Chapter 22

They were talking on the phone one night, and he mentioned that he was going away for a week, with his dad.

"What for?"

"Oh, just to go see some family and stuff. He said I could go, and maybe look at some schools around there."

"Oh, I'm gonna miss you!"

"Yeah, I'll miss you too."

"When are you going?"

"Um... Like, the 12th to the 18th I think. I'll have to check on it."

"Wow, you get to miss school. Hey that's the week Danny comes down. You're gonna miss him!"

"Oh no. I'd better stay then!" he teased.

"Come on," she laughed. "He's my friend. You don't feel jealous do you?"

"Nah, I'm just kiddin' you."

"Good. Is the rest of your family staying here?"

"Yeah, they're gonna stay."

"Oh, is it man-to-man bonding time?" she teased.

He laughed. "Yeah, we're gonna go fishing, and build furniture, and go to some topless bars... "

"Uh, I think not!" she commanded, laughing.

"You know I'm just kiddin'," he laughed.

The last night Danny was there he promised he'd spend it just with Jen. After all, she was the best friend he still had down there, he had told her. They went out to dinner, then wound up back at her house, watching a movie with her parents.

Jen was hoping her parents wouldn't say anything like, "Oh Jen! Where's Ryan?" teasing, to embarrass her. She felt a bit weird with him, being alone with him in the restaurant and in the car. She would never cheat on Ryan, but still, she felt tingly inside, like maybe there was still some chemistry between Danny and her. He didn't have a girlfriend, and of course in a way she had sort of broken up with him... Maybe he still liked her like that? She was wondering if he still regretted their break-up. Anyway it just felt nice to maybe have someone like her, making her feel attractive, even if she wasn't planning on doing anything with him.

After the movie her parents retreated to their bedroom, and Danny and Jen went back to hers. Dana called and they talked for awhile while he looked at all her yearbooks and photo albums. Finally she hung up, turning to him on the bed.

"What are you looking at?"

"This is a good picture of you," he told her, pointing to one picture.

She looked at it. "Oh, yeah, that was freshman year Homecoming." She felt bad after she said it, though really she didn't have a reason to. After all, it was just one dance of many she and Ryan had been to. Of course, if things had turned out a bit differently she and Danny might have gone together instead...

He nodded, looking at it intently. He looked over, and gave her a quick smile.

She smiled back, picking up a photo album of her own to look over.

"Gosh, what would have happened if we had never broken up?" he asked her lightly, but Jen could tell though that under his tone he was dead serious, but only trying to seem nonchalant.

"Hmm, I don't know," she answered vaguely.

"You probably don't ever regret it though," he said, still not looking at her.

She shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't say I don't regret what happened, but, well, I don't know." Why did she say that? She did know. But she was trying to spare his feelings; she didn't want him to be hurt by saying she was glad they had broken up.

He looked over at her again. Both of them were laying on their stomachs on the bed. "I regret it everyday," he told her quietly.

She stared down at the pictures in front of her. "Really?" she asked him.

"Yeah, sure," he said.

"Well, you know, you moved away, so it actually worked out for the best," she said.

He looked back down. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But I probably could have stayed with my dad down here, if I threw a big enough fit. If I had a reason to stay."

She shrugged, unable to make eye contact with him. Why was it so uncomfortable?

"Oh well," he said. "I guess you don't care."

She looked over. "No, Danny! I do care!"

"No you don't," he muttered.

"Danny! Come on, don't be like that. I do care!"

He looked at her, his face only inches from hers. "Really?" he asked.

I should sit up or something, she thought. But she didn't. "Yeah," she said, giving him a smile.

He smiled back, looking her face over, then leaned in. Pull away, she commanded herself, but she didn't. It happened too fast; before she knew it their lips were touching. An electric tingle shot through her body from the kiss, and with her eyes closed, for a moment she didn't think it was wrong at all. Then he opened his mouth against hers gently, and she jerked away, her eyes flying open. He turned away from her.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

She didn't say anything, just lay there. Her mind was spinning.

"I'm sorry. It just happened. I didn't mean to kiss you," he told her, still looking at the wall. "I know you have a boyfriend... "

"Yeah. I have Ryan," she murmured. For the first time Ryan didn't seem so invincible.

They lay there for a minute, neither saying anything. Then Danny jumped up.

"Aright!" he said. "Okay, now I can run away and we can both feel really guilty and really shitty forever. Or we can just stay friends and laugh about it?"

