Chapter 5: Brief to the Ball

Back in the middle seat, I briefly felt the fabric of their dresses against my skin. I need to learn to live and accept this permanude lifestyle, to be an ongoing adventure for the rest of my life. I am very aware of my parents’ social status in this community. Many people I have interacted with this weekend are associated with my parents as direct employees or outside contractors.

I have experienced various reactions from people about my nude appearance at church, at the mall megaplex, and a taste of the world outside with the media. Tomorrow, at the academy I attend, will likely be worse than today. I know my classmates were cruel in their comments about me wearing dresses in the past. Some will show fake kindness while saying disparaging words behind my back. It’s like I am swapping those dresses for nothing.

It was still my first full day in the nude, having been the only one naked at Church, the meeting at the mall, and the thought of where to go next was terrifying. I grabbed both girls’ hands as my parents drove closer downtown in a near panic. My anxiety nearly overwhelmed me after pulling up to the front entrance of the Western Gate Resort Hotel.

Before Lilian got out after the door was opened, Mom said, “Doll, you are my pure shiny natural beauty to display to the world.” Even though I am almost an adult, I have been aware through my mother’s eyes. I am nothing more than some fancy purslane antique doll than a person. Placing my bare feet on the payment from the SUV, it took me a long time to accept those realities.

Getting out with so many people who have no association with my parent’s business terrifies me even more. More grateful to finally be privileged to have Ivana and Lilian as my support. Lilian. Standing there between gorgeous ladies in my natural skin, the thoughts in my head were, ‘If I only kept my damn mouth shut last night.’ I was paying more attention to the people looking toward me and saw some of them whispering.

I tried my best not to listen to the commentary about my public nudity, both positive and negative, in the crowded lobby. I didn’t hear the waitstaff asking me what to drink. I didn’t snap out of my thoughts until after Lilian spoke for me, “She would like some water with lemon.” Imagine seeing myself nude in this very place. To Know that it was just me that could see my bare flesh.

Looking around at the others, there is no question about my state of no undress. The difference this time is everyone around me can also see me nude in a setting usually reserved only for the dressed. Ivana said, “You look great in that nude dress.” What you’re wearing is the best-looking outfit in your closet, is it not?” I took a deep breath, telling myself this is me, and I am never supposed to have clothes on my body.

The conversation was on many subjects between us girls about the social stuff at the academy. Listening to them talk made me feel horrible about my isolation from other girls. Express that I felt like a freak being dolled up in those formal dresses while everyone else was in uniforms. Ivana said, “For several months, you were nude while everyone else saw you wearing dresses.

“We have both heard the comments about you in the past. We saw a change in you last fall, about you stating that you began seeing yourself naked.” Those words sent shockwaves down my spine. Both of them grabbed my hands and lifted them to the table, not allowing me to cover myself with my hands.

Lilian said, “You started acting strangely. If anyone looked at you very long, you would get very bashful. Do you remember some instructors and students asking you if you were alright? You are the same classmate we attempted to befriend over the past months. Now we all can start seeing you as you have seen yourself – naked.”

I was even more aware of my nudity with all of their siblings looking at me, both younger and older. This is me, who is now permanently nude for the world to see. Heading out to the front of the row of vehicles waiting, shielded from some of the watching eyes as we passed. When I got out at the convention center, I shivered from the feel of the air as it gently kissed my skin as it passed over it, reminding me of my lack of clothing.

We, the girls, walked ahead of our parents and were more interested in our conversation. Then just as we were about to enter, some group of girls already dolled up cut in front of us. One of them turned to us and called me a “Poor naked slut who forgot her clothes.” I was the only one of us three that was unquestionably naked, while my friends were still wearing the same dresses they wore to church this morning.

That cruel comment angered me. Ivana took it more personally than I did, and Lilian looked stunned. They took the hardest though I am the one who should be offended the most as the comment was directed at me. We did what we could to comfort her tears until the parents got closer. I was getting more comfortable in my nudity until that comment.

Just being naked doesn’t make me a slut. Ivana and I gave space for the adults to console Lilian. Ivana asked me, “Are you taking this public exposure well?” Giving it some thought, I replied, “I am coming to terms with it as my life without clothes.” We could see that she was beginning to calm down some more.

Ivana said, “It’s just thread and fabric; that doesn’t define you.” After giving each other hugs, Lilian’s mom asked us, “Do you guys still want to attend this?” Waiting for Lilian to answer, “If you asked me before those cruel girls passed us, I would have answered no. Now I want to face each of them nude and proud like Connie. To show them that you do not need to be wearing fancy dresses to look fabulous.”

At that point, I was more concerned about her yanking everything off than anything those girls said. After several months of being the only one to see me nude and hanging out in my room and the formal balls, everyone else can see me the way I see myself. It did make me think about tomorrow, showing up at the academy nude.

In coming to terms with my decision to adopt this nude lifestyle, I need to expect to get derogatory comments like what those ladies said. What happened next shocked me and only drew more awareness of my nudity. I stood there stunned in the parking lot full of people as both of their dresses fell to the ground. There stood my best friends in nothing more than undergarments and shoes.

I watched Lilian’s dad reach out his hands to both girls as they casually stepped out of their discarded dresses in bras, shoes, and panties. Guessing everything that has happened pushed them to their limits. I was wrapping my head around what happened. One of our staff picked up the dresses from the ground and put them in the SUV.

To make sense of the events that unfolded as we walked into the building. My thoughts about my friends being nude like me or wearing something formal got me somewhat confused. Over the past months, I have been getting accustomed to this lifestyle of seeing myself this way. In a way, it has prepared me for this day of others seeing me nude. I hated seeing my friends upset over those comments and back at the theater.