Chapter 4

After Leslie left on the Monday afternoon Andrew went through to study some more. But other than his project he was just going over topics he had already revised. He was ready to sit the exam now. The rolls of film from the shoot at the quarry were still in his bag waiting to be developed so on a whim Andrew drove into town to use Tony’s darkroom. His part time assistant Stacey was there and so Tony was able to sit and chat to Andrew while he developed the three rolls of film. With two of them working the trays for the printing process the whole exercise took much less time than normal. Once Stacey had left and Tony had closed the shop and locked up they spread all the prints out and went through them.

The first pass was technical; focusing, was all of Monica in focus; composition of the shot, the position of Monica compared to the Castle or Arthur’s Seat in the far distance. While this would seem odd when confronted with 84 prints of Monica parading naked atop a Scottish quarry, it was how Andrew got better. There were three shots where if he had repositioned Monica, or moved himself, then the shot would have been fantastic. They were good but just not quite composed or positioned right. There were several others that were really good but there was always something missing.

“I would like to go back to that spot. I think I can get better shots the next time.”

“I agree. What you did this time was focus on Monica, you need to take your time and compose the shot. Take the shots at the start, before she strips.”

It was still slightly surreal talking about Tony’s girlfriend this way. The second run through the prints was the interplay of light upon Monica. They sat and compared the difference between a shot without the reflector compared to one with it. There were two great shots which really highlighted Monica’s body, yet her face was in shadow from the rising sun behind her. It was little things like how the crease at the bottom of her bum cheeks was a dark line beneath the two globes bathed in the morning light. Monica had a fabulous body but Andrew was always drawn to her arse and legs.

“I think when we go back I should bring some baby oil, make her skin glisten. The morning sunlight reflecting off glistening skin will add something to the shot.”

Again, this was a man talking to a 17 year old about his naked girlfriend. The final run through of the pictures was the overall aesthetic of them. How the whole shoot hung together. The only point in hiking atop a disused quarry before the sun had even risen was to use the view as part of the shot. Once the exams were over Andrew vowed to go back on his own and explore the whole ridge. There were not going to be any shots right at the lip of the quarry but none of the shots really captured the 200ft drop that they were standing close to.

“These are good Andrew. I think that there are two you can enter in the next competition. If you leave them with me then I will show them to Maggie and if she is okay then I will get her to release them. It is also interesting comparing how she is with you and I as compared to when it is just me. And then compare that again with when she models for a larger group. She posed for five guys and me on Friday night and it is only when I look at these shots that I see the difference in her. She has fun when it is the three of us, she is showing off somehow. So thank you for doing this for her, for us.”

Being thanked for this seemed strange to Andrew. He accepted the thanks and packed up to head back home for his dinner. But as he drove it reinforced the idea that he was mainly doing this for Maggie, and Tony as well to a lesser extent. Yet he and Tony had spent an hour going through the technical aspects of the shoot which was improving his skill and ability as a photographer. Whatever else it was, it was an effective way of forgetting about his Physics exam for an afternoon.

The rest of the week went exactly as he planned with one notable exception. On Tuesday after his swim Andrew stopped by Gail’s house on the way to Mary’s. Oddly enough she was not interested in verbal stress relief, more oral! It was a one night stand at 9.30 in the morning. Deliciously slutty, no pretence and no expectations. Gail was horny, Andrew was horny, no overthinking allowed.

He walked to the car at 10.20 with a spring in his step. Gail had kicked him out so that she could get back to studying. They would talk that night and again the next evening and Andrew would be right back there on Thursday morning with the same objective and outcome. He did go home to quickly shower and was at Mary’s by 11.00. She had prepared sandwiches already so it was going to be five and a half hours of solid exam prep, with them eating as they studied.

“I want you to be as big an arse as possible Andrew, okay? Question everything, belittle everything, make me sweat all the details. I need this to be tougher than the actual review.”

Andrew agreed and asked her to do the same for him and then they got started. Her project was on radioactivity and the absorption properties of different materials against alpha, beta and gamma rays. She had also tested all of this in a vacuum to see if there any differences. Finally she had set up electrical plates in the vacuum tube to test if the rays were deflected. His questions started off easily as he worked out what the project was showing but over the course of the day Andrew thought up more and more questions for Mary. Several of them, near the end of the session, stumped her and rather than be upset she was delighted.

“Excellent, this is exactly what I wanted to get out of this. My answers are weak or non-existent on the impact of chemistry on these experiments, I need to think about the chemistry of the absorbent materials and explain that better.”

It was 4.20 and Andrew knew that he would be leaving in less than half an hour.

“Let’s stop there today if you don’t mind. I am going to write up my notes and think about answers to the questions that you raised there at the end. Then tomorrow we can review those answers and figure out any remaining questions. After lunch we can start on your project and finish on Thursday. Friday morning we will have a final review of both projects and then it is exam time.”

Andrew could see that Mary, like him and probably most of the class, was just wanting the waiting to be over and the damn exams to start.

