Chapter 3: If You Can't Do That, Find Another Career

April 13, 1988, Bright Wednesday, McKinley, Ohio

My days in Internal Medicine were routine, though not boring, because I could spend time interacting with patients. And actually seeing patients truly recover and be discharged, rather than stabilized and moved to another service or rushed to surgery, was an enjoyable experience. One downside was that with the exception of the helicopter flight to Columbus, I wasn't adding any new procedures to my book, and I wasn't likely to be able to do that during this rotation.

Wednesday was like any other day so far, including Nurse Anna flirting lightly with me, but not obnoxiously so. Having time to talk to Clarissa every day was a major plus, even if much of our conversation was about medicine. When 5:00pm rolled around, I left the hospital, drove by my in-laws to get Rachel, then headed home. Tami arrived, bringing pizza, about fifteen minutes later.

"What time do you need to be in bed?" she asked. "To sleep, I mean."

"I'd prefer no later than 9:30pm," I replied. "Lara will be here around 9:00pm."

"And Rachel won't sleep before then, will she?"

"Most likely not," I replied.

"Well, that kind of puts a damper on any fun activities," Tami groused. "You can't really leave her alone."

"True, but she's content in her swing with music playing. If you don't mind her being in the room, we could."

"That's just a bit too weird for me," Tami replied. "Maybe if she were an infant, but she's totally aware of her surroundings."

"Then I suppose we'll just have pizza," I suggested.

"I thought your new schedule would work, but it's really not because of Rachel's schedule and how early you need to be in bed."

"The downside of dating a single dad. Let's eat before the pizza gets cold."

We did, and it was obvious that Tami was totally unhappy with the situation, but there wasn't much I could do about it and still get enough sleep. The only days a movie night would work now were Saturdays and Sundays, but those were mostly reserved for girls I was seeing seriously, and that was especially true with Danika and Samantha in the mix. Tami was a casual sex partner, and with no possible future in sight, no reason to expend significant effort, and no reason to create additional constraints on my time. If I was going to try to wind things down, she was an obvious choice.

"What do you want to do?" I asked. "It's 5:45pm, so we have about three hours, roughly, before Lara arrives."

"I think you see why I don't want to have kids for ten years."

I nodded, "I totally understand, but that doesn't answer the question."

"I think I'll just head home."

I nodded, walked her to the door, received a light hug and a perfunctory kiss, then watched as she drove away. I read to Rachel, then played my guitar for her until Lara arrived. We said evening prayers, and then I went to bed.

April 15, 1988, Bright Friday, McKinley, Ohio

On Friday, Antonne came to the hospital so we could have our weekly lunch and mentoring session. After checking with him, I asked Clarissa to join us, even though it was her day off, as she could give him her perspectives, which were similar, but not identical, to mine. We had a good chat, ate lunch, then took him on a brief tour of the hospital.

At the end of my shift, I picked up Rachel from my in-laws, then headed home where Sara was waiting, having arrived a few minutes before Rachel and me because I'd spent a few minutes speaking with my father-in-law. Sara greeted me with a firm hug and a nice kiss, and we went into the house. After getting Rachel settled, I ordered Chinese food, then Sara and I cuddled on the couch while Rachel played on the rug in front of us.

Unlike Tami, Sara had no qualms about fooling around with Rachel in her swing in the bedroom, though we did spend more time under the comforter than we normally would. Rachel tolerated about thirty minutes in her swing, which meant Sara and I could only have one round, but then the three of us cuddled together in my bed.

"Just over a year from now, this could be us with a new baby," Sara said. "And I'd be nursing him or her. Do you know how strange that seems?"

"Probably about as strange as the first time I picked up Rachel in the nursery. It was truly surreal. And that was before..."

"I know," Sara said, touching my arm. "I'm in awe of you raising Rachel on your own. Well, you know what I mean because of all the babysitting you need due to school, but it's still pretty amazing."

"And sobering," I replied.

"Were you ever afraid?" Sara asked.

"If you mean nervous or concerned that I was going to make mistakes or that I couldn't handle it? All the time at first. Honestly, anyone who isn't a bit nervous or afraid doesn't understand the gravity of bringing a child into the world and having them be completely dependent on you."

"Oh, thank God!" Sara exclaimed. "I was worried that being scared of having a baby wasn't normal! Nobody ever talks about that. Well, no adults, anyway. I think they're afraid if they talk too much about babies, teenagers will want to try to signal the stork!"

I laughed, "The Xanthian Adult Conspiracy is a real thing! I'd use the word 'typical' rather than 'normal' because 'abnormal' has negative connotations that 'atypical' does not. We use 'atypical' to mean 'different', but 'abnormal' implies 'wrong'."

"So, you're atypically large, not abnormally large?" Sara teased.

"Remember, ALL the available data on penis length is self-reported. That right there is enough to call into question how accurate it might be. And I can't even give you anecdotal evidence, as some men get much larger when erect, while others do not. Neither of those situations is 'abnormal'. Fundamentally, the member is fit for purpose if it can become erect and deposit semen in a vagina. Think about this — where is your pleasure spot?"

