Chapter 6: Blunt Talk

April 26, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

"How are you doing?" Kari asked when she arrived on Tuesday evening just after I'd settled Rachel after picking her up from my in-laws' house.

Kari had Chinese food with her, so we went to the kitchen to eat, which I did one-handed so I could give Rachel her bottle.

"I have an assignment from the counselor at the hospital to write two letters, one to Elizaveta about my feelings and one to Rachel about her mom."

"How do you feel about that?"

"You saw how I reacted on Friday night," I replied. "I'm sure I'll cry quite a bit when I'm writing the letters, but I have to do something other than just bottle things up or use sex as an escape."

"Me?"

"Sorry, no, but let's just say that I was very free with my affections for a few months."

Kari smirked, "Young women throwing themselves at you made it easy!"

"True, but I'm trying to get that under control."

"Why? If you're having fun and nobody is being hurt, why stop? I mean, I sure enjoy it and you didn't hurt me except that first night when you ... sorry, I shouldn't bring up something that was resolved."

"It's OK. I learned a valuable lesson."

"Want to hear something strange?"

"If you want to share."

"I have this fantasy of being tied up and blindfolded, having my clothes cut off, and then being fucked silly. I know what that might sound like, but it would be completely voluntary."

"Is that something you actually want to do? Or is it one of those fantasies that you intend to go unfulfilled?"

"I'd have to so totally trust the guy, so, at the moment, that would limit it to you doing it, and that just doesn't strike me as your thing."

"It's not, really, but then again, I've agreed to do stuff that wasn't 'my thing', either as an experiment or because the girl asked for it."

"Strangest things you've done?"

I smiled, "Anal, cumming on a girl's face and licking it off, and being pegged."

"That last one?"

"A girl wearing a strap-on and doing a guy in the butt."

"Whoa! You actually let someone do that?"

"Once. It most definitely isn't my thing."

"I'm not sure I could let you put it in my butt. That just seems weird."

"Again, I did that by request, not as something I particularly wanted to do."

"And licking your own cum?"

"How is that any different from French kissing you after fellatio?" I asked. "Or cunnilingus after we've had intercourse? Or kissing you after sixty-nine?"

"Suddenly you're using polite words?"

"The young woman there is starting to talk. The last thing I need is for my toddler to decide that F–U–C–K is a word to repeat!"

"Oh," Kari said, laughing nervously, "I said it before! Sorry!"

"It's OK. I think it's more of a problem if I say it, or if it's used regularly. She's going to hear the word, but until she's able to understand the basic concept of not using certain words, I want to be a bit circumspect."

"That makes sense, given how aware she is of her surroundings."

"Speaking of that, she's not likely to sleep while you're here."

"I was thinking we could take a warm bubble bath," Kari said. "If she's in her swing in the bedroom so we can see her, all she'd see was bubbles, even if I sit in your lap with you inside me."

"True."

"Then we have a plan for after dinner. But we have to talk, too. Well, or you can cry if you need to."

"No," I replied. "I think I can talk."

"Good," Kari said with a smile.

April 28, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

"Hi," Serafima said when she, Elias, and Irina arrived at the house on Thursday after Rachel and I had eaten dinner.

"Hi," I replied.

"Elias will take a walk," Serafima announced.

"Later!" he said with a nod and a smile.

He left and Serafima, Irina, and I went to sit in the great room, with Serafima picking up Rachel and holding her on her lap.

"We both tried to get Sara to talk to you," Serafima said. "But she's convinced you can never forgive her for what she did."

"I certainly can't without knowing what it was," I replied. "And absolutely not without her talking to me."

"Irina and I debated if she should tell you more, and we reluctantly concluded she should, to know if it's worth making the effort. I suspect it isn't."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," I replied.

"Mike," Irina said, "I didn't give you any details because I hoped Sara would confess and you two could work it out. I think you need to know."

"Go on," I said reluctantly.

"We played 'Spin the Bottle' and pretty much everyone went to second base with everyone. Well, guys and girls, not any gay or lesbian stuff. Then we played Truth or Dare with some R-rated and X-rated dares. Sara and Jim took some of those dares."

"I thought Shelly's parents were there," I countered.

"They were upstairs, and they did come downstairs randomly to check, but 'Spin the Bottle' is pretty tame, and for Truth or Dare the couples went into a large, walk-in closet."

"So nobody actually saw anyone do stuff? I mean beyond kissing and touching outside clothes."

"No, they didn't. But I believe most couples who went into the walk-in closet did the dares. And touching under clothes was allowed during 'Spin the Bottle' because nobody objected. I know Sara promised she wouldn't do more than give Jim a 'good night' kiss, and, well, I saw her do more, and she demanded I not say anything to you at all and keep it a complete secret."

I took a deep breath and blew it out.

"I'm not sure we can come back from that. It's not that she did anything, because I'm in no position to judge, but that she broke her word and then concealed it from me."

"That's why I said what I did," Irina replied. "That lying and cheating are always wrong. Without the promise, you would have been OK, right? We discussed that before you and I..."

She stopped, realizing she'd just revealed something to Serafima.

Serafima laughed, "I was pretty sure that had happened. Don't worry."

