“While we’re away for the weekend, maybe you could clean out the garage,” Eugene’s dad told him. “Drain the oil from that old lawn mower and put it out on the road for the garbage man. Then box up all those old magazines in the attic.”

“All by myself?”

“I suppose you could enlist some of your friends to help,” Eugene’s mom told him.

Early Saturday morning, not long after Eugene’s parents had left, Allie arrived.

“Before we start with the cleanup, how about breakfast?” Eugene asked. “Scrambled eggs with mushrooms okay?”

“I love mushrooms,” Allie said. “What can I do to help?”

“I guess you could wash the mushrooms and chop them,” Eugene said. “I’ll crack the eggs and start the toast.”

“You know mushrooms are better if you don’t wash them,” Allie told Eugene. “You use a mushroom brush and brush them.”

“I don’t think we have a mushroom brush,” Eugene said.

“Then I suppose we’ll have to make do,” Allie said. “Look at the size of this one.” She held it up. “You know, mushrooms look a lot like penises, or so I’ve been told.”

Eugene blushed.

“But I think they also look a lot like nipples,” Allie added.

“They do?”

“Well, I guess we could check it out.”

Eugene’s blush deepened.

“Of course, you’d have to take down your pants,” Allie said.

“I would, but I’m holding this egg,” Eugene said.

“That’s the silliest excuse I’ve ever heard,” Allie told him. “Go ahead. Let’s see if you can take off your pants without cracking the egg.”

Eugene started by kicking off his shoes.

“So far so good,” Allie said.

Eugene managed to unbutton his jeans and tug down the zipper.

“Excellent,” observed Allie.

Pushing the jeans down was more difficult, but at last he had them off.

“Okay,” Allie said, “but your shirt is kind of covering up the, um, evidence. Maybe you should take it off too?”

Eugene found he couldn’t remove the shirt while holding the egg.

“Maybe if I helped,” Allie offered. “I’ll hold your glasses.”

Between the two of them, they managed to take off Eugene’s shirt.

“Mmm,” Allie said. “I’d say this mushroom does resemble your penis.”

“What about your nipples?” Eugene asked.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Allie said. She lifted her sweater. “What do you think?”

“I think your nipples are much more beautiful than the mushroom,” Eugene professed.

“I think the same thing about your penis,” Allie said.

“You do?”

“Definitely.”

“So are you going to do the chopping now?” Eugene asked.

“Well, I’m definitely not going to chop your penis,” Allie said.

“Good to hear,” Eugune said.

“But you know what else I’ve heard?” Allie said.

“What?”

“I’ve heard that a boy’s cum tastes a lot like mushrooms braised in butter.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh. But I’ve also heard that cum tastes really eggy.”

“Oh.”

Allie stroked the mushroom slowly up the length of Eugene’s erection.

“So,” she said, “do you think maybe this would be a good time to find out?”