Chapter 32

Matt finally talked to Mike. Mike was being such a prick to him, acting like he did rape her or something. Matt got mad. His friend's whole attitude seemed to be that he wasn't good enough for Jen. Fuck Mike, he thought angrily.

Matt was still angry otherwise. It had changed him of course, the whole thing. Maybe it had been a learning experience. Well, obviously it had been a learning experience, he thought. He felt liked he'd matured, aged several years in the period of a few weeks. It gave him more confidence. But at the same time he had lost faith in people, in girls especially.

He hadn't ever called her. He hoped it would send the message that he didn't need her. He resented her in a way. She was so full of it, he thought. He hurt inside still, especially when he thought about how she'd told him they could be friends. They never talked though. They barely acknowledged each other. She wasn't mean to him, and she said hi when she saw him, but it didn't seem like she was really making an effort to be his friend. She probably just said we can be friends to get me out of her face, he thought bitterly.

She'll be leaving soon, he thought. She was graduating in a few months. Then maybe she'd move far away to go to school. He hoped the knowledge that she would be gone soon would force him to forget about her, but it wasn't happening.

She was different too, he noticed. She had a different look about her, no longer sweet looking, laughing and smiling all the time. There was just a darker look in her eyes, if you could call it that. Maybe she resented him, he wondered. He wondered if it hadn't been for him, maybe she would have gotten back together with Ryan. I don't care anyway, he told himself.

He always looked forward to practice though. There was still almost two months left of the season, he reasoned. That was practically the only time he ever saw her anyway. They talked some, he admitted. But only about superficial things. Not like they were friends. I don't like her anymore anyway, he thought.

He decided he liked Lauren, a girl in his English class. He sat next to her, and he thought she flirted with him. Ha, he thought triumphantly one day, when he was walking out of class with Lauren, laughing about something. Jen walked by, and looked at them. He ignored her, hoping she'd think he never cared about her in the first place, and that maybe he had been using her for sex. He hoped she was dwelling on it, hurting inside as much as he did.

His high spirits came crashing down one day during practice. The whole team was waiting for the coach to come. Some people were playing 46risbee, others sitting in small groups on the grass. He noticed a couple of guys, stoners, he thought. They were just standing there, looking towards the team. He didn't think much about them.

But then they walked by, slowly, as though they were leaving. One guy hung back, stopping to watch the Frisbee game as though it were interesting. He glanced over at them, sitting in the bleachers. His friend continued on, pausing several yards ahead, to wait for his friend.

Matt noticed a girl, Carrie, poking Jen. Carrie was a junior, and she and Jen hung out sometimes during practice. He could hear what they were saying.

"Go see him," Carrie was insisting. "He wants to talk to you!"

Jen was hesitant. "No, maybe he's not here to see me. He might be here for something else... "

"Oh, like what? To watch the Frisbee game? Come on, go see him!"

Jen still hung back. "Well... "

"If you don't I'm going to call him over here and tell him you want to talk to him. What's his name, Kasey?"

"No, don't! Come on. I'll go over there in a minute. He could come see me... "

Carrie looked over at the guy, dragging his shoe in the dirt, standing by himself. He glanced over at them and looked away. Matt felt sick; they like each other! he realized. She's gonna go out with him!

"Oh, Jen! He's shy!" said Carrie.

Jen said nothing.

"Oh, Jen! You're shy!" Carrie exclaimed. "Are you shy Jen?"

Jen blushed. "No! It's just that, I don't know."

"See, you went out with that other guy for so long that you forgot what to do, huh?"

"I don't know... " Jen trailed. "Maybe... "

"Just go talk to him. I can tell he wants to see you. If you don't I'll call him over here!" she threatened.

"Fine, okay," sighed Jen. She paused, then stood up. Matt watched as she tried to casually walk over to the guy. The guy, Kasey? Matt wondered, smiled at her, reaching out to hold her hand briefly. They stood close together, talking and smiling at each other. Matt wondered if they were going to kiss, they were leaning in so close. He looked away, but couldn't keep his eyes off her, and them. He felt like a fool, thinking how stupid he was to think she would be hurting by his ignoring her. Fool, he thought to himself.

Finally, they parted, him holding her hand again as he slowly walked away. He didn't turn around to see her, still standing there. He rejoined his friend and they left.

Jen watched him walk away, then turned and, blushing Matt noticed, walked back towards Carrie and the rest of the group.

"See! What'd he say? Did he ask you out?" Carrie demanded.

"No!" Jen smiled. "But he did come here to see me... "

"Duh!"

"He didn't have my phone number," Jen continued. "He lost it. But he knew I went here and did track."