Chapter 76: Just Like Starting Over

January 9, 1989, McKinley and Columbus, Ohio

"Morning, Petrovich!" Clarissa declared when I walked out of the daycare on Monday morning.

"Morning, Lissa! Ready to go?"

"If Rachel is settled."

"More like begging to be here to play with Melanie, Kathy, and Jennifer!" I replied. "Those are her friends in daycare."

We walked out and got into my Mustang, and started on our way to Columbus.

"So," Clarissa smirked, which I saw out of the corner of my eye, "moaner, groaner, or screamer?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?!" I chuckled.

"Seriously, Petrovich?" Clarissa asked.

"First of all, you know I'd tease you no matter what; second, you know this is different. It's just like starting over, and it has to be. And that means respecting what Kris wants in the way she wants it."

"She must be a rookie sensation if she has you whipped already!"

"Says the woman who has, together with Lara, been feeding her tips on the 'care and feeding of Mike'!"

"Because we love you, Mike," Clarissa said with a smile.

"And I wouldn't expect anything different from the two women to whom I'm the closest who are neither my wife nor my daughter!"

"I take it everything is OK?"

"Other than being married to a «политический руководитель», yes!" ("Political Officer")

"That one goes beyond what Anicka taught me!"

"Political officer," I chuckled. "I'm surprised that when the alarm went off this morning, it didn't play The Internationale!"

"Only Mike Loucks would discuss politics during his honeymoon week!"

"No, only Kris Korolyov would spend the week working on converting Mike to socialism!"

"I'm not sure if you're joking or not."

"Not! My new wife has decided that I need a political education, and she's not going to be deterred! That said, there was plenty of time for eating, going to the movies, and cuddling, too."

"AND?" Clarissa teased.

"That too! Details shall be made available by my better half if she chooses to do so!"

"You're a pain in the butt, Petrovich!"

"Thank you!"

"Let me ask another way — any disappointments or surprises?"

"No."

"Any areas of concern for which you need advice?"

"I married a socialist Lara," I chuckled. "What do you think?"

Clarissa laughed, "That will work very well for you, I think. Intelligent, independent, and appropriately feminine."

"Or like you, except for the whole liking pussy bit."

"The more I think about it, the more I think that is actually better for you than a girl who would have been a stay-at-home mom. I'll only say this one time, but if not Kris, then it would have had to have been Maryam, despite the challenges. None of the other girls matched you intellectually and spiritually the way Maryam and Kris do. Allow me one question about your sex life..."

"Sublime," I replied.

"OK, now I'm positive," Clarissa declared. "You only ever used that about one girl, and she was intellectually, but not spiritually, compatible. But you had no idea in advance, right?"

"Kris was a virgin on Sunday night, but as I pointed out to her, she was also NOT a virgin on Sunday night!"

Clarissa laughed, "Cute. How was Rachel on Friday?"

"Happy to see both of us, but not upset in any way, at least as far as I can tell. On Saturday, she asked me to read to her."

"That's new."

"Yep. She said 'book', well 'boo', and when Kris retrieved one of the books, I asked Rachel if she wanted Mama or Papa to read, and she said 'Papa'."

"And so it begins! She'll learn the words she needs to make Dad obey her every whim!"

"In her dreams," I chuckled. "That said, I did mention to Kris that women have been telling me what to do for my entire life, so she's just another in a long string!"

"I can't wait to talk to her!" Clarissa declared. "I take it you're OK with that?"

"Of course. I'm OK with you and Lara feeding her information, though I did get whacked across the nose a couple of times."

"Why?"

"Mainly for declaring I didn't want to discuss politics immediately after pontificating on politics and not giving Kris a chance to respond. I've done that to others, too. We also discussed all the practical stuff about how our partnership would work once we were back to reality."

"She went back to school today, right?"

"Yes. Well, she will, because I left home at 5:35am to drive to the hospital, and Kris doesn't need to leave the house until just after 7:00am."

