Preface

The cold air stung my lungs at I glanced over at Matt. It was so cold his breath was frosty in the air. He looked at me and quickly glanced away.

I was extremely drunk. I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the week, the boy who had taken my virginity. I had vowed to get completely smashed this weekend. Now here I was, being escorted home by a freshman 'cause my friends didn't want me walking home alone. I had been crying, so drunk at the party, I had insisted on going home NOW and so they grabbed Matt and told him to walk me home because everybody else was either too drunk to drive or busy getting on somebody.

My heart raced when our eyes had briefly met. I knew this boy had a crush on me, and it drove me wild. I had wanted to say, "Awwh" all year, whenever he had come up with a lame excuse to talk to me, to stand by me, whenever it seemed he had gathered the courage to utter a word to me. It made my stomach flutter when he stammered mid-sentence as he tried desperately to find something to say next.

I remember the time his buddies grabbed me at lunch, yelling, "Hey Matt, it's your girl! It's your girl!" What could I do but look away, pretending I didn't hear as he told them to shut up, red faced. I felt bad for him, the way his buddies teased him. From what I had seen he didn't stand up to them enough. Well, maybe he was rather immature, even for a freshman.

But right then I was so drunk, I nearly tripped over the curb as I stepped over it. I wanted to say something to him, but the silence was deafening. I started crying again, saying how I hated my ex-boyfriend and how my life sucked.

"Oh, come on," Matt said. "Maybe you're better off without him."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, you deserve better."

"Thanks. You're so nice Matt!" I exclaimed, fawning (my usual drunk line: "You're so nice!").

His blue eyes, framed by long lashes, studied my face as we walked in the moonlight. I knew he knew I was drunk. I wondered what he was thinking, if he had had some great plan all along to get me into bed that he never quite got a chance at, considering I had always had a boyfriend since he had known me. Maybe some plan that he was always altering here and there, while he never gave up. I wondered if he was thinking it was now his big chance.

I leaned on him suddenly, wrapping my arms around him while I sobbed into his shoulder, "Matt, you're so nice... "

He awkwardly put his arm around me, whispering, "Don't cry," to me as we tried to continue walking while I was nearly backward, my arms still around him as I clung to him desperately. I continued crying until we reached my house.

He stood awkwardly on my doorstep as I tried to unlock the door and undo the security system at the same time. I'm sure he didn't know what to do, if he should listen to his common sense that was telling him I would laugh at him hysterically and tell him to get lost if he asked to come in, or whether to go with his primal urges and stay around. I wondered if he could ignore the bulge I had felt in his pants as I had clung to him, my seventeen year-old body pressing against his. I wondered if I could ignore it.

The door swung open, into the pitch black house.

"Come in with me," I pleaded, grabbing his hands as my eyes tried to focus. "I'm scared--it's all dark," my voice croaked.

"Okay," he whispered, staring at my hand as I grabbed his clumsily and pulled him in. The door closed behind us and we were emerged in darkness.

I pulled him toward my bedroom. I could hear his rapid breathing over the soft sounds of his tennis shoes on the hall carpet. Thank God, my parents were out of town that weekend.

"See if anybody's in there," I ordered, pushing him into my room as I hung back in the hallway, still crying.

"I'm sure there's nobody in... " he started to protest.

"Just do it," I whined.

He reached in and turned on my light. No one in there.

He glanced around my room, taking in everything instantly: from the box on my floor filled with picture frames and miscellaneous junk left over from my relationship with Ryan, to my stuffed animals on the shelf, and finally to my double bed with the soft pillows and down comforter. His eyes stopped dead at the bed, and he swallowed. I wondered if he'd fantasized about my bed before, me sleeping in it, himself being in it, maybe about making love to me under its covers.

I walked past him into the room and switched on the bed side lamp. I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. God, I was drunk.

I don't know how long I sat like that as Matt stared at me, but finally I heard his low voice stammer,

"Um, um, do you want me to leave?"

My eyes refused to focus as I looked at him standing in the doorway.

"Wait, comere... " I said to him. He walked over to me slowly, swallowing. He sat on the bed next to me. He was so nervous. He rubbed his palms on his thighs--was he sweating? He was such a quiet guy; I wondered what he was thinking...

"Are you gonna go back to Dana's?" (Dana was my best friend whose house the party at been at; Matt was friends with her little brother Mike, which was how he got to a senior party in the first place).

"I dunno," he said. "Mike was getting with some girl earlier and I'm not sure he wants me to still spend the night. I might just go home, it's not that far."

"But it's so cold!" I exclaimed, looking at him like he was the bravest guy in the world.

