Chapter 1

My name is Roxy. I am young woman who is full of love and life and is starting to find out what she wants out of life. But getting here has been a journey that I never could have predicted and never would have thought I could have been strong enough to make.

To explain what I mean, I have to tell you first of all that I was born male. The change has been so gradual that I can hardly believe I've come so far. I've always been slender and never developed a very masculine body but I never imagined growing up that I would end up in this body.

It really started about three years ago when I met Nick. He was a good looking guy and pretty friendly to me and for a while we were just friends. We would meet for a beer and just hang out doing regular guy stuff. After a while I started looking forward to our get togethers. Nick has a great sense of humor and when we talked it came effortlessly. I could talk to him and tell him things I had never told anyone else. I guess I used to talk about him a lot with my other friends because one day one of them made an observation that had never occurred to me: that I was in love with Nick. I was stunned at first because I knew at some level he was right. I had never been especially attracted to men and never had anything like a romantic relationship with a man so my new predicament was really devastating.

Nick could tell that something was wrong with me after that but I couldn't bring myself to tell him what I had realized. I didn't want to stop hanging out with him. But he always seemed so straight and masculine that I knew that if I told him what was going on with me he'd be repulsed and end our friendship. I didn't know what to do. Nick was so sensitive and knew me so well, though, that after a while he guessed what had happened. To my amazement he told me that he was glad. He said he always found me attractive and even though he'd never had a relationship with a guy, other than as a buddy, he had also contemplated what it might be like to take it further with me.

I was so relieved. But then another dilemma set in. What should we do? Neither one of us had ever had a sexual experience with a man before and we felt embarrassed about our feelings. We didn't see each other for two weeks after that and I thought that our friendship was over anyway. But after a while I think we both started to miss each other and so he called me. He wanted me to come over and talk about our problem. I told him that would be a good idea. I had no idea what would happen and in the time it took me to get to his apartment I experienced a storm of emotions. I was excited but also afraid.

When I got there, he had a twelve pack of beer and a bottle of tequila waiting. He said it might make it easier to talk. But that's not what happened. I think we were a little too nervous to deal with it so we mostly just drank for a while and what was said was small talk. After about an hour of steadily drinking tequila shots with beer chasers we were both feeling pretty buzzed. We were sitting together on the couch and before either of knew what was happening our legs were touching. I think that was enough to drive us both a little crazy. We turned to each other and in another moment we were kissing passionately. Our tongues explored each other madly. It was such a turn on and the intensity, not to mention the alcohol, made me forget about the baggage I had carried around with what it all meant.

Everything that happened next moved so smoothy that it felt like it was meant to happen. Without saying a word we moved in unison. As we kissed Nick took my hand and brought it down to his crotch so that I felt his hard-on. I had never felt another man's cock before but I was thrilled by the feeling of how big and hard it was. But it was more than that, too. It was that Nick's arousal was for me, that I made him feel this way, that turned me on. I needed to touch it with my hand, flesh on flesh, and I think Nick felt the same way. We both fumbled with his pants and quickly took them down enough so that his beautiful cock sprang into view, pointing straight up. Immediately but cautiously and tenderly I reached for it and felt it fill my hand. I had never felt anything so exciting in my life. I gave it a gentle stroke and felt its flesh glide so easily along the thick solid shaft. Nick moaned. Having this sort of affect over Nick's pleasure really turned me on.

I didn't get much of a chance to experience stroking him because Nick reached up and guided my head down to his huge cock. You might have thought that a man who had never let another man's penis touch his lips might have hesitated at this point but I sure didn't. All I knew was that this was what Nick wanted and all I wanted was to give him whatever he asked of me. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth willingly. In one smooth motion Nick guided my lips and mouth right down over his waiting shaft and he let out this long, low moan that let me know I was doing good. With his hands still on my head he showed me how he wanted me to bob up and down on the shaft and he thrust his hips up to meet my downward motion.

