Chapter 16

Kris returned from this part of the mission, feeling especially dark and dirty. He’d dealt with some of the worst terrorists in the world, and they had felt less corrupt than those he had to be involved with tonight.

He went straight to the arsenal and cleaned the weapons he’d used. As disgusting as he felt, one needed to keep their gear in good working order for the next mission. After cleaning, oiling, and reloading the last weapon, he stripped out of the tactical suit and carried it to the laundry room.

He’d wash the cloth parts tomorrow, having left the armor plating stacked on the worktable in the arsenal. Then, quietly so as not to disturb Sparky or Raisa, both of whom he hoped were resting, he climbed the stairs to his master bedroom. The weight of the stain to his soul that tonight had left made him climb slowly and methodically. This was why he’d never pursued Raisa in two years. Dealing with the worst people on the planet and spilling their blood always left him feeling like one of them instead of the hero Raisa thought he was.

He came up into his bedroom and felt the air sucked from his lungs. Laying in the center of the bed, all spread out like an angel, was the woman he loved. The woman who deserved a better man than he was. A man without his stains, without his burdens, a good man, a pure at heart man; that’s what Raisa deserved. She certainly didn’t deserve to be stalked by Volkov, and she didn’t deserve to be tied to a man with such a dark stain on his soul, like Kris. Yet as he stood there watching her sleep, he knew as much as he didn’t deserve her sweet innocence and pure light, he couldn’t give her up.

Quietly, so as not to wake the slumbering angel in his bed, he gathered a pair of sleep pants and slipped into the bathroom. Turning the shower on as hot as he could stand and then just a touch more, he stepped in and started scouring his flesh. Scrubbing with all his might, trying to wash off the film of gunpowder and blood and the feel of the darkness from his skin. He couldn’t cleanse his soul, but he could try to get his body clean. He scrubbed until his skin was red from the heat of the water and the act of trying to get clean.

He jumped when he felt loving hands pull his own away from his body. He opened his eyes to see the light of his life standing in the shower with him. She took the scrubber and soap from him and began to gently wash him. It was more than he could stand and he crumpled to his knees, burying his face in her torso as great wracking sobs tore from his mouth. Raisa kneeled in front of him and wrapped her arms around him as he wept about the darkness that had corrupted him. She stroked his head. “Let it out, Kris, my strong, brave hero. Just let it all out.”

He shook his head. “You’re wrong Raisa, I’m not a hero. I’m corrupted by the evil that I touch on every single mission. I’m no hero. I’m a killer, a dark stain on the soul of humanity.”

“Oh Kris, you aren’t a dark stain on the soul of humanity, Gregori is. Nestor is too. Those men you faced tonight, most definitely, but you are a hero.”

He shook his head; he couldn’t get her to understand when he went up against the darkness. Some of it clung to him, corrupting his soul. She held him tight. “I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong. Listen to me. Did you and your team rescue those girls tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Did you capture the men who had held them captive, and those that had come to buy them?”

“Some, others resisted, and we had to eradicate them.”

“Then you are a hero. Those girls are free tonight, able to return to their lives and loved ones because you were willing to step into the dark. Evil men were brought to justice or sent to face the ultimate justice because you will step into the darkness.”

He shook his head. “That may be true, but every time I step into the darkness, more of it stains my soul.”

“No Kris, you are looking at this all wrong. The knight enters the dragon’s lair and fights the dragon. When the dragon is defeated, the knight doesn’t become the dragon. He returns home, cleans the gore and blood of the dragon from his weapons and himself and is celebrated as a hero.

“That’s you, a modern-day knight, fighting the dragons that society doesn’t realize are threatening their lives and tranquility. Like the knights of old, you fight against the dragons that threaten society’s peace and security, but you do it in secret and without recognition. But I see it. I celebrate it. Stained? No, the darkness does not make the light less. The light chases away the darkness, making the world a less dark place. Now come to bed and let me reward my brave, powerful hero. Let us celebrate that you once again vanquished the dragon.”