Chapter 24

Okay, breaking into the Regional Engineer’s office was my bright idea, so how was I going to help us pull this out? I looked around the room, trying to remember from the plans where the nearest air vent was. There were several, and I spotted one not too far above the top of a storage rack.

Back in my era, there would have been a ladder of sorts we could have easily climbed. Unfortunately, the storage system here was all computerized. There was a device that slid from one end to the other, but it had little Waldos on the inside part that reached into the rack, grabbed the requested item, then slid over to the end and dropped the item into a chute that delivered it to the requesting party. As neither of us had been trained in Ninja climbing techniques, I was sure it would be quite a challenge for us to ascend the forty or so feet up this mechanized retrieval system and get to the top of the rack. But, as there was nothing in the room resembling a conventional ladder, we didn’t have a lot of choice.

“No problem,” I claimed with a hollow confidence. “We simply climb up that metal rack, crawl along the top until we get to the duct cover, remove the cover, then climb up into the ducting.”

Solomon studied the frail-looking mechanical retrieving system. Then he looked up to the top of the rack, some forty feet above. He studied the metal connecting pieces we would have to crawl along to get to the duct cover, which was about twenty feet away from our potential ‘ladder.’ Then he looked at the clips which held the duct cover on, realizing one of us would have to perform some sort of balancing act on those cross-bracing connectors while unhooking those clasps. Okay, there was a metal square between two of the cross-bracing pieces directly below the duct cover, which may have been used as a platform. From here, though, that plate looked about the size of a postage stamp.

Finally, he turned to me with a look that clearly said, “You’re out of your goddammed mind!”

But what he said aloud was, “Do you really think we can make it?” The man was my hero!

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I can only hope so. However, if you really want to try giving Wafer a head start with the plans of the MS building, I think it’s the way we have to go.”

“You’re right,” he agreed fatalistically. “I just hope we can somehow find a way to get into her computer and find some information that will make all of this worthwhile.”

I felt like saying, “Don’t you think you’re a little wildly optimistic!” Frankly, I was just hoping we could make it to the top of the storage rack without breaking our necks. On the other hand, I knew Solomon really felt the same way but was trying to sound positive. So I had to do the same thing.

“Well, shall we make a move?”

“Let’s do it,” he repeated, although much less enthusiastically than the first time.

I figured I was younger, stronger, more nimble, and certainly more dispensable. If I broke my neck trying to make the climb, Solomon would either know where I had gone wrong and take a different route, or just decide to go back and let other volunteers – much younger, stronger and more nimble than either of us – make the attempt.

“I’ll go first, shall I?” I didn’t bother to wait for an answer, as he might have argued. And if he had, I might have given in.

I gingerly started up the retrieving system. The basic unit was a fairly thick vertical metal beam on short, fat tires at the bottom. It was firmly connected to the top horizontal beam of the storage rack by a set of rollers. The rollers were clamped sort of like sliding closet doors were hung, only more sturdily held in by thick metal plates above and below. In the middle of each level of storage racks were the Waldos. I was surprised by how strong the arms of the Waldos were, because they looked thin and frail. I guess it was these modern metals. When I thought about how much weight each of these arms might have to hold depending on the nature of the supply, it made sense to me. Most importantly, they were more than strong enough to support my weight.

In a way, the set up resembled a rather bizarre ladder. Each storage rack was about five or six feet high. Each Waldo arm was essentially in the middle of the storage rack level so it could reach in and grab whatever was wanted. That meant I had a ‘rung’ to hold onto or step on every two or three feet. It was extremely awkward, both because of the long distance between Waldos and storage shelves as well as the irregularity of the distances. Additionally, the Waldo rack was about four inches outside of the shelves, so there was a horizontal gap to cross as well. For me, the fact that it was perfectly vertical was also very strange and scary. Still, it did more or less serve as a ladder, and I was quite grateful not to have to directly tackle the storage rack without the retrieval system. I’m sure I wouldn’t have come close to the top.

Someone young and nimble would have scrambled up that arrangement like a monkey on amphetamines. I was more like a bear on Darvon. I took a lot of time between each rung and did a lot more huffing and puffing than I would have believed possible. Solomon had the decency not to say a word during the entire process.