"At the top of my, uhm, what is it called medically?"

"The vulva," I replied.

"At the top of my vulva inside my...

"Labia majora, usually just called 'labia'. Think about what that means with regard to penis size. And think about how you like to be pleasured."

Sara smirked, "Your mouth and tongue, and your tongue is WAY shorter than your penis! But I do like feeling full!"

"Yes, and that can enhance the pleasure, but orgasms, generally speaking, come from clitoral stimulation."

"What about what one of the girls at school called the 'G-spot'?"

"It's heavily debated if it even exists, or if it's an extension of the clitoris in some way. Some women report that stimulation of their vaginal walls enhances orgasms, but there's no proof beyond those anecdotal reports. Of course, given medicine's general aversion to anything to do with female sexuality, there isn't enough research to know what's actually going on. In the end, what matters is whether or not you have orgasms, and if they are sufficiently pleasurable."

"ARE YOU KIDDING?!" Sara exclaimed, laughing. "They're 'oh my God!' pleasurable!"

"You did say that repeatedly the first time I 'slid into home'."

"I couldn't describe it if I tried! It was like my brain short-circuited! And now, when we kiss, it's like I instantly have this empty spot that has to be filled!"

"So that kiss at the door when I arrived home?"

"Had me dripping wet! And you made me wait until after dinner!"

"Poor baby," I teased.

Fortunately, Rachel tolerated another fifteen minutes in her swing so that Sara and I could shower, then we went downstairs to wait for Lara.

"I guess the next time I'll see you is after Prom," Sara said.

"Yes, because I'll be in Columbus for church on Sunday morning."

"OK if I go to the party after Prom?"

"You don't need my permission! On the other hand, you do need your dad's permission."

"It's at Shelly's house, and my parents like her, so it's cool. It won't get too wild with her parents there, though we'll all be in the basement. I'm sure we'll play games and stuff."

"Enjoy yourself. I stayed out all night."

"But you didn't ... right?"

"Correct. It was planned, but it didn't happen."

"Well, no chance of that! I promised you I wouldn't do more than kiss him 'good night'."

"If your parents are OK with Shelly's parents, and with you going, then I don't think it's going to be a night of drunken debauchery!"

"True!"

Lara arrived just then, and the four of us said evening prayers, and then Sara headed home.

"Mind if I come to bed with you?" Lara asked.

"No, though I'll need to change the sheets."

"Of course you will!" she said, laughing. "Think Rachel will tolerate going to bed a bit early?"

"She will, though that means you have to be up early."

"I'll get up with you, then go back to bed until she wakes up."

"Sounds good to me!"

We went upstairs and put Rachel in her crib, then Lara and I went to my bedroom.

"Don't change the sheets," Lara smirked. "We're just going to get them messy! I'll wash them in the morning."

"They'll smell like Sara," I replied.

"Just don't make me sleep in HER wet spot and I'm happy!"

I laughed as we began undressing.

April 16, 1988, Bright Saturday, McKinley, Ohio

On Saturday evening, I headed directly home from the hospital, having arranged for Rachel to spend the night with Anna and Yulia so that Samantha and I would be free to talk without interruption. I'd pick her up on the way to Columbus, so she was with me when I visited with Dani.

When I arrived at the house, I immediately started preparing dinner, and it was nearly ready when Samantha arrived just before 6:00pm. We chatted while we ate, though she carefully avoided saying anything about the future. I didn't push, as she'd stated clearly about when she wanted to have that conversation.

When we finished eating, we cleaned up the kitchen, then went up to my room, undressed each other, then got into bed. I orally pleasured Samantha until I was hard, then sat up, cross-legged, and helped her onto my lap. As I had the first time, I squeezed lubricant into her hand, because she was that tight, and despite her being wet, lubricant made a big difference. I grasped my shaft, held it, and she lowered herself slowly onto me until I was fully embedded in her very tight confines.

"I did some research," she said as she began gently rocking her hips. "And you were right. Transferring as a Senior would mean going an additional year, though if I took classes during this Summer and next, I could finish by the end of August of next year, instead of by the end of May.

"As for law school, there are options, including deferring entrance for up to two years after being accepted, or simply waiting for a few years to apply. I checked, and so long as you can submit a transcript no more than five years old, along with LSAT scores, there's no barrier to getting in."

Samantha took a few breaths, then shuddered from a small orgasm, the ripples of her vaginal walls creating a wonderful sensation on my embedded member.

"So," she continued as she flexed her hips, "what I suggested to Becka would actually be possible, even if she didn't defer law school. She didn't look into it, because she had a plan she had been following since we were Juniors in High School."

"Given that, what are you thinking?"

"How good you feel inside me!"

"That is more than a bit distracting," I replied. "We can wait to talk if you want."

"No," she said, breathing heavily, "we can keep talking."

