Hi, I'm Katie Richardson and I'm being punished.

Everyone thinks I did something bad to Sister Mary Margaret, but they can't prove any of it. Well, that doesn't seem to matter to my stepmother, Dora Lee, she told me I'd have to stay in my room all afternoon unless I was willing to give Sister Mary Margaret back.

Hah, now that I'm 14, cruel and unusual punishment just won't work on me anymore. Nope, why, I bet I could stay in my room a whole day without breaking down.

Anyhow, it all started with my 14th birthday party.

Every single one of my friends was going to attend the big party on Saturday night right here at the stately McN Mansion. Everyone was looking forward to the big event because they knew my parents would be out of town and we could get rid of the servants by giving them $30 and a bottle of Ripple Wine.

Wow, sex, drugs, and rock and roll it is, my friends!

I was feeling sooo good when I woke up on Saturday, I needed a quick hand job to clear my head. Ooooh, that was fun, now off to get everything ready for the big gala.

I almost crapped when I walked into the Grizzly Adams Room on the first floor of the stately McN mansion. The room was designed to facilitate an intimate party of 50 to 100 guests and the usual number of cocktail waitresses and bartenders required to serve such a soiree.

A pink envelope was prominently displayed on the maitre de stand just inside the large double door of the Griz (as we liked to call the room in family conversation.)

I looked at the envelope and saw my name written across the front in large purple scrawl. Shit, a fucking note from Dora Lee. What the hell does she want now.

Holy Shit!

The envelope revealed a hand written page which informed me that my parents decided it was not appropriate to have 75, 13 and 14 year old boys and girls attend a birthday slumber party without adult supervision.

And, that's not the worst part. No, no, not by a long shot.

They told me that Sister Mary Margaret from St. Alphonso Boarding School for Girls was going to attend the party as chaperon.

What is a girl to do? My parents fuck with me all the time, and I never get a break. Crap, I'm not going to put up with this shit any more and decided right then and there that it was time to teach them a real lesson they wouldn't forget.

Of course I came out the winner, as usual, but I think I'll let Sister Mary Margaret tell you the rest.

I'm Sister Mary Margaret and I want to tell you about a birthday party that changed my life.

When my phone rang at St. Alphonso, I was so pleased when I heard Dora Lee Richardson on the other end of the line. The Richardson family donated over $87 million to the school building fund with the promise of another $50 or 60 million if the first stipend ran out.

The church so loved families willing to make those little sacrifices.

Yes, yes, her daughter did cause a few small problems from time to time, but she was just a little girl growing up. You just had to expect a couple of irritations now and then. "Take the good with the bad" is what I always say.

Anyhow, Dora Lee asked me to chaperon a birthday party for Katie on Saturday night. She said that a few children would be coming over for cake and ice cream. Dora Lee and her husband, JP, would be flying to Austin to meet with Governor Bush, and she didn't think they would be getting back in time to do the job themselves.

"Why, certainly Dora Lee. I'd be so happy to help out with your daughter's party. Sounds like real fun for all the children and you all have fun visiting with the Governor."

I arrived at the party promptly at 6 PM, two full hours before any of the guests were expected. I wanted to make sure that everything was in order. Dora Lee also asked me to check the lock on the W. C. Fields Liquor Room and I certainly did not want to put any sort of temptation in the paths of these impressionable children.

"My goodness, Katie. What are you wearing, girl?" I was shocked when I saw how Katie was dressed. She wore a Versace Cocktail Dress made from the finest silk. Her feet were adorned by a pair of Sergio Rossi patent leather pumps with 5 inch high heels. A single strand of black pearls highlighted her slender neck.

It always amazed me how rich people were so much better looking than the poor. This was particularly true in Texas for some reason. And, Katie certainly was no exception.

She must be about 5' 7" now and couldn't weigh an ounce over 117 pounds. Her thick blonde hair flowed like a river of gold over her perfectly formed shoulders. I was surprised to see how well developed she was for a girl who had just turned 14 this very day.

Her breasts were nicely rounded and jutted out provocatively from the skimpy dress she almost wore. Her behind looked like two puppies fighting under a silk blanket. I was shocked when I realized she wasn't wearing anything under the little dress. I'm sure God would have thought up a new commandment if he had seen Katie walking around in *that* outfit.