“Seems like a plan. I will try and get here earlier tomorrow, around 10.00”

Wednesday went exactly as planned. By noon they were finished the review of her project and Mary felt confident in advance of the review session the next week. After lunch they started on Andrew’s project. The pattern was similar, a slow start as Mary got up to speed with the concepts and what Andrew was trying to show and then delving into the experimental evidence. Nothing completely stumped him but several times she went back over his answers because he was not being clear or it appeared that Andrew was contradicting himself. Mary’s plan was a great one, this prep session forced them to think through their answers and tighten up loose language or fuzzy thinking. Andrew knew he would have a couple of hours of thinking and writing that night to be able to answer Mary’s probing questions clearly. And so it turned out; by 2.00 on Thursday afternoon Mary announced that she was done, his answers were sound and she understood the theory and how his experiments proved parts and disproved others.

Andrew had arrived at her house, clean and showered after another quickie fuck with Gail. She had still called on both Tuesday and Wednesday evenings but her anxiety was lower than the week before. When he got to Gail’s she dragged him straight to her bedroom, she wanted the fuck over as quickly as possible so that she could get back to studying. An odd contradiction but if it worked for her then he was okay with it too. Gail’s powerful legs ensured that fucking her was a hard battle of equals. She knew what she wanted and Andrew was the means to that end. There was nothing romantic about the sex, it was a workout with a specific end goal. Looking back on it Andrew was nothing more than a human vibrator, but it was driven by her worries over the exams. After the exams, she was a changed woman, they went out a couple of times in June and she was relaxed and flirty. The desperate focus was gone and the real Gail shone through. At exam time every year Andrew often thought about who the lucky guy was that year that was keeping her sane. He fucked her three times, the last time being that morning, it really was all about lowering her exam stress. But this was all in the future and Andrew didn’t realise it at the time.

He and Mary were done with their studying and it was only 2.00 in the afternoon. Three more days and then the exams would finally start. There was no need to rush off and they sat chatting about this and that, there was no structure to their conversation. It took a turn towards relationships.

“How are you so confident around women Andrew?”

It was the same question the guys had asked him at the Duke of Edinburgh Award camp.

“I am myself and don’t worry about what other people think. It goes back to my cancer in 2^nd year. Before that I was so worried about fitting in, perceptions, being cool whatever that meant. I don’t really talk about it anymore, it is so long ago, but it was very serious at the time, if the chemo didn’t work I was almost certainly going to die. Once you face and survive that then everything else starts to seem a lot less important. I had two friends help me think through all that, seeing things from your perspective, meaning the girls that arrived in 3^rd year. It just snowballed from there. Small things led to bigger things. I am probably better at talking to women than I am to men. Other than Pete I don’t have a lot of close male friends at school. I am also honest with people even if they don’t want to hear the answers. Remember the fuss with Kate way back in 3^rd year. It took me a long time to separate going out with friends and doing more than kiss them, I got dumped a lot for that. Now it just is, which is a terrible answer but is the truth. I am myself and don’t worry about stuff that I cannot control.

“But I am also lucky, the people that I have asked out have not shot me down in flames. I had my confidence boosted by several people in 3^rd year that allowed me to handle rejection better, I also have not asked out a lot of people, which is rare for the man in the relationship. All that helps. Confidence is one of the things that self-perpetuates I think, the more you are confident in the outcome the more likely that it will happen. I talk to some pupils in the evening just helping them with their confidence. You know what it is like to be bright, I don’t think I have failed an exam in my life, so I don’t stress about exams. I am confident to the point of cockiness, whereas for a lot of people it is the opposite, they might know the material but get paralysed with worry about the exam. I have helped a bunch of people cope with exam anxiety, build up their confidence.”

“Wow, not the short answer I expected. What about the other way round? How do you find women around men, and you in particular?”

“Interesting.”

Andrew thought for several seconds.

“Let’s see, from my experience it is related to puberty, sex or at least the possibility of it, and power dynamics. Girl’s reach puberty before boys and have to deal with the consequences earlier, hormones, physical changes, monthly routines and so are more mature earlier. Partially explains the standard relationship at school of a younger woman going out with a guy a year or two older than her. Puberty leads to sex and women have to deal with sex obsessed men. We both know that women get horny just like men but it seems to be a different kind of horny. In one very memorable afternoon lying in a cancer ward, my views on sex were set by an older woman. She was more than four years older than me. I lay there and listened as a teenage woman told me about life from puberty to that point, what women had to deal with and gave me a list of dos and don’ts to follow. It is one of the reasons that I got asked out by so many women. You know what the girls at school are like, compare and contrast. I never talked and never touched, I was ideal for young women trying to transition from girl to woman without being labelled a prude, a slut, easy, frigid or any one of the many charming ways that guys describe women. So that worked to my advantage. And although it took me a very long time to realise it, women like the way I look, I am tall, broad shouldered yet still lean. I got told this was the male equivalent of big tits. Once that penny dropped I stopped being so surprised that women wanted to run their hands all over my body. And finally sex plays into the power dynamic between the sexes, and between individuals. Holding out the possibility of sex, or going to the next stage of the sex journey gives women control, power. This is one of the things that I completely miss at school. Because I am always in the library and don’t hang out with a bunch of guys most of the time I don’t hear all the whining about how someone won’t let them past second base, or third base or whatever. There was a little bit at CCF but as I got older I tuned it out.

