Chapter 9

“Is the Hive everything then?” Eva asked two days later.

Those simple words his wife had spoken caused a maelstrom of emotion to erupt. “It’s my life,” he answered, dragging his fingers through his hair. “It’s all I’ve ever known.”

“Luc, you ask me to give myself to you. I know you won’t take me by force in a physical way, but don’t you see this as another way of bending me to your will?”

“My will?” His voice ended on a squeak of incredulity.

She held her hands up placatingly. “Hear me out, husband. You wish to have an heir. I know how important the Hive is to you, however, it can’t be everything.”

“There’s nothing else I know,” he growled out.

“Then why would your vader make you seek marriage?”

“I don’t know!” His hand slashed the air. “I’ve been wracking my brain ever since the reading of the will and I can’t come up with an answer. God knows marriage meant extraordinarily little to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Why would he impose something on me he wouldn’t do for himself?”

Eva gave a slow nod. “You told me that he’d leave with you for months at a time.”

“It wasn’t just that. He had no use for her.”

The lid of the coffin he’d placed the emotion in blew off. He gasped at the force of it as it rose within like a monstrous, fiery being. The talons clawed at his insides and he ground his teeth.

“What’s wrong?”

He whirled away from her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s not good to leave it inside.”

“It hurts,” he ground out as the monstrous beast swelled. It threatened to overwhelm the defenses he had fought so hard and long to contain. The fire of the emotion burned the barriers until they went up in ash.

“Luc, please talk to me. It doesn’t hurt as much if we share.”

“Share?” His eyes flew open and he turned. He saw Eva’s delicate form, the petite frame. How could someone like her share in his pain. “You can’t share this with me.”

“Test me.”

Something snapped and the beast roared. “Test you?” He bit out a harsh laugh. Without being fully aware, he strode over to where she stood and gripped her forearms in his hands. “How could you understand how my moeder cried? What do you know of it?”

“More than you think,” she said hollowly.

“Don’t be so sure.” He shook her gently, not to hurt her but to rid himself of the turmoil. “I was fourteen the day I heard my vader tell my moeder that since she’d given him an heir, there was no more use for her.”

His wife gasped. “Luc.”

“She cried tears of blood, Eva.” Though he said her name, he wasn’t there in their humble cabin in Dakota territory. He was back in the Fatherland. Back in the mansion his father had built. In his father’s study, hiding behind the tall secretary. Listening to his father’s bland, even voice. Hearing his mother’s sniffles.

“Why did she give him such loyalty when he only saw her as a means to an end? Why marry her?”

Something soft brushed his cheek. Luc started and saw it was Eva’s hand cupping his face. “I’m right here, Luc. Don’t you see me?”

“Every moment of the day, I see you,” he said in a kind of agony. “God knows I’ve tried to fight it. The first time we met, I saw you. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Every time I look, even more so.”

Her body gave a jerk against his own. “You mean that?”

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”

“You truly find me beautiful? You’re not just telling me because you want an heir?”

“I’m not, I swear it. Couldn’t you tell when I found it impossible to tear my eyes away from your moonlit form in the bathtub?”

Her head dipped. “I th-thought, perhaps...”

“Perhaps, what? That I took so long to come to bed because I was checking for intruders? Nee, I wanted you and I promised myself that I would not take advantage. Even if it kills me, which it probably will.”

“Luc,” she breathed.

“Of course, I want you to give me an heir. Any man would be beating down the doors to have a woman like you bear his children.” The corner of his mouth ticked. “My vader would approve of you as being a good Dutch girl. My associates, er, I mean friends, all think I am the most blessed of men to have you as my wife.”

A tremor accompanied her next words. “Please, please tell me you’re telling the truth. I don’t care if anyone else finds me hideous. I only want you to find me beautiful.”

“You’re not hideous, to me or anyone else.” His hands loosened from her forearms. Tilting her chin further up so that she had nowhere else to look but at him, he said, “You’re perfect.”

Her lips trembled and tears pooled from her eyes. He’d never seen her cry before and it unnerved him. “Please don’t cry, mijn liefde.”

“I don’t mean to. But my vader, my vader...,” she choked, and he drew her into his arms.

“Shh, calm down. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“I must.” Her fingers tangled in his shirt. “You implied that I couldn’t understand, but I do. My vader, his name was Pieter, treated my moeder as his broodmare. He left for days, sometimes weeks on end. We could never discover where he’d gone. She pined for him every time. Whenever he came back, he’d stay long enough to sire a child and then, he was gone.”

She wiped angrily at her tears. “It infuriated him more that all of his children were daughters and we were all marked. Cursed.”

“You’re neither of those things,” Luc said gently, his own beast subdued as he listened to her.

“Vader thought so. Each of us bear a birth mark. My youngest sister, Rebekka, has the more prominent mark. She hides often, refusing to come out unless at night when no one is around. Be that as it may, we all grew up with his hatred of us.

“The night Floris was born, all that changed.”

“How so?”

She pulled away. “He died.”

He stilled. There was no emotion in her voice. “How did he die?”

“Does it matter?” she said hollowly. “He died. When I discovered it, I knew I could not tell her. She loved my vader in the same manner of your moeder. A blind sort of loyalty. If I told her, I didn’t know what would happen. My Floris struggled for his life in her womb. He was too early. If I had told her...”

“You did what you had to in order to save his life.”

Eva sent a grateful look his way. Had she needed his approval?

“I kept it secret until Floris came. It was ironic that my vader never got a chance to see the son he wished for forever. When I told her after the babe had come, I saw the will to live leave her. It was the strangest thing. After all her tears, she had nothing left. Everything belonged to my father.

“When she learned of it, she hated Floris. She wouldn’t even look at him. It was I who had to fight for his life. He was so tiny, nearly no bigger than my hand. I thought we would lose him, but I wanted him. I prayed and prayed for his life, begging God to give him life.

“From Moeder, I had to beg for his nourishment. Besides that, it was I who took care of my brother and my sisters from the day he was born. Moeder had given up. I had to do everything – the housework, caring for my sisters, my brother. It all fell to me.”

His throat constricted. “How awful for you.”

“When Johan came into my moeder’s life a year later, he gave her what she needed to live again.”

Luc frowned. “Don’t you resent that? That she wouldn’t live for her children but for someone else.”

“Nee, Johan was the best that happened to my moeder and our family. All my sisters were affected by my vader’s death in different ways. I can’t tell you everything, but when Johan came into my moeder’s life, he made her laugh again. Gave her back the strength my vader took from her. Helped her love Floris. And over time, she gave me six more brothers. I gained a vader I could finally love.”

They stood in silence for a long while, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Finally, Luc spoke. “When I saw how my vader treated my moeder, I knew I never wanted to treat my wife that way. He had instilled in me the imperative that the Hive must come first. To do that, I had to forego everything else. He treated me the same way he had her – a means to an end. He had an heir to take over the Hive. That was all that mattered. I never wanted to make a woman cry like he did so I vowed to never marry.