I told Katie she had to change into something more appropriate for a girl of 14. She told me she would, but in all the confusion she must have forgotten. Well, that was the least of my concerns as things turned out.

I felt it was necessary to demonstrate my complete control over the situation to avoid any problems later.

First, I instructed the servants to remove all the alcoholic beverages from the room and secure the bottles in a locked storage facility. Several of the cocktail waitresses told me that they were quite used to checking IDs and they didn't think they would have much trouble with this crowd, but I was having none of it. These were 13 and 14 year olds for heaven's sake.

Next, I moved purposefully toward the musicians who were doing a sound check. Why, was that a classic Bob Wills tune sweetly flowing out of the 8 foot high speakers. My goodness, the Texas Playboys were my personal favorites. I'm so sure they are all in heaven's symphony orchestra.

"Hi, Sister, I'm George Jones and this is my band leader and musical director, Pred." I had to say two quick Hail Marys and an Our Father to overcome the strange feeling of temptation that tried to overcome me as I spoke with two of the most important people in the music business. Undoubtedly, the two most handsome men I'd ever seen, as well.

As far as I knew, this would be the first time that George Jones actually performed in one of his scheduled concerts. For some reason, he had missed every concert he was supposed to perform in for the last 52 years.

Now I heard Pred and the Predtones on the radio once. I was surprised that Mr. Jones would hire a group like the Predtones since they played nothing but Jazz and Polka music. Oh well, I guess they work cheap.

I asked George not to sing any song that referenced alcoholic beverages, prisons, loose women or pick up trucks. He said he would see what he could do, but figured singing God Bless America over and over just might upset the crowd. I knew I could count on Pred to help out if there was a lull in the action.

When Dora Lee said there would be a few children over for Katie's party, I didn't realize she meant 75 of the most *unique* people I ever met. Yes, they all were 13 or 14, but seemed much older somehow. They certainly were more experienced than most of the teenagers I met. In fact they seemed far more experienced than most of the people I knew.

I could see that I would spend a lot of quality time pushing some of these little animals apart when they tried to have sex on the dance floor. Of course I was up to the task. Just to be safe, I decided to ask George Jones to only play Western Swing music so there would not be a chance that anyone would have any fun.

I headed to the back of the stage where the band was gathered and saw the whole group clustered around a table. There seemed to be an uproar over something, but I couldn't get a good look at what they were doing. I did smell a pungent odor and felt I should give Dora Lee an air freshener recommendation.

I was shocked at the change in George in the few minutes since I saw him last. He looked at me with unfocused eyes and it seemed that saliva was dripping out of his mouth although he didn't seem to notice it.

"How ya doing, Sis. Hey darlin', can you still roll? Me and the boys got some good shit here, but no one can hold the papers steady enough for it to do us any good. Whatta ya say baby?"

Why, I couldn't believe that one of my music heroes would partake in the use of a controlled substance. He seemed to have corrupted the other musicians as well. I hurried away to ask Katie what she felt her parents would want us to do under the circumstances.

I finally reached the main room just as the Predtones staggered on to the stage. I couldn't believe those boys could still stand up, let alone play some fine Classical Country Music.

I was real surprised when they warmed up the crowd by playing the Jazz Crusader's version of "Song of India". Apparently George didn't care for this particular piece of music either.

He came running out from backstage mumbling something about hiring NSync next time. He started wrestling with Pred and in all the confusion he fell off the stage and on to the hard surface of the dance floor ten feet below. He didn't seem to be that hurt, but wasn't moving around much either.

The Predtones tried to cover the loss of their lead singer by playing a set consisting of the lost works of Ornette Coleman. Most of the children had never heard of these songs, but they seemed relieved to find that they were not going to have to listen to five straight hours of country music and tried to listen attentively as Pred blew some of the finest trombone and tuba they had ever heard. The crowd went crazy when he played "Flight of the Bumblebee" louder than it had ever been heard before. The audience was stunned to say the least.

Katie realized that the band was not doing it for the audience so she decided to start the entertainment early.

"Okay everybody gather round. We are going to have Professor Sniff demonstrate the art of hypnotism."

I couldn't believe my eyes. Professor Sniff was a tenured faculty member at University of Texas, Big Spring and the Head of the Rocket Science Department. What was he doing here?

Well the good professor took the stage to answer my question.

"Hi everyone. I'm so glad to be here to show you how to use hypnotism in daily life. It's so simple to use hypnotism to get virtually anything you want."