"Tell me why you'd consider changing your plans for a guy you met just over a month ago."

"That night, at the club, when I sat in your lap, something screamed 'this is the guy'."

"As in the guy to spend your life with, or the guy you wanted to deflower you?" I asked.

"I'm not sure because of the whole guilt thing. I mean, I wanted to have sex, but couldn't get past the mental block, or whatever, until I spent time with Jacqui and talked to Doctor Mercer."

As she had just a few minutes before, Samantha took a few breaths and shuddered from another small orgasm. It seemed to me that her goal was simply to make this last as long as possible, and I was OK with that, as there was no risk I was going to go soft thanks to the exquisite sensation of her very tight tunnel.

I had a concern, and I wasn't quite sure how to voice it, and it was that Samantha felt that having sex with me was tantamount to an agreement to move forward with her. I'd discounted that idea before we'd gone to bed the first time, but now I wondered if I'd misjudged the situation. I had to ask, even if it might upset her, because while a future together was possible, it wasn't certain.

"Are the two things tied together?" I asked.

"You mean giving you my virginity in exchange for a pledge to be together?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I'm still trying to sort out the guilt, my Catholic upbringing, and what I believe. If you had asked me when I was a Junior in High School, I'd have said my first time would have been on my wedding night, and I'd never, ever do it with anyone else. By the time I graduated, I thought it was possible I'd do it with my fiancé, but that would basically be the same thing, it would just happen before the actual ceremony.

"Then at the start of Freshman year at Xavier, the four of us made the pact, and it was almost three years in the future, so I wasn't too worried about it until my birthday was close. Then I started freaking out a bit, wondering how I could find the guy I was going to marry so that he would be the only one.

"There wasn't really anyone, so I picked a guy I thought was nice who lived off campus, and we made out a few times before my birthday. Then on my birthday I went back to his apartment with him for the first time, and you know what happened — we were making out, but it didn't feel right, so I left, stayed away from the dorm for a few hours, then let the girls believe I'd done it.

"When I met you, I had a feeling I hadn't had before, but then the guilt overwhelmed it, and besides, you were Becka's choice for her 'birthday deflowering'. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. You and Becka hit it off in a way none of us expected, which poured cold water on any ideas I had of getting to know you. I mean talking and stuff, not what we're doing."

She shuddered and blew out her breath as she had another small orgasm.

"Then when we were here and teasing you, I didn't see any way out of it, because all the girls thought I'd had sex, and I didn't want to upset Jo or you. But then you and I discussed it and you suggested reasons why I might be reluctant. The one you missed, and it's not your fault, is that I felt guilty about wanting to do it, just as I feel guilty about doing it. That doesn't mean I want to stop!"

I took the opportunity to kiss Samantha, and our tongues tangled for a bit before she broke the kiss, put her head on my shoulder, and began moving slowly up and down my shaft, grinding against me each time her mons came in contact with my pubic bone. She moaned softly and shuddered as she had a stronger orgasm.

"I guess," she said through slightly labored breaths, "that it's the guilt that makes me think about the future. I know you didn't feel you were making a commitment, and I didn't expect you to, but I also didn't expect to feel that doing what we're doing meant more than just doing it."

Which, given her thinking, she should have realized before we'd had sex the first time. I thought back, at least as much as I could with the intense sensations of Samantha sliding her tight pussy up and down my dick, and wondered how I'd missed it. Or, more likely, ignored the signs. The question now was what to do about it.

But I couldn't even think of that, as strong spasms along my shaft brought me to the point of no return. I groaned and fired jets of cum deep inside Samantha, which caused even stronger spasms, intensifying the pleasure.

"Oh, yeah," Samantha sighed when her orgasm had run its course. "Yeah."

We sat quietly, and as the fog of orgasm cleared, I considered the situation. Whatever else was true, sex with Samantha was fantastic, but that was an insufficient basis for a long-term relationship. I had suspicions that my dad's relationship with Holly had been purely about sex, and once she'd become pregnant, he'd felt obligated to marry her. Of course, I'd have done the same thing had one of the girls I'd been with become pregnant. I'd been careful, but nothing was foolproof except complete abstinence.

"How many times can we do this tonight?" she asked.

"So long as I get four hours of sleep, as much as you want," I replied. "I need to be up around 7:00am to have enough time to shower before I pick up Rachel for our trip to Columbus."

April 17, 1988, Columbus, Ohio

As I drove north towards Columbus, with Rachel strapped into her car seat next to me, I considered the situation with Samantha. We'd had sex four more times before cuddling together and falling asleep around 3:00am. In the morning, we'd showered together, and before she left, we agreed she'd visit the following Sunday to talk things through after we each had a week to think about our relationship.

I was convinced that Samantha's proposed plans were a response to her guilt, and if she could get past that, she'd see that while the sex was fantastic, upending her life made no sense. Obviously, it would be her decision, but I couldn't encourage her to change her plans any more than I could encourage Katy, Annette, or Becka to change theirs.