Chapter 25: Michael Loucks, Surgical Sub-Intern

July 30, 1988, Rutherford, Ohio

Under nearly any other circumstances, I'd be tempted to take Violet up on her offer, but given everything that was going on in my life, it simply wasn't a good idea.

"When I take Nadiya home, I have to pick up my daughter," I said. "And get home to McKinley."

"Bummer," she whispered, squeezing her arms to press our bodies together even more tightly.

"Fond memories," I replied.

"We never had the chance to test out the pool table!"

That comment created a reaction, which I was sure Violet had intended, and she certainly felt it.

"I'm home for three weeks before I head back to Princeton," she said.

She was doing her absolute best to convince me to be with her, and I was sorely tempted.

"Tempting," I said.

"Just call me!" she whispered urgently.

The song ended, and Violet squeezed her arms tightly before she released me. As I moved back to the table, I was happy I was wearing loose-fitting slacks and that the lights were fairly low.

"She's very friendly," Nadiya observed when I sat down.

"She had a crush on me years ago," I replied. "She did ask if you and I were a couple before she danced that close."

"Were you ever interested in her?" Nadiya asked.

"In the same way I noticed that a bunch of my little sister's friends were cute," I replied. "But other than Emmy and Maggie, I never actually dated any of them. Emmy was the Summer after High School, and Maggie was the Summer before my Senior year at Taft. Neither was particularly serious."

After sitting long enough to recover from my dance with Violet, I danced with Nadiya again, then took the opportunity to ask Al if I could dance with Emmy. He laughed and nodded, so I took Emmy's hand and led her to the dance floor just as You're the Inspiration by Chicago began playing.

"I hope your date isn't upset about Violet," Emmy said as we danced with a bit of distance between us, hands on shoulders and hips.

"No. I passed it off as a crush."

"Is that the girl from Columbus?"

"No. Nadiya is from Goshen. I met her through some girls I met when Code Blue played the Goshen Prom. I'm not seeing the girl in Columbus."

"Liz said there's a girl from India, too."

"Yes. Where are you going on your honeymoon?"

"The Great Smokey Mountains. A friend of Al's has a nice cabin there."

"Roughing it?" I asked.

"No, it has electricity and indoor plumbing!"

"Kids?" I asked.

"In a couple of years, Grandma!" Emmy said with a silly smile. "How is yours?"

"She's doing great. She's with my mom and Liz's son."

The song ended and Emmy and I hugged before she went back to Al and I went back to Nadiya. Nadiya and I danced twice more, then Emmy and Al left, which gave everyone permission to leave if they chose to. Nadiya and I said 'goodbye' to our table mates, then headed out to my Mustang.

"Would you like to go to church tomorrow?" I asked as I pulled out of the parking lot. "I brought a bag so I could stay the night at my mom's, and we could attend Matins and the Divine Liturgy at Holy Transfiguration here in Rutherford."

"Same answer as the previous time," Nadiya said lightly. "Saying 'no' sends the wrong message."

"Not if your family is expecting you to go to church with them, or you had other plans."

"I don't, so, as I said, same answer!"

"Is that a 'yes', then?"

"It is. Did you want to talk about the future?"

"If you're ready to have that conversation, yes."

"The last two months have been the weirdest of my relatively short life! And I see two futures which are starkly different. One of them, the one I'd expected, has me working for another year, then going to UC or Ohio State, getting a degree, then going to work in my career, though I don't know what that would be just yet. At some point, either in college or after I started working, I'd meet my future husband, marry and have kids.

"The other one, the one I didn't expect, has me marrying soon, having a daughter on my wedding day, and being a mom. After that, all bets are off, really, because then it becomes a question of the timing of kids, of your needs, and of Rachel's needs. If I went to school, it would likely have to be at Taft, and maybe only part time. That future also creates perhaps the weirdest situation I could imagine — I'd be a mom while I was still a virgin."

"Technically," I replied.

Nadiya laughed, "Yes, it would likely only be for a few hours, but still, you get the point, right? I always thought I'd marry, I'd have time together with my husband as a couple, and then we'd have kids. Even if it were only nine months, that's still nine months more than I'd have with you and Rachel."

