Chapter 13: Safety of the Telephone

I never imagined that she would do something so blatantly provocative and sexual as placing her soiled panties under my pillow. Oh, I knew what an emotional charge her panties were and I supposed I thought she didn't. Yet, it had all started with her panties. Our first steps of this erotic journey were taken when I'd teased her about her soiled underpants. We'd treated it in a lighthearted, teasing way since, even when I thought to myself, "She has no notion what a sexually provocative symbol her panties are for me." And, not wanting to reveal too much, to become too vulnerable, I never told her. I never confessed what a gut-wrenching response her intimate apparel produced in me. Or at least I didn't think I had. In fact, I was acutely aware that the carelessness with which she had previously shown with her soiled undergarments had changed. She no longer carelessly left them in the bathroom as before. I had been unable to get my daily pheromones fix in months. I assumed she had a hamper in her room, but I'd made a promise to myself that I wouldn't violate her privacy again. So far, I'd been able to keep that promise.

Now, suddenly finding this silken thing under my pillow, delicious memories and feelings came flooding back. That she had called a few minutes before to tell me to look under my pillow carried so many messages. Chief among those was, 'Let's play, Billy.'

We'd recently given ourselves permission to be more honest and open about our sexual feelings for each other and, at the same time, admitting our fears, had agreed not to have sex. 'God, what does that mean?' I wondered. 'Not having sex.' Just what is 'not having sex' anyway? By my lights, we'd 'had sex' several times. Oh, we hadn't done the dirty deed, but if what we'd experienced wasn't having sex, then what is? We'd been thrown together several times, picked up and tossed about by forces whose strength awed us. Each time that happened, we had withdrawn, shaken and dazed, wondering, 'Where is this going?'

Touching the black silk of Jean's "unmentionables" I was thrilled. She'd worn these. Recently. They'd been on her body. On her butt. Between her legs! My resolves were fading away. It's true, I thought, My dick has no conscious.'

Flattening the crotch of her panties, I studied it. They were slightly damp to the touch. On the periphery of the damp spot was a faint whitish dry area. I'd seen that before. Her essence, right there.

Looking closely, I found a few curly hairs. Yes! Pubic hair! A thrill shot through me and another ratchet of my madness slipped. I was teasing myself. Delighting myself. This slow, measured -- even controlled unfolding of a treasure -- heightened my arousal.

I kept for last the real prize, the scent. I was already dizzy with desire and hard with my lust. Bringing the panties to my face, I slowly inhaled, allowing her intimate fragrance to titillate my olfactory senses. The seductive power of her scent ripped through me, much like a whiff of ammonia. I felt it climb up into my nose, seeming to pass through some impossible route, directly into my frontal cortex. I fell back, clutching her panties to my nose, unthinking, a mass of jangling, unstable sexual neurons, randomly discharging like some mad fireworks display. I was gone. I never had a chance.

Then I opened the note. There was only one line. It said: "I want to do it with you... on the phone."

I shoved my arms between my legs, humping against myself as I curled up in a fetal ball. No question. I was just gonna die!

A little while later -- seemed like days -- the phone rang again. Almost in a stupor I answered, "Jean?"

She laughed and then in that breathy voice characteristic of her excitement, she said, "You found them. What do you think?"

"That I've died and gone to heaven. Besides that, I can't think at all. What're you doing to me?"

"Remember we said we'd explore things with each other?"

"Sure. But we didn't."

"Well, I don't know about you, big boy, but I've been afraid."

"Of me?" I asked.

"Partly that, I guess." She paused, and then added, "But more of me."

Not attempting to act dumb, I said, "I don't understand."

"I didn't suppose you would. We think differently, you and me. I suppose it may be a 'girl thing' but anyway... to be honest, you have some power over me... "

I interrupted, "I have power over YOU? Come ON Jean. You're the one with the power. You should see me right now. I'm almost twitching!"

"Good," she laughed. "But it's true. Feel however you want, when you turn on the current, I'm a goner, so this is the only way I feel safe relating to you. Sexually, I mean."

"Phone sex? Jean, you mean we live in the same house, right next to each other and we're... we're reduced to phone sex?"

"Pretty kinky, huh? I thought you'd like it. It is all right, isn't it, Billy?"

"Jean, if it were the only way I could talk with you, I'd get off on your smoke signals! Actually, it is kinky and you're right, it appeals to me. Safe, isn't it?"

"That's it! That's the point of it, brother mine. Because I've been afraid of you and more, afraid of myself, I've been inhibited, even withdrawn around you. I've been afraid to tell you what I'm feeling and particularly afraid of allowing myself to get turned on around you. This way, I figure we can open up with each other, do anything we want and no matter how crazy we feel, how crazy we get, we're safe."

"Jean, you're so cerebral. You're so well thought out. What're you gonna be, a college professor or somethin'?"

"I didn't leave my panties under your pillow and then call you to talk about college, stud muffin. I want to know this: Is it true that boys get really hot when they smell a girl's... uh, underwear?"

I'd stripped for action -- whatever I thought that might have been -- and was wearing only an old sleeveless sweat shirt. I had wrapped her panties around my erect cock; just the dusky head of my dick was poking out. "If you could see me now, Jean, it'd answer that question."

"Tell me. Tell me, Billy!"

"Jean, you must know. When I first saw them there, I became excited. Right away. Touching them, feeling them, got me more turned on. But what nudged me over was the smell of you. I don't know what that is, but it just jolts me. Anyway, I'm lying here, horny and hard and I've wrapped your panties around my hard-on. It's all I can do to resist stroking myself and coming right now!"