Chapter 2

Vengeance is mine say the Lord---Paul 12:19

Sometimes he needs a little help—say me

Kevin—I am sure you remember me. How could you not? I am the self-appointed helper of the Lord. A righter of wrongs so to speak.

Anyway I don’t give a shit what you think.

I am sitting in the law offices of Lois Griffin. I am waiting on her son, Bill Griffin, to get finished with his client, Billy Bob. Billy Bob is a wreck. He is balling his eyes out and avoids looking at me as he leaves.

“What the hell is wrong with him?”

“A couple of things. First he is kicking himself in the ass for not taking my advice and getting that whore he married to sign a pre-nup. Now he is going to have to let her live in his family home until she re-marries or their kid is 18 years old. Then it will be sold and he will get half. In the meantime her boyfriend is going to move in with her. He is going to have to pay alimony and child support. He is fucked. Secondly, I think he is more worried that he will never get laid again. I bet that whore was his first. You know he met her in a strip club in Memphis and married her inside of three months. But what brings you to my office?”

I told him I wanted to set up a trust for Layla’s kid, Jean. I figured she was going to need help later in life and while I am not rich I thought I could put in a couple hundred a month and by the time she was ready to go to college she would have the money. He said he would start the paper work and then reminded me that if I ever decided to marry Layla to get a pre-nup.

I thought, “Yeah right. Pre-nups are for pussies. One .45 shell and a shovel would be all I needed if I caught my wife cheating.”

But I could not get Billy Bob out of my mind. That guy needs my help. Griffin had said that his divorce would be final in about two months so I had to get busy.

Billy Bob was worried that he was never going to be able to find another girl as pretty as his whore-wife. I know how to fix that problem. I get on the phone with a travel agency and have some brochures sent to me. I know he eats dinner every night at the City Cafe so I make a point to go there the next night.

And there he was. Right on schedule. I slide in the booth across from him and lay the brochures on the table. I have known Billy Bob all my life so he knows who I am.

“Billy Bob I am planning on taking a vacation and I heard about your problems. I thought you might want to go with me.”

“Where you going?” He asked with his mouth full of roast beef. A real charmer this Billy Bob.

“I’m going to take a cruise. But a real special kind of cruise. The travel agency supplies you with a girl. A beautiful Colombian fox that will do anything you want for the seven days you are cruising around. And the good part is we get to tell them what type of girl we want. Look.”

I pass the brochures over to him.

“You just fill out what you want. Fat, tall, skinny, big boobs, black hair, blonde whatever. The first night the ship is in port and we meet the girls. If she is not what we want they have lots of others at the party to choose from. And you know about these Colombian girls. They are hot! Hell girls from Colombia have won 3 of the last 5 Miss Universe pageants. People say they are the most loyal women in the world and they Love Americans. I plan on fucking my brains out for the whole week. The buddy of mine that turned me on to this said after the third night he was having orgies and swapping dates with the other guys. He says he fucked over 15 girls on that cruise. I cannot wait. You want to come with me?”