"Is that something that forces the answer to the question?"

"No. It's just a consideration, as is church. There, my stumbling block, if you will, is that you presented that as a fait accompli. I understand why, and I respect that, but I always thought there would be some kind of compromise on that, though the differences with other mainline denominations aren't so great, if I understand correctly. Your church is totally different from anything I've ever encountered, and, as I said, I understand why you can't compromise, because there is no reasonable compromise available."

"Again, is that something that forces the answer to the question?"

Nadiya shook her head, "No; again, it's just a consideration."

"So how do you feel about me, setting aside the idea of imminent marriage?"

"You mean am I attracted to you? I am. Do I like you? I do. Do I think you would make a good husband? Yes, with the caveat that your career would take precedence. When it comes right down to it, I think that's the thing that gives me serious pause. All the other things, when taken together, weigh in favor of me saying I want to pursue marriage. It's that one thing that really concerns me, and I'm not sure how to resolve that concern."

"Understandable," I replied. "That has been the sticking point with other girls from the time I graduated High School. I've made that point to anyone who wanted to get serious, and it caused many of them to elect to not pursue a relationship. It was one reason, before the bishop suggested ordination, that I had intended to wait until I'd completed my first year of Residency before marrying, though that was when I was thinking of a pure emergency medicine specialty which only takes three years, not eight or nine as trauma surgery will."

"Is it insensitive or prying to ask how your wife dealt with that?"

"It's not insensitive at all. During my first two years, it was mainly my study group that took time, and once we finished anatomy the first year, we cut back our study schedules. We were only observing four hours a week in hospitals, clinics, or medical practices, and that left weekends free except for our study sessions. I had just started my Clerkships when Elizaveta reposed. I'd completed my surgical Clerkship and was doing my OB Clerkship at Good Samaritan in Norwood when Rachel was born."

"You drove back and forth?" Nadiya asked.

"No. I lived with a doctor and her family, and Elizaveta stayed with me there several nights until her OB told her not to travel. I was home from Saturday afternoon until Monday evening. Elizaveta planned to be a stay-at-home mom, so she'd have had a flexible schedule. And we'd have had four years together before I entered Residency."

"That would make a real difference, but unfortunately, that's not possible."

"No, it's not."

"I find it very interesting that you're not trying to convince me to say 'yes'," Nadiya said.

"It makes sense if you think about it," I replied. "It's not about me convincing you, it's about you convincing you. This isn't something I should 'talk you into', but something you have to conclude is the best for your future. And it has to be rational and logical, not emotional."

"Is that why you haven't tried to kiss me? And why you didn't dance as close with me as you did with the other girls at the wedding?"

"If so, it was subconscious," I replied. "My conscious thought was about respecting your views on the matter, and as we hadn't discussed them, I erred on the side of caution."

"To the point of not even trying? If you don't try, and you don't discuss it, even after I've asked you twice, it seems as if there's something wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, and I am absolutely attracted to you," I replied. "I think part of it is, as I said, subconsciously understanding that the differences in our life experience to date are vast. That isn't a problem, per se, but it does counsel caution on my part. What I certainly wouldn't want to convey is that I expect physical intimacy before our wedding night."

"Including kissing?" Nadiya asked.

"No, of course not, but that is where it generally starts."

Nadiya laughed softly, "It would be difficult to imagine not kissing before ... you went all the way."

"I'm sure it's happened to someone at some point, though I agree it's difficult to imagine how that might happen."

Nadiya was quiet for a bit, then asked, "What time will you pick me up in the morning?"

"7:00am," I replied. "Matins begins at 8:00am, so that gives us enough time to get to Holy Transfiguration before Matins begins. Assuming you still want to go."

"I do. I know you're waiting for an answer, but I'm not ready to give one just yet."

If I was going to do what Danika had suggested, there wasn't a lot of time, but the last thing I wanted to do was pressure Nadiya in any way, as that would, in my estimation, only lead to disaster.

"There's no rush," I replied.