"What I told Mike," Irina said, "was that I didn't want to be tied down before I had some college experience. I wasn't saying for sure that I'd fool around, but I might. Mike knows I wasn't a virgin, and he had no problem with that, or, if he's still available in two or three years, if I fool around with other guys. But we discussed it first, and we agreed."

"I have to ask..." Serafima said with a smirk.

"Elizaveta was not lying!" Irina tittered. "About anything!"

"And let's leave that right there, please," I requested.

"What do you want to do, Mike?" Serafima asked.

"The ball is still in Sara's court. It has to start with admitting what she did and asking for forgiveness. But it's difficult to restore trust once broken. Not impossible, but difficult."

"We'll encourage her to at least talk to you," Serafima said.

"That would show maturity," I replied.

"Then we'll head out," Serafima said. "Let me see if Elias is on the porch."

She got up and went to the front door and called back that Elias was waiting.

"If you're interested, you could help me celebrate my High School graduation," Irina said quietly, as we walked to the front door.

"An interesting offer," I replied. "Let me think about it, OK?"

"Of course! I graduate on the 26th, and I'll be at your concert at Taft on the 27th. And no more curfew!"

"Good to know!"

She and Serafima left with Elias, and I went back to read to Rachel until Lara arrived.

April 30, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

"This will probably be our last time together," Annette said when I greeted her on Saturday evening.

"Then we'll just have to make the most of it!" I replied.

"Dinner at the steakhouse as we agreed? My treat?"

"Yes. I have Rachel's dinner packed, and she has on a clean diaper and a cute dress her godmother bought her, so we're ready to go."

"As a preview of coming attractions," Annette said, with a twinkle in her eye, "I brought my tennis outfit and sexy, translucent underwear!"

"So you decided torturing me by telling me before dinner was a good idea?" I asked with a silly grin.

"Not torture, anticipation!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Torture is me telling you that once Rachel goes to bed, I'll do literally anything you want to do, with no limits, until you can't do it any more!"

I groaned, "Cruel!"

"You were probably busy at the hospital today. I was bored out of my mind in classes today and that was all I could think about!"

"Poor baby! Shall we go to dinner?"

"Yes!"

Fifteen minutes later, we were seated in a private booth with Rachel in a special booster seat that fit on the seat next to me. We ordered our food, and I took Rachel from her seat to feed her a bottle.

"What else is she eating?" Annette asked.

"Tapioca pudding, puréed carrots, applesauce, Cheerios, and bagels. We're at a standoff with the puréed peas."

"I'm with her on that one! Right up there with creamed corn. Blech!"

"I was never much for creamed corn, but peas were OK. I don't force it beyond offering her some once every few days. You'll also hear her talk, most likely. She has a couple of words, including 'DADA!'."

"That's so sweet!"

The waitress brought our salads, but fortunately Rachel had finished her bottle, so I put her in her seat and alternated eating my salad and feeding her carrots and tapioca.

"What time do you need to be on the road tomorrow morning?" Annette asked.

"7:30am," I replied.

"Then I can be home in time for 10:00am Mass."

"Any changes to your plans?"

"No. I'll move into the dorm in July so I can start practicing with the team. That'll give me time to get acclimated and explore before school starts. Mom and Dad are driving me down. Mom said to say 'hi', by the way. Where are you in your decision process?

"Say 'hi' for me," I replied. "I obviously haven't decided yet. I'm still working through my emotional difficulties. My counselor has me writing a letter to Elizaveta about how I feel, and I've started twice but haven't made much progress because it's difficult. I plan to focus on it on Monday and get it done, even if it hurts."

"I can't even imagine. I mean, I saw how badly it affected you, obviously, but I don't think anyone can really understand unless they've gone through something similar. If there's anything I can do to help, I hope you'll ask."

"You helped quite a bit in December."

"And I'm glad all that effort wasn't for naught!" Annette declared.

"I'm curious, but where do you plan to live after you graduate?"

"I suppose that depends on where I find a job, but I plan to look in Cincinnati, though California is the place to be for computers. Why?"

"Just curiosity."

"If you wait four years, you can have the sexy, blonde tennis player in your bed every night and she'll do anything with you!"

"Tempting," I replied. "But you know my timeframe is shorter."

"I do," she replied. "And I totally get that the practical problems are big enough to make it basically impossible. But if you do find yourself still single in three years, you should get in touch."

"I'll remember."

Annette winked, "And I'll make sure you have plenty to remember!"

We finished our salads, and the waitress brought our meals, and I ate, distracted by the thoughts of what Annette and I would do later that evening, once Rachel had gone to bed.

May 1, 1988, Columbus, Ohio

Annette and I had slept for perhaps a total of two hours, in two one-hour segments, enjoying each other's bodies all night. I was dragging when we showered and fixed myself a big cup of coffee to take with me on the drive to Columbus. Technically, that violated the Eucharistic fast, but I had dispensation from Bishop JOHN to make small allowances if they were necessary, and coffee was necessary in this case!

As was the norm for Sunday mornings, Rachel and I attended the Divine Liturgy at the Cathedral, and Dani continued her newly adopted practice of standing with us. And, as usual, we went to the diner for lunch rather than joining the congregation for lunch and Sunday School.

