Chapter 35

Ryan went out the next week with his friends. They ended up at Melissa's house. Ryan wondered if Jen would show up. He knew they would run into each other sometime, it couldn't be avoided; they hung out with the same group.

"Jen's coming over," Melissa told him.

"Oh yeah?" he answered, trying to sound like he didn't care. But his heart was racing.

They all sat around, watching TV. When Jen walked in the door she barely looked at him, only glanced at him like she did everyone else. She sat on the floor next to Melissa, smiling and talking to her and in general acting like she didn't give a fuck who the hell Ryan Harper was. Ryan sat on the couch, trying not to look at her, but he couldn't help it. He stared at her back and hair while she faced the TV.

There was some special on MTV. Ryan wasn't really paying attention except to know that it was about sex or something. Everyone laughed when it was said that guys were like "dogs," when it came to sex.

A girl he didn't know laughed and said, "That is so true!" when the person who was talking continued to say that girls don't understand that about guys, and that they "think they're going to marry the first guy they get with."

Jen laughed too, and said, "I know!" to the girl.

"Girls think, 'We're gonna get married, '" she squealed in a high voice. "And the guys are like, 'Next!'"

Jen laughed again. "But then the girls snap out of it and then they're like, 'Next!"

The other girl laughed. "God," she said seriously. "I totally regret it, the guy I first did it with."

Oh shit, thought Ryan. Don't say it Jen, oh please don't say...

"Me too!" agreed Jen emphatically. "I know exactly what you mean. God, I wish I'd never even met the guy."

Ryan looked down at his hands. He felt several pairs of eyes boring into him, none of which belonged to Jen, or the other girl, who didn't know about Jen and Ryan.

"Oh yeah?" the girl asked. "Wow I like your shirt," she told her as Jen peeled off her sweatshirt.

"Thanks."

Melissa jumped up to get the phone, while Ryan sat frozen, still staring at his hands. She came back in and told Jen it was for her. Jen leapt up and went into the bedroom to get it, and Ryan felt sick as people around the room looked at each other and raised their eyebrows about Jen and Ryan. His vision became blurry as his eyes filled with tears. He couldn't stand their staring and got up slowly, going down the hall and laying down on the bed in the dark guest bedroom.

Corey followed him. "Come on Ryan. You know she's just trying to hurt you on purpose," he told him.

"Yeah, I know... "

"Then what's the matter?"

"Maybe she's doing a good fucking job!" he snapped.

"Come on. Don't think she's forgotten about you because I know she hasn't. If she didn't care she wouldn't go out of her way to try to hurt you."

Ryan didn't say anything.

"Come on, don't be in here by yourself. Come back out!"

Ryan sighed. "Fine... "

When they walked back in Jen was leaving, standing up with her purse on. She looked over at them, her eyes meeting with Ryan's only briefly before she looked away. She walked out to a chorus of "bye's!" with Brian trying to trip her as she walked out. Ryan felt jealous of their camaraderie.

He sat back down, giving Corey a look.

"Where'd Jen go?" Corey asked.

"Oh, over to what's his name's... " said Melissa.

Ryan felt like someone had hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. Some other guy. She is over me, he thought. She's going out to get fucked, he thought painfully. Next.

"Who?" Corey asked.

"What his name, Kasey!" imitated Melissa.

Ryan sat on the couch, staring at nothing.

"Who the fuck's Kasey?" demanded Corey.

"Oh, some guy... I don't know, he's a total stoner. I guess she likes him though. I don't know why. Well, I guess he is pretty cute."

"So, Jen's already out fucking someone is she," said Corey.

Shut up, thought Ryan.

Melissa gave him a dirty look. "I didn't say that," she told him.

"Oh. So she ever talk about Ryan?" he asked seriously.

Melissa looked at Ryan. "Um, I don't know... No. Well, not to say anything nice she doesn't."

Ryan stood up. "Uh, I'm gonna head back now. I'm tired. You comin'?" he asked Corey,

"Yeah, aright."

"If you want my honest opinion I don't think she really gives a fuck about Kasey, Ry," said Melissa.

He gave her his fakest smile.