"Is the plan still for her to get pregnant in the Fall?"

"Yes, to try to time a baby sometime between the beginning of June and the end of August 1990."

"Have you discussed our situation further?"

"Not specifically, but I believe, based on everything, Kris will be OK with you using the sperm we banked to have a baby. But you want to finish your Residency first, so that's about three years from now before you begin the process. You can ask her, she won't be upset or offended, and she'll tell you exactly how she feels."

"Yes, but how does she feel?" Clarissa teased.

"Well, if you can convince her to have a threesome, and Tessa agrees, you can find out for yourself. Otherwise, I have no comment!"

"Oh, right!" Clarissa said with a soft laugh. "She's going to go for that!"

"No, and neither would Tessa."

"Oh, she would, so long as you were allowed to compensate her for the favor!"

"And in the realm of possible things, I'll be the Chief of Emergency Medicine at Cook County Hospital before either of those things happen! Or, even better, the Tsar of all Russians!"

"You know I'm just yanking your chain, right?" Clarissa asked.

"I wouldn't expect anything less!"

"Changing topics, I was wondering if we really should basically waste our time and Indiana's time by interviewing there. You're going to list two programs at Moore Memorial, and then emergency medicine programs at OSU, UC, and Pittsburgh. I'm going to list internal medicine at all four. But we both know for sure that Moore Memorial is a lock."

"Are any of the candidates who have interviewed for Internal Medicine married?" I asked.

"No. There are three Residency slots, so even if there was a married couple who both wanted Moore, and who were listed, I'd still get in. And honestly, if we don't both Match at Moore, there's literally nothing we can do about it. The only way to guarantee it was to marry, and you know why that couldn't happen."

"For all the reasons we discussed. I'm OK with not going to Indiana if you feel safe."

"Do you think there is any realistic chance I'm not the first choice of Medicine?"

"No more than I think I'm not the first choice for trauma surgery. You've been rated 'select for Match' on all three rotations so far, and you're exactly three points behind me on the class ranking."

"Could you pretty please get a pair of 4s on one of your rotations?"

"Not even for you, Lissa!" I declared. "And besides, you get to give the salutatory speech before I give the valedictory speech."

"Have you decided what to say?"

"It'll be about service to our community," I replied. "Any idea what you'll say?"

"No."

"Go feminist," I suggested. "But not radical feminist. That will dovetail nicely, and I can incorporate that point into the start of my speech."

"Take the equality and opportunity tack, right?"

"Yes. If you're really daring, you could make a point about gays and lesbians. I'm happy to incorporate that into my speech as well. We'll have Matched and passed the MLE at that point, and there's no way Moore would rescind our Residencies for calling for equality."

"I agree, and I like it! Now, if I could just dislodge the misogynist pig at the top of the class list, it would be a victory for women everywhere!"

I laughed, "That's not quite what I had in mind, but give it your best shot!"

"You'd have to screw up at this point, and that's the last thing I'd want to happen. And you know I was teasing."

"About the misogyny part, sure; I fully acknowledge being a pig!"

"Out of curiosity, and never to be repeated to anyone..."

"I believe I know the number," I said, "though I could be off by one or two. I'd like to hear what you think."

"Roughly? Thirty-six."

I did some quick reckoning in my head to verify the tentative number I'd had in mind.

"Forty, I think it is, counting Kris and Elizaveta."

"And how do you feel about that?" Clarissa asked.

"That the total number suggests I was out of control at points, but each and every decision made sense at the time."

"Setting aside the whole 'sin' issue, do you regret anything you did?"

"You know that's the main concern," I replied. "And really, at this point, all of that is in the past. As I said, it's just like starting over, and I have to treat it as confessed sin and have no further care."

"And your wife has no care?"

"Correct," I confirmed. "She's acknowledged that I was free with my affections, but so long as it didn't involve cheating on my part, it's a non-issue, and you know it didn't."

"Does she know any specifics?" Clarissa inquired.