"Oh," he said shyly, smiling down at his hands, which were in his lap, conveniently hiding the bulge from me.

I stood up suddenly, and he immediately stood up too. I walked around to the end of my bed, where I paused, not remembering what I was looking for or where I had been going. He followed me and stood closely next to me as I began laughing drunkenly, incoherently exclaiming about how funny it was that I didn't know what I had been going to get.

He smiled at me, still studying my face with his huge blue eyes. I grabbed his jacket and laughed hysterically into his shoulder. I put my arms around him and snuggled close to him. It felt so good to be held. I could feel his heart pounding.

My arms still around him, I drew back and smiled at him. My smile faded, and his eyes grew panicky as I just looked at him. I rose up on my tip toes and kissed him gently on the mouth. He sucked in air rapidly; God, I thought the boy was going to hyperventilate. I didn't pull back though, and he began to kiss me back. I opened my mouth and slipped my tongue in to touch his. My arms wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders while we kept kissing. His hands slid down my back, bravely resting on my ass.

My insides were quivering. I wanted him, but should I? I pulled away again, and slid my hands down his hard chest as he stared at me.

"Matt," I whispered. "Have you ever made love before?"

He gulped again, and shook his head, not looking me in the eye, as he hung his head. Oh, I thought, he's embarrassed about his virginity! My heart swelled. I began kissing him again, his neck and his ear while he breathed out in a rush.

"Make love to me tonight," I pleaded in a whisper. "Matt, please make love to me."

"Yes," he whispered back. "Oh God, yes."

I kissed him again, then began slowly undressing him, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off while I kissed the soft white skin of his chest. My tongue licked his hard nipple.

We lay on the bed and kissed. Eager, and probably not knowing exactly what he was supposed to do, he practically tried to enter me before we were even completely undressed.

"No, no," I said gently. "Not yet... Not that yet."

I gently pushed him off me, and got him on his back. First I kissed his mouth, and his ears, and his neck. I licked both his nipples, and lay my head down on his muscular chest as it heaved up and down rapidly. Kneeling next to him on the bed while I leaned over him, he stared up at me, touching my face softly, and I returned his stare. My fingers lightly ran over his ribs, and I kissed each one.

Slowly moving south, teasing, I stuck my tongue in his belly button and he groaned, knowing I'm sure the direction I was headed in and what I was after. I kissed the baby fine hairs below his navel. They ran in a streak down into his jeans. My lips traveled all over his stomach, and his hips. I finished unbuttoning his jeans, and he lifted up so I could pull them off. His hard cock, juices dripping out, stuck out of the hole of his wet underwear. Odd thought, I wondered if his mother folded her son's underwear. I wondered what she would think if she could see him now...

I crawled between his spread thighs. He was positively shaking, his hands fumbling about on the bed by his sides. He is inexperienced, I thought. I crawled back up, supporting myself above him, and kissed him again.

"It's okay," I whispered as I looked into his eyes. "Yeah?"

He nodded.

I touched his face lightly, and smiled at him in the dim light. I smoothed his hair back on his forehead while he swallowed. I kissed him again. He touched my hair too, and nodded again, reassuring me. I went back down.

His underwear off completely, I began teasing him as his breathing became even more coarse and rapid. I began licking his thighs, and then kissing his pubic hair as his cock rubbed in my long hair. He stared at me, his eyes glassy. I kept massaging his thighs and running my tongue through his pubic hair. He groaned. I knew I was driving him crazy. I looked up at him; our eyes locked.

"Please," he whispered hoarsely, begging me for more.

I continued kissing his thighs, then moved my head up and let my tongue slightly touch his warm balls. He gasped, his hips jerking up. I swallowed one of his balls while he moaned, "Oh my God... " I slid my tongue up the length of his long hard dick. I swirled it around, and slid it back down to his heavy balls. I gently took one into my mouth and sucked it a little. I played with his balls with my mouth, my lips around them, licking them in the sack. Then I tongued the underside of his dick's head, and he groaned. I licked it up and down. All the while he was whimpering like a baby.

I finally took the swollen head into my mouth and sucked it, hard. He cried out. I rubbed his shaft with my hands while his hands gripped my head, his fingers running through my hair. I took the whole thing into my mouth and began pumping, sucking his dick rapidly.

His hips began slowly rocking, bucking to meet my mouth instinctively. I glanced up at him without letting go of my prize. His head was thrown back on the pillow, his eyes closed and his mouth open. His hip thrusts became faster, sticking his cock into my throat and nearly gagging me while he gripped my head. My God, I thought, he's fucking my mouth. His whimpering became louder and he started to yell while I sucked faster, as fast as I could.

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