Chapter 10: Tender Moments

In a soft, contralto voice Jean asked, "Billy, what are you thinking? I mean, what do you think of us?"

"What?" I replied, almost stupidly. I'd heard the words but I didn't understand them... they didn't make any sense. None would have. I was still out there, dumb and floating in some post orgasmic stupor, largely incapable of rational thought.

With a low laugh, she nudged me with her toe. "Earth to Billy... Earth to Billy."

Some small part of my brain knew where I was, but my thinking sludged somewhere between languid and torpid. Usually a linear, left-brain type of guy, I'd simply lost it all and was hanging out in some emotional wallow, playing and re-playing those vivid tapes of our erotic connection, Jean and me. I was remembering the excitement of our sexual discoveries in the past months, remembering the quickening of fear when I'd dared acknowledge my desires to her. More strongly, remembering the extraordinary energy we'd generated when we surrendered to the moment.

"Back side of the moon... static... failing... failing communications... , " my voiced tailed off to a fake mumble.

"Billy, come out. I know you're in there!"

Momentarily lifting my head and squinting, I asked, "Why... why do I have to come out... or down... or what ever?"

"Because this is important, that's why. We have to talk... now!"

Eyes closed, I rolled over and pushed myself to one elbow and paused, half sitting up. I was suddenly aware of my dick. It felt cool. Looking down I saw my cock, soft and lolling over my thigh. The air was drying the moisture on my shaft, cooling it off. I stared at it a moment, confused and with a start, embarrassed. My cock was wet because Jean had sucked it... had taken me in her mouth and sucked me off! I pulled my shorts over my loins in some futile attempt to cover myself.

Looking up at Jean sitting in a chair, I stared at her for a few moments. From my position on the floor where I'd slumped in my gray out, I could see her nakedness in the soft, diffused afternoon light. She sat, unashamed, one foot on the seat of the chair, leaning forward. Mentally shaking my head to clear the fog, I said something bright like, "Uh... yes... talk. Sure. What about?"

"You remember... like I've told you a hundred times... we weren't gonna do it?"

Nodding that yes, I remembered, I just stared at her breasts. They were full and, I thought, remarkably firm with a slight upturn to her pebbly areolae. How, I wondered, could her nipples be so hard when my cock was so soft? Going on as if it were the rhetorical question it really was, she continued, "Like you're my brother and as much as I love you... well, you know... it's the incest thing."

Still nodding, I licked my lips. God I was dry! With one foot on the chair that way, I could look right up between her thighs and see how her pussy was pulled slightly open.

"And this is the part that scares me," she continued, "Every time we go a little bit farther... farther than I intended to go... and I LIKE it. I like it more than I realized I would. I think too much... I mean, it scares me, you know?"

My part of this conversation was easy. I nodded again. Hell yes. I knew -- I loved it and it scared the shit outta me. This was all new stuff, very deep and with a strong current that was pulling us God knows where. Every time we'd drifted into the tug of our mutual desires, we seemed to end up someway we never planned. When we started something, we had no idea where it would take us.

"Yesterday... yes, even as late as this morning, I would never have thought I'd take your cock in my mouth." She looked at me with a slight tilt of her head as if to ask, so what do you think?

I smiled. My cock? Jean never called it my cock. It was usually "my thing" or something like that.

"Don't you see? Taking your cock in my mouth is like really close to really doin' it?"

I looked up to heaven, closed my eyes and just smiled.

"Oh you! Listen to me, you jerk. Be serious will you?"

"Jean, I am listening to you. I just can't help smiling. I love you and I'm all whacked out. Can't you tell that?"

Jean looked startled for a moment. She stared at me as she idly cupped her breast and rolled a nipple between her fingers. I could barely hear her voice. "Yes, I can tell that, Billy."

"Maybe we just have different definitions. When I just touch you, I don't think of it as incest. So when you touch me, I still don't think of it that way. Oh sure, it's sexual, but that's not incest."

She smiled warmly at me as she retorted, "You are such a lawyer."

I didn't want to get into an intellectual word game with Jean. She was too smart for me. No, it was always best for me to be honest with her. I didn't have to defend my honesty. We accepted that while our views on things might be different, neither of us need be wrong.

"I mean... uh, I think of incest as, you know... fucking. We're just foolin' around and if I touch you, that's not incest. And if you touch me, that's not incest. And if I come... "

"Yeah, yeah... I know about that. But it's the feelings that scare me. It makes me want to do it."

"Jean, when I wake up in the morning with a boner because I've been dreaming about you, I want to do it. When you flashed your butt at me this morning, I wanted to do it. Wanting to do it and really doin' it are two different things."

We'd been over this a dozen times. I was so hot and so confused I didn't know anymore if I really meant it. Being honest was very important to me, but I suspect that if I thought I'd get in Jean's pants by telling a lie, I'd jump into duplicity without a second thought. Jean knew this, for I'd once admitted as much, but we continued to treat our impetuous lust as the elephant in the living room.

As she had so many times before, perhaps wanting to be reassured, Jean accepted my slip-shod thinking and faulty reasoning again. "OK," she sighed, "But you've got to help me with this. Promise?"