"She knows about Jocelyn because it was difficult to disguise that information about my first time. She guessed based on the very scant information she had, and I confirmed that guess, which then allowed a more detailed conversation. She also knows I participated in at least one threesome, acknowledged that is a common male fantasy, and reaffirmed she wasn't interested in inviting another girl to our bed!"

"Darn!" Clarissa teased.

"I did suggest you, but she has zero interest in the part of your anatomy which most interests me!"

"My brain?"

I laughed, "Sure, Lissa; sure."

"It is, though!"

"Yes, and your heart, but in context it wasn't that! I do have one regret, though."

"Angie, right?"

"Yes. I wish there was something I could have done, but I'm not sure what it might have been short of asking Father Stephen to defy the bishop. I wish Angie hadn't told him, but the last thing I wanted was for her to hide things from her confessor."

"You were in the proverbial Kobayashi Maru scenario," Clarissa observed. "There was no way to win."

"You know the one question I will always ask myself, but will always come up with the same answer."

"About making love when she insisted?"

"Exactly. Maybe that would have changed things for the better, but given I knew about her illness, it would also have been abusive, no matter how I look at it."

"I can't argue with that, or with your decision. How does Kris feel about the situation with Angie?"

"As horrified as anyone who isn't a psychiatrist," I replied. "And she's happy with seeing Angie, as well as me helping Angie in the future."

"Kris seems like the least jealous person on the planet."

"I think she's confident in herself, and confident I'll keep my word. At that point, what is there to be jealous of?"

"For her? Nothing! For me, that I don't get to cuddle or sleep over! And she does!"

"You knew the price of admission," I replied. "And couldn't pay it. Not because you didn't want to, but because of who you are. And I would never ask you to violate that."

"No, you wouldn't," Clarissa replied. "You were extremely careful about that. Anyway, we should probably put on our game faces!"

"This is our third interview, so it's much easier. Of course, having the first one at Moore was a huge help."

"It sure was! What's your answer to the question about your intentions?"

"That I'll decide my final order when I fill out the form in February. And that's true, even if I've decided to list the two Moore Memorial programs first, I haven't decided for sure which order to list UC, OSU, or Pittsburgh, though Pittsburgh is likely last."

"Truth, but not full truth."

"What we don't want to do is risk any of the four schools not listing us, even if it's lower down their lists. Of course, we'll never know beyond the program to which we Match, but I think we're safe for OSU and UC."

"I agree," Clarissa confirmed.

We arrived at OSU about twenty minutes before our scheduled interviews, and after we checked in, we accepted the offered coffee and Danish. Promptly at 8:00am, both Clarissa and I were escorted into adjacent conference rooms for our initial interview sessions.

"Good morning, Mike," a sandy-haired man about forty-five said. "I'm Doctor Tom Riley, an Attending in the Emergency Department. With me are Doctors Lisa Kellogg and Howard Breen."

"Good morning, Doctor Riley, Doctor Kellogg, and Doctor Breen," I said to each doctor in turn.

Doctor Kellogg looked to be the youngest, and I guessed she was around thirty, and had long black hair tied in a ponytail, while Doctor Breen was the oldest, with short-cropped grey hair, and was likely around fifty-five.

"Good morning, Mike," Doctor Breen said. "I'm Chief Attending, Doctor Riley is my deputy, and Doctor Kellogg is our Chief Resident. We've all reviewed your application, and we'd like you to tell us who you are, please."

"Do you have a preferred time limit or format, Doctor Breen?" I asked, following the guidance from Doctor Mertens of always addressing the physicians conducting the interviews by name.

"We only have an hour," he replied with a smile. "I'd appreciate it if you took less than that. Otherwise, whatever format you believe suits you best, and however much time you think you need."

I was prepared for his question, and as I had in the previous interviews, felt that a linear story, starting just before the playground incident, through to my current rotation, was the best approach. I had tightened up my presentation to about six minutes, a point after which I felt I'd lose my audience and distract them from their questions. The last thing I wanted to do was leave them either frustrated or with unanswered questions.

