying to help you."

"Don't!" was the answer. Then Big Sis walked away from her, going to the opposite side of the waiting room.

Outside, in the parking lot, Nikki stared at another incoming ambulance, its flashing lights rotating, the screaming siren dying down. Swiftly the paramedics leaped out of the ambulance and scrambled into the building another out-of-luck victim of a car crash or a mountainside shooting. Jeannie had been hauled in the same way, with people shouting, and Mom and Dad trying to keep up with that chaotic convoy of people. The only difference was the oppressive presence of the press. Dad had convinced everybody the redneck was a kidnapper, or rather, "the" kidnapper. His daughters hadn't run away. No. They had been kidnapped by a lustful beast... Linda had killed him in self-defense, Dad told the journalists and photographers. There would be an investigation, Dad said, but he assured Linda that no charges would be filed.

So typical of Dad...

Linda's eyes meandered around the empty seats of the waiting room. She agonized over the fact that Jeannie was in coma, between life and death. The doctors kept reiterating their reserved statements about her sister's chances of surviving a massive blood loss. Linda wanted to be with her sister but they wouldn't let her. Hospital procedures... God!

The presence of Mom and Dad was giving her the jitters. Mom wouldn't look at her; but Dad would. He tried to bridge the gap, but she didn't trust him. He was using their misfortune for his political gain, talking about his deep shock and horror to the press, making a plea for tougher measures against crime in general and kidnappers of children in particular. There were rumors he was going to make a bid for the Congress. All that media circus would surely give him publicity. It was disgusting!

Linda reached for her head. On and off she felt a headache. Her fingers probed for the swelling on her head. The doctors said it was only a minor contusion. Her head had hit a stone when she fell and blacked out.

Nikki had saved Jeannie's life, Linda recalled. After making sure her eldest sister was all right, Nikki had scudded down the trail until she found the road and the Jeep. One hour later she was back with help. Linda loved and admired her for it.

Linda searched the waiting room for Nikki but her sister was gone. She wanted to find where Nikki was, to check if her sister was all right. All those events were making a nervous wreck out of Linda. She didn't let anyone touch her, not even Nikki. Linda could see the effect of her refusal on her younger sister but Linda's guilt became unbearable every time Nikki, sweet Nikki, came for a hug.

Linda snapped out of her daydreaming when a doctor came into the waiting room. He shook hands with Dad and Mom.

"I think you'd better come in, Mrs McDougall. Your daughter's fever is increasing. She's out of coma at this point but she's constantly calling your name. I think your presence may help her."

"My baby is calling my name?"

"Yes ma'am... You're Linda, aren't you?"

"No..." she said, sheer confusion in her eyes, turning to her astonished daughter. "Linda is-"

"It's me," Linda broke in, scuttling closer. "I'm Linda. I'm her sister."

"Oh," the doctor said, realizing his blunder. "I thought- Well, you'd better come with me, then... I'm sorry, Mrs McDougall... I thought-"

"Let's go," Linda groaned, jerking the doctor's sleeve. "She's calling my name. My sister needs me."

Linda left with the doctor, ignoring her mother's eyes. Hate... Her mother hated her. Nothing new for Linda, though. She had always suspected that. Now she was sure of it.

Linda rushed down the hall, still yanking at the doctor's sleeve, urging him to walk faster. In a few seconds she was by her sister's side. The first thing Linda noticed was how pale Jeannie looked. Linda looked across the bed and at the nurse who was trying to calm her sister down. Jeannie was delirious, murmuring unintelligible gibberish.

"Linda!" she heard suddenly, startling her. "Linda, please... Linda... LINDA... Help me... Help me..." Jeannie's head thrashed on the pillow, her forehead thoroughly covered with sweat. "Linda... help me... please..."

"I'm here, baby," Linda said, holding her sister's hand. "I'm here." The moment she said it, clasping Jeannie's hands, her sister's thrashing stopped. For a moment Linda, the doctor and the nurse held their breath as though they were waiting for a miracle, but the miracle didn't happen. Jeannie seemed to drift into a deeper sleep, but not her previous feverish nightmare. Gradually her breathing became steadier and stronger, but her eyelids remained shut, her face as pale as before. Linda's eyes turned to the doctor. "Is she OK? Is this normal?"

"The worst's over now... Your sister is just sleeping..."

"Yes, and the fever's subsiding," the nurse added.

"Maybe you'd better leave now," the doctor suggested, as he checked Jeannie's forehead with his huge, hairy hands. "Get some rest. There's nothing you can do at this point."

"Hell no, I'm not gonna leave her," Linda whispered, trying not to raise her voice. "She needs me. She said it herself. The hell with the procedures. If she didn't need me, you wouldn't have called me. Am I wrong?"

The doctor heaved a sigh, casting a quick glance at the nurse. The nurse shrugged back at him.