Even as Miss Hathaway's convertible was slipping through traffic, Elly May was still trying to argue herself out of the trip.

"I don't need no more clothes," she told the secretary, who looked like a broomstick with a shriveled up old apple on the top. "I got plenty."

"Hmm, yes," Miss Hathaway said, keeping her eyes on the road. "But there are a few gaps in your wardrobe."

Elly May looked down at herself. Her abundant breasts were corralled by a white men's shirt, with the ends tied in a knot around her stomach. A pair of battered-looking jeans hugged her shapely legs tightly, held up by a rope around her waist.

"I ain't got no gaps," she said petulantly. "See? There ain't nothing showing!"

Miss Hathaway chuckled to herself as she pulled the car into a parking space near the dress shop. She almost had to drag Elly May in, until the girl caught sight of an elaborate wedding gown in one corner of the display window.

"Kin I try on that one?" she asked. Miss Hathaway agreed; anything to get her into the store.

Once inside, Elly May did try on the wedding gown, and Miss Hathaway took advantage of the glow from that experience to slip several other outfits onto her lush body. But eventually the girl's obstinance returned and the sales clerk was ready to admit defeat as Elly May rejected dress after dress.

Miss Hathaway, however, had the clerk put aside two particularly pretty dresses, and now had one last objective.

"How about a bathing suit, Elly May?"

"A bathin' suit? I need something special just to take a bath?"

"No, no, Elly May. You need something to wear when you're lounging outside. You can't just go around in that outfit all the time. Remember, you're in Beverly. Hills, that is. Swimming pools. Movie stars. You need something to wear in your pool."

"Aw, heck, if I want to go for a swim I don't wear nothin'. That's the best way."

"Well, that's not how it's done in Beverly Hills. At least not in the parts of town I go to. Here, try this one on." Miss Hathaway held up a demure one-piece suit in a rather hideous maroon. "I've got one just like it!"

Elly May rejected it quickly, but the sales clerk decided to give it a shot. She pulled out a wispy yellow bikini. Elly May's eyes widened. "Underwear!" she said. "You want me to wear underwear around people?"

It took some fast talking to explain the difference, and the girl didn't seem completely clear on the concept. But she did agree to change into the bikini.

When she stepped out of the dressing room, Miss Hathaway had to cover her mouth with a bony hand to suppress a giggle.

The bright yellow suit did show off Elly May's bountiful body with all its curves. And the color set off sparks in her blonde hair. But Elly May had spent most of her time outdoors in the same get-up, and the bikini exposed a rather bizarre tan line across her belly and a "V" of tan down the valley of her breasts.

Choking back her laughter, Miss Hathaway insisted the outfit was perfect and had the sales clerk wrap it up. On the way back to the Clampett's mansion, she tried to explain tan lines to Elly May, gave up, and just insisted that the girl put on her suit and get some time in the sun as soon as possible.

Inside the house, her father, Granny and Cousin Jethro were bustling about, getting ready for a trip to the store. "Git your carcass out to the car," Granny squawked at Elly May when she started up the long, winding staircase to the second floor. "We's a-going right now!"

"Uh-uh, I cain't go," Elly May explained. "Miss Hathaway says I have to go put on some new underwear and sit out by the pool so's I can get a sunburn on my chest. That way I'll fit in with everybody else."

Granny shook her head, convinced more than ever that Miss Hathaway and most everybody in this town was crazy. She decided not to bother working on Elly May for now, and went out and climbed into the old car.

They were all gone when Elly May came back down the stairs in her skimpy bikini. She went out through the kitchen to the pool and found a sunny spot to lie down on a bench. It was a typically warm, beautiful Southern California day. Elly May closed her eyes and settled back, dutifully turning over every so often as Miss Hathaway had instructed. "Like a hog on a spit," she mused out loud.

She was lying on her stomach, her eyes closed and her round butt sticking up when a wet touch on her back made her jump up. "What... oh, it's you, Sugar," she said.

Sugar was a billy goat about four feet high. Its tongue was still hanging out as it backed away, frightened by Elly May's startled jump. She coaxed it back.