I felt like a clumsy fool, reaching and grasping and bending and feeling with my feet and generally doing things I had never tried in my life. Finally, I reached the top. As I pulled my tired body over the top bracing piece, trying desperately not to fall back through the cross-bracing sections onto the rack below, I stifled a sound that was somewhere between exaltation and agony.

I rested there for a couple of minutes, then looked down at Solomon. I quickly looked back up, dizzy at the height. Without looking down again, I moved over a few feet towards the duct cover to give him room at the top.

“Okay,” I tried to say confidently. “Your turn.”

I took a brief look down. He had started up without a word, although his face certainly looked like a condemned man bravely refusing the blindfold as he faced the firing squad.

He moved even more slowly than I had. He was also a lot more awkward and frightened. I wasn’t going to say anything, although I have to confess I felt pretty smug about having some sort of superiority to my genius but distant offspring. I looked back up again, not wanting to make myself dizzy.

After about five minutes I heard him say, “Uh, Barney, I seem to be having a bit of a problem here.”

I took a quick peek down again. He hadn’t made it half way before he got stuck. Both of his arms were grasping extensions at the same level, but his left leg was straight down at one level while his right foot was held at an awkward angle at the next level.

“What sort of a problem?”

“The fabric on my right foot is caught on the arm of this mechanical extension.”

“Well, shake it loose.”

“I’m afraid if I try shaking it I might fall. I tried to pull it loose from several directions, but it doesn’t seem to want to come free. I think the fabric is actually caught on something sharp.”

“Well, can’t you turn sideways or something and then extend your leg away from the Waldo? You may just need a little leverage.”

“I am not a trained acrobat, Barney,”

“I didn’t ask you to audition for Barnum and Bailey’s. I’m just saying you could try using angles, maybe a little force. Hell, just grab on tight with both hands and give your leg a quick jerk. The fabric will probably tear, and you’ll be free.”

“Barney!” I could hear the panic starting to rise in his voice. “I might fall.”

It was my turn to sigh deeply. I had suggested this crazy stunt, and it was my responsibility to try to get us through this.

“Okay,” I conceded. “Just hang on and I’ll get down there and give you some help.”

I think he was too frightened to answer. It was up to me to get a firm grip on my own cajones and get down there to give him a hand.

The hardest part was convincing my lower body that it wanted to go back over the edge of the framework, then dangle helplessly in space while my foot searched for the nearest Waldo to stand on. I scootched over toward the ‘ladder’ as I swung my legs back over, and gingerly felt for a place to rest my foot. The process was greatly aided by the fact that I could see down between the framing to know where the step was. The bad part was I had to look down at the floor far below. I couldn’t decide if the trade-off was worth it, but I grimly focused on that first step until my foot was firmly planted. I immediately looked back up and fixed my gaze directly in front of me.

As soon as both feet and hands were glued to firm positions, I stopped for a minute and took a few deep breaths. Then I started down without looking again. I took it very slowly, gaining confidence with each foothold I managed to feel out with my toes. After all, each one made the fall to the floor that much shorter. Just as I began to feel quite smug about my steady progress, my foot wobbled on the next rung.

“YEEOOWCH!”

Without thinking, I looked down at the source of the scream. I had stepped on Solomon’s hand, who had refused to look up because that sight obviously bothered him. Not a good combination. As soon as I discovered the source of the trauma, I looked back up again.

“You okay, Sol?”

“I – I guess so,” he managed manfully. If I hadn’t known how truly delicate he was, I might have thought he was laying it on a bit thick.

“Sorry about that. I thought you might be looking up to tell me how close I was.”

“So how come you weren’t looking down at where you were going?”

“Because it makes me nervous!”

“Well, you stepping on my hand made me very nervous! I almost fell!”

“Look, I’m not the one who got you stuck there! I’m the one who was already up and came back down to rescue you, remember?”

“Then why don’t you do it so we can both get moving again!”

I almost got nasty, but bit my tongue. He was scared and hurt, and the best thing I could do would be to get him free and see if we couldn’t both make it up the storage rack.