"What's the greatest challenge you've faced in your training?" Doctor Kellogg asked, serving me what I felt was a perfect, chest-high fastball over the center of the plate.

"The death of my wife about sixteen months ago, on the day she gave birth to our daughter," I said.

From the stunned looks, none of them had known, but that didn't surprise me, as the back channels did not flow everywhere in the same way.

"I'm so sorry," Doctor Kellogg said quickly. "I heard about that, but no name was associated. Is this a topic you're able to discuss?"

"Yes. I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't ready and willing to talk about it."

"Could you tell us what happened?" Doctor Breen asked.

"Immediately after delivering our daughter by C-section, my wife suffered from an undetected intraparenchymal bleed caused by a congenital arteriovenous malformation near her medulla oblongata, which affected the vagus nerve, causing her to suffer a coronary incident which claimed her life."

"Jesus!" Doctor Kellogg breathed.

"Mike, if it's OK to ask, were there any signs?" Doctor Breen inquired.

"Not until the day she gave birth," I replied. "She told her best friend she felt strange, and felt her heart flutter, and that she felt faint. They placed a call to Elizaveta's OB, who had them come to the hospital, and upon finding nothing specific, other than elevated blood pressure, the OB decided on a C-section. There were no complications from the procedure until the first coronary event in recovery. She was revived, but didn't survive the second coronary event."

"Her condition was discovered during an autopsy?" Doctor Breen asked.

"Yes. I obviously authorized it because I wanted to know what had happened. Per Doctor McKnight, her condition, due to the location of the defect, was, as he put it, 'routinely fatal'."

"And your daughter is OK?"

"Yes," I replied. "She's healthy and developing normally."

"How much time did you take off?" Doctor Riley asked. "And from which rotation?"

"Ten days from my OB/GYN Clerkship," I replied. "I was doing it as a visiting student in Cincinnati, not at Moore Memorial."

"Which hospital?" Doctor Kellogg asked.

"Good Samaritan," I replied. "Under Doctor Leslie Cooper and Doctor Mary Kelly. Doctor Cooper was appointed Chief of OB as of January 1st."

"May I ask why you left what happened to your wife out of your story?" Doctor Kellogg inquired.

"So as not to tug on heartstrings," I replied. "You asked for the greatest challenge, not the greatest medical challenge, so I gave the answer I did."

"Then what would you say your greatest medical challenge has been?"

"Teenage rape victims," I replied. "I've participated in multiple rape kits, and there is nothing that has challenged me more."

"And your most interesting case so far as a Fourth Year?"

I smirked, "Speculum and forceps retrieval of a retained latex prophylactic from deep in the vaginal canal."

"Oops!" Doctor Riley said with a grin. "Slipped off?"

"Yes."

"And you were permitted to do the procedure?"

"Yes, with a nursing student assisting. I have something of a reputation for being able to relate to teens and younger kids, so I was assigned to the case. I completed the procedure, counseled the teens on proper condom use, and referred them to the free clinic, as sperm had clearly leaked from the prophylactic."

"Now there's a way to ruin your whole day as a teenager!" Doctor Riley observed, shaking his head. "What would you say was your biggest mistake so far?"

"The only thing I've been spoken to about is spending too much time talking to patients. Otherwise, I'm not really given the opportunity to make mistakes."

"Do you have your procedure book with you?" Doctor Kellogg asked.

I nodded and took the book from my satchel, as it didn't fit well into any of the pockets of my suit. I handed it to her, and she quickly flipped through it.

"Internal exams in OB?" she asked. "As a Third Year?"

"Yes. I demonstrated my knowledge and was given the opportunity to learn how to do internal exams."

"Hang on!" she exclaimed a few seconds later. "Don't you mean observed psych evaluations?"

"No, I mean exactly what was written. Doctor Lawson allowed me to do intakes on patients. My favorite was the 'OD' on combined oral contraceptive pills."