Chapter 27

Ryan lay in bed, his mouth sore where Jen had hit him. He started to cry, but couldn't get many tears out. It was over, he'd blown it.

He began to think of all the times they'd had together, trying to remember what it felt like when she was still his. He hadn't appreciated that feeling enough when he'd had it, he knew. But now it was too late. Jen hated him.

He thought back to one Sunday last fall, when they were watching the football game, lying on his bed. They'd been so stressed last fall, with applying to college. They'd fought a lot, about other things, but mainly it was due to the stress. Both were considering the possibility of different schools. They had different goals anyway. He felt he was losing her whenever she'd say how it wouldn't hurt their relationship too much to be apart geographically. It was so upsetting to him, he'd sort of assumed she would go with him. But of course he wanted her to be happy, and she should go wherever she wanted.

But that day they hadn't fought once. They'd gone out the night before, eating dinner and seeing a movie. They came back late, sneaking into his house so as not to wake anyone up. It was so perfect, giggling in bed and making love for hours while they tried to be quiet. Then Sunday morning his parents made a huge breakfast. She was so much a part of the family, he thought. She's like a sister, but of course not to me. She's my best friend. Or she was, he thought painfully.

Then they lay on his bed, just relaxing, watching the game. He'd thought about her, next to him, how much he loved her, and how scared he was that he would lose her.

"Marry me," he'd said suddenly.

She looked at him. "What?"

"Marry me," he repeated.

She'd held her left hand out, moving her ring finger, his ring always there. "What's this?" she'd asked him gently.

He'd rolled over, looking deep into her eyes. "No, I mean, now. Before college."

"Ry! We can't get married yet," she'd said.

"Why not?" he'd asked her.

"Because," she'd sighed. "I don't want to yet."

"But, then if we go to different schools, you'll still be mine... "

"Ryan! No. I will be yours anyway, got it? It doesn't matter where we go to school."

He'd sighed.

"Ryan," she'd said gently, hugging him. "When we get married, that's it. We're never going to live apart after that. Right?" she'd asked him in a small voice.

"I know. But I'm just scared it'll be different, that you'll meet someone else... "

"Well, I'm scared you will too."

He'd shook his head furiously. "No, Jen! I won't! I promise."

"I could never love anyone else. Comprende?"

He'd nodded. They looked at the TV for a second, which was showing one of the player's wives, with their small son.

"What if you got pregnant?" he'd asked her suddenly.

She'd paused. "Then I'd want to get married now."

"You wouldn't want to have an abortion?"

"Ryan, no! You know I don't believe in abortion!"

"Yeah, me neither."

"I could never kill a part of me," she'd told him quietly. "And especially, I could never kill your child, our child."