"It would appear I'm the only remaining girl," Dani said mirthfully once we were seated.

As I'd been informed, there was an 'available boyfriend' communications circle amongst the parishes, and I wasn't surprised that she knew there had been difficulties between Sara and me. That said, she wasn't quite correct.

"There is a girl who isn't part of your little cabal," I replied, thinking about Maryam.

"The Syrian girl in your parish who is also a medical student, right?"

"OK, so maybe your cabal is better informed than I thought!"

"You have no idea!" Dani said mirthfully. "But if you were going to marry her, you'd have done so already. Or at least asked her. You've known her for three years, right?"

"We met at medical school orientation, but I was married then."

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply you had behaved improperly, just that you really wouldn't need more time to decide, even if you planned to wait until after August to ask her, and you'd have told me if you had decided."

"I'd say that's mostly true, but it is an open question. I'm seeing a counselor and I'll see Father Roman Braga in three weeks, and hopefully between the two of them, I'll get back on track emotionally and spiritually."

"If you're struggling that way, you're hiding it very well."

"It's my 'doctor' personality," I replied. "And that's something you should be prepared for. I don't show much emotion."

"Being overly emotional is not good, but I am sure you are passionate!"

"About my calling to medicine? Absolutely!"

"And the other kind of passion!"

"That, too," I chuckled.

"If I wanted a romantic relationship, I would never have agreed to our grandmothers' machinations! But I'm not a silly little girl who thinks true love will find her! True love comes by hard work and determined effort! If there is one thing I learned from my grandparents, that's it."

"I agree."

"When are you seeing Father Roman?"

"On the 23rd. If your grandmother is OK with it, I'll stay the night and drive from here on Monday morning."

"That would be perfect! May 22nd is my birthday!"

"Something I should have asked about!"

"I would have told you later today because I was going to invite you to celebrate with us. And I'm sure my grandmother will say 'yes'. She's not going to do anything to interfere!"

"Then we'll plan on that!"

We had our usual nice lunch, walked in the park hand-in-hand while pushing Rachel's stroller, and then Rachel and I headed back to McKinley.

May 1, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

Maryam arrived about 6:30pm, while Rachel was napping. She had brought with her the ingredients for a meal, and I sat with her in the kitchen while she prepared it.

"Do you know how the married Match works?" Maryam asked.

"It's merely a matter of filling out a form and supplying a copy of your marriage certificate. Then, those matches are run, finding programs in the same hospital if possible, or in the same city. Once those are completed, the regular match is run. If for some reason a married couple doesn't Match together, they receive regular Matches, but have the right to Scramble to a different program if they wish to do so.

"Supposedly, nobody has ever needed the chance to Scramble as there are very few married couples where both are in the same Match, and there are reportedly back channel discussion between hospitals to ensure a Match. I think we'd both easily Match at Moore Memorial without that, but it is an added bit of security, if that's the way things go."

"We'd apply to other programs in the same way, right?"

"Yes, and given your specialty, that would mean Ohio State, Pittsburgh, and Indiana, all of which have strong cardiology programs. Cleveland Clinic would be an option as well, as I could try to Match there or another hospital in the area."

"But only for trauma or surgery, right?"

"The only other comparable programs that I know of in the Midwest that are up and running are Indiana University and the University of Chicago. So I'd have to choose, and most likely it would be trauma. That doesn't preclude anything, though, as I'd have two years to convince the administration at one of the other hospitals to endorse my training plans. In other words, don't worry about it. We'll Match at Moore Memorial for sure; the others are just emergency backups in the event of some weird, unpredictable sequence of events."

"OK. When did you inquire about that?"

"Clarissa actually did, just because she was curious. Obviously, that wouldn't apply to her because she can't marry Tessa, and Tessa isn't a medical student even if they could."

"You're OK with that idea?"

"Not with a crowning, of course, but what harm does it do to me if they were to receive the same benefits as a married couple from the government? I don't see how that harms me, my marriage, or the Church. Should anyone other than you or me have any say in a potential marriage? Say, like my sister's friend Emmy's dad, who would object on racial purity grounds because your skin is olive-brown."

"You're joking?!"

"No, I'm not. For him, anyone who is not Anglo-Saxon, German, or Nordic is a member of an inferior race, with blacks being the lowest. Of course, he hates Catholics, too, and I'm sure that applies to Orthodox Christians."

"What an evil man!"

"Very much so. Emmy is convinced he was involved in the murder of a black kid who was dating a white girl, but nobody could prove it."

"NO!" Maryam gasped.

"Sadly, yes. He helped lead a campaign to drive out the first African-American teacher at the High School. His hate campaign worked, unfortunately."

"That is so wrong!"

"It is. That's why I'm so glad our bishops joined with Doctor King to demand civil rights reform. And it's people like Len Nelson that make me glad I can mentor Antonne."

"DADA!" I heard over the baby monitor.

"That's so cute"! Maryam gushed.

I laughed, "And the Third Year medical student is turned back into a silly teenager by the mere sound of a baby's voice!"