When we arrived at Nadiya's house, I walked her to the door, we hugged, then exchanged our first kiss — a brief, gentle kiss on the lips. Nadiya smiled, said 'good night', then went into the house. I walked back to the car so I could head to my mom's house to say my evening prayers and then get to bed.

July 31, 1988, Rutherford, Ohio

On Sunday morning, I fed Rachel, then she and I headed to Nadiya's house. Nadiya was waiting on the front porch, and walked towards the car, so I hopped out to open the door for her, and once she was settled, I got back into the car. We buckled in and I set out for Holy Transfiguration in Rutherford.

"Was there a reason you were on the porch?"

"To avoid an argument with my dad about going to your church."

"He objects?"

"I honestly think it's just you, not your church, but I could be mistaken. Mom doesn't care so long as I go to a Christian church. Dad is more strongly Lutheran, I guess, is the way to put it."

"So similar to me, then?" I asked.

"You'd object to your kids going to a different church? I mean denomination, not parish."

"I'd certainly be concerned, and we'd sit down and talk about it, but in the end, forcing someone to attend church when they don't want to makes zero sense. That can't possibly be good spiritually."

"What would you do if you didn't like your daughter's choice of boyfriend or spouse?"

"Barring a concern for her physical safety, nothing. Think about how that could possibly turn out! I've seen it, and it's ugly. I once heard something I think is true, and that is that the best way to get a teenager to do something is to forbid them from doing it."

Nadiya laughed, "I suspect there's some truth to that statement."

"How do your dad's opinions affect your thinking?"

"Do you mean would I do something just to get back at him or because I wanted to rebel?"

"That is the gist of what I'm asking, yes."

"No. I mean, I wish he'd change his mind, but I wouldn't do something I didn't want to do to spite him. And he hasn't made any threats, if that concerns you."

"I'm curious, but what do your brothers think?"

"As if I care! They're sixteen and thirteen and are total pains in the butt!"

"The opinion my little sister had of me until she was fifteen or so. Then things changed, and we became closer and now we get along very well."

"What changed?"

"We both grew up," I replied. "There were some serious family struggles that basically forced it, and you know the final outcome."

"Your parents' divorce."

"Yes."

At Holy Transfiguration, we stood together with Tasha, Larisa, and Chris towards the back of the nave. Rachel was well behaved, though she did need a clean diaper and a bottle about halfway through the Divine Liturgy. Nadiya offered to take care of it, and I agreed. Nadiya took Rachel to the nursery to change her, then sat in the small cry room to feed her, returning just in time for the anaphora, or consecration of the gifts.

Rachel and I received the Eucharist, as I had permission for two Sundays before I'd need to see Father Stephen again. When the service ended, Rachel and I went forward to greet Father Alexi and kiss the blessing cross before rejoining Nadiya and heading to the parish hall for a light lunch. We were joined at our table by Elaine and Hope, as well as Paul, Liz, and Michael, Susana, and Natalie.

Once again, Nadiya seemed to get along with everyone, and that made me more confident that she would be a good partner, assuming she could accept the challenges that my medical training presented. Based on everything she'd said and done, that appeared to be the sole obstacle to her wanting to marry. Once she expressed that desire, I'd have to make a decision, and fairly quickly.

"Nadiya, if you don't mind, I'd like to have a private conversation with Tasha."

"I don't mind," Nadiya replied. "You can leave Rachel with me if you want."

"Chris?" I inquired.

"I certainly don't mind," he replied. "Tasha, I'll keep Larisa."

Tasha and I got up, filled our coffee cups, and then stepped out into the narthex. There were too many people, so we went outside and sat on a bench located in the small flower garden.

"What did you need, Mishka?"

"What do you know about Marcie Dobson?"

"My sister's friend from High School? Why?"

"She works in the daycare at Moore Memorial."

"I don't keep up with my sister's friends, so I can't really say. Is there some concern?"

"She flirted with me, and we've had lunch together in the cafeteria a few times. I didn't recognize her from your sister's annulment hearing."

"That's the last time I saw her as well."

"She claims she and Sasha had a falling out."

