Chapter 1: Absolutely Absolute

It had been two years since Kimberly Tanner had signed her Absolute contract with Mary Jerkin’s real estate firm. Kimberly was now forty-two years old and diet, genetics, and constant reminders from the mirror to exercise had her body looking like a woman half her age.

Her twenty-two-year-old twin daughters were proud of her and welcomed the favorable comparisons people made when the three women were out and about in public. The twins, absolutes since high school, were tanned a rich nutty brown from a summer as counselors at the national NIS Cheerleading camp sponsored on their college campus. Kimberly was colored more of a café au lait, as her employment did keep her under fluorescent lighting during much of the weekday sunlight hours.

About six months ago, after speaking to her friend Paris, a college classmate turned motivational speaker, Kimberly had decided to become an ‘absolute.’ She spoke to her girls, who at first responded, yew and icky, to her idea; but, who gradually came around to accepting their mother’s decision. Kimberly had, six months earlier, forgone the use of a razor on her legs, pubis, and underarms. She was now almost totally grown in as a full-fledged hirsute absolute.

Marla, Kimberly’s youngest of her twin daughters, had decided to join her mother partially and was letting her pubic hair grow back from the short crew cut she had worn so long on her nether regions. As trimmed hair was not required for coaches or counselors in the cheer community, this was acceptable. Cheer participants were wont to dye their hair top and bottom to match school colors as well as painting their nails to match. This was the new cheer standard for sideline and competitive cheer uniforms.

It was now early August and Kimberly, following a day of showing houses to prospective buyers and doing contracts of houses with prospective sellers, was exhausted. The giggles coming from the rear of the house as she parked her car in the breezeway near the mudroom did not bode well for putting tired achy feet up on her terry towel-covered recliner and watching the evening news with her eyes closed.

Kimberly brightened a bit when she saw her husband Jerry standing over the poolside grill in the only garment he had worn since his office had gone clothing optional at the beginning of the year. The girls, having seen their father burn himself in places no man should suffer blistering while at the grill got him a barbecue apron that had the logo “UNDER THIS I’m THE NAKED CHEF”. Standing nearby, also nude, were the girls and Marla’s very steady boyfriend, Brad, a physiology major at the same college the girls attended.

The girls were giggling as Brad, normally the master of his domain and self-control was sporting an erection that was a danger to himself and those around him, at least near the grill.

“Yeah, that is EXACTLY why we got Dad his apron, Bradley,” Tammy told her sister’s boyfriend. “That sausage goes into the fire and Marla won’t have any fun...” Kimberly cleared her throat to let everyone know she was there. Tammy finished her sentence with, EVER.”

“Hi, Hun,” Jerry changed the track of the conversation, with, “Burgers are just about done, the corn is steaming and there are cold beers in the cooler. Brad brought over a bathtub full of baked beans for us to try, his grandmother’s recipe, so he says. You have time for a quick swim if you’d like before we eat.”

“Sounds good and under control, can’t wait to try the beans, Brad. Now about your pistol without a pocket or are you just happy to see me?” She smiled at the embarrassed twenty-three-year-old and winked.

“Mrs. T, I am ALWAYS happy to see you,” his eyes caressed the mother of his girlfriend in a way that had Marla jab an elbow in his ribs, getting a half-laughing “poof” out of him. “But, I’m sorry to say that this is not your fault,” another jab and another half-laugh.

Tammy stepped in to save the situation. “Mom, you know that stuff for guys that want to have sex but cannot get an erection? The little blue pill stuff?”

Kimberly nodded her head and made a hand motion for Tammy to continue, but Marla interjected, “They are doing clinical trials on a topical lotion formulation of that product, Mom, Brad saw the tube in his building’s locker room marked 30, thought it was suntan lotion, and the rest is history.”

Kimberly looked worried, “How many hours ago? Has it gone down any?”

“About seven hours now, Mom,” Tammy said, “The campus health clinic said since she rubbed it all over his body and not just on his penis, he could be that way for quite some time.”

“I’ve taken five showers, Mrs. T. and after each one, it calms down for about fifteen minutes. Well, as you walked in, it was having another growth spurt,” Brad said blushing.

Marla muttered, though her mother heard it, “If only it would spurt maybe it would go away.”

Kimberly decided to have a bit more fun with Brad. “So, it was down before I walked in and now it is up? Hmmm, maybe I do still have it.”

All five of them laughed at that and the topic soon changed from Brad’s condition to the ‘How was your day? Anything interesting happens? “ The general conversation most families had around the dinner table. After a swim following dinner and on a warm night, Kimberly and Jerry lay on a queen size pool float together holding hands looking at the sky, and enjoying each other’s company.

“Mom, Dad, is it okay if Kirsten comes over and spends the night? We have routines and participants to go over before camp tomorrow morning,” Tammy called out to her parents.

Kirsten loved staying at the Tanner home. Her parents were devoted textiles and forbade her to go nude in their presence. Kirsten, having grown up with the twins and their absolute lifestyle, as well as others who have adopted the clothing-optional or clothing-less way of life was less constrained in her outlook. No sooner did she hit the Tanner property line than Kirsten could normally be seen stripping off whatever she had been forced to wear to get out of her house and over to the Tanners. Soon, the pair of girls were settled in the hot tub loudly discussing which of their charges would be best suited for the various routines the cheer camp squads would be running through the next day.

“You know, I think Brad is going to ask Marla to marry him when they both graduate next May,” Jerry said to his wife, “I heard them talking about ‘the future’ in serious low tones while he was fighting the battle of the bulge before dinner.”