“Women are just as clueless as men about sex and relationships but their degree of cluelessness is markedly less than the guys. Women talk, men brag. Beats the hell out of me but there you go.”

“You have thought about this a lot.” Mary enthused.

“Not really, that is the fun thing about answering questions like you just posed. It makes me put into words a bunch of things I had briefly considered and put it all together. I live my life not thinking consciously about these things, it is only when questions like that are posed that you can piece it all together.”

“What about sex though, who controls all that?”

Andrew looked at her appraisingly and she flushed under the scrutiny.

“Mary Jones! Are you asking me about my sex life?”

She giggled at his tone.

“Yes and no Andrew. I just want to understand how men view it, that’s all.”

“After the first time, sex has for the most part being with someone I have known for a while and been a considered and deliberate act. Most of my partners have been older women who have set the pace. The majority of the time that I have fucked someone.”

Mary flinched at the word.

“It has been comfortable and not rushed, that helps too. Don’t be afraid of the term, Mary.”

“It seems so, so,” she struggled for a second “Brutal.”

She carried on

“What was the first time like Andrew?”

“So you do want to know about my sex life!”

Andrew teased her, a conclusion rapidly forming in his mind about Mary’s status in this matter.

“What can I say, it was in 3^rd year, I was 14 and the young lady was 17. She turned up in the middle of the night and had her way with me. It was early in the morning of New Year’s Day and she turned up in my room and we fucked two, no three, times. I was a fantasy for her and she fulfilled her fantasy. That is what she called me, a fantasy. She showed me tricks, built up my confidence and set me straight on a bunch of things. It was her who verbally slapped me in the face and told me off for calling it ‘making love’. We were fucking, it was a sexual and physical act, we were not in love and therefore not making love. That right there stopped a lot of needless melodrama over the next three years. The other thing was I had no time to get nervous or anything like that. She literally woke me up at 1am in the morning and I had fucked her twice by 2.30. It just built from that.”

“You were seduced by an older woman, Andrew that is wild. No wonder you are so confident.”

He thought about that and Mary had a point. Andrew was good at sex, patient, made sure the woman came multiple times. He shrugged, and mentally told himself to stay humble. He was also sure about what Mary was thinking so took a chance.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

His tone was quiet and gentle.

“Is it that obvious?”

She sounded sad.

“Up until 20 minutes ago, it was not obvious in the slightest. But your questions this afternoon, especially about sex, and my first time, rather gave it away. It is not something you have to rush into Mary. It is not part of the graduation requirements.”

She smiled but still looked pensive.

“I have wanted to do it for so long but have never found the right guy or plucked up the courage. Plus you know how hard it is to find some privacy at our age.”

He nodded at that.

“Will you do this for me? I trust you, we all trust you. If I freak out and need to stop I know that you will listen, and I know that you don’t talk. Come on before my nerve fails.”

“Nope. I am not going to let you rush into this and regret it later. Mary let’s talk it through what is going to happen in slow intimate detail. Are you ready for me to see you naked? Completely, standing with your hands outstretched turning slowly for me to see all of you.”

Andrew saw her gulp.

“Are you ready to see me naked? My cock hard and pointing at you? Are you ready to wank me off and watch me come? Are you ready for me to play with your pussy with my fingers and possibly my tongue? To have an orgasm with me lying between your thighs? And then are you ready to roll a condom onto my hard cock and have me fuck you? To look into your eyes, to play with your nipples, to kiss you, all the while fucking you until we come?”

It could be nothing like that of course. If she wanted to pull the curtains and hide under the covers without letting him see her body at all, that would work to. But Andrew wanted a stark clear vision for her to process. She needed to have no regrets.

“And most of all, you need to realise that this is not love, this is sex. We will fuck, make each other come and hold each other in our arms afterwards. But I will leave here and chat to you as if nothing has happened the next time we see each other on Monday morning. And you know I have sex with other people. And finally, you know I am leaving for Cambridge in four months. So Mary Jones, do you want to fuck me, to lose your virginity to me, to have me fuck you until you come with my cock buried in your pussy?”

It was utterly over the top but Andrew wanted it to be. Suzanne had told him Mary had crushed on him for years. He didn’t need for her to think this was something that it was not. As she started crying he felt like a complete shit, it had been too successful. Andrew pulled Mary into his arms and stroked her back as she sobbed softly against him.

“I don’t know whether to thank you or hit you. I can’t do this right now, way too many things to process and think about, which is what you wanted me to do. I suppose thank you is the right response.”

She wiped her eyes and looked up at him, her innate cleverness and humour coming through at that moment.