Chapter 1

I entered my mother’s bedroom carefully. Watching where I placed my feet so as not to trip over the scattered items of discarded clothes and take away boxers that littered the floor.

The room was a tip, and it gave off a smell that reflected the visuals. Stale food and cigerettes Even though it was 10 a.m. on a Saturday, the room was in semi-darkness, and I found myself kicking an empty vodka bottle under the bed as I placed a cup of tea on the bedside table.

The slumbering form of my mother snoring under a pile of sheets I went over to the window and drew the curtains. Flooding the room with light, which seemed to stir the form under the duvet,

“Rise and shine!” I announced in a loud voice.

“Fucking hell, J. What the fuck is wrong with you?” A mumble answered back.

“You told me to wake you at ten, mom.”

Mother had made the request to me last night before going out with her lover, Dave. Well, more like her pimp, come lover.

I thought it was strange. She normally didn’t emerge from her room till midday, and I never saw her on a school day until I returned home.

“Oh shit,” she retorted as she flung the sheets off her, swung her slender legs out, and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Fucking hell, J. Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You said ten, and it’s ten. You didn’t get in until after two this morning. Dave, get you some work?”

“Oh, don’t fucking start! It was a lock-in at the pub. Fuck, I feel rough.”

Mother pressed her palms into her eye sockets and rubbed as she hacked up flem.

At 39, she was still a stunning brunette with a great body, I thought as she sat there in just her pants. But she was starting to show her age now.

She could even be deemed classy if she didn’t dress like a tramp or open her mouth. When she did that, it sort of gave the game away by showing just how common she was.

“Dave didn’t stay last night,” I asked, looking at the empty bed.

“He had business to attend to this morning.”

She answered while pulling out a cigarette from a packet on the bedside table and lighting it.

“Business ... what selling drugs or you?” I snorted back.

“Oh, don’t fucking start,” her mother snapped back. The cigerette dangling between her full lips I turned to go.

“I hope you don’t give him any fucking shit today. He’s coming over in a couple of hours,” she called out, pulling the smouldering cigarette from her lips as she blew a cloud of smoke.

“Dont worry. I’m going out. I can’t stand him.”

This made Mom stand up. A concerned look came over her face.

“Going out! What. You cant!”

“You what?”

“I need you here.”

“Why?”

The question seemed to stump her. She bit her thumb nail. The cigerette billowed out smoke between her fingers as I saw the cogs in her head whirl.

“Look. Dave’s arranging for a guy to come over around 3. I need you here,” she finished with a sickly smile that I guess was meant to be pleasant.

“What! I’m not hanging around here while you work,” I answered indignantly.

Mother stamped her foot on the floor before starting to wave the cigerette and pointing it at me in small gestures.

“Look here, you little fucking bitch. I’m your mother. If I say you stay home, You stay fucking home.”

“No way.” I started to make my way to the door.

“Wait ... please.” There was a bit of desperation in her voice, and the fact she used that rare word please” made me turn around.

She placed her hand on her hips.

“Look ... its not work. Just an interview. This prick is coming over to ... chat, that’s all.”

The answer made me laugh.

“A interview. What are you going to become a secretary?”

“Don’t get clever with me, you little fuck. This could lead to money. Big money,” she looked smug and took a drag on her cig.

“What’s Dave got you into? Is it dodgy? Shouldn’t he be here when this guy comes over?”

They were good questions, and it stumped my mother. The cigerette hovered near her lips as she thought. She wasn’t the brightest tool in the box.

“The guys harmless. He just wants to meet me first before committing. He’s fucking loaded, hun. Look, I just want someone around the house, and Dave will be at the club this afternoon.”

I looked confused. This irritated mother making her stamp her foot again.

“For fuck sake, J Why can’t you do as you’ve been told for once?”

She glared at me, hands on hips, once again. The fact I ran around after her all the while and acted like her mother rather than the other way around annoyed me.

“I will give you a quid if you stay home,” she added, relaxing. Raising an eyebrow like she had just offered me a king’s ransom “A quid! I thought you said he was loaded. Give me a fiver, and I will stay home. But I’m not meeting him.” I folded my arms as if to say it was that or nothing.

“You little ... okay, a fiver, you greedy bitch.”

“Now. I want the money now,” I demanded.

Mother was about to protest, but we both knew that I would never see the money if I didn’t get it now.

She muttered and searched the tabletop. Only finding two one-pound notes next to the ashtray. She opened the drawer and desperately rummaged through it.

My mother really was a mess. I started to think she couldn’t even raise five pounds, but she proudly held up one.

“Here. Take it, you fucking greedy cow.”

“Thank you. It was a pleasure doing business with you.”

“I bet it fucking was.”

I was in the kitchen washing up the sinkful of dirty plates that had kindly been left for me when Dave entered.

He had a key and never knocked. Treating the flat like he owned it He was a large thug with a broken nose, and he had his fingers in many pies. And known of them as legal. I couldn’t stand him.

“Ello Cinderella, where’s your mother?” He asked, looking around, concerned

“I hope the stupid fucking bitch is up. She’s got to meet this fucking cunt in a couple of hours.”

“Shes up. Having a bath. A bit hungover. I think she was throwing up earlier. You should get her home early if you want her to get up in the mornings,” I answered smuggly while wiping a dish.

