Chapter 37

Matt hardly ever saw Jen at school anymore, and he guessed she'd quit track. She'd done something to her hair, he noticed when he did see her, she'd braided it in all these little tiny braids. He thought it was cool, but he liked it better before. People talked about her hair and how cool it was, but soon it got to the point where the more Matt saw her the more he hated it that way.

During biology he asked Mike what was up with Jen, if he knew. He just shrugged, saying she had some new stoner boyfriend, Kasey, and that she had this major attitude now. That's all he said; he and Mike hadn't been friends much since he had slept with her. Matt wondered why, and he figured that Mike had his loyalties to Jen and her crowd, thinking he was one of them. If Dana and her friends didn't like him, then he couldn't like him either. It really pissed him off.

Jen must not ever go to class, he thought. Her name was written on the board in his math class with the people who needed to make up tests. She had three check marks next to her name. That meant she'd missed four tests! He wondered what she was doing. He wondered if she was still going to graduate. Not if she keeps this up, he thought. That oughtta wake her up.

His imagination began going, and he pictured Jen in a rehab center in a few years, her life in shambles. He wondered about that Kasey guy. He was willing to bet he gave her drugs all the time. He knew she probably had sex with him. She had started dressing differently too; Matt wondered if they were his clothes. She always wore these really baggy clothes, like corduroy pants and t-shirts over long-sleeved shirts. She thinks she's such a hippie, thought Matt disgustedly.

But he was genuinely worried about her, more as time wore on and she stayed like that. He wanted to call her and ask her what was going on, but when he did she was never home. He couldn't bring himself to leave a message.

One day during lunch time she was there, standing with her loser friends, Matt thought. His friends pointed her out to him, saying that she was really fucked up now and it was all his fault.

"Shut up," he said to their teasing. He hoped that wasn't the case.

"Go talk to her," said Erik. "I thought you were friends with her. You said you were."

"I am. I will!" he replied testily. What the hell, he thought, going up to her and standing next to her.

"Uh, hi."

"Hi," she responded. Her friends ignored him.

"So what's up?"

"Nothing," she responded, not looking at him.

"Well... Um, I was just wondering, if you're okay... "

"What?"

"Well, I mean, why you're acting all different... "

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," she said, annoyed, not looking at him while she listened to what her friends were saying.

"Oh, I mean, I don't know," he mumbled. "Sorry... "

"You're right. You don't know."

Right then Erik came up next to them.

"Nice hair," he cracked to Jen.

"Fuck off," she told him.

"What?!? I meant it, nice hair!" he replied innocently.

She ignored him.

Matt tried to think of something he could say. "Um, so, are you still gonna go to college?" he asked.

"What?" she asked coldly.

"Um, you know, you should really like, work harder or something... " Oh! No, that's not what he meant to say! No, he just meant...

"Fuck you go to hell," she told him in monotone, as she and her friends walked away, leaving him and Erik by themselves.

"O-kay... " said Erik.

Fuck. FUCK! his mind screamed. Now she hates me. She fucking hates me! he thought. Dammit.

Ryan never got up the energy to beat up Mitch. He knew it wouldn't make a difference to Jen. Mitch was afraid of him, and quit baseball to avoid him, he heard. But Ryan didn't care anymore. He didn't care about hardly anything anymore.

His parents were there, to make sure he did his homework. He went out sometimes, but only at his friends' urging. He wondered if he was clinically depressed. Or maybe he was having a nervous breakdown. All he knew was his life sucked big time.

Jen was getting on with her life--why couldn't he? He didn't want to, that's why not. His friends were making plans for Prom, but he couldn't ask anyone else. No way. His friends understood he guessed, but they still tried to talk him into going. He couldn't really tell them how miserable he was. They might understand, but they just didn't talk about things that way. Not like he could with Jen. He could always tell her anything and she wouldn't laugh at him, or tell anyone.

Now the only person who he could really talk to hated his guts.