"Could be," Tasha replied. "My sister turned into a real, well, I won't even say it in Russian because we're at church."

'Bitch' was the obvious word I could fill in, and the typical word used, «сука» (suka), carried two meanings — 'bitch' and 'slut'.

"I take it you don't see her very often."

"I've watched Vika for her a few times, because I don't think it's right to treat Vika badly because her mom is a ... you know. Why do you care about Marcie? Nadiya seems perfect and she's gorgeous!"

"I'm not sure I do care," I replied. "But I haven't committed to anyone, and Nadiya is still contemplating the very obstacle that kept you and me apart."

"Medicine," Tasha said disdainfully. "It's outrageous how they treat you!"

"Be that as it may, there is literally nothing I can do about it at this point. Clarissa and I, along with our friends, have agreed to work to change things, but that won't be until long after we're done with our training, if it happens at all."

"That's just terrible!"

"I know. How are things with Chris?"

"Good. I expect him to ask me to marry him before Nativity."

"Excellent!"

"Who else are you seeing besides Nadiya?"

"Danika, the Indian pre-med student whose dad is a cardiologist at Cleveland Clinic. She's home now, but will be back to Taft in just over two weeks."

"Is she Orthodox?"

"Technically? No. She's a member of the Malankara Church and is Miaphysite. That makes her Non-Chalcedonian, but Vladyka JOHN believes, as does her bishop, that there is no actual difference in our positions. She'd be received by affirmation by reciting the Creed and stating she accepted the dogmatic decrees of the Seven Ecumenical Councils."

"What about Nadiya?"

"She's Missouri Synod Lutheran, which is the conservative part of the Lutheran church. She'd have to be chrismated."

"So you can't marry until she is, right?"

"I could, assuming Father Alexi is amenable."

"Not Father Nicholas?"

"On the advice of Father Stephen at Saint George in Loveland, I'm going to attend Holy Transfiguration, at least for the near future. Rachel has been in church every Sunday, but I've missed a few. When I don't go, Serafima and Elias take Rachel, though it'll be Mark and Alyssa if I don't go in August, as Serafima is due any moment."

"May I ask your plan?"

"It really is up to Nadiya. If she decides she can deal with the challenges, I'll very likely ask her to marry me. If not, then I'll ask Danika. Rachel likes them both, though she did express a preference."

"How?! She's not even one!"

I chuckled, "She called Nadiya 'Mama'!"

"No way!" Tasha gasped.

"Yes, but I checked, and it's not uncommon for babies to use 'Mama' for any female until after they're about eighteen months old. Many don't use language with intent before they're one, though there are reports of one-year-olds speaking in complete sentences. Rachel has three words she uses with intent — 'Dada', 'ba' or 'baba', and 'ga'. The first two are obvious, I think; the latter is her response to things I ask her, but it's not clear how much she understands just yet."

"Larisa basically didn't say anything except 'Mama' until she was eighteen months old. She babbled, but that was it. Now, well, you heard her at lunch!"

"Like all women, insisting everyone listen to her!" I grinned.

"Michael Peter Loucks!" Tasha exclaimed. "You ... you... «глупец» (glupys)!"

"I am a blockhead at times, but tell me I'm wrong!"

"I think it's time to go back inside before I do something which will get both of us in trouble!"

I smirked, "That is one way to keep you quiet!"

"YOU!" Tasha exclaimed with faux outrage.

"Gotcha!" I chuckled. "Shall we go back inside?"

"Remember, Mishka, I will be friends with whomever you marry!"

"Threat heard and understood," I chuckled.

"Enough, you... «дурня» (durnya)!"

"I enjoy being a goofball!"

"Obviously," Tasha said flatly.

We returned to the parish hall, and a few minutes later, Rachel, Nadiya, and I left for Goshen.

"Next weekend again?" I asked. "Well, minus going to a wedding."

"Yes. Dinner and a movie on Saturday, then church on Sunday?"

"Yes."

"I'll have an answer for you next weekend, Mike. I promise."

"When you're ready," I replied.

August 1, 1988, McKinley, Ohio