Chapter 31

As soon as he showered after track practice, he went over to Mike's. He walked over; he didn't want his mom to ask to speak to Mike's mom when she dropped him off. He had tried to dress cool, in blue jeans and a long-sleeved cotton shirt. He wondered if there would be any girls there, any new girls. He was pretty sure Jen would show up, but he knew she wasn't interested in him. But maybe she'll think I'm cute, he had reasoned, brushing his hair as he looked in the mirror. He even shaved, so his face was smooth. Maybe now that she doesn't have a boyfriend she'll be on the make for new guys, he hoped.

He asked Mike casually when he went over if he'd ever found out why they had broken up. He had said he would ask his sister. Mike told him the whole story.

Matt was shocked, saying over and over, "Whatta dick!" He couldn't believe the way he had treated her. What an asshole! He tried to imagine how scared Jen must have been when she thought she was pregnant. He felt relieved for her that she wasn't. He wondered if she would be really depressed that night. He wondered when she was going to show up. He was scared she never would.

Several of Dana's friends came over first, mostly seniors, a few juniors. There was one sophomore guy, who hung out with the seniors. Some of them looked unfamiliar, and Matt wondered if they went to different schools. That was a definite mark of coolness, he thought, to know people that you didn't even go to school with. Finally Jen showed up, and she didn't look depressed at all. She was laughing in fact, and smiled at Matt when she looked at him. She started to drink, getting even happier as the night wore on.

A couple of people gathered in the kitchen, and Matt sat at the table. Someone had given him a beer, and he tried to like it. It was disgusting though. It gave him a headache too, although he had to admit he started laughing a bit more easily. People were whispering about Jen and Ryan all night, and he strained his ears to hear what they were saying. He couldn't catch anything but their names though. The music was loud, and Jen insisted on playing this certain Rolling Stones song over and over. She got in a fight with this guy, who, ignoring her pleas, switched it to something else.

Pouting, she came back into the kitchen, grabbing another drink. She sat at the table, and Matt, in nervousness, started tapping his feet uncontrollably.

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

He was surprised. "Uh, nothing."

"You are so silly!" she told him, smiling.

He sat there in stunned silence, trying to think of something to say. But she continued talking to other people.

There were a lot of cute girls there, a lot of them were older. A couple girls who he didn't know asked him what grade he was in, and seemed surprised that he was a freshman. They told him he looked much older. But then they didn't pay much attention to him. A few freshman girls that Mike had invited all hung out with the older guys, and Matt felt depressed. It isn't fair, he thought.

He sat like a stone at the kitchen table, his head starting to hurt. He had only had one beer though, but he'd never drank before. Was he drunk? He didn't know.

Everyone was so happy around him, it seemed. Even Jen was laughing, and flirting it seemed, with guys. She had a whole flock around her. Matt felt sick.

Jen kept asking what time it was. Matt kept telling her. What was she waiting for? he wondered. Did she have to leave? He hoped not. He hoped they wouldn't let her drive.

Jen sat on the counter, crossing her legs. Matt stared at her, then looked away when she looked at him. She played with a pen, while some guy talked to her quietly. She didn't look at him. Matt was dying to know what they were talking about. Was he asking her to go back into one of the bedrooms with him?

A girl came in suddenly, saying something to Jen. Matt didn't hear the whole thing, except for Ryan's name. Jen turned pale, rubbing her legs nervously.

She shrugged. "I don't care," she said loudly. Matt could tell that wasn't the truth.

She continued talking to the guy, all of a sudden seeming to take a new interest in him. Ryan came in the kitchen, stopping as he saw her. She ignored him. Matt watched nervously. Would they fight? He hoped not. He didn't want to see her cry again.

Ryan walked up to her, and she looked down as he started to talk to her, not looking at him. The other guy paused and then left after Ryan stared him down.

Matt couldn't hear much of what they were saying. He wished someone would turn the stupid music down. He could tell he was trying to get Jen to talk to him. She wouldn't even look at him, though, ignoring him and playing with the pen. Good girl Jen, thought Matt.

Dana came in, and so did Corey, who hadn't been there before, both sitting at the table too. Listening as well. The loud music shut off, as someone turned on the television instead. Now they could hear.

"Will you please look at me?" begged Ryan.

Playing with the pen, it shot out in front of her, hitting the table and skidding onto the floor. Matt jumped. She started laughing.

"You're drunk," said Ryan.

"Yeah? And you know what? I was having a good time until a couple of minutes ago!" she told him.

"Let's go somewhere where we can talk."

"How about... not!" she laughed.

"Jen, please! I know I hurt you, but you can't just give up on me, on us."

"You know what Ryan? If you had hit me, that would have hurt me less than what you did," she said suddenly.

"Jen! You know I would never hit you!"

"Yeah, but if you had, it would have hurt me less!" she repeated.

He paused, staring at her. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"That's nice. You're right though, you are sorry."

"Come on Jen!"

"Fuck you!" she snapped. Uh oh, thought Matt. "Go away!"

Ryan sighed. He didn't say anything, just stood there next to her.

"Did he ever show up?" asked Dana suddenly, completely randomly.

Jen smiled at her. "No," she said, sounding annoyed. "He didn't! I called him but he wasn't there."

"Oh, well, he hadn't promised that he would come."

"Yeah, he hadn't promised," said Jen.

"Who?" asked Ryan. Matt was wondering the same thing.

Jen didn't answer.

"Who are you talking about?" he repeated. "Oh, I get it. Gimme a break, Jen! I'm not about to believe you're over me already! Not after three years!"

"Well can't you let me try?!?" she demanded, sounding upset.

"That's the last thing I'm about to do."

"Why did you have to come, Ryan?" she whined. "You ruining my night! I was having fun until you came!"

"Jen, please!"

She jumped off the counter, running down the hall. Ryan started to follow her, but she came back into the kitchen immediately.

She held out a white business envelope to him, saying, "Take it. This is yours... "

"What is it?" he asked.

"Take it," she repeated, handing it to him.