I could tell he was in ecstacy. But I also found it incredibly satisfying to feel his firm cock slide back and forth across my lips and tongue. Somehow it felt strangely natural to be doing this. I was expressing how I felt about Nick by making love to his penis with my mouth. Nick then directed me on to my knees on the floor in front of him, took his pants off the rest of the way and he scooted up to the edge of the couch. All of this made it easier for me to go down further on Nick's glistening rod and this was what he had in mind. He always knew exactly what he wanted so I always let him direct the action. As I bobbed slowly but steadily up and down with my hands under his thighs, I could feel my own cock straining against my pants. Then Nick breathed into my ear that he wanted me to go all the way down. I had no idea what he meant since I was only able to go about half way down before returning back up to the head. I really got excited though at the thought of being able to take the whole thing inside me. That's when he gave me the first of many lessons in pleasing him.

He told me to relax my throat muscles and then take him to the back of my throat and just stop. I could feel his cockhead pressing gently at the very back of my mouth. I concentrated on controlling my gag reaction and just letting my throat go limp. I think I wanted this to work more than Nick did. I had heard of this from porno movies but I thought only certain people could do it. That's when we both felt my throat stop its natural resistance. My head dropped slowly and the rest of Nick's cock slid past my tightly pressed lips. We were both in heaven. With Nick's fat cockhead lodged deep in my throat I just held him there, savoring the moment. I felt a gag coming on so I started to raise back up. When I was just about to the head I felt Nick's firm hands on the back of my head urging me back down again. I took a breath and down I went, slowly as his cockhead cleared my throat again, a little easier this time. And again I just held him there a moment, with my lips clamped tightly around the base of his thick hard cock, my chin pressed into his balls and my nose pressed flat into his lap. This time I was able to bob up and down a few times so that Nick was fucking deep in my throat. When I felt a gag coming on I slid my lips back up the shaft to get another breath. And again, Nick pulled me back down, almost as if he were afraid I would take my mouth off him. But there was no way I was going to do that. I think I needed Nick's cock in my mouth as much as he needed it to be there, maybe more. And when I was fully deep-throating him, I had this feeling of total satisfaction as if Nick's amazing, gorgeous penis was my missing piece.

We did this a few more times, sliding my lips from the tip to the base, and each time it got easier to take him all the way down. And each time the trip along his shaft got faster. I was wild with excitement. I couldn't help pulling out my own cock, now hard as a rock and aching, and stroking it in unison with my bobbing. Within a few minutes, my lips were fairly racing up and down Nick's shaft.

And then I realized where this race was headed. And I had to see it to the end. I knew I couldn't stop bobbing like a wild man until Nick climaxed. I couldn't do that to him knowing how frustrating that would be. But I also realized I really wanted Nick to cum in my mouth, to cum inside me, as a result of my passionate affection. I couldn't separate the excitement of being fucked in the mouth by a man from the excitement of being able to show Nick how I felt about him. I wanted him to see that I loved him so much that I would let him cum in my mouth. And somehow it made me feel special, that it was his way of showing me that he loved me too, that I would be the one that he had chosen to receive the gift of his orgasm. It was a way that I could have part of Nick inside me. He was a good looking guy and well endowed and could have had anyone he wanted. In fact, I had seen him with a lot of really hot women in the time I had known him. I wanted him to feel glad that he had chosen me. I felt incredibly close to him as I went down on him again and again and heard him moan and gasp with an ecstacy I have never heard from anyone. It was so wild that I could have this affect on him. And I felt that he was thinking and feeling everything I was. I could tell that we were both on the verge of incredible orgasms.

When we did it was glorious. I was pumping him with my mouth and stroking myself and it was if the same orgasm arose in both of us at the same time. As I went over the top Nick gasped and I felt the first jet of semen spray against the roof my mouth. I swallowed it down hungrily knowing that I was taking a part of Nick himself into me. He held my head and thrust his hips as he continued to shoot spurt after spurt into me. My own orgasm heightened the thrill of feeling Nick's cock shoot his load and receiving his cum heightened my orgasm. It was the greatest sexual experience of my life up to that point. It didn't seem to matter so much that it was an act between two men as much as it was me and Nick. I felt so strongly for him that I think I would have done anything he wanted just to show him how much I felt. As Nick shot the last of his cum and I took it into me a wonderful sense of satisfaction, exhaustion and peace settled over us. Nick slumped back into the couch and I collapsed into his lap, both of us panting like we had just run the two hundred yard hurdles. My eyes and nose were running a bit but I lie there and enjoyed the feeling. The taste of Nick wasn't just in my mouth but felt like it was part of me. And it felt so great to know that I could make Nick cum like that.