I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. Not only was the man a charlatan, but he was looking down the front of Katie's dress and had an obvious hard on. I knew I should have made Katie change into a more subdued outfit.

I didn't want to ruin Katie's party, but this person was obviously a fraud. Hypnotism was nothing more than a parlor trick. Why did he want to mislead the children like this?

Right then, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

"Children, children, please listen to me. There are a few things that you should know about hypnotism. First, no one can be hypnotized against his or her will. Second, even if a person is hypnotized, there is no possibility that the person would do anything he or she wouldn't do under normal circumstances. Finally, I must consider theatrical demonstrations like this to be in very bad taste."

The teenagers just looked at each other wondering what the hell she was talking about. No one made a sound.

"I couldn't agree with you more sister. That's what the demonstration is all about. I am going to prove to the children here that everything you said is spot on."

Oh, the professor was a person after my own heart. How wonderful! He was going to do a public service for all of Katie's little friends. I was quite embarrassed when I realized, I considered him some sort of cheap charlatan, at first. Glad he set me straight!

"Okay can I have a volunteer. Wait a minute, since you know so much about this sister, why don't I try to hypnotize you. It will be a lot easier for the children to understand how silly this is when I demonstrate on an adult mind."

Of course, what a brilliant man. No wonder he is an educational leader here in Texas. "Yes, Professor Sniff, an excellent idea."

The rest of the session seemed vague. I know a lot happened, but can't tell exactly how he was able to do it. I was quite surprised when I found myself standing in front of the stage in some sort of trance like state. I didn't know what I was doing.

"Well, as you kids can see, occasionally hypnotism works. The sister is in a deep trance state now and should remain that way for the rest of the evening."

A loud roar came from the throats of the 75 darlings standing around in front of the stage area in the Griz Room.

What, the rest of the evening, why who would look after the children. I had to do something about this and yet I couldn't seem to move or speak.

"Okay sister, I want you to imagine that you have an important educational role to perform. Yep, it's up to you to inspire the young ladies here to want to become nuns. As you know, girls are impressed by fashionable clothes. I want you to let them know just how cherche la moute the nuns of St. Alphonso really are.

"Here's the deal, Katie is going to holler out the name of an item of clothing. When she does, I want you to slowly remove it while describing the inner meaning of the garment. Just to make it more interesting, I want you to dance around to the sounds of whatever tune the Predtones happen to play."

I was almost able to holler out that I would do no such thing when the Predtones starting playing some raunchy bump and grind tune from the early 1980's. For some reason, I couldn't help myself and started dancing wildly as the Predtones played the score of Gypsy.

I thought I would at least be able to maintain my dignity by keeping every last item of clothing on. But, I was wrong.

Habit! Scapular! Robe! Chemise! I couldn't believe it, not only was I dancing in a provocative manner, I was doing a hot striptease as 75, 13 and 14 year olds looked on. How could this be happening to me.

I thought that Katie was going to let me stop taking off my clothes when I was down to only a few remaining items. I soon discovered that she only had me stop so the audience could see that nuns wore some unusual attire under their fine nunnery.

I was standing there wearing nothing but five inch high heels, seamed black nylons, a leather garter belt and matching leather pushup bra. I don't think many of the people in the audience suspected that all nuns wore stuff like this under their more sterile uniforms.

Katie had the Predtones play another tune. It was the worst version of Melon Collie Baby I'd ever heard. And yet, I was compelled to start dancing again, and I did it with a vengeance. I could just imagine the impact I was having on the innocents who were wallowing in the mud that somehow appeared in front of the stage.

Katie had me take off each remaining item of clothing, one piece at a time. She made me put the heels back on and then ordered me to climb up on the stage. I couldn't seem to resist her. Each time I tried, I had a vision of Professor Sniff saying something to me. I had to do what I was told no matter how much I didn't want to.

You can imagine how embarrassing it was climbing up the side of the ten foot stage. I was completely nude and it was obvious the audience was positioning themselves in ways that they could see all my private areas. I must have turned three shades of red.

I had the most devastating experience as I finally reached the top and tried to get up on the stage. I'm not sure exactly how this happened, but when I threw my leg over the top of the stage, there was a large popping sound. I felt myself opening up and could actually feel a draft of air in my inner privates. I was frozen there for the longest time as the audience screamed and cheered.