She smiled, nodding. She felt relieved that he wasn't going to get mad and run away. But she still felt horrible inside, and she knew he was probably upset too, but trying to act like he didn't care. She felt grateful for that.

"Aright, it sounds good to me. Sound good to you?" he asked.

She laughed. "Sounds good to me!"

"Cool." He leaned in and gave her a huge hug. "So, our evening isn't ruined?"

"No, of course not! The night's still young!"

They both laughed. Jen still felt awkward, of course, but she knew he was right. It hadn't meant anything, and she hadn't cheated on Ryan because she hadn't kissed him: he had kissed her, and she had pulled away.

They talked for awhile, laughing and joking about people they knew and various things they had done while apart. And they got serious, discussing personal things like their families, and she told him about Ryan and arguments they had gotten in, and sweet things he had done for her. Danny talked about a girl that went to his school that he really liked, but how she was really hung up on another guy who didn't feel the same. Jen gave him advice, and they lay on her bed talking for a long while.

Finally, her dad knocked on the door. "Jen? When is Danny leaving so I can close the gate?"

She looked at Danny. "Um, he's probably gonna be here awhile. He might just stay the night."

Her dad raised an eyebrow.

"Dad!" Jen said. "Come on, don't worry about it! I'm not gonna cheat on Ryan!" She rolled her eyes.

"Aright. The guest room has sheets on the bed," he told them.

He left and they laughed. They talked for awhile longer, until they both began to yawn.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to throw you in the guest room," Jen told him. "All my friends sleep in my bed when they sleep over." Maybe she was just flirting with him, or maybe she was just trying to prove how much willpower she had.

"Oh, well, as long as you can control yourself young lady!"

They both laughed, getting ready for bed.

"Aright," Jen ordered, pointing. "Now, this is your half, and this is my half!"

"Oh, well you know, I only sleep in my boxers so you will have to keep your hands to yourself."

"Well, I'm only sleeping in my T-shirt," she told him.

"Oh, yeah, like, as if!" he told her sarcastically, making a face as they tumbled into bed. "Don't flatter yourself Jen!"

"Oh, sorry!" she laughed.

"You know," he told her as they lay in the dark. "I've had better offers at the zoo!"

"Yeah, well I've had better offers at the state mental institution."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Your mother was pretty disappointed when I told her no!"

He burst out laughing, and they both traded insults until they fell asleep.

Jen woke up, her mind fuzzy. She looked over, and jumped to see the curtains moving. She hadn't locked her door. She froze, thinking it was a burglar.

The moonlight shined in brighter as the curtains were drawn back, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Ryan standing in the doorway. Only half awake, she turned away for a second, then jerked out of sleep. Danny was next to her, what if Ryan thought...

He stood frozen as he stared down at the bed, the male figure next to her naked for all he knew.

Jen sat up on her knees. "Ryan! You're back!" she exclaimed, trying to sound excited. He knew she would never cheat on him, didn't he?

But he was only staring down at Danny, who was just now stirring.

"I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow night," she told him. She still tried to sound cheerful, not like someone who had done something wrong. After all, she hadn't done anything wrong...

He looked at her for a second, too dark for her to see his eyes, then he turned around and walked out of the open door.

"Ryan, wait!" she cried, almost falling on the floor as she jumped off her bed. She ran out into the cold night, barefoot and barelegged, after him.

She reached him before he got out of her driveway and to his car on the street, where he always parked when he came over in the night. She grabbed his arms, trying to stop his brisk walking.

"Ryan! Ryan, stop!" He kept walking, pushing her away. "Will you just stop?!?" she cried, jumping in front of him and trying to hold him still. "Ryan," she whined. "We didn't do anything! It's not what it looks like!"

He shook his head. "Get out of my face!" he told her angrily, pushing her away from him as he kept walking.

"No!" she cried, grabbing him again and pulling on his shirt as she planted her feet on the driveway. He dragged her, and her ankle twisted, skinning her heal on the blacktop. She let out a yelp, then yanked him back as hard as she could. "Listen to me!" she cried. "If we have a relationship, then you will fucking listen to me!"

He pulled away, turning around and walking backward, shaking his head at her. "I guess we don't have a relationship!" he snapped. "You wanna fuck him? Yeah?" She shook her head, crying. "Well you can go finish fucking him!" he yelled. "I'm leaving!"

"We didn't do anything!" she screamed. "Ryan, no!" she sobbed, running out into the street after him, throwing her arms around his waist as he fumbled for his keys. She turned him around roughly and grabbed his face, making her look at him. He clenched his jaw, and a tear slowly rolled down each of his cheeks.