Maybe it was the minor adrenaline rush, or possibly the thought that I had to take care of Solomon and set a good example. Anyhow, suddenly I was a climbin’ fool. I practically scrambled down to where I could reach his foot. The arm of the Waldo he was snagged on was simply bent down, it wasn’t even sharp. I’m sure with a little vigorous action he could have unhooked himself. I didn’t tell him so, however, simply freeing his leg easily and quickly. Then I gave him a friendly pat on the leg, just to prove there were no hard feelings.

“Okay, you’re a free man. You may go now.”

“Thank you,” he said humbly, and immediately started climbing again.

I watched him go up, and saw that he was watching carefully so as not to get hung up again. As soon as he made it to the top, I scooted back up in about a third of the time my first trip had taken. As I pulled myself over the top edge, I felt ready to tackle the North Face. I let him rest for a minute.

“Okay, you think you can sidle over to that metal plate just below the vent cover?”

He looked doubtfully at the bracing pieces he would have to traverse. Nevertheless, his voice was pretty steady.

“Yes, I think so. Shall I go first?”

“No, let me. I’ll see if I can get that cover off. If I can’t do it, there’s no point in you crossing over to there.”

He nodded appreciatively. It was fortunate they hadn’t used this room in quite a while for storage. There were no objects on this top shelf to get in my way. I crawled carefully along the shelving and made it to the plate, which was about three feet square. Since the cover was only about four feet above me, I had to kneel on the plate, as I couldn’t spread my legs wide enough to squat. I reached up to the duct cover. Grasping the cover firmly, I gave it a strong tug. I almost lost my balance when it came off easily. It’s a good thing I had been kneeling instead of standing, or I would have fallen for sure.

“Careful!” Solomon warned.

“Great idea,” I thought sarcastically. Again, I refrained from actually saying anything.

I noticed the cover, which was incredibly light, had only been held on by three little clips. I was grateful I wasn’t lying dead on the floor right now. I should have tried pulling gently first, and then applied more force if needed. Wasn’t hindsight just fantastic?

“No problem,” I said nonchalantly.

I put the cover on a corner of the plate and stood up, thrusting my head as far up into the ducting as possible. The vertical shaft went up for about a foot, and then split off in both directions in three-foot high tubes. I was sure we could crawl through them comfortably. I bent back down to look at Solomon.

“It’s okay,” I assured him. “We can get into the ducting pretty easily.”

Solomon looked more unhappy than relieved at the news, but dutifully started crawling along the storage rack bracings. I watched until I was sure he would make it, then stood up again inside of the ducting. I had to reach up a bit, and then remembered I didn’t know which direction to go in. I bent back down just as Solomon was trying to gain a share of the plate and almost knocked him over.

“Hey!”

“Oh, sorry. Do you remember which direction we have to go?”

“What? Yes. To your right as you stand up.”

With his photographic memory, I should have known he’d remember the exact layout. I stood up again and pulled myself into that narrow tube. I had no idea what the metal was, but it certainly felt a lot firmer than the ducting materials of my era. I started to crawl along the duct, which seemed faintly luminous, when Solomon’s voice stopped me.

“Hey, could I get a little help here?”

As I couldn’t turn around in that narrow channel, I ducked my head and looked under my armpit. I could see his hands on the bottom of the duct walls. I had forgotten he was not only shorter but probably much weaker than me, and obviously couldn’t pull his body up into the duct as I had. I thought about it for a moment and then spoke to him under my armpit.

“You’ll have to move aside so I can come back down.”

“Why can’t you just pull me up?” he asked.

“Because I can’t turn around in this narrow tube. I’ll have to push you up from below. That’s probably better, anyhow, because then you’ll be in front to lead the way.”

“Okay,” he agreed, and I could hear him trying to get out of my way without falling through the cross-bracing pieces. “Alright, you can come down now.”

I slowly backed down, being very careful to feel my toes touch the plate before I let go of my hand hold. As soon as I was firmly standing on the plate, I bent down and signaled to Solomon to get in front of me.

“Stand up in the shaft and I’ll boost you up.”