He curled his lip at this and turned around. opening the cupboard door and pulling out a half-empty bottle of vodka

“She knows how to fucking party. Unlike you, Miss Prim Virgin,”

He retorted as he unscrewed the cap and took a swig. I felt my cheeks flush. He was right. I was a rather dull thing. Mainly due to looking after her.

I held out a glass I had wiped. I looked him in the eyes even as my cheeks burned. He gave a little snort, took it, and poured a large glass.

“When your mother was 14, she was out fucking clubbing. Snorting coke. Getting pissed. Not washing up, fucking dishers. How many brothers and sisters have you got? Four?”

He was correct. And all left home as soon as they could. Leaving me with her. It’s not that they didn’t offer to raise me, but then who would look after mom?

I turned my back to him and continued washing the dishes.

“Maybe I should go out clubbing. Leave Mom and her friend to chat alone.”

I heard the glass being placed on the worktop.

“Hang on, princess. Your mother wants you here when this cunt arrives.”

He placed a hand on my shoulder and said, “Come on. Don’t fuck around. Your mom needs you here.”

He tried to be tender, but he was a thug, and it was a poor act. I shrugged his hand away.

“Why can’t you be here?” I asked, turning to face him. Why me”

He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. I could see he wanted to yell but managed to control it.

“Fuck sake. I cant. I have things to do. Look, the guy is a fucking snobby little wimp. He’s fucking harmless. Just be here.”

He saw my concern. He knew I wasn’t as stupid as my mother. He dug his hand into his pocket, pulled out a wedge of twenty-pound notes, and handed one over. Waving it in my face

“Take it, princess. Twenty for your trouble. Just be here. Come on. “You’re the only one that can watch out for the daft bitch.”

He smiled at me, which I returned. I took the note just as my mother walked in. Both of us quickly stuff money in our pockets.

“Ello. What are you two fucking up to?”

“She’s washing your shit up and pouring me a drink,” Dave said, covering up the transaction.

“You can pour me one while you’re at it,” mother laughed as she sat down and lit a cigerette up.

She was tarted up. Her face was caked in heavy, slutty make-up. She wore a tight red top and was clearly braless. A short leather miniskirt hardly covered her backside

Her legs were clad in white fishnet hold-ups that ended with plenty of bare thighs on display and red high heels that I was surprised anyone could walk in.

She may as well have been under a lamppost on a street corner. I thought

“It’s not even midday, mom,” I said, placing a glass on the table.

“Oh lardy dar. Listen to fucking you,” Mom scoffed back.

“Now now you two,” Dave butted in as he poured vodka.

I saw him give my mother a warning look, and she put on her sickly fake nice act.

“Just the hair of the dog, hun. Steady my nerves.”

I watched them both take a swig. Mother glanced over to the wall clock before turning her gaze on me as she took a drag on the smouldering cigarette.

“You’re looking very plain today, J,” she commented.

“Unlike you,” I snapped back.

“I like to make an effort, hun, unlike you,” she smiled back, taking a drag before blowing a large cloud of smoke into the ceiling. Pleased with her response.

I looked down at myself in my T-shirt and jeans. “I always dress like this,” I said, confused.

“I know, and you look scruffy. Why don’t you wear a skirt? Oh, I know that pleated white thing you wear for sports day.”

“What?” I answered with even more confusion at my mother.

She leaned across the table with her elbow on it. Pointing at me with the smouldering cigerette

“Your school uniform. You haven’t put it in the wash, have you?”

“What? No. What’s wrong with you?” I was starting to get annoyed.

Dave stepped in, chuckling.

“You see what I mean, princess. Someone’s got to watch out for her. “Right, I’m off ... and lay of the piss, ok?”

He pointed at her already half-drunk glass before adding, “I hope you get some luck.”

Mother bit her lip, looking a little worried, and gave a little nod. Both gave me a quick glance before Dave left.

“You ok, mum?”

“What ... oh yes. Just a few nerves,” she chuckled, getting up and smoothing her skirt down.

She paced the room while I finished the plates. She took another cigarette from the packet and lit it.

“I think I will have one more.”

She grabbed the vodka and poured it into a large glass.

“Daves right. You want to take care of that.”

“This is my last one. Promise”

She glanced at the clock. I heard her mutter shit before taking a slug before adding

“I think I will watch a bit of TV.”

With that, she went out. The TV suddenly blared out.

I finished the dishes and went into the living room.

Mother was sitting on the sofa, not really watching the TV, as she chewed on her thumb nail. Another cigerette burned between her fingers.

“You ok?” I asked It made her jump, and she turned, putting on a brave face.

“Oh what! Yeah, I’m fine, hun. Come and sit and watch some TV.”

She patted the chair beside her. I glanced at the clock on the sideboard. She saw my action and worked it out.

“He isn’t here for another hour,” she reassured.

“Nah. Anyway, I have to sort your bedroom out. “It’s a tip”

“You cheeky fucking cow. Leave it”

I rolled my eyes and ignored her. I needed something to do, and it wasn’t spending time in my mother’s company.

The weekend was the only time I got to clean her room. And if I didn’t, it would only get worse. Besides, I had to hide the twenty-five quid I had in my pocket from her.

The first thing was to open the bedroom window and let the stench out. I stood for a second and looked out over the London council estate. Every apartment block was as shabby and filthy as the one we were living in.

What a dump, I thought as I turned and started putting the trash and empty bottles into a bin bag.

I emptied the full ashtray, and as I placed it back, I saw my birth certificate alongside a school picture.

There was also the mother’s passport. I picked it up along with the other items.