Chapter 5

I reread that letter a thousand times over the coming weeks, each time reading something different into each word. It also took a couple of weeks to compose my first letter to Jacqui. I had so many dilemmas to resolve, many to myself, never mind to Jacqui. Our time together was fantastic but was it just lust? I thought it was more.

Fortunately I had a fabulous mum, someone who I could talk to about anything. Within a couple of days of my being back, she'd drawn the entire story, although I glossed over the sexual details, from me. The only hint of disapproval was at the beginning when she realised that Jacqui was married, but even that she quickly discarded; my mother never was one to moralise. She read Jacqui's letter and suggested I do nothing for two weeks. I could think about her as much as I wanted but I was not to write. I agreed only partly because it was what my mum advised but mainly because I didn't know what to say.

When the fortnight was up my mum asked me how I felt, but told me to be honest and say what I really felt not what I thought I should feel. It took me a while to understand the difference. With some pertinent questions from mum we discovered that I missed Jacqui as much, if not more for herself, than for my own gratification. My mum then told me that I should write to her, if that is what I wanted, but she warned me that Jacqui may not respond either through guilt or because she'd seen me as a 'fling'.

Eventually I had the final version of my letter, which told Jacqui how I was doing and much I was missing her. My mother suggested that I did not mention sex just in case Jacqui's husband ever read it.

I posted the letter on the third Saturday of my return, which was four and half weeks after I'd last seen Jacqui. I'd calculated that my letter should arrive on Monday but allow a day for our postal service so say Tuesday; a day for Jacqui to write her letter and a similar two days for it to arrive. That meant that I hoped for a reply by Friday the following week. It arrived on Wednesday and I eagerly rushed to my bedroom to read it.

"Darling David,

Please forgive me a little insecurity but I thought that you were never going to write, that you'd already forgotten me.

I'm glad, although I know I'm being selfish, that you miss me. I miss you too and a surprising amount. I've thought about us every single day and often wish it were you lying next to me at night, or at least at the end of a phone so that I could just hear your voice.

I'm surprised that you told your mother about us and even more amazed at her response, she appears to be a very kind and perceptive person. I hope I get the chance to meet her one-day.

Ron and I haven't stopped arguing since we got back from holiday. He blames me; he says I've changed. He's right I have changed; I'm not prepared to put with his moods and his absences any more and he doesn't like it.

Anyway, I've got to get off to work now. I'll write a proper letter over the weekend.

Missing you already,

Love

Jacqui

x x x x x x x x x x x

ps Don't wait too long this time before writing."