Solomon very carefully moved in front of me and stood up. I could hear him put his hands on the bottom of the lateral shaft.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

I reached down and grabbed his frail legs around the thighs, and tried to lift him gently but steadily until he could get his upper body into the vent. “Okay,” he called out, confirming he was bearing his own weight. I put my hands under his feet to give him a little extra help as he pulled his body into the ducting shaft.

“Go ahead,” I told him. “I’ll be right behind you.”

I lifted myself back up into the tunnel as soon as I figured there was enough room. In that faint luminosity I could see he was making slow but steady progress. I followed along, confident he knew exactly where we needed to be going.

Indeed he did. We scuttled along the ducting like a pair of trained rats who had traveled this maze many times to reach the cheese. Okay, so maybe that’s an exaggeration. More like a couple of timid mice who knew the maze pretty well, but were afraid this time there might be a cat poised above the cheese just waiting for their arrival. Anyhow, we made a couple of turns, and then Solomon evidently found the connector he had expected. He removed a hatchway in front of him and we saw a passageway nearly twice the size of the ducting. It had obviously been made for the transfer of supplies, like a much larger version of the old pneumatic tubes that used to carry messages from floor to floor. I didn’t want to spoil the mood, but made a mental note to ask him later why we couldn’t have just found the supply delivery chute when we were in the storage room and entered it directly.

Solomon crawled forward like a much more confident mouse, and suddenly disappeared from view. He must have been pretty damn sure he was right about this drop tube stuff, because I hardly even noticed him go off the edge. I crawled gingerly to the lip of the vertical shaft and looked down. After a couple of minutes without being able to see any movement below me, I decided to call out to him before taking the plunge myself.

“Hello, Solomon. Can you hear me?”

“Of course I can,” came the immediate reply. “Drop down sixteen levels and exit in the opposite direction.”

“If you say so,” I said doubtfully.

I knew how these things worked, and felt as confident as a Neanderthal would after experiencing an elevator for a few weeks. Still, this was only a supply delivery system, and it was so faintly lit I wasn’t positive I would get off at the right level – if I didn’t just keep plummeting to the bottom, that is. Showing my complete faith in Solomon, I pushed myself off the edge.

As soon as I entered the shaft I angled my hands down to descend. I don’t know if the supply containers had little ‘wings’ on them that served the same purpose or if their route was preprogrammed to reach their destination. What with these wandering thoughts, not to mention the gloom and subdued fears of doom, I almost didn’t notice I had passed the correct level. Almost too quickly, I raised my hands to indicate to whatever miraculous sensors were embedded in the walls that I wanted to slow down. My feet didn’t crunch with the abrupt stop, but my insides did at least as much of a ‘cawummp ... boing!’ as they would have done in an old fashioned elevator.

I actually stopped just a few feet below where I wanted, and looked up through the faint light to see Solomon staring down at me in amusement.

“Did you miss your stop?” he asked politely.

“Not totally. I was just momentarily distracted by “Ladie’s Lingerie” instead of “Spy Central,” I assured him.

He merely raised his eyebrows and gave it a slight moment of thought before ignoring the remark entirely. Although I certainly admired his aplomb, I would honestly have preferred a little stronger reaction to my witticism, especially under the circumstances. Nevertheless, I didn’t make a fuss of it as I clambered my way onto the same level as he was, with Solomon backing away to make room.

The rest of the journey went uneventfully. Solomon’s memory had once again proven perfect, and we soon found ourselves over the duct cover above the office of the Regional Engineer. Having learned how the covers were clipped on, I had no trouble removing it. We looked down at an office that could have been unoccupied for all of the clutter in it.

“Are you sure this is it?” I whispered, totally unnecessarily for two reasons. First, I really didn’t doubt Solomon. Second, who the hell was there to hear me?

“Yes,” he answered in perfectly normal tones. Needless to say, his logic had beaten me to the punch, and he had spoken without worry of either nearby people or listening devices. What can I say? I was a victim of my melodramatic, paranoid culture!

Unfortunately, the air duct was over bare floor. Without even discussing the issue, I again took the initiative. I backed gingerly over the edge of the opening and eventually was hanging by my hands. I looked down, and